Good and Angry Proverbs 19:11-19:11

Transcription

1 1 Good and Angry Proverbs 19:11-19:11 After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring long lines, rude clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Glenn Vaughan stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for his son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register, he said. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked. "Cash," He snapped. Then apologizing for his rudeness, he explained, "I ve spent the entire afternoon at the motor vehicle bureau." The woman sweetly replied, "shall I gift-wrap the bat or are you going back there?" At one point during a game, the baseball coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you re out at first, you don t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother!" Now, of course, we wouldn t do anything like that. But have you ever lost your temper? Do you ever do things you wish you hadn t done, or say things you wish you had never said? We all experience anger. Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity. Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong. Anger has three components: Physical reactions, usually starting with a rush of adrenaline and responses such as an increased heart rate, blood pressure, and tightening muscles; often known as the fight or flight response The cognitive experience of anger, or how we perceive and think about what is making us angry. For example, we might think something that happened to us is wrong, unfair, and undeserved. Behavior, or the way we express our anger. There is a wide range of behavior that signals anger. We may look and sound angry, turn red, raise our voices, clam up, slam doors, storm away, or otherwise signal to others that we are angry. We may also state that we are angry and why, ask for a time-out, request an apology, or ask for something to change. Psychologists have identified four basic unhealthy ways that we learn to express anger. 1. Maniac (exploder) A famous golfer was out on the links instructing his son when some reporters came up to him. The reporters began to ask the young boy some questions about his father s game. One reporter ask, What has your father taught you when you hit your ball into the rough? The boy was hesitant to answer the question so his father said to him, Go ahead Son! Show them exactly what I do when I hit the ball into the trees? The boy looked again at his father then suddenly took his club and threw it into the water. His father was an exploder. When things didn t go his way he would over react and take his aggression out on whatever was in front of him. Some of us are exploders. 2. Mute (imploder), This is the person who is determined never to get angey. Instead of expressing healthy anger he/she bottles it up inside and pretends as if nothing ever bothers him. Someone once said, When I learned to swallow my anger, I later realized my stomach kept count. Some of us are imploders. 3. Martyr (inflictor), Like Eyore. This is a person who is excellent at throwing pity parties. They secretly enjoy being disappointed and feel uncomfortable when things are going well. Their anger is repressed and later manifests itself as depression. 4. Manipulator (exploiter), This is the passive aggressive personality. Like Lee Iacocca when he was fired from Ford said, I don t get mad, I just get even.

2 2 Everyone experiences anger, and it can be healthy. It can motivate us to stand up for ourselves and correct injustices. When we manage anger well, it prompts us to make positive changes in our lives and situations. Mismanaged anger, on the other hand, is counterproductive and can be unhealthy. When anger is too intense, out of control, misdirected, and overly aggressive, it can lead to poor decision making and problem solving, create problems with relationships and at work, and can even affect your health. The answer isn t to repress it, but to express it assertively. Even God gets angry. When Christ was in the temple turning over tables, He didn t do it with a smile on His face. When He called the Pharisees a bunch of white washed tombs and a pit of vipers, he wasn t just trying to be politically correct. He was mad. It says though that God is slow to anger (Ps 86:15). God s anger lasts a moment, while his favor lasts a lifetime. As I studied the Bible this week about the subject of anger, I discovered that there are 4 types of anger dealt with in the Bible. I. SUDDEN ANGER NEEDS TO BE CONTROLLED First of all there is sudden anger, & the Bible says that sudden anger is to be controlled. Proverbs 14:17 says, "A quick-tempered man does foolish things." We already knew that because we ve experienced that in our own lives. We may blame our quick temper on our red hair. Or we may blame it on our heritage. After all, we re Irish or something like that. We may even be proud of it. But the bottom line is, if we have a short fuse, we re going to do a lot of foolish things. When we lose our temper we ll say things we know we shouldn t have said, & do things that we re going to be sorry for later on. Proverbs 15:18 says, "A hot tempered man stirs up dissension." That simply means that if you have a short fuse, if you re always losing your temper, if you re walking around with a chip on your shoulder, if you re just looking for somebody to say something that will irritate you, then you re going to leave a trail of hurt feelings & unhappiness behind you. ILL. Will Rogers said, "Whenever you fly into a rage, you seldom make a safe landing." And he is right. ILL. Chuck Swindoll said, "I got so angry that I gave him a piece of my mind. And it was a piece that I couldn t afford to lose." Proverbs 19:19 says, "A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty." We re being told that almost every day. Doctors tell us that losing our temper consistently brings about high blood pressure, dryness of mouth, & a fast-beating heart. It could even bring pre-mature death. A hot temper could also mean loss of family & friends. The penalties of losing our temper are many. The Bible says, "If you have a sudden temper, then you need to control it." But how can we do that? ILL. You say, "I just can t control my temper. It gets away from me." But you can. Have you ever found yourself engaged in a heated discussion with your voice getting louder & your words becoming more rapid? Then the telephone rings & you say, "Hello." Sure, you can control your temper. We need to recognize that we have a problem with temper. As long as we deny it, as long as we blame it on heritage or short-fuse or whatever we choose to blame it on, we ll never improve. Then we must confess our problem to God & ask for His help. "Lord, I m beginning to lose my temper, & I ve done it many times before. Please help me see what is causing it to happen, & then help me to overcome it." SUM. The Bible teaches that when the Holy Spirit guides our life, that one fruit of the spirit is selfcontrol. And if you have a sudden temper, you need to control it. II. SINFUL ANGER IS TO BE CONDEMNED The second type of anger discussed in scripture is sinful anger. Not all anger is sinful, & we ll talk about that in just a minute. But some anger is. So let me give you some tests this morning to help you determine whether your anger is sinful or not. In Matthew 5:21, Jesus says, 21 You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, Raca, is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, You fool! will be in danger of the fire of hell. Now that passage tells us some things about anger that should help us realize when our anger is

3 3 sinful & when it is not. Anger is sinful when: 1 st Is it anger directed toward a person? Notice first of all that it says, "Anyone who is angry with his brother." Now if you re a brother or sister to someone it indicates that you are a member of the same family, whether a domestic family or the family of God. Brothers & sisters should be lifting each other up, supporting & helping each other. We should not spend our time being angry at one another. Then if you re angry at your brother, that indicates that you are focusing your anger on a person. We should never focus our anger on people, but rather on the sins they commit. You will hear people say, But Jesus got angry! Jesus was never angry at people, but He was angry at their sins. So look beyond the person. We must love the person, but hate their sin. If you re angry at your brother, if you re focusing on a person, then that means that your anger is sinful. The 2 nd test to determine if our anger is sinful, Is it anger without a justifiable cause? The King James Version speaks about being angry at your brother "without a cause." If we are angry & don t have a legitimate reason for being angry, then this tells us that our anger is sinful. The third test of our anger is this: Is it anger that seeks revenge? Are we always trying to get even? In Romans 12:19 Paul says, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God s wrath, for it is written: `It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord." The Bible teaches that God is the one who has the right of vengeance. Not us. "Vengeance is mine," says the Lord. We don t have the right to repay anyone. But rather, turn that over to God. If our anger is geared towards seeking revenge, then it is very definitely sinful anger. The 4 th test is, Is it an anger that is cherished? ILL. Remember what Jesus said to the man who was by the pool, waiting to be healed, & he couldn t get to the water soon enough? Jesus asked him, "Do you want to be healed?" Important question! There are a lot of people who enjoy being sick because of the attention it gets them. And there are a lot of people who love being angry. They ve been angry for years. Inside of them there is a boiling mass of anger. So if anger is cherished, it most certainly is sinful anger. The 5 th test - Is it anger that has an unforgiving spirit? If it is a cherished anger it will also be an anger with an unforgiving spirit. And the secret to getting rid of anger is to be able to forgive. But if you can t forgive, if you can t release it, then it is a sinful anger. SUM. So here are the 5 tests to tell whether or not our anger is sinful anger. 1. Is it anger directed towards a person? 2. Is it anger without a justifiable cause? 3. Is it anger that seeks vengeance? 4. Is it anger that is cherished? 5. Is it anger that has an unforgiving spirit? If any of the answers to those questions is "yes," then our anger is a sinful anger. And the Bible says that it is to be condemned. CONCL. If it is sinful, then we need to repent, to turn away from it, & allow God to forgive us of it so that we can become forgiving people, too. III. STUBBORN ANGER IS TO BE CONQUERED The third type of anger is stubborn anger. It is an anger that just stays there, day after day after day. One of the classic passages that deals with anger begins in Ephesians 4:26. The 26 In your anger do not sin : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. ILL. One day you go home & you re angry. You re carrying a chip on your shoulder, just waiting for someone to knock it off. Then your spouse says something you don t particularly appreciate, & soon heated words are being exchanged. It really doesn t amount to much, but you re determined to get your way, & she is

4 4 determined to get her way. So the argument continues. The sun goes down & nighttime comes. Then in bed she faces that way & you face this way, & you both make very sure that you don t touch each other. Do you realize what has happened? The Bible says that you have opened the door, & said, "Mr. Devil, come right on in. We ll make you welcome here." Then in vs. 31, Paul mentions what happens when Satan begins to do his dirty work. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 The first result is "bitterness." You begin to think about all the bad things people do & say to you, all the insults, all of the inconsiderate things that go on. Then Paul says, "After bitterness comes rage & anger." "Rage" is bitterness boiling & bubbling inside of you. And "anger" is rage being expressed. It is no longer just inside you. Now you begin to kick the cat, & hit the wall. Now you begin to say all kinds of things, until finally it becomes "brawling," which means "shouting loudly," & "slander" or "insults." You are no good. Why can t you do anything right? And on & on it goes, back & forth. And the end result of it all, Paul says, is "malice." And "malice" means that you really desire to harm. That s why we re always reading about someone shooting his wife & turning the gun on himself. Because the ultimate end of stubborn anger is malice. SUM. Paul said, "Here is the way to get rid of stubborn anger. Don t let the sun go down on your wrath." Vs. 32 says, "Be kind & compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." So first of all, there is sudden anger. And it must be controlled. Then there is sinful anger. And it must be condemned. Then there is stubborn anger. And it must be conquered. IV. Justifiable anger must be focused in the right way for God! Finally, there is Sanctified anger. And that must be channeled in the right direction for God. Remember, Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be ye angry..." It is okay to be angry, but do not sin. Let me read to you from Mark 3:1-5. This is a passage that deals with a situation in the life of Jesus that I think is very revealing. It says: "Another time he went into the synagogue, & a man with a shriveled hand was there. Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. And Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, `Stand up in front of everyone. " "Then Jesus asked them, `Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill? But they remained silent." "He looked around at them in anger &, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts..." You see, the focus of His anger is their hearts. He is angry because of their stubborn hearts & their stubborn anger. The sun has gone down. The sun has come up. And the devil has established a foothold in their lives. And Jesus is angry at their stubborn anger. Then Jesus said, "Stretch out your hand." And he stretched it out, & his hand was completely restored." SUM. The Bible says that Jesus was tempted in all points, even as we are tempted, but He never sinned. So this passage teaches that Jesus became angry but it wasn t sinful anger. It was sanctified anger, channeled anger, anger that has the right focus, & the right object. Anger defined- a God given emotional response usually tied to a goal, value or expectation. It usually ignites when we feel invalidated or rejected. It can be expressed by exploding anger and imploding. A God given emotion-dr.david Seamands said Anger is a divinely implanted emotion. Closely allied to our instinct for right, it is designed to be used for constructive spiritual purposes. The person who cannot feel anger at evil is a person who lacks enthusiasm for good. If you cannot hate wrong, it is very questionable whether you really love righteousness. To not express anger is to not be human." Maybe an infusion of anger is the very thing that the church needs. To become angry at the corruption of the world. To become angry at the forces of evil. To become angry at pornography that reaches into every segment of society.

5 5 To become angry at the millions of abortions. To become angry at the increase in crime & murders & rapes. To become angry at the abuse of alcohol & drugs in our society. To become angry because there are millions of people who are dying & going to Christless graves. It is time for the church to become angry, with a sanctified anger, a holy anger, that is channeled in the right places. SUM. There are all kinds of anger. And if you are wrestling with them, God promises to give you victory, if you ll let Him. So be angry, but don t sin. Don t let the sun go down upon your wrath. Don t allow the devil to have a foothold in your life. But channel that anger so it can begin to accomplish victories for Jesus.