FREE DECEMBER 12, 2013 CHOWCHILLA, CA VOL. 3 NO. 20

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1 DECEMBER 12, 2013 CHOWCHILLA, CA VOL. 3 NO. 20 PHONE (559) To subscribe, E mail: chowchillacha er@gmail.com thechatter is published weekly by Central California Public Service Broadcasters FREE TONIGHT: Holiday Decorating Contest: for BEST Business, House, Block & The Griswold. Call Chamber to enter address at Judging will be from 6-8pm on DEC 12 Shop Local... Shop Often MORE CHANC- ES TO WIN! Local Chowchilla businesses have over $1,000 in CASH & PRIZES to give away! OPEN HOUSE: Evans Feed Holiday Bash, this Saturday, Dec 14: W Robertson Blvd. Food, raffles, specials & more! Bring in this week s Evans Feed flyer for a FREE GIFT! Christmas Dinner Theatre, Friday & Saturday, Dec 13 & 14, 6:30pm, Roast beef dinner catered by Tahoe Joe s, followed by A Christian Christmas Carol, Tickets $15. Call or Christmas UN-plugged Musical, this Sat. & Sun, Dec 14 & 15, at 6PM, Cornerstone Community Church, 208 Fig Tree Road, FREE.

2 Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats...light sabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, I know what you re getting for Christmas, Luke, he said, Ohhh, yes! I know! Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader s reach, How do you know?! Luke yelled at him, How do you know what I m getting for Christmas?! Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, The force is with me...i felt your presents!!! One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, It s going to rain. His wife asked, How do you know? Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

3 Christmas: A time of the year when people get Santamental TRY TO GUESS THE REAL NAMES OF THESE CHRISTMAS SONGS: (Answers inside in Chatter) 1. Bleached Yule 2. Arrival Time 2400 hours, weather cloudless. 3. Loyal Followers Advance 4. Far Off in a Feeder 5. Array the Corridor 6. Nocturnal Noiselessness 7. Red Man En Route to Borrough 8. Frozen Precipitation Commence 9. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle 10. The Quadruped with the Scarlet Proboscis What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve! QUOTE FOR TODAY Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.

4 I just got off the phone with a friend in northern Minnesota near the Canadian border. She said since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in!

5 Did you hear that one of Santa s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble? It s true...comet cleans sinks! When the salt and the pepper say Hi! to each other, they are passing on season greetings! How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad! Why was Santa s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem. What is the purpose of reindeer? They make the grass grow, sweetie.

6 A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she s in dire financial straits. She s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray God, please help me. I ve lost my business and if I don t get some money, I m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery. Lottery night comes, and someone else wins. She again prays God, please let me win the lottery! I ve lost my business, my house and I m going to lose my car, as well. Lottery night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays My God, why have you forsaken me? I ve lost my business, my house, and car. My children are starving. I don t often ask You for help, and I ve always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this once, so I can get my life back in order. Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself Sweetheart, please work with Me on this...you first need to buy a Ticket!

7 After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. How about some perfume? he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. That s a bit much, said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. That s still quite a bit, Tom said. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated. What I mean is, I d like to see something cheap. The clerk handed him a mirror. Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks? Santa: Knock, knock. Elf: Who s there? Santa: Olive. Elf: Olive, who? Santa: Olive the other reindeer. NO SENIOR POTLUCK in December!

8 What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze? Crisp Kringle. How do snowmen get around? On their icicles. In a small southern town in Louisiana, there was a Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. However, one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a Quick Stop on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible! I assured her that I did, but simply couldn t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face, she said in her Southern drawl, See, it says right here, The three wise man came from afar.

9 Answers to Christmas Songs: 1. White Christmas 2. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear 3. O, Come All Ye Faithful 4. Away In A Manger 5. Deck the Halls What does Santa call reindeer that don't work? Dinner. 6. Silent Night 7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town 8. Let it Snow 9. Go Tell It On The Mountain 10. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Moe: What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year? Joe: I haven t decided yet. Moe: What did you give him last year? Joe: The measles. How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

10 Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a piece of candy, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.. Confused at this gesture, St Peter asks, How do these present Christmas? Answer They re Carol s! How many ears has Captain Kirk got? Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

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13 WHAT S HAPPENING! Publisher reserves the right to select and edit all submissions. To post a public or not for profit event, call (559) or chowchillacha er@gmail.com. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12: Holiday Decora ng Contest Call to enter address. Judging by Chowchilla Chamber 6 8pm. FRIDAY, DEC 13: Christmas Dinner Theatre, 6:30pm, Roast beef dinner catered by Tahoe Joe s, followed by A Chris an Christmas Carol, Tickets $15. Call or SATURDAY, DEC 14: Evans Feed Holiday Bash, W Robertson Blvd. Food, raffles, specials & more! Christmas Dinner Theatre, 6:30pm, Roast beef dinner catered by Tahoe Joe s, followed by A Chris an Christmas Carol, Tickets $15. Call or FFA WINTER FORMAL, Chowchilla High School. Christmas UN plugged Musical, 6PM, Cornerstone Community Church, 208 Fig Tree Road, Chowchilla. Come experience a Christmas musical like you ve never seen! It retells the Christmas story, filled with songs, laughter for whole family! Info FREE admission, refreshments following. SUNDAY, DEC 15: Christmas UN plugged Musical, 6PM, Cornerstone Community Church, 208 Fig Tree Road, Chowchilla. Come experience a Christmas musical like you ve never seen! It retells the Christmas story, filled with songs, laughter for whole family! Info FREE admission, refreshments. FRIDAY, DEC 20: Under the Barn Winter Gymkhana Series, 6PM, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. Signups. Event starts 6:30PM. $25 Entry Fee. Admission FREE. Info All Store Drawings for SHOP CHOWCHILLA FIRST Holiday Drawings. 4pm. Mon Tue Wed & Thurs Nites 7PM WEDNESDAY, DEC 25: MERRY CHRISTMAS! SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21: Food Basket Pickup, 9AM 11AM, Eastman Hall, Chowchilla Fairgrounds, Sponsored by Chowchilla Ministerial Associa on. SATURDAY, DEC 28: Chowchilla Veterans Open House, 9AM 12Noon. American Legion Post 148, 445 Trinity Ave. ALL vets invited.