23. The Book of 2Samuel 13:1-39

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1 23. The Book of 2Samuel 13:1-39 The Difference Between Love and Lust (12/18/16) As we have pointed out numerous times over the last few weeks as we come to the end of chapter 10 of 2Samuel we see David at the peak of his strength and success as king of Israel. Up until this point he has been unbeatable and invincible it seems no enemy has been able to stand against him. He has continued to conquer more and more territory and to gain more and more wealth. If we were to graph the success of David s life up until this point it would be a line moving steadily upward but all of that changed when he committed adultery with another man s wife. Her name was Bathsheba, the wife of one of David s mighty men Uriah. Not only did David commit adultery with her but then he had her husband murdered to cover his sin. Eventually, God sent Nathan the prophet to confront David with what he had done. David confessed his sin and God forgave him but God pronounced consequences upon David that would be severe and life-long. 1

2 2 Samuel 12:10-12 (NKJV) 10 Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.' 11 Thus says the LORD: 'Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.' " As we come to chapter 13 we are going to see events set in motion that will produce the very consequences God told David would come upon him for his sins of adultery and murder and it all began with the rape of one of his daughters by her half-brother. I. The Rape 13:1-19 A. Ammon s Obsession with Tamar v Samuel 13:1-2 (NKJV) 1 After this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2 Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her. Absalom and Tamar were the children of Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur. Amnon, David s firstborn, was the son of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess (2 Sam 3:2). Now let s be very clear when it says that Amnon loved his half-sister Tamar it wasn t love at all. Amnon was consumed with lust for Tamar a lust so powerful that he became completely obsessed with her. 2

3 When the text says he became physically ill because she was a virgin it means that, because Tamar was a virgin princess, she was kept secluded in her own living quarters and away from contact with men. 2 Samuel 13:2 (NIV) 2 Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. And so, because Tamar was kept away from men it prohibited Amnon from having contact with her thus depriving him of the opportunity to gratify himself with her therefore his lust burned day after day and his obsession with her grew more and more intense until he became physically ill. 1. The suggestion of Jonadab v Samuel 13:3 (NKJV) 3 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David's brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. Jonadab was Amnon s cousin and a very crafty guy we re told. The Hebrew word for crafty is a word that means skilled, wise, accomplished. In this context it means that Jonadab was skilled and wise like the devil when it came to devising crafty plans to deceive. Little did either of them realize at the time that Amnon would pay with his life for accepting the advice of his cousin. 3

4 2 Samuel 13:4-5 (NKJV) 4 And he said to him, "Why are you, the king's son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." 5 So Jonadab said to him, "Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, 'Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.' " Jonadab s advice was based on the calculation that even though a virgin princess like Tamar would ordinarily never be permitted in the house of a man unchaperoned it would be allowed if it was one of her own brothers who needed to be nursed back to health. 2. The subterfuge of Ammon v Samuel 13:6 (NKJV) 6 Then Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight, that I may eat from her hand." Now, this is just speculation on my part because I have no way of knowing what was going thru Amnon s mind when he spoke these words to his father David. But I think it s possible that Amnon was thinking, If my father committed adultery and murder and got away with it, surely I can get away with rape. I m sure it never entered David s mind when he sent his servants to bring Bathsheba to his palace for a night of passion that it would have such devastating consequences for his family. As one author put it, David s family was now polluted and the consequences would be calamitous. David was known for his wisdom and keen insight (14:17, 20), but after the Bathsheba affair, he seems to have lost ground. By ordering Tamar to obey her half brother s wishes, he sent her into pain and humiliation; and when two years later David allowed Amnon to attend Absalom s feast, he sent his firstborn to his death. David the deceiver was himself deceived! 4

5 2 Samuel 13:7 (NKJV) 7 And David sent home to Tamar, saying, "Now go to your brother Amnon's house, and prepare food for him." One commentator gives his assessment of David From this and other passages, it appears that David was generally indulgent towards his children. This may be because he felt guilty that in having so many wives, children, and responsibilities of state, he didn t take the time to be a true father to his children. He dealt with the guilt by being soft and indulgent with his children. 2 Samuel 13:8-10 (NKJV) 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was lying down. Then she took flour and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and placed them out before him, but he refused to eat. Then Amnon said, "Have everyone go out from me." And they all went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand." And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. Tamar was a loving sister willing to do whatever she could to help her ailing brother to feel better. Amnon on the other hand was a selfish deceiver the kind of person who didn t care about anyone but himself. B. Ammon s Violation of Tamar v The terrible act v Samuel 13:11-14 (NKJV) 11 Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, "Come, lie with me, my sister." 12 And she answered him, "No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! 13 And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you." 5

6 14 However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Anyone who has studied the psychology behind rape will tell you it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust and sexual gratification coupled with feelings of power and control over the victim. I ve entitled this message, The Difference Between Love and Lust. What is the difference between love and lust? The ideal love of one human being for another that leads to marriage (the kind of love we re focusing on) is mutual affection. It s a love that contains mutual caring for the welfare of the other. It s a love that is unselfish, loyal, and committed to the person you are in a relationship with. If we were to sum up this kind of love in one word it would be the word giving. Lust, on the other hand, is self-focused and seeks to take rather than give. Lust is a strong desire for anything or anyone that will gratify a person s selfish feelings and appetites and it is totally unconcerned about how it will hurt, damage or destroy another in the process. 6

7 That Amnon was demonstrating lust for Tamar and not love is obvious in that he didn t care about her at all. He didn t care about what she wanted or her feelings or the emotional damage raping her would cause to her all he cared about was satisfying his selfish sexual desire at her expense. We can see this clearly in how he treated her right after he finished raping her 2. The twisted attitude v Samuel 13:15-19 (NKJV) 15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Arise, be gone!" 16 So she said to him, "No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me." But he would not listen to her. 17 Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, "Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her." 18 Now she had on a robe of many colors, for the king's virgin daughters wore such apparel. And his servant put her out and bolted the door behind her. 19 Then Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly. Warren Wiersbe True love would never violate another person s body just to satisfy selfish appetites, nor would true love try to persuade someone to disobey the law of God. In his sensual cravings, Amnon confused lust with love and didn t realize that there is a fine line between selfish love (lust) and hatred. Before he sinned, he wanted Tamar all to himself; but after he sinned, he couldn t get rid of her fast enough. Sexual sins usually produce that kind of emotional damage. When you treat other people like things to be used, you end up throwing them aside like broken toys or old clothes. The word woman is not in the Hebrew text of verse 17, so Amnon was saying, Throw this thing out! This explains why Tamar accused Amnon of being even more cruel by casting her aside than by raping her. Having lost her virginity, Tamar was not a good prospect for marriage, and she could no longer reside in the apartments with the virgins. Where would she go? Who would take her in? Who would even want her? How could she prove that Amnon was the aggressor and that she hadn t seduced him? 7

8 Years ago, I remember Pastor Chuck Smith teaching on this section of Scripture I especially remember the advice he gave to young woman on the subject: Let me give a friendly, fatherly tip unto all of you young girls, who may be in the position of Tamar, in that you have some fellow who is really pressing hard to have sex with you. He is the soul of kindness. He is very attentive. He calls all the time. He opens the door for you. He brings you flowers, but he s pushing hard for a sexual relationship. Don t give in. If you really love him, make him wait until you re married. If he really loves you, he will. Over, and over, time and again, the fellow will press and press until he has taken you to bed, and that s the last you see or hear from him. You re no longer a challenge. He s conquered, and he s off for new conquests. If you really love him and want him, make him wait. If you really love God, and love yourself, make him wait. I. The Rape 13:1-19 II. The Revenge 13:20-39 A. Absalom comforts his sister v Samuel 13:20-22 (NKJV) 20 And Absalom her brother said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart." So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house. 21 But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. Absalom not only comforted his sister he also comforted himself by quietly planning his revenge on Amnon. David, in the Scriptures, comes across as an incredible warrior and king but a lousy dad. It says that he was angry Amnon raped his sister Tamar, very angry but he does nothing about it how could that be?! 8

9 I think it was a combination of two things First of all, he wasn t a good disciplinarian with his kids. Maybe it was because he had been gone so much on the battlefield when they were young he felt guilty so that when he was home he wanted to enjoy his time with them and he wanted them to enjoy their time with him so he didn t want to discipline them. Secondly, I believe that David didn t feel he could discipline Amnon for what he did to Tamar because his lust for Bathsheba had led him to commit adultery and murder therefore, he felt as though he didn t have any right to address Amnon s sin. B. Absalom kills his brother v Samuel 13:23-33 (NKJV) 23 And it came to pass, after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim; so Absalom invited all the king's sons. 24 Then Absalom came to the king and said, "Kindly note, your servant has sheepshearers; please, let the king and his servants go with your servant." 25 But the king said to Absalom, "No, my son, let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you." Then he urged him, but he would not go; and he blessed him. 26 Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us." And the king said to him, "Why should he go with you?" 27 But Absalom urged him; so he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. 28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, "Watch now, when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, 'Strike Amnon!' then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant." [It s interesting that David got Uriah drunk with wine before he had him murdered and now Absalom gets Amnon drunk before having his servants murder him what you sow you reap ] 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled. 30 And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to David, saying, "Absalom has killed all the king's sons, and not one of them is left!" 31 So the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David's brother, answered and said, "Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king's sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore, let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king's sons are dead. For only Amnon is dead." 9

10 So from the day that Amnon raped Tamar Absalom planned his revenge and waited two full years to carry it out. Of course revenge, although it promises satisfaction and the alleviation of anger it never delivers on its promise but only leads to more heartache and new consequences. C. Absalom flees from his father v Samuel 13:34-39 (NKJV) 34 Then Absalom fled. And the young man who was keeping watch lifted his eyes and looked, and there, many people were coming from the road on the hillside behind him. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, "Look, the king's sons are coming; as your servant said, so it is." 36 So it was, as soon as he had finished speaking, that the king's sons indeed came, and they lifted up their voice and wept. Also the king and all his servants wept very bitterly. 37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur [his grandfather]. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead. The sin of Amnon reminds me of the Tenth Commandment of the Decalogue Exodus 20:17 (NKJV) 17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's." The word covet means to lust after or strongly desire something or someone. The word or concept often refers to something or someone that belongs to another. 10

11 I believe that God included this sin in the Decalogue because strongly desiring or lusting after another person s spouse leads to adultery; their possessions to stealing and possibly murder it also produces lying and other sins. This sin seems to be at the heart of so many other sins that it made God s Top 10 list of prohibitions. And yet covetousness is a sin that we don t take very seriously it kind of slips under our moral radar. In fact, it s such a part of the American mindset that most people don t even think of it as a sin let alone one God considers so serious and that is exactly why Satan is able to use it so effectively against us. Covetousness is a mind game that Satan plays on us to get us to buy into a fantasy that doesn t exist that things or sexual encounters will fill the void and make us happy. Jesus warned us about this when He said, "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses (or experiences)." (Luke 12:15) We would do well to listen to Jesus after all He made us and knows what will make us happy which He went on to tell us in the Beatitudes ( Blessed is really O how happy ). And through the Beatitudes He is basically saying that it's pure foolishness to think you can fill up the void in your life with the things (or people) of this world and yet how many people are feverishly trying to do that very thing. They are feverishly pursuing happiness when all the while true happiness is not found in a possession or in a pleasure it s found in a Person Jesus Christ! 11