110 SESSION LifeWay

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Bertina Watts
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1 110 SESSION 3

The Point I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict.

When conflict enters a relationship, most of us want to preserve the

After all, looking after what benefits us most just comes natural.

to put aside our own interests and let the other person win.

not enough land for all their livestock.

2 The Point I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. The Bible Meets Life It s only natural that we seek what is best for us. When conflict enters a relationship, most of us want to preserve the relationship, but we re still going to look after our own interests. After all, looking after what benefits us most just comes natural. Compromise can often be an option, but sometimes the best option is simply to put aside our own interests and let the other person win. As a result, we can receive the greater benefit of preserving and even strengthening the relationship. The Passage Genesis 13:1-18 The Setting The time in Egypt had been profitable for Abram. His nephew, Lot, had remained with him but between Abram and Lot there was not enough land for all their livestock. This led to quarrels among their herdsmen. Abram gave Lot his choice of land. Lot chose the land to the east the land that looked better and Abram occupied the land of Canaan. The land Lot had chosen eventually returned to Abram and his descendants. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 111

What does the Bible say? Key Words Called on the name of (v.

7) The Hebrew word used here describes a public legal dispute or strife between two hostile parties.

Genesis 13:1-18 (HCSB) 1 Then Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev he, his wife, and all he had, and Lot with him. 2 Abram was very rich in livestock, silver, and gold.

And Abram called on the name of Yahweh there. 5 Now Lot, who was traveling with Abram, also had flocks, herds, and tents.

3 What does the Bible say? Key Words Called on the name of (v. 4) This is the first expression used for worship and is found in Genesis 4:26 and also in Genesis 13:4; it means to acknowledge God by worshiping Him. Quarreling (v. 7) The Hebrew word used here describes a public legal dispute or strife between two hostile parties. Although the word s original meaning related to physical conflict, it most frequently described a verbal dispute. Genesis 13:1-18 (HCSB) 1 Then Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev he, his wife, and all he had, and Lot with him. 2 Abram was very rich in livestock, silver, and gold. 3 He went by stages from the Negev to Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where his tent had formerly been, 4 to the site where he had built the altar. And Abram called on the name of Yahweh there. 5 Now Lot, who was traveling with Abram, also had flocks, herds, and tents. 6 But the land was unable to support them as long as they stayed together, for they had so many possessions that they could not stay together, 7 and there was quarreling between the herdsmen of Abram s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot s livestock. At that time the Canaanites and the Perizzites were living in the land. 8 Then Abram said to Lot, Please, let s not have quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, since we are relatives. 9 Isn t the whole land before you? Separate from me: if you go to the left, I will go to the right; if you go to the right, I will go to the left. 10 Lot looked out and saw that the entire Jordan Valley as far as Zoar was well watered everywhere like the LORD s garden and the land of Egypt. This was before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. 11 So Lot chose the entire Jordan Valley for himself. Then Lot journeyed eastward, and they separated from each other. 12 Abram lived in the land of Canaan, but Lot lived in the cities of the valley and set up his tent near Sodom. 13 Now the men of Sodom were evil, sinning greatly against the LORD. 14 After Lot had separated from him, the LORD said to Abram, Look from the place where you are. Look north and south, east and west, 15 for I will give you and your offspring forever all the land that you see. 16 I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust of the earth, then your offspring could be counted. 17 Get up and walk around the land, through its length and width, for I will give it to you. 18 So Abram moved his tent and went to live near the oaks of Mamre at Hebron, where he built an altar to the LORD. 112 SESSION 3

to turn their attention to the image on page 93 of the Personal

conflict at some point maybe as recently as coming here today.

on page 94 of the PSG tell a story of two roommates in conflict

GUIDE: Call attention to The Point on page 94 of the PSG: I don t

There are times when exercising humility and giving up the right

4 THE POINT I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. GET INTO THE STUDY 5 minutes DISCUSS: Invite your group members to turn their attention to the image on page 93 of the Personal Study Guide (PSG). Ask: As a kid, what made you call Mine! most often? Notes SAY: We ve all found ourselves on the battleground of conflict at some point maybe as recently as coming here today. SUMMARIZE: The first three paragraphs from The Bible Meets Life on page 94 of the PSG tell a story of two roommates in conflict and the havoc it wreaks on their relationship. GUIDE: Call attention to The Point on page 94 of the PSG: I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. There are times when exercising humility and giving up the right to win can restore relationships and bring resolution to a conflict. Explain that this key idea will drive our discussion today. PRAY: Pause to thank God for His Word, and to ask Him to provide guidance and understanding to approach conflict resolution with His plan and priorities in mind. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 113

5 10 minutes STUDY THE BIBLE Genesis 13:1-7 Notes 1 Then Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev he, his wife, and all he had, and Lot with him. 2 Abram was very rich in livestock, silver, and gold. 3 He went by stages from the Negev to Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where his tent had formerly been, 4 to the site where he had built the altar. And Abram called on the name of Yahweh there. 5 Now Lot, who was traveling with Abram, also had flocks, herds, and tents. 6 But the land was unable to support them as long as they stayed together, for they had so many possessions that they could not stay together, 7 and there was quarreling between the herdsmen of Abram s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot s livestock. At that time the Canaanites and the Perizzites were living in the land. READ: Ask a group member to read Genesis 13:1-7 on page 95 of the PSG. SUMMARIZE: The first three paragraphs on page 96 in the PSG remind us that before this passage, Abram messed up spectacularly in Egypt. Our wrong approaches to conflict in the past don t disqualify us from starting fresh now. SAY: No one handles conflict perfectly all the time not Abram and not us. But we can learn a tremendous amount about conflict resolution from Abram s example here in Genesis 13. SUMMARIZE: The final paragraph on page 96 of the PSG contains the author s comments that help us understand the role that sacrifice and worship played in Abram s life after leaving Egypt. Summarize this for your group, emphasizing the effect worship can have on our conflict resolution. DISCUSS: Question 2 on page 96 of the PSG: When has worshiping God changed your perspective or course of action? TRANSITION: The next few verses give us a glimpse into Abram s solution to the pressing conflict between himself and Lot. 114 SESSION 3

6 THE POINT I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. Genesis 13:1-7 Commentary In Genesis 12:1-4, God called Abram to leave his homeland and go to a land He would reveal. Part of that promise was that Abram would become the father of a great nation and God would make his name great. Abram obeyed and eventually ended up in Canaan after a short stay in Egypt. As Abram settled in the new land, God began to bless him and his family abundantly, including his nephew, Lot. He blessed both men so much they outgrew Abram s land. Abram left Egypt and went to the Negev (a name meaning dry), the arid region in southern Canaan. During Abram s day, it was inhabited by the Amalekites (Genesis 14:7), and its primary habitation was named Beersheba. This area provided an important crossroads between Egypt and Canaan. It was known for its wells and as a gateway into the desert. Abram moved there with his wife, Sarai, and his nephew, Lot, the son of Abram s brother (11:27). Lot s father, Haran, died, which could explain why Lot traveled with Abram. Eventually Abram moved farther north to Bethel, where he had previously built an altar to the Lord (12:8-9). Bethel offered a more fertile area and easier access to the water supply. It provided a much better setting for Abram and his growing family, because he was very rich. In that time wealth was often measured by land, livestock, and servants. However, Abram was also rich in silver and gold. The livestock portion of his wealth included both flocks of sheep and herds of cattle (v. 16). It probably also included donkeys and camels used for transportation purposes. This required much more vegetation than the Negev provided, so he moved his growing family to a location where he had previously settled and worshiped the Lord. Not only had Abram begun to accumulate wealth, his nephew Lot s estate was growing also. Lot also h a d fl o c k s, herds, and tents and servants. His livestock and entourage had grown so big that they were unable to remain together on the same land with Abram s. The two men s herdsmen were quarreling with each other, indicating they were involved in verbal public disputes. The verb form of this word describes a dispute over wells between Isaac and King Abimelech (26:20-22) and Israel s desert complaining against Moses over the water shortage (Exodus 17:2-7; Numbers 20:3,13). Crowded living conditions and close quarters often breed discontent. Disputes about water and grazing rights can cause extended families to splinter. Besides domestic disputes, the family faced opposition from the Canaanites and the Perizzites who were living in the land. The Canaanites, the original inhabitants, lived in walled encampments, while the Perizzites dwelt in the open country. As inhabitants of the land, both would have opposed Abram and Lot s intrusion into their land. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 115

7 15 minutes STUDY THE BIBLE Genesis 13:8-13 Notes 8 Then Abram said to Lot, Please, let s not have quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, since we are relatives. 9 Isn t the whole land before you? Separate from me: if you go to the left, I will go to the right; if you go to the right, I will go to the left. 10 Lot looked out and saw that the entire Jordan Valley as far as Zoar was well watered everywhere like the LORD S garden and the land of Egypt. This was before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. 11 So Lot chose the entire Jordan Valley for himself. Then Lot journeyed eastward, and they separated from each other. 12 Abram lived in the land of Canaan, but Lot lived in the cities of the valley and set up his tent near Sodom. 13 Now the men of Sodom were evil, sinning greatly against the LORD. READ: Ask a group member to read Genesis 13:8-13 on page 95 of the PSG. SUMMARIZE: Recap paragraph one and two under the Genesis 13:8-13 section on page 97 of the PSG, emphasizing that the natural response to conflict isn t necessarily the right response. God calls us to put others before ourselves. GUIDE: Draw attention to paragraph three and the following quote from it: Sometimes the best decision is simply to put aside our own interests and let the other person win. DISCUSS: Question 3 on page 97 of the PSG: What keeps us from approaching conflict the way Abram did? SAY: This is definitely easier said than done. However, when we focus on the bigger picture, it s much easier to let go of our own preferences. DO: Ask your group members to turn to page 98 in their PSG. SUMMARIZE: The section on page 98 of the PSG focuses on what happened in Abram s and Lot s lives after Lot made his choice and moved to Sodom. DISCUSS: Question 4 on page 98 of the PSG: How could your willingness to take the short end of the stick impact your relationships? 116 SESSION 3

8 THE POINT I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. Genesis 13:8-13 Commentary Abram realized the land could not support his and Lot s families. He did not want quarreling to continue between the two sets of herdsmen. They had enough hostility around them; they did not need more from within their own households. One might expect Abram to have chosen land for himself, then given Lot the next choice. After all, Abram was older, and God s promised blessing went to Abram not Lot. Instead, Abram graciously allowed Lot the choice. Isn t the whole land before you? was an invitation for Lot to examine his surroundings and remember that God had promised it all to Abram anyway. Though the land currently was filled with Canaanites and Perizzites, Abram had confidence in the Lord s promise to give him and his family the land. Certainly Abram had a right to first choice, but he relinquished it to give Lot and his family a chance to choose first. In doing so, he effectively released the tension between the two families. Abram encouraged Lot to separate from him. He could choose the land he wanted; Abram would go the opposite direction. If Lot went left, Abram would go right, or vice versa. Lot had a decision to make. He looked out and saw the entire Jordan Valley as far as Zoar. This land in the southern part of the Jordan Valley was well watered everywhere like the Lord s garden. The remaining land was not nearly as inviting. While the region around Zoar contained cities and plains, the other portion in the mountainous regions of the central highlands was rugged and offered only a portion of the water and vegetation. The choice was clear. Would Lot choose the land of Canaan or the cities of the valley? Looks can be deceiving. A forewarning of the danger of the beautiful valley hides in the parenthetical remark, This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. The bounteous vegetation and plentiful water supply could have hidden the dark side of Sodom. Verse 13 explained that the people of that city were evil and sinned greatly against the Lord. Examples of that sin later resurfaced in Genesis 18:20 19:25. Abram diffused the conflict, but Lot did not sense the danger of locating in such a wicked region. Therefore he set up his tent near Sodom. Thus began a slow, steady compromise in Lot s life that eventually left him fleeing the city and settling in Zoar (19:15-24). The description of Lot s choice tells a little of his mind-set as he made the decision. Lot chose the Jordan Valley for himself. Certainly he would not have the entire land to himself. The plains already contained cities, including Sodom and Gomorrah. He chose the land for himself, meaning he picked what he thought would most benefit him. Instead of thinking of Abram and being grateful to the one most responsible for his blessings in life, Lot made the choice he thought best benefited him. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 117

9 10 minutes STUDY THE BIBLE Genesis 13:14-18 Notes 14 After Lot had separated from him, the Lord said to Abram, Look from the place where you are. Look north and south, east and west, 15 for I will give you and your offspring forever all the land that you see. 16 I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust of the earth, then your offspring could be counted. 17 Get up and walk around the land, through its length and width, for I will give it to you. 18 So Abram moved his tent and went to live near the oaks of Mamre at Hebron, where he built an altar to the Lord. READ: Ask a group member to read Genesis 13:14-18 on page 95 of the PSG. SAY: The first two sentences of the second paragraph on page 99 of the PSG are significant. Abram humbly offered Lot the very best of the land. In doing so, Abram trusted God to care for him regardless of his current land situation. SUMMARIZE: Abram didn t just give up and let Lot choose the land just to end a conflict. Abram actively and purposefully trusted God in the midst of it all; he clearly kept the bigger picture in mind. DISCUSS: Question 5 on page 99 of the PSG: Who or what is worth giving up your rights? TIP: Group members will respond more positively to you and your teaching if they feel that you care about them. A Facebook message, text, note in the mail, or cup of coffee will go a long way in building a relationship. DO: Ask your group members to complete the activity on page 99 of the PSG. Once completed, give your group members time to discuss their responses. Conflict 101: You have a big presentation due next week and your fellow group members can t agree on who s doing what part of the assignment. Most of the tension and arguing is from one guy who wanted the part you chose. If I demand my way, I will: If I stand down, I will: 118 SESSION 3

10 THE POINT I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. Genesis 13:14-18 Commentary Even though Abram gave Lot first choice and Lot chose the best for himself, God promised to bless Abram. When Lot left and Abram s family appeared much smaller, the Lord came to Abram and told him to look north and south, east and west. God then promised to give Abram all the land he saw (Genesis 13:14b-15). God assured Abram that even though it appeared he had lost land to Lot, the promise to give all the land to Abram still applied. Everything he saw would one day belong to his offspring as numerous as the dust of the earth (v. 16). When Abram was 75 years old, God had promised him a great nation (12:2,4) Now, years later, still childless, having given away part of his land, and his wife well beyond childbearing age, the promises of God still stood. As he gave away land to ease the conflict, the Lord reminded him that the promises were still in effect he had really lost nothing. God told Abram to get busy. God instructed him to walk around the land. The Hebrew literally means to move from place to place as when surveying property. As Abram surveyed, surely he observed the land was in Canaanite hands. He probably wondered how he would need so much land when he still had no offspring. Yet, God had him go through the length and width of land, knowing God promised it all to him. Instead of looking at what he had lost in the conflict with Lot, God encouraged Abram to look at what he would gain from believing God s promises. In response to God s promises Abram moved his tent, certainly including his family, livestock, and possessions. He settled in a place that would figure prominently into the history of his land. Hebron sat in the south central mountains of Judah, 3,040 feet above sea level, highest of any city in the region. About 19 miles south southwest of Jerusalem, plentiful water and very rich soil provided agricultural opportunities. It remained important in Bible history, serving as the burial place for Abram s wife (23:19) and the home of giants who scared 10 of the 12 Hebrew spies sent to scout the promised land (Numbers 13:22). Caleb, one of the spies, would not rest until he claimed Hebron (Joshua 14:9-13). David made Hebron his first capital (2 Samuel 2:3; 1 Kings 2:11). As Abram surveyed the land, he chose a crucial place to settle that put him in great position to receive the fulfillment of God s promises. Abram chose Hebron, also known as Mamre. The name Mamre literally meant grazing land. Abram responded to the cessation of the conflict and settlement of a new home by participating in a practice common to him. He built an altar to the Lord. The word for altar indicated that it was a place of sacrifice because it originated from the verb, to slaughter. Most altars in that day were made of either earth or stone, and the sacrifice was placed upon it. Abram built the first altar when he arrived in Canaan and the Lord appeared to him and promised to give the land to his offspring (Genesis 12:7). Abram built a second altar when he moved near Bethel. This is then the third instance of Abram building an altar, when he relocated near Mamre. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 119

5 minutes LIVE LIVE IT OUT Notes SAY: Conflict happens. So what s your plan for handling conflict in a way that honors God?

Consider how your response could alter the end result for everyone involved in the conflict. ] Speak (and act) with sincerity, not anger.

$Your thoughtless words and actions can fracture relationships. Seek out someone who s been a casualty of selfish conflict resolution and reconcile with that person.$

11 5 minutes LIVE LIVE IT OUT Notes SAY: Conflict happens. So what s your plan for handling conflict in a way that honors God? GUIDE: Lead your group members to consider the responses to the Bible study listed on page 100 of the PSG. ] Focus on the end result. Consider how your response could alter the end result for everyone involved in the conflict. ] Speak (and act) with sincerity, not anger. When you choose honesty and transparency over maintaining a facade of got-it-togetherness, you ll experience more authentic relationships and avoid escalating conflict. ] Seek forgiveness. Your thoughtless words and actions can fracture relationships. Seek out someone who s been a casualty of selfish conflict resolution and reconcile with that person. Wrap It Up READ: The final paragraph of the Live It Out section on page 100 of the PSG challenges us to rethink how we approach conflict. When molehills become mountains like the movie nights we have an amazing opportunity to submit to God through submitting our own will. And sometimes this looks like letting someone else win. Losing the movie night battle could be a huge step toward winning the reconciliation war. 120 SESSION 3

12 My group's prayer requests LEADING A GROUP JUST FOR WOMEN, MEN, SINGLES, OR COLLEGIATES? Get customized discussion questions & ideas at BibleStudiesforLife.com/blog. Love Rules: Let Yourself Go and Learn the Art of Submission The first thing I ever said was mine. I have a twin sister who uttered the same first word. I m not sure what we were negotiating ownership of, but I do know that we both wanted our way. I d like to think that I ve grown up and turned into a selfless person, but if I m honest I have to admit that deep down I still like things to go my way. To continue reading Love Rules, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 121

SESSION 3 STAND DOWN 1 SESSION 3

SESSION 3 STAND DOWN 1 SESSION 3 As a kid, what made you call Mine! most often? W H E N R E L AT I O N S H I P S CO L L I D E 2 THE POINT I don t have to get my way to solve a conflict. THE BIBLE MEETS