Preparation: Children s Edition

Transcription

1 Preparation: Children s Edition March 2013 %1,% Adar - Nisan 5773 Dedicated to the children, grandchildren, and those thinking of themselves as children, in the extended KCT mishpachah!

2 While you are preparing for Pesach, perhaps your children or grandchildren can help find the last bit of chametz! Chag Sameach! Our thanks go to the wonderfully creative educators at (The Jewish Children s Learning Network)

3 Fun Passover Songs by Rabbi Dan Liben, Temple Israel of Natick There s No Seder Like Our Seder Sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business" There's no seder like our seder, There's no seder I know. Everything about it is halachic Nothing that the Torah won't allow. Listen how we read the whole Haggadah It's all in Hebrew 'Cause we know how. There's no Seder like our seder, We tell a tale that is swell: Moses took the people out into the heat They baked the matzah While on their feet Now isn't that a story That just can't be beat? Let's go on with the show! Elijah Sung to the tune of "Maria" I just saw the prophet Elijah. And suddenly that name Will never sound the same to me. He came to our seder He had his cup of wine, But could not stay to dine This year-- For your message all Jews are waiting: That the time's come for peace and not hating-- Elijah-- Next year we'll be waiting. A Few of My Favorite Things Sung to the tune of "These are a Few of My Favorite Things" Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes Out with the chametz, no pasta, no knishes Fish that's gefillted, horseradish that stings These are a few of our passover things. Matzah and karpas and chopped up haroset Shankbones and kiddish and yiddish neuroses Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings These are a few of our Passover things. Matzah and maror and trouble with Pharoahs Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows Matzah balls floating and eggshell that cling These are a few of our Passover things. When the plagues strike When the lice bite When we're feeling sad We simply remember our Passover things And then we don't feel so bad. Take Us Out of Egypt Sung to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game" Take us out of Egypt Free us from slavery Bake us some matzah in a haste Don't worry 'bout flavor-- Give no thought to taste. Oh it's rush, rush, rush, to the Red Sea If we don't cross it's a shame For it's ten plagues, Down and you're out At the Pesach history game. But we know that YOUR songs will be even better! Be sure to share them with us at KCT!

4 jarring jokes, silly sayings and ridiculous riddles Q: Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? A: So we can Seder right words. Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A: A matzochist. It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of BOTH chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver. A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?". He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt." "How?" The boy said "Well, Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he had the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross." The father was shocked. "Is that really what the Rabbi taught you?" The boy replied, "No. But you'd never believe the story he DID tell us!" Passover is approaching. At the seder table, every Jewish child will be retold the story of Moses and the Pharaoh, and how God brought boils, locusts, hail and the other plagues onto the Egyptians. Yet in spite of this overwhelming evidence of God's intentions, Pharaoh refused to let the Jews go, until a tenth plague, the death of the first-born children was inflicted on every Egyptian home, passing over the Jewish homes. Only after this tragedy did the Pharaoh relent and let the Jews leave slavery and Egypt to begin their journey to the promised land. This has been known for generations. But what has not been known is why the Pharaoh, in the face of such overwhelming evidence, would refuse to release the Jews after the first nine plagues. It took many years of research by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the renowned Swiss psychiatrist, to find the definitive answer. Dr. Kubler-Ross spent those years studying the Dead Sea Scrolls before discovering the answer. And once found, it was obvious.... the Pharaoh was still in de Nile. Compiled from various sources and available on-line at kosher4passover.com/kids.htm along with lots of other things deemed wayyyy too silly to publish here!

5 A Story for All Ages If you are under seven... Write a title for the photo If you are under thirteen... Write a caption for this photo If you are any other age... Write a short companion story to explain the photo to the two groups listed above.

6 The Two-Minute Haggadah A Passover Service for the Impatient Opening prayers rapidly: Thank God for creating wine. (Drink wine.) Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.) Dip the egg (Remove shell first ) Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this. Four questions: 1. What's up with the matzah? 2. What's the deal with horseradish? 3. What's with the dipping of the herbs? 4. What's this whole slouching at the table business? Answers: 1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry... There was no time for making decent bread. 2. Life was bitter, like horseradish. 3. It's called symbolism. 4. Hungry people get to slouch. Now tell a funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.) The four kinds of children and how to deal with them: Wise child - explain Passover. Simple child - explain Passover slowly. Silent child - explain Passover loudly. Religious child - have the child explain it to you. (Speaking of children: We hid some matzah. Whoever finds it gets $4.25.) The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzah. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.) The Ten Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice - you can name all the bad stuff before you have dinner - lessens the appetite for those on diets. The singing of "Dayenu": If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If he'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough, oh, Dayenu! Dayenu, Dayenu... If he'd parted the Red Sea - (Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.) Eat more matzah. Take a few more sips of way too-sweet red wine. Slouch. Again, thank God for everything... and do it all again tomorrow night. Chag Sameach!!