Toowoomba Christian College

Transcription

1 RESOLVING CONFLICTS BETWEEN STUDENTS POLICY ALL STAFF New England Highway HIGHFIELDS QLD 4352 Telephone: (07) C/- Post Office HIGHFIELDS QLD 4352 Facsimile: (07)

2 TABLE OF CONTENTS Toowoomba Christian College 1 FOUNDATION Biblical Perspective The School s Guiding Principles Right Reponses Need to be Taught Important Biblical Principles in Conflict Resolution BIBLICAL INJUNCTIONS ABOUT BEHAVIOUR Our Goal - Being Christ-Like (Christian) Our Behaviour Our Problem what causes breakdown in relationships Our Battle Jesus Answer WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR? The 10 Commandments What Does God Say About Our Behaviour? What the New Testament Says About One Another What students should do if they are upset over someone else s behaviour? What Staff should do when a student reports inappropriate behaviour? BEHAVIOUR FROM STUDENT TO STUDENT Key Focus Unacceptable Behaviour BEHAVIOUR FROM STAFF TO STUDENT Key Focus Unacceptable Behaviour BEHAVIOUR FROM STUDENT TO STAFF Key Focus Unacceptable Behaviour THE SCHOOL S APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE Biblical Statement About Discipline Application From The Above Path of Discipline Outcome from the Path of Discipline STAFF HANDLING OF STUDENT ISSUES Preventative Steps Staff Can Take Three Stages Possible Scriptures to be Used in Dealing with Students Thoughts to Keep in Mind When Dealing with Students SUMMARY PRAYER Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 2 of 14

3 1 FOUNDATION 1.1 Biblical Perspective The foundation for all school practices at Toowoomba Christian College needs to be found in God s word. Behaviour Management is no exception especially as there are so many philosophies and practices espoused in this area in the world today. The clear picture from scripture in regards to inter-personal relationships is that : a. We live in a fallen world b. We are to be part of a body of people c. In that body, we will be offended by and also offend others d. We are called to a walk of repentance, humility, forgiveness and restitution e. We are called to think of others before ourselves f. Christians have as their goal to be Christ like 1.2 The School s Guiding Principles All students have the right at this school a. to feel safe b. to be accepted for the way God has made them c. to be forgiven and gain a fresh start d. to be exhorted to live a God-honouring life e. to a class environment that supports their learning 1.3 Right Reponses Need to be Taught The Biblical way to respond does not come naturally to anyone. Therefore all members of Toowoomba Christian College need to be constantly reminded of what the ways of God are, and how to apply them to their lives. Students will regularly need to be shown the right way by teachers as to how to respond. All members of the Toowoomba Christian College community need to subject their actions and reactions to the teachings of Scripture on inter-personal relationships and need to be reminded of them regularly. At times staff themselves will have to apologise for their wrong behaviour to students when they have not operated in a Biblical manner. Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 3 of 14

4 1.4 Important Biblical Principles in Conflict Resolution a. Personal Responsibility God holds us each accountable for what we do and how we respond. Blaming others for what we have done is not the right way to go. Trying to control others is also not the right way to go. b. God Is for Community Not resolving something is not God s way. He wants us to walk towards the problem and resolve it, not to run away. Problems need to be resolved. c. Log In Our Own Eye When there has been a breakdown in relationships, we are far better off first looking at our own problems, and dealing with them, before we worry about someone else s. Blaming others before understanding all the issues, including our own contribution to the problem will not solve the problem but possibly make it worse. d. Judge Not Mat 7:1 - Christ s words to not jump to conclusions is very wise and tells us to hasten slowly even when resolving what looks obvious. A heart to restore is far better than a heart to punish. e. Keep it to the Offended The Mat 18 principle tells us to go to the person first - not to others! How much pain would be saved if this happened? We need to create an environment where students and parents feel comfortable with this approach. f. We are not to repay evil with evil Advising people to take matters into their own hands is not Biblical. Students are not to be told to give it back to them. Rom 12:17-21 g. Leadership s responsibility to administer justice God has given those in leadership in a Christian school, the responsibility to administer justice. When this is done well, it gives honour to God. 1 Kings 3:28 h. Handling persecution If the issue is not resolved the scriptures tell us how to handle enemies and their persecution. Matt 5: Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 4 of 14

5 2 BIBLICAL INJUNCTIONS ABOUT BEHAVIOUR 2.1 Our Goal - Being Christ-Like (Christian) Scripture Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4: Our Behaviour In our desires In our actions In our thoughts Concern for the wellbeing of others In humility count others better than yourself Phil 2:3-4 In our words 2.3 Our Problem what causes breakdown in relationships Self-centeredness Selfishness SINFULNESS 2.4 Our Battle Will I master sin or will it master me? (look at the first fight Gen 4: 1-16) 2.5 Jesus Answer Our call is to a walk of no judgement Matt 7:1-5 a new commandment i give unto you that you love one another as i have love you John 13:33-34 Our call is to a walk of love and forgiveness Matt 18:21-35 Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 5 of 14

6 3 WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR? 3.1 The 10 Commandments Our first reference needs to be the 10 commandments and their application in principle to inter personal relationships. 3.2 What Does God Say About Our Behaviour? 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10 commandments Comment What is wrong Our response? No other gods before me Not bow down or serve other images - God will punish Not to take the Lord s name in vain - not guiltless Keep the Sabbath Not to dishonour parents Not to kill Not to commit adultery (handle sexual issues wrongly) Not to steal Not to lie 10th Not to covet We are all equal before God - same rules for everybody People have right to make their own decisions People have the right to be respected People have the right to feel safe People have the right to be treated purely People have the right to their belongings People have the right not to be cheated People have the right to be different Not doing things God s way is wrong Thinking that I am the most important is wrong Using God s name in definitely wrong Judging others is wrong Being rude or disrespectful is wrong (people who are acting on behalf of your parents and have responsibility for you at that time) Hurting others is wrong (Whether in humour or really meant, our words can be like swords that cut and wound) Being crude is wrong Taking things is wrong Lying is wrong Scheming to get other people s things is wrong Love to hear the way God wants us to behave and respond Make sure we are expanding our understanding of God Make sure our reason for doing something comes from wanting to honour God People need to be free to respond to God as their conscience dictates Respect and obey those in positions of authority over you Not to hurt others Not to be angry with others Not speak rudely Jesus raised the bar on murder in Matt 5-7 Not speak crudely Not promote wrong relationships Jesus raised the bar on adultery in Matt 5-7 Doing things to others property e.g. Graffiti is wrong Respect for others property People will have different amount of things Tell the truth Do not defame others especially behind their backs Be satisfied with what you have Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 6 of 14

7 3.3 What the New Testament Says About One Another What the Scriptures say about our behaviour towards others? Good Bad 1 Live in harmony with one another; Rom 12:16 1 They argued with one another Mat 21:25 2 Then let us no more pass judgment on one another, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. Rom 14:13 2 Betray one another, and hate one another. Mat 24:10 3 The same care for one another. 1 Cor 12:25 3 Disputing with one another Mark 12: No provoking of one another, no envy of one another. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 6 Do not lie to one another Col 3: Forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Comfort one another with these words. Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works Do not speak evil against one another Do not grumble against one another As each has received a gift, employ it for one another Gal 5:26 4 Mocked him to one another. Mar 15:31 Eph 4:32 5 They trod upon one another Luke 12:1 Col 3: Thess 4: Thess 5:11 9 Bring charges against one another. To have lawsuits at all with one another is defeat for you. But when they measure themselves by one another, and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. But if you bite and devour one another take heed that you are not consumed by one another. Acts 19:38 1 Cor 6:7 2 Cor 10:12 Gal 5:15 Heb 10:24 10 Hating one another Titus 3:3 James 4:11 11 James 5:9 1 Pet 4:10 Men should slay one another; and he was given a great sword. Rev 6:4 Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 7 of 14

8 3.4 What students should do if they are upset over someone else s behaviour? What Will the School Teach Students? 1. Not repay evil with evil (Rom 12: 17-21) 2. Ask God to help you with your own responses a. Decide to ask God to help you forgive the person what they are doing to you b. Ask God to give you compassion for the person who has wronged you 3. If you are still upset, ask the other person directly to stop the behaviour that is inappropriate 4. If the person persists and you are still upset, take the issue to a teacher for resolution, explaining a. What they have done to you b. How you have handled the issue 3.5 What Staff should do when a student reports inappropriate behaviour? What Will Staff Do? 1. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and insight and to help you administer justice 2. Find out the details from the offended and the offender 3. Get a clear picture of what happened 4. With the offended: a. Check they have not repaid evil for evil b. Asked God to help them with their responses c. Is working towards a forgiving heart 5. With the offender a. Help them see they have broken the teaching of Scriptures b. Start the offender on the path of discipline 6. If the student is unwilling or unresponsive, refer the matter to the right person Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 8 of 14

9 4 BEHAVIOUR FROM STUDENT TO STUDENT 4.1 Key Focus a. To accept people who are different to you b. To be able to work well with others c. To appreciate the gifts God has given others d. To control my own actions and responses e. To respond Biblically to mine and others weaknesses and shortcomings 4.2 Unacceptable Behaviour a. To take, damage or interfere with someone else s property b. To take other students food without their knowledge c. To open other students lockers or bags d. To entice others to do something against another student e. To make other students feel intimidated f. To deceive other students g. To hurt other students h. To make derogatory comments about other students 5 BEHAVIOUR FROM STAFF TO STUDENT 5.1 Key Focus a. To create a learning environment in the classroom b. To create a safe and content atmosphere in the playground c. To model Christian behaviour to students d. To treat students justly and with mercy e. To demonstrate personal responsibility Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 9 of 14

10 5.2 Unacceptable Behaviour a. To consciously have pets b. To be unprepared for lessons c. To be late for class without a valid reason d. To be unmindful of student s weaknesses e. To not listen to students f. To administer punishment without thinking through options g. To use sarcasm or derogatory comments to control students 6 BEHAVIOUR FROM STUDENT TO STAFF 6.1 Key Focus a. To show the respect due to someone in authority over them b. To give obedience to someone in authority over them c. To learn the material being taught d. To develop their talents and understanding of the world 6.2 Unacceptable Behaviour a. To come unprepared to class b. To not do the set work by the set time c. To fail to do work set by the teacher d. To interrupt the learning of other students e. To be disrespectful or disobedient to the teacher f. To do work in other subjects without the teacher s permission g. To use school property without permission h. To not try hard i. To play tricks on the teacher Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 10 of 14

11 7 THE SCHOOL S APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE 7.1 Biblical Statement About Discipline In Hebrews Chapter 12, the Bible talks about how God as our father will correct us when we make mistakes. The author shares this not just for our understanding about God s treatment of us, but also as a reminder of what fathers and those in positions of responsibility should do towards others. Hebrews 12: Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation which addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time at their pleasure, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. 12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with all men, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fail to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness spring up and cause trouble, and by it the many become defiled; 16 that no one be immoral or irreligious like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. From the above passage we can see the following No. Statement Verse Application 1 Sinners will sin 3 Christians need to learn not to react to sin but to be strong in the face of sinful behaviour 2 Jesus is our great example of handling opposition 3 Jesus was poorly treated but looked to his father in heaven for the strength to endure -so should we 3 The basis of God s discipline is love 6 The motive of those dealing with every situation is for the other person s good 4 We all need correction 6 5 The immediate response to correction can be pain but there is better fruit after that 6 Our task is to worry about our own responses and make sure we are not left in bitterness Sin has left us far from perfect - for our sake those areas need to be addressed - don t be surprised when they are! 11 Discipline can inflict pain but the end is a restored and healthy relationship between all concerned 14 Many times there will be others affected by my actions. I need to do all I can to put things right and remove the burden of forgiveness 7 Circumstances will cause us to end in grace of God or the lostness of Esau 17 Issues must be dealt with otherwise they will affect us and spoil us Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 11 of 14

12 7.2 Application From The Above Toowoomba Christian College disciplines because that is the way God operates Toowoomba Christian College disciplines because we care Toowoomba Christian College disciplines because we have a responsibility for the development of children Toowoomba Christian College s goal in discipline is Christlikeness - His holiness Toowoomba Christian College s goal in discipline is to bring peace to the student, life to the community and glory to God We need to help all students from getting bitter 7.3 Path of Discipline Problem Personal Responsibility For Actions Sense It Was Wrong - Conviction See The Need To Change In Their Heart Desire To Change Make Restitution Punishment Get Help To Change Their Patterns of Behaviour Resolution Restoration Ask For Forgiveness 7.4 Outcome from the Path of Discipline a. Change in behaviour b. Lessons taught and learnt c. Awareness of any contributing pastoral need d. Start of process to address pastoral need e. Reconciliation and Restoration 8 STAFF HANDLING OF STUDENT ISSUES 8.1 Preventative Steps Staff Can Take Staff should regularly review the School s policies in the Staff Handbook on Basic Corrective Management Strategies to assess themselves against the criteria to make sure they are not aggravating the situation by the way they are handling a situation. Staff should also familiarise themselves with the High school teachers focus for the year document in their handbook. 8.2 Three Stages There are three important concepts in any resolution of inappropriate behaviour. Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 12 of 14

13 8.2.1 Correction A student must first see for themselves the problem they have caused and realise why it is wrong. If a staff member moves too quickly through this point the student might perform for the teacher but the heart will be unchanged and bitterness might creep in and the student is likely to re-offend. As part of the correction process, it is advisable to use the scriptures as they are sharper than any two edged sword. Some examples are listed below and staff are encouraged to add to this list Punishment The punishment is always the challenging part. Once a punishment is announced it is always hard to retract and hence staff should be slow to speak on this area and allow time and wisdom from others to be given before the punishment is announced. Punishment is not correction and should not be used to try and bring correction. It is a just reward for the action taken and satisfies the need for some response to the action not the perpetrator. As part of the process of issuing the punishment, it should be made clear, if necessary, that retribution against anyone involved in the process of the punishment is a serious matter Restoration (and restitution if necessary) God wants us all to be restored. That is a two way street and you cannot force someone to be restored. However, it can still be a goal and actions can be put in place to cause that to happen. If there has been loss incurred then a process of restitution should be established. 8.3 Possible Scriptures to be Used in Dealing with Students Prov 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. Prov 15:32 He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. Prov 5:23 Prov 6:23 He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly. For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life. Prov 10:17 He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray. Prov 13:18 He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honoured. Prov 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Prov 25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 13 of 14

14 8.4 Thoughts to Keep in Mind When Dealing with Students - Discipline, punishment, grace and mercy are all Godly characteristics. - The staff should help students to recognise and turn away from incorrect behaviour. - One purpose of discipline and correction is to help students recognise their need of God (Saviour) and the fallenness of their own lives (sin nature). - The aim of discipline is for students to find the love, grace, mercy and forgiveness of God, enabling them to live a godly and holy life. - The well-being of the student body needs to be maintained. - The staff have a duty to the individual and the whole. - Students need to have a healthy fear of God and a respect for authority. 9 SUMMARY Titus 3:1-2 v1 v2 Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for any honest work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarrelling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all men. 10 PRAYER Father, help the staff and students honour your name in all their outworking of this policy, for Christ s sake Last Updated: 2 March 2017 Page 14 of 14