Temple Beth-El. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Program Handbook

Transcription

1 Temple Beth-El Bar/Bat Mitzvah Program Handbook Updated June 2016

2 Temple Beth-El 3610 DUNDEE ROAD NORTHBROOK, IL FAX Dear Bar/bat Mitzvah Families, Mazel Tov on your upcoming simcha (celebration). Time passes quickly and soon your child will become a bat/bar mitzvah. We promise to do everything we can to ensure that this will be a rewarding experience for your entire family. In this handbook we have assembled a wide variety of information. You will learn about our congregation s philosophy regarding celebrations in our building, the minhag (customs) we follow, and our expectations for your child s educational process, including bar/bat mitzvah tutoring. You will also find a list of requirements that were established by our Education and Bar/bat Mitzvah Committees, in consultation with our Clergy, as well as the fees that have been set by the Temple s Board of Directors. These fees are based on our current fiscal year and may be adjusted in the upcoming budget. You will also find copies of the forms we will ask you to complete, suggestions for vendors and a FAQ section designed to anticipate some of the questions you may have. All of us at Temple Beth-El will strive to make your child s bar/bat mitzvah a memorable and rewarding experience. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions. L'Shalom, The Clergy, Board of Directors and Staff of Temple Beth-El 2

3 Table of Contents A Statement of Principles on Celebrations and Shabbat 4 Temple Beth-El Minhagim (Customs) 5 Education Educational Standards Regarding Bar/bat Mitzvah 6 Bar/bat Mitzvah Tutoring Standards 7 Administration Bar/bat Mitzvah Guidelines and Policy 8 Kiddush 10 Kiddush Set-Up Form 11 Suggested Vendors and Dietary Rules 12 Temple Beth-El Contacts 13 FAQ 14 3

4 A Statement of Principles Approved by the Temple Beth-El Board of Directors in May 1999 on Congregational Celebrations and Shabbat More than Israel has kept the Sabbath has the Sabbath kept Israel. Ahad Ha am I. The Sabbath is known as the queen of days, a time of rest and refreshment for body and soul, a time when we recognize God s sovereignty over our lives. It is a day when we put our work and labors aside, as we strive to sanctify our lives and live according to a higher, nobler spirit. Shabbat is a day of celebration and family, where we rejoice in our lot and perhaps even merit a taste of the world to come. It is a day on which we try to elevate our lives, and bring God s spirit into our homes and activities. II. The temple is a place where the ideas and ideals, the laws, customs, and values of Judaism hold primacy. A temple is more than a place for Jewish gatherings; it is a place where the doctrine and spirit of Judaism is present, where Judaism guides our thoughts and actions. It is recognized that the values of our secular society enter into the temple; however, they cannot be our guiding light. Rather we must look to our religious teachings to show us the path on which we should walk, making sure that our congregation remains dedicated to the spirit, beliefs, and traditions of our people. III. It is most fitting and proper to hold celebrations in the temple on Shabbat; to come together as families and as a community and share in the spirit of the day. However, the nature of the celebration must be in keeping with the spirit of Shabbat. A celebration on Shabbat should elevate the senses. It should bring one into closer contact with the divine, creating an atmosphere where the joy of the day, the delight of the spirit is emphasized. Celebrations in the temple on Shabbat must respect and enhance the sanctity of the day. IV. It is hoped that the congregation s social halls will be used for a variety of events, and that celebrations will regularly occur here. However, when those celebrations occur during Shabbat the principles outlined herein must be observed. Thus: A. only music fitting to the spirit of Shabbat shall be allowed: i.e., no disc jockey, rock band, or amplified type music will be permitted. B. no hard liquor will be served. C. no additional lighting will be allowed. D. additional issues or questions may be addressed to our Executive Director. 4

5 Temple Beth-El Minhagim (Customs) For Service Decorm Over time, communal traditions regarding synagogue attendance have evolved. But while social norms have changed, congregations have not always kept up by educating their families about the acceptability of certain behaviors. In Judaism, our accepted norms of behavior are often referred to as our traditions, customs or minhag, Understanding the minhag of a congregation is particularly important when we gather as a community for religious services. The failure of even one person to abide by the expected behavior can affect other community members who have come to pray. In order to create an appropriate, respectful atmosphere during worship services, we hope that parents will share Temple Beth-El s minhag with their children and discuss why it is important for them to adhere to these expectations. ATTENDANCE AND DEMEANOR Unless you are a doctor on-call, turn off your cell phone when entering the sanctuary; it causes interference with our sound system. There are many comfortable areas to take a phone call, including the library. Kippot and tallitot are available for men and women who choose to wear them. Worshippers of all ages are expected to conduct themselves (by dress and behavior) in a manner appropriate to a sacred house of prayer. If you arrive late, or must leave the sanctuary during worship, please do so quietly, so as not to disrupt the congregational worship experience. Do not enter or exit the sanctuary when the congregation is standing or when the ark is open. Eating, drinking and chewing gum are not allowed in the sanctuary. Respect your fellow worshipers and the clergy. Keep conversation during services to a minimum. Conversation is distracting in the worship environment. Please refrain from applauding during worship services. Photography/Videography is not allowed in the sanctuary during a worship service. FAMILIES AND CHILDREN Families are encouraged to sit together. Whether you attend as a family or not, parents are asked to teach their children that the synagogue is a warm and welcoming place, but not a playground. The Temple is a sacred space that should be treated with respect. If your child is sitting with friends and becomes disruptive, please do not wait for an usher to intervene. Do whatever you can as a parent to redirect their attention to the service. When a young child grows restless, our children s library is available for a short break with their parent. Fidget toys and magnetic game boards are available for children who require assistance to participate in worship. Noise carries from the lobby into the sanctuary. Talking loudly, running and playing in the lobby is not permitted. Reinforce your expectations to your children. If you have any questions concerning the Minhagim (customs) of Temple Beth-El, feel free to contact Rabbi Helbraun. 5

6 Educational Standards Regarding Bar/bat Mitzvah The following standards for bar/bat mitzvah have been set forth by our Clergy, Director of Lifelong Learning, Education Committee, and Bar/bat Mitzvah Committee. All those wishing to become a bar or bat mitzvah at Temple Beth-El are obligated to fulfill the following requirements: 1. In order to be adequately prepared for the emotional and intellectual rigor of bar/bat mitzvah study, students need a minimum of five years of study at Temple Beth-El s Slavin-Malkin School. This means the child will enroll and regularly attend Judaic/Hebrew studies at Temple Beth-El beginning, at the minimum, in third grade. The exceptions are as follows - A. Students enrolled full-time in a Jewish day school recognized as acceptable by the Temple Beth-El Director of Lifelong Learning, Temple Beth-El Education Committee and the Temple Beth-El clergy. B. Students who have been identified by the Director of Lifelong Learning as requiring specialized services requiring an individualized study program approved by the Director of Lifelong Learning. These students shall work with Temple Beth-El approved tutors at the family s expense, in lieu of attending class, as the situation requires. C. Those students joining our congregation after 3 rd grade will be tested to determine class placement. In some instances, a student may need to be tutored at the family s expense in order to obtain grade level placement. 2. Maintain standards in Judaic and Hebrew studies related to attitude, attendance and knowledge. 3. Register and continue to attend Religious School throughout the seventh grade year, regardless of the date of their bar/bat mitzvah. 4. Successfully complete the bar/bat mitzvah tutoring process with an approved bat/bar mitzvah tutor. 5. Continuing in Religious School and remaining in good standing through Confirmation year is strongly encouraged. Bar/bat mitzvah is not an end point, but rather another step on the journey of lifelong Jewish education and involvement. 6

7 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Standards Once the tutoring process has begun, there are certain minimum requirements for successfully completing the bar/bat mitzvah process. These minimum standards are not recommendations, but are required for a child to be given the privilege of leading a service in honor of becoming bar or bat mitzvah. Every Jewish child becomes a bar or bat mitzvah (son or daughter of the commandments) when they reach the symbolic age of thirteen. Leading a worship service and reading from our sacred texts is an honor and privilege. Therefore, we expect our families and students to view the study process as such an honor and a privilege. The honor of leading the worship service is not an entitlement, but rather an opportunity afforded students who have dedicated themselves to the study process. The minimum standards are as follows: 1. School Attendance Seventh grade students attend Religious School one day a week. Consistent Religious School attendance is a requirement to become a Bar or Bat mitzvah. Failure to attend on a regular basis will be grounds for losing one s tutoring slot, and thus one s bar or bat mitzvah date. We understand, however, that special circumstances do occur. Please contact the Director of Lifelong Learning in advance regarding any excessive absences. 2. Worship Service Attendance Students learn best in an experiential environment. Therefore, our students must attend worship services to effectively learn the prayers and blessings. The students are able to hear the Rabbi and Cantor model the prayers, and can practice what they have learned while they participate with the congregation. A child must attend - A total of thirteen (13) services before their bar or bat mitzvah date consisting of a variety of worship experiences (bar/bat mitzvah, holidays, Shabbat) Out of these thirteen, eight (8) must be at Temple Beth-El. Three (3) must be on a regular Friday night. Parents are required to attend at least three (3) with their children. To help keep track of attendance at Temple Beth-El, your child will find attendance cards outside of the clergy suite. Have your child complete a card and present it to one of the clergy at the end of the service. If your child attends a service outside our congregation, please fill out a card the next time you or your child is at Temple Beth-El. Please note that students not meeting this standard may be limited in the parts of the worship service they lead at the bar or bat mitzvah. 3. Study and Tutoring Attendance Students should make every effort to keep their tutoring appointments. Parents play a key role in the study process. Only with the full commitment of the student and his/her family can there be success. We understand school commitments and extracurricular activities demand a great deal from our students, but please keep in mind that a Bar or Bat mitzvah comes only once in a lifetime. Students must arrive prepared. When a child comes to tutoring without having reviewed the material from the previous lesson, forward progress is limited. This will result in a student being unprepared to lead the service or read from the Torah. 4. Mitzvah Project Students are expected to complete a mitzvah project in the year leading up to becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. Ideally, a child will continue to participate after their bar or bat mitzvah project commitment is concluded. Ideas for mitzvah projects can be found on the Temple website and on JUF s Mitzvah Mania page 7

8 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Guidelines and Policy BIMAH DECORATIONS The bar/bat mitzvah families are responsible for providing two bimah arrangements: flower baskets or ARK baskets (see suggested vendors). In the case that students are doubled, partner families should discuss and come to a decision together. Floral bimah arrangements should be delivered by noon on the Friday prior to the bar/bat mitzvah. CLERGY AVAILABILITY It is solely in the Temple s discretion as to which clergy will lead the bar/bat mitzvah service. FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS Each family will be assessed a $1400 bar/bat mitzvah fee. The funds are primarily directed toward the costs of preparing your child through individual tutoring lessons as well as the kiddush following the service (please see page 10 for kiddush details). After a bar/bat mitzvah date is assigned, a deposit of $400 is required to hold the date. The deposit is due by June 30 following the day you receive your date and will be applied toward the total fee. The $1000 balance will be billed the following month (July). You may choose to pay this at that time or call our Accounting Manager to set up a payment plan. Fees are due and MUST be paid in full, 12 months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date. In addition, it is Temple Beth-El s policy that all school fees and membership obligations are up to date (including arrangements if necessary) prior to both the first tutoring session and the bar/bat mitzvah date. We assess this fee well in advance to assist you in your financial planning and give you time to spread out your payments if needed. In the event of hardship, please contact our Accounting Manager or Executive Director to discuss financial consideration. FRIDAY NIGHT PRECEDING THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH We encourage your family s attendance at the Friday evening Shabbat Service prior to your celebration. As an additional honor, the bar/bat mitzvah family is invited to bless the Shabbat candles and recite the Kiddush over the wine, and the bar/bat mitzvah student is invited to lead v ahavta. Families are welcome to hold a private Shabbat dinner in the building prior to services and are invited to sponsor the community oneg Shabbat afterward. Please contact our Executive Director six (6) months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah to make arrangements. KIDDUSH It is a tradition and a requirement to provide a community kiddush following the Saturday morning service to which the congregation is invited. When more than one bar/bat mitzvah is held at the Temple, the partner families plan the kiddush* together whenever possible. If necessary, separate kiddush can be arranged depending on room availability. *There are two options: A simple or extended kiddush. Refer to page 10 for more details. NUMBER OF GUESTS In order to have the correct sanctuary space, a final guest count must be submitted to the Executive Director 2 weeks prior to the service. NOTE: The Sanctuary holds a maximum of 370 people for services. PROPERTY DAMAGE Each bar/bat mitzvah family is responsible for the behavior of their guests. In the event of damage to Temple property, financial compensation must be paid by the family to the Temple to cover such damage. Notification will be given during the week following the bar/bat mitzvah. Security is required for large groups at all private events. 8

9 STANDARDS OF DRESS The bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is a dignified, spiritual experience. Temple policy requires those honored in the bar/bat mitzvah service be dressed appropriately: dresses, skirts or pant suits for women, and suits or jackets and a tie for men. Shoulders must be covered and skirts should be of an appropriate length in accordance with the tenor of the day. TIME SCHEDULE / INVITATION WORDING Bar/bat mitzvah morning services (on Shabbat, holidays, and festivals) begin at 10:00 am. The invitation should read 9:45 am. Bar/bat mitzvah families, and anyone receiving an honor during the service, should arrive at the Temple no later than 9:00 am on the Shabbat morning of the bar/bat mitzvah to participate in a final walk-through with a member of the clergy. USHERING To assist in keeping the decorum during a service, each family is required to usher 3-4 times during the year prior to your child s bar/bat mitzvah. VIDEOTAPING As this is an important event in the life of your family, we have made arrangements with the two companies listed below for a set fee of $250 per family. Videotaping is only allowed through the use of the Temple s built-in system. If you would like the service to be taped, please make arrangements with them directly: Chicago Video Works Keepsake Family Tree Video Earle Greenberg Dan Gelfond earle@chicagovideoworks.com dan@personalhistoryinterviews.com PICTURES Bar/bat mitzvah is a religious ceremony. NO picture taking is allowed during the service or when the congregation is gathered in the sanctuary. Photography is allowed 30 minutes after the service concludes but should not be disruptive to community participants. Photography sessions should be scheduled with the Clergy Assistant 3 months before the scheduled bar/bat mitzvah. Photography sessions will not be scheduled during weekday religious school hours or when the sanctuary may be in use by the clergy, and will only be scheduled during hours the Temple is open. A current Certificate of Insurance from your photographer is required, prior to your photo session, listing Temple Beth-El as additional insured. WALK-THROUGH Our clergy will conduct a walk-through the week of the bar/bat mitzvah. Walk-throughs for bar/bat mitzvah are scheduled at 4:00 pm on the Wednesday preceding the service. This should be scheduled by the bar/bat mitzvah parents with the Clergy Assistant at ext It is strongly recommended that photos not be scheduled on the same day as the walk-through. 9

10 Kiddush Bar/bat mitzvah is not only a milestone in the life of your family, but also an occasion for joy and celebration. A kiddush after services whether a small snack or a festive meal allows everyone in attendance to celebrate with you. Kiddush Choices Type of Kiddush Temple Provides Family Provides Simple Kiddush open to our Cups for wine & juice community Napkins, table coverings In the foyer All plastic-ware Set-up and clean-up White Israeli wine White Grape juice 2 or 3 one lb. challah(s) Cookies 2 hr. Extended Kiddush open to our community In Beider or Werner Hall (depending on availability) Cups for wine, juice & water Napkins, table coverings All plastic-ware White Israeli wine White grape juice 2 or 3 one lb. challah(s) Coffee, Tea, Ice water Plates Coffee mugs Silver coffee/tea urns Creamer Table/chair set-up & take-down All food (menu and caterer must be approved in advance by administrative staff) Serving staff (mandatory) Decorations if desired - Please check with Admin office These are suggestions and guidelines. Please call Janice Hadesman with questions and concerns. If you are hosting an extended kiddush, the food/refreshments should be delivered to the Temple by 9:00 am on the Saturday morning of the service. Bar/bat mitzvah private luncheons and kiddush may be scheduled upon availability, and require a Facility Rental Agreement Contract with additional fees and approval of the Executive Director. 10

11 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Set-Up for Community Kiddush Only MUST BE COMPLETED AND RETURNED TO JANICE HADESMAN 6 MONTHS PRIOR TO YOUR DATE Temple Beth-El maintains a kosher-style kitchen. Meat and dairy products may NOT be served together (see Dietary Rules for Functions at Temple Beth-El). No shellfish or pork products of any type may be brought into its kitchen or served on its premises. In addition, during the holiday of Passover, no leavened bread or other prohibited foods (chometz) may be brought into the kitchen or served on Temple premises. Bar/bat Mitzvah Date: Double: Yes No Saturday - 10:00 am Family Name: Phone ( ) Name of Kiddush Sponsor: Phone ( ) On the Shabbat handout, the sponsor s name should read: Estimated Number of Guests Adults Children Total (Call TBE office with final numbers two weeks prior) Simple Kiddush Extended Kiddush (to be arranged by the congregant) Flower Bimah Arrangements ARK/Donation Baskets ($75 donation payable to ARK, given to TBE) Bimah Flower arrangements to be delivered by noon on the Friday prior to the bar/bat mitzvah. Florist Phone ( ) *Caterer Phone ( ) *Serving Company Phone ( ) All menus must be sent to the Executive Director prior to event for approval. *Still Photography Date/Time: Company Selected Reserving (first come, first serve basis due to limited availability) the sanctuary for still photography sessions must be made in advance through Joanne Gold. All photographers must have a current Certificate of Insurance on file with the Temple. Video for service YES NO Company Selected To be filled out for an Extended Kiddush only: Beider Hall (if available) Werner Hall (if available) White paper table coverings (TBE provides) or Linen tablecloths to be rented by congregant Vendor Delivery date/time: Color paper napkins (TBE provides upon availability): Coffee, Tea, Ice Water and Ice (TBE provides) Additional beverages provided by bar/bat mitzvah family *All vendors must provide a Certificate of Insurance listing Temple Beth-El as additional insured, prior to event 11

12 Suggested Vendors BIMAH DECORATIONS CATERING SERVERS (if not provided by caterer) ARK baskets are arranged Catering by Michael s (A Tray to Remember) That Special Event through TBE Jerry Carlson Swanson s Blossom Shop Leonard s Bakery Max & Benny s Sunset Foods - Catering Department (Nosh) North Shore Catering and Events Lisa Harris - office: cell: lisa@nothrshore.catering Manny's Cafeteria and Delicatessen Dan Raskin dan@mannysdeli.com Little Louie s Jamie Weiss jamie@louiebfresh.com DELIVERIES: FOOD MUST ARRIVE AT THE TEMPLE BY 9:00 AM SATURDAY MORNING SERVERS: SERVERS SHOULD ARRIVE AT THE TEMPLE BEFORE 10:00 AM Caterers may ONLY be contracted if they provide a current Certificate of Insurance listing Temple Beth-El as an additional insured or they will not be permitted on the premises. ALL MENUS MUST BE APPROVED IN ADVANCE BY JANICE HADESMAN AT LEAST 30 DAYS PRIOR TO THE EVENT. Dietary Rules at Temple Beth-El Temple Beth-El permits kosher-style functions in our facility. Pork, shellfish or any fish without gills, fins or scales are not allowed at any Temple function. Dishes intended to resemble pork, shellfish or any fish without gills, fins or scales, like mock crab or Baco Bits are not allowed at any Temple function. Meat and dairy may not be served together. However, dairy desserts may be served after a meat meal, as long as the meat has been completely removed from the room before the dairy dish is served. If a meat meal is being served to adults, children eating in the same room may not be served a dairy meal. Please pay special attention to food items that may remain on a table throughout a meal. Milk chocolates and toffee are not permitted when a meat meal is being served. Instead, consider foods such as: mixed nuts, dried fruits, dark chocolates, Jordan almonds, many types of mints, wasabi peas, etc. In the event that your celebration is held during Passover, all food must adhere to the dietary guidelines for Passover. No bread may be served. Cakes, cookies, and other items normally containing flour should be certified for Passover use. 12

13 Contacts Temple Beth-El Rabbi Sidney Helbraun Ext: 204 Meets with the child and parents to study the Torah portion and review the Participation Form Provides guidelines for the D var Torah (bar/bat mitzvah speech) Reviews/Edits the D var Torah Meets one on one with the student the week of the service Along with Cantor, provides a walk-through for those with honors prior to the service Director of Lifelong Learning, Mandy Herlich Ext: 212 Works with parents and teachers to determine student learning style Monitors student progress prior to the beginning of Bar/bat Mitzvah tutoring Monitors attendance at religious school Assigns Bar/bat Mitzvah dates in the fourth grade year (Spring) Checks the matches of students for Bar/bat Mitzvah pairing Cantor Faryn Rudnick Ext: 206 Oversees the bar/bat mitzvah training program as well as: Teaches Torah trope to the sixth grade class Assigns Torah and Haftarah portions to students Oversees the creation of materials for the students Schedules and tutors each student along with Rabbi Debbie Helbraun Along with Rabbi, provides a walk-thru for those with honors prior to the service Administrative Assistant to the Clergy, Joanne Gold Ext: 202 Schedules appointments in preparation for bar/bat mitzvah: Notifies families when tutoring begins All bar/bat mitzvah appointments with the Rabbi Informs families of walk-through dates and times Bar/bat mitzvah photography Tracks service attendance through attendance cards Collects Bar/bat Mitzvah speech "drafts" and final copies Assigns and tracks bar/bat mitzvah ushers Executive Director, Janice Hadesman Ext: 211 Assists families with bar/bat mitzvah kiddush, Bimah décor and set-ups Schedules oneg/kiddush for life-cycle events Schedules private events Accounting Manager, Nancy Reil Ext: 209 All financial inquiries 13

14 FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS When will I be contacted by the Temple to schedule tutoring and appointments? You will be contacted a little more than 6 months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah to schedule tutoring, and approximately 4 months prior to schedule meetings for the D var Torah and walk-through. Do I invite the Rabbis/Cantor/tutor to the bar/bat mitzvah party? This is a personal decision. It is not mandatory to invite the clergy or your tutor. If you choose to invite the clergy, please send the invitation directly to the Temple. Do I tip/gift Rabbi/Cantor/tutor? It is customary to make a donation to the Rabbi s and Cantor s Discretionary Funds as an honorarium. Who can have an honor at the service? For honors involving the Torah, the Aliyah (blessing), Hagbah (lifting) or G lilah (dressing), a Jewish adult over the age of 13 may participate. For other honors, such as opening the ark or participating in the Prayer for our Country and the State of Israel, all adults are welcome to participate. Those who have not reached the age of 13 are often invited to join our Bar/bat Mitzvah in leading the Hamotzi at the conclusion of the service. Can a child be assigned a date prior to their 13 th birthday? Dates will be assigned as close to the student s 13 th birthday as possible, but may vary by a few months. If desired, you can request on the Bar/bat Mitzvah Information Card that the date be assigned after the 13 th birthday. When assigning dates, do you use the child s Hebrew or secular birthdate? We use the secular birth date. Are children assigned dates with children from the same School? We make every attempt not to assign children from the same School on the same date. However, in years with large bar/bat mitzvah classes this is not always possible. Are accommodations made for children with disabilities or special needs? Yes, the Temple makes accommodations for children with disabilities and special needs. If your child needs an accommodation, please notify the Director of Lifelong Learning as far in advance as possible. How far ahead can I schedule pictures? Due to a constantly changing calendar, we cannot schedule pictures until a month prior to the Bar/bat Mitzvah. When can I book the social hall(s)? Scheduling for a kiddush should be done 6 months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date, and is on a first come, first serve basis. However, it is encouraged that in the case of a bar/bat mitzvah (double) both families celebrate the kiddush together with the community. What if I have a question that s not on this page? Call us, really. It s why we re here. We want your experience to be comfortable for you and your family and look forward to helping you celebrate this special occasion in the life of your family. 14