Access to God: 54 Ways You Can Get Closer (Without the Internet)

Transcription

1 Access to God: 54 Ways You Can Get Closer (Without the Internet) By Rabbi H. Rafael Goldstein, BCC Vice President/Jewish Affairs Jewish Family and Children s Service N. Scottsdale Road, Suite 110 Scottsdale, AZ (office) ( cell) Rafael.Goldstein@JFCSArizona.com Dynamicsofhope.com March 2005

2 Funding for the initial printing of this resource was provided by the Nathan Cummings Foundation as part of their support for SeRaF (Senior Resource Faculty), a joint project of the National Center for Jewish Healing (JBFCS) and its partner, The Kalsman Institute on Judaism and Health (HUC-JIR). This project was designed to support the development of a leadership cadre for the National Jewish Healing Movement and support the development and publication of resources and materials for the field of Jewish healing.

3 3 Table of Contents Table of Contents...3 Dedication...6 Introduction...9 Some Preliminary Thoughts about God...15 How to Use this Book Starting Over for the First Time: Parshat B raysheet, Genesis 1:1 6: Becoming God s Partners: Parshat Noah Genesis 6:8 11: Remembering Mel: Being a Blessing Leh Leha Genesis 12:1-17: Experiencing God/ Be more Like God: Parshat Vayera Genesis 17:27 22: Living with Loss: Parshat Ha-yay Sarah Genesis 23:1-25: Making Thanksgiving Spiritually Meaningful God, Grant me the Serenity Parshat Toldot Genesis 25:19 28: Finding God in Your Life: Parshat Va-yetze Genesis 28:10 32: Wrestling the Blessings Out of our Fears: Parshat Vayishlah Genesis 32:4 36: Blessings Resentment Leads to Slavery Parshat Vayeshev Genesis 37:1 40: Forgiveness: Parshat Mikkets Genesis 41:1 44: Finding Comfort in the Hard Journey of Life: Parshat Va-yigash Genesis 44:18 47: Things that Trap and Enslave Us Parshat Vayehi, Genesis 47:28 50: Turning Handicaps into Blessings Parshat Shemot Exodus 1:1 5: What Do You Believe? Parshat Va-era Exodus 6:2 9: Stubborn, Stubborn, Stubborn: Parshat Bo Exodus 10:1 13: Terezin and Tu B shvat: Parshat B shelah Exodus 13:17 17:

4 4 17. What s Really Important to You? Parshat Yitro Exodus 18:1 20: Turning the Plain into the Holy: Parshat Mishpatim Exodus 21:1-24: How Rich Are You Feeling? Parshat Terumah Exodus 25:1-27: Elijah in our Midst: Parshat Te zaveh Exodus 27:20-30: God Moments: Parshat Ki Tissa Exodus 30:11 34: Rewards for Mitzvot: Parshat Vayakhel Exodus 35:1 38: Celebrate the Blessings (even when they are not permanent) Parshat Pikudei Exodus 38:21 40: Every Bite More Succulent Than the Next: Parshat Vayikra Leviticus 1:1 5: You Are What You Eat: Parshat Tzav Leviticus 6:1 8:36 Passover The Silent Scream of Grief: Parshat Shemini Leviticus 9:1-11: Body Mind and Spirit: Parshat Tazria Leviticus. 12:1 13: Passover Food Considerations Metzora Leviticus 14:1-15: Being a Reflection of God: Parshat Aharei Mot Leviticus 16:1-18: Check Your Ego at the Door: Parhsat Kedoshim Leviticus 19:1-20: Your time is limited: Parshat Emor Leviticus 21:1-24: You Can t see the Things that Have the Most Meaning: Parashat Behar Leviticus 25:1 26: Blessings and Curses: Parshat Behukotai Leviticus 26:3 27: The Spiritual Wasteland: Parshat Bamidbar Numbers 1:1 4: Bless Me: Parashat Naso Numbers 4:21 7: Shavuot, The Festival of God s Love Kvetch, Kvetch, Kvetch: Parshat B ha alot-ha Numbers 8:1 12: Catastrophic Conclusions: Parshat Shelah Leha Numbers 13:1 15: Rebellion can be Good: Parsdhat Korah Numbers 16:1 18: Life is what Happens when Your Plans Change: Parshat Hukat Numbers 19:1-22: God and a Donkey: Parshat Balak Numbers 22:2 25: In God s Light: Parshat Pinhas Numbers 25:10 30: Jewish Calendar 101: Parshat Matot Numbers 31:1 32: Places of Refuge: Parshat Massai Numbers 33:1 36: Personal History: Parshat Devarim Deuteronomy 1:1 3: Just Listen : Parshat Va'et-hanan Deuteronomy 3: 23-7: Blessings are Exercises in Humility: Parshat Ekev Deuteronomy 7:12 11: Seeing and Hearing: Parshat Re eh Deuteronomy 11:26 16: Scary Litury: Parshat Shoftim Deuteronomy 16:18 21:

5 5 49. The Language of Evil Ki Tetze Deut. 21:10 25: Bless the Moron: Parshat Ki Tavo Deuteronomy 26:1 29: Time Movers: Parshat Nitzavim Deuternomy 29:9 30: The End of the Line Parshat Va-Yeleh Deuteronomy 31:1 31: Little Stuff/ Big Difference Parshat Ha azinu Deuteronomy 32: Sukkot The End of the Torah, Start Again: V zot Ha-braha, Deuteronomy 33:1-34:

6 Dedication 6 Thank God It seems so obvious, so simple to say. Yet we all too often look to God not when we have things to say thank you for, but when we feel that in some ways God has disappointed us. While many people are ready, willing and able to condemn God for not granting them their wishes, few people seem to be so very willing to acknowledge God for the good in their lives. It s like we forget God when times are good, and complain bitterly when times are bad. But both good and bad times are two sides of the very same coin. If every day were perfect, we d get bored. I m serious about this. I used to live in Southern California, where for most of the year you have to wonder why they have TV weather reporters. Every day is beautiful, spectacular. One can pretty well know that for weeks and weeks the weather will be great. I heard last year that it was raining in July and replied, That s illegal, isn t it? I have actually heard lots of Los Angelenos complaining about the weather, wishing for something different. I used to live in New Jersey. (Yes, I admit it.) There, I almost never complained about the weather, because no matter what was happening it was bound to change. Unless it didn t. Then you knew you d suffer for beautiful weather, or that the blizzard would ultimately end in clear, crisp beauty. Sunny days always seemed to be balanced, at one time of the year or another, with weather that made you appreciate the sun and the warmth. Life is kind of like that. We don t have the option of no rain ever. We don t get to live without struggles, challenges, and, at times, sadness. I know it s a cliche. But it really is accurate. You just can t fairly expect that everything will be perfect all the time. It s just not reality. I once heard a friend say, I wish I was dead. (Excuse the grammar.) His boss was screwing things up for him, and he couldn t figure out a way to undo the damage that the boss was doing to other people. But isn t that expression a rather extreme way of dealing with a pretty temporary issue? Instead of feeling powerless, he was working diligently to correct the problems, being challenged by a difficult reality. It made no sense to wish for death when what he really was praying for was the strength to continue on precisely the same course.

7 7 Sometimes, we say really stupid things, which we don t generally mean. What do we mean when we say something is so good it s to die for? That makes no sense. A slice of incredible chocolate cake is that good? If it s so good, then it should be to live for! What good is it if you re dead? That about sums up our current lack of appreciation for our blessings. When something is really, really good, rather than thanking God for it, we forget about credit and deny our own right to enjoy it! That being said, where does that leave us when things are good? What we should be doing is savoring the moments when things are good, when life is going well, when we are relatively happy. And we probably should give a little credit to the Creator of Life, who made it possible for us to experience both pain and pleasure, sorrow and laughter, dancing and wailing, rain and sunshine. Both the good and the bad are parts of our lives; both make life worth living. Our challenge is to seek ways to take this odd little coin of life and stand it on its end so that there is some balance, so that the memory of that which is good will fortify us when we need it, and the knowledge that it isn t always that way will lead us to appreciate our blessings when we have them. A good way to start to achieve this balance is to find the good, no matter what, and appreicate it. Make a list; start with one item a day. Add to it daily, as many items as you can think of. No matter what is not good in your life, find the good, pursue it, note it and rejoice in it. Then, thank God for it. It ll work a whole lot better than cursing God when things are not so good. So, first, I want to thank God for helping me to find this path and providing inspiration for me to see this through. Rachel Pitt, my colleague at the Jewish Healing Center of San Diego nagged me to write Torah Reflections. She is sure that it was her idea to Torah commentaries to everyone we could think of weekly. At the same time, Rabbi Natan Fenner of the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center had the idea to send out weekly Torah Reflections. Maybe they were both divinely inspired simultaneously. Rachel kept me writing them week after week, and Natan supported whenever possible with good advice as to how they should read. The National Center for Jewish Healing invited me to participate in their Senior Resource Fellows (SeRaF) a joint project of the National Center Jewish Healing and its partner, The Kalsman Institute of Judaism and Health (HUC-JIR), which encouraged me to write this book. Susie Kessler and Alisha Goodman both contributed support and encouragement. Funding for SeRaF was provided by The Nathan Cummings Foundation. This project was designed to support the development of

8 8 a leadership cadre for the Jewish Healing movement and support the development and publication of resources and materials for the field of Jewish Healing. I have received some really good feedback on some of the Reflections, mostly from clients who struggled with what I was saying, or what I missed, and from Bikkur Holim volunteers. Lee Levy, with whom I learned how to work on issues of bereavement counseling, was a source of inspiration. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said I have learned a lot from my teachers, but from my colleagues more, and from my students, more than them all. My clients have been my students and my teachers. I have learned a lot from each of them and wish I could name them all here, but I can t for confidentiality reasons. I can list some of their first names, and they know who they are: Van, Barry, Ellen, Susan, Muriel, Simon, all of blessed memory, Diane, Harriet, Harris, Jane, Selwyn, Helen, Jeff, Bob, Susan, Michelle, Sam and lots and lots of others with whom I had the opportunity to learn, grow and experience joy and sorrow. I want to thank my life partner Frank Palmer for his support and encouragement and for lending a hand whenever I needed creative design work. Holy One of Blessing, Your Presence fills the Universe, you have kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this moment.

9 Introduction The Secret Religion of the Druze and the Secret Religion of the Jews 9 As a staff person for a Jewish Federation of North Jersey Mission to Israel, I spent a lot of time on a tour bus with American Jews who knew very little about Israel and even less about being Jewish. The purpose of the Mission was to help them connect with their Jewish roots, and in this way help them to understand how important it was to give their money in support of the United Jewish Appeal and Jewish Federation. As we toured the northern portion of Israel, the tour guide brought us into a Druze village. He explained that among the Druze, very few people know what their religion is about - it s a secret reserved just for the elite. Everyone else knows almost nothing about the basic beliefs of their religion. The people in my group seemed rather surprised that the Druze could follow in traditions that they knew nothing about. When we left the village, the guide started talking about a site important in King Saul s life. He rattled on about the political and military ramifications of the site. While he did so, one of the members of my group came to my seat at the back of the bus and asked, Was King Saul a good guy or a bad guy? While answering her question, I had to note that there really didn t seem to me to be all that much difference between the Druze outside of the bus and the American Jews on the bus when it came to knowing what their religion was about. Our American Jews knew virtually nothing about Jewish history, philosophy, religious practice or ritual. They knew they were Jewish, but not much beyond that. Their Judaism was as much a mystery to most of the people in my group as the Druze religion was described to us. The main difference seemed to be that the Druze were much more up-front about their ignorance. We then headed south on our tour of Israel - to Jerusalem. Once inside the walls of the Old City, we talked about what it meant to coming into a place which was denied to our people, to the place Jews had dreamed of returning to for hundreds of years. Each person spoke about what coming to Jerusalem meant to him/her. And then we arrived at the Western Wall, which many in the group referred to as the Wailing Wall. I suggested that they go and touch the Wall, take their time, and use it like a phone booth, with a direct line up to God, to say whatever prayers they had in their hearts and in their minds. They asked questions

10 about all of the Hassidim around the Wall. Some said they felt they were imposing themselves into the holy space that belonged to the Hassidim. I told them to ignore all the other stuff happening around them, and just take some personal time with God. 10 They returned in about 3 minutes. It was not easy for most of them, and a meaningful spiritual experience to fewer still. The complaints were: too many beggars, too much chaos, not being comfortable being separated men from women, not knowing how to talk to God, not feeling like it was a safe place, not feeling like it was a place in which they were welcome. There were no prayer books they could use. Reality was, if this was a phone booth, they didn t have a clue where to put the change, much less the phone number to call. If there is a place in the world which has the possibility for transforming the soul, for rekindling the spirit, here we were! But for the people in my group, it was just a bunch of old stones. They knew it was touching for others. Some noted that I seemed to be touched when I stood and touched the Wall. Overall, however, it was a place at which they could only be spectators, not a place in which they could personally be touched. In fact, the tour guide planned for the group watch the Yeshiva students march to the Wall. That was his not-so-incorrect assessment of what would be of interest to the group in that particular place. Having had no contact with God for most of their lives, it should have come as no surprise that they had no frame of reference, no way to make the connection, no calling card. They could only be spectators. Form becomes Content After returning to the United States, and after a few changes in my life, I was working with two very different kinds of people: impoverished Latin and African Americans living with HIV/AIDS, and uppermiddle class Jewish High School students. On Wednesday of each week, I would go to a day treatment program in downtown Brooklyn for people living with AIDS, where I served as a chaplain/intern. I would do some counseling, lead very informal discussions, and run a Healing Circle. I explained to my groups that as a rabbi, I could best work from within my tradition, which I hoped could be helpful for people who come from other backgrounds as well. So we meditated, prayed Jewish prayers in English and sang niggunim (Jewish melodies without words), finding ways to bring God back into lives which had been shattered. Sometimes, they shared gospel music from their youth, stories they remembered which touched them. They seemed to really love the group, and so did I. It was sort of cool to see Jewish tradition having a healing impact in the lives of people, many of whom had no real experience with Jews or Judaism before.

11 11 From Brooklyn, I went directly to suburban New Jersey, to a group of Hebrew High School students. My job, in part, was to teach them prayer. They had no problem whatsoever with the mechanics. They could read prayerbook Hebrew, and even knew what some of the prayers were about. But when I spoke about their spirits, about the meaning of what they were doing, they were completely unable to relate to me. The kids refused to see the value in a niggun (wordless tune), or in closing their eyes and worshipping God without the Hebrew texts. In fact, there seemed to be no connection between the prayers they were reciting or with the presence of God in their lives. The suburban kids knew the form, but had no content. The music touched the hearts of non-jews with AIDS, yet came nowhere near to the hearts of these Jewish teenagers. The failure of their Hebrew School experience wasn t that they never learned Hebrew - it was that they never learned why they were learning it. So much effort went into the form of prayer that the form became the content for the kids, who then also understood all too well how empty it was, without knowing why it was empty. A Bar/ Bat Mitzvah Diatribe A few years ago, I attended a Bar Mitzvah and overheard a conversation in which a mother was saying to her friends that her 16 year old daughter absolutely refused to come into a shul anymore. She had never had a Bat Mitzvah ceremony, and didn't, therefore, see herself as fully Jewish. When the mother told her she didn't need a Bat Mitzvah to be Jewish, the daughter had responded that it was important for her brother to have a Bar Mitzvah. Clearly, if it meant he was a Jewish man, then a Bat Mitzvah would make her a Jewish woman. The fact that she did not have one meant it just wasn't important, or that she just wasn't important. So either the Judaism isn't important or she isn't. She's all too typical. Maybe in the shtetl it was okay to deny women the pleasures and responsibilities of being a part of the Jewish ritual life (though I doubt it). But here and now, today, in this country, it's an inexcusable loss which we can ill afford. Is it any wonder when we deny children what they perceive as their official rite of passage into Jewish adulthood that they don't end up feeling like fully Jewish adults? I have heard from hundreds of Jewish women that they can't do any number of Jewish things because they were not "Bat- Mitzvahed". I can tell them until I turn purple that you become a Bat Mitzvah at the age of 12 (or 13 if you're a boy) no matter what you do, and that you don't need a ceremony/ party/major ordeal. But that's ignoring the issue. The issue is that women who were denied the opportunity to celebrate the Jewishness as teenagers often feel deprived of their right to participate fully in Judaism as adults.

12 12 But we also have to look at the content of that which we call Bar or Bat Mitzvah. In many congregations, including mine, despite my objections, it s simply a process of having kids jump through hoops so that they can have a bigger and better party than the 20 others they experience in the same year. It doesn t take a genius to figure out that the celebration of all of this Jewishness is bogus. When I became a Bar Mitzvah, I was surprised when the rabbi told me what my Torah portion was about (Korah, a rebel, no surprise in some ways!). I had never bothered to read it or come to any understanding of it for my life. Unfortunately, for many kids today, the situation is unchanged. Parents have said to me they are so proud their child can (1) recite the prayers, (2) read a Torah portion and (3) chant the Haftarah. But when asked which prayers and what they are about, the answer is a unanimous shrug. While parents may be aware of every note of the cantillation, and have memorized the tape the cantor has prepared the same way as the kid has done, most haven t got a clue as to what it s about, what any of the words mean. The Haftarah gets even murkier, because in a Torah portion, at least most of the time, there s a sense of some kind of chronology, sort of. A kid could know that Abraham preceeded Moses, that the plagues happened before arrival in the land of Canaan. (Though what a kid does with the book of Leviticus is a good question.) Most kids, and their parents, haven t got a clue who the prophets were, when they lived or what their issues were. For my Bar Mitzvah, I knew my Haftarah was from the book of Samuel. To be honest, I remember that I thought it was my father s uncle who wrote the book, but I couldn t figure out why half a Torah would be more important than a whole one (which it must be since it took so much more work to learn), and why Uncle Sam wrote it in Hebrew. To say clueless is to understate it considerably. But I read it beautifully. My parents were very proud. I m not so proud that all these years later, kids are still coming away with that kind of knowledge. When a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration is taking place on Shabbat with non-kosher food, with a 10 piece band, characaturist, 3 ring circus and candle-lighting ceremony, 2 hours after the kid s Torah portion talks about the laws of kashrut and the Haftarah about not being hypocritical, there s a problem. No one seems to be aware of what the Torah portion and Haftarah portion are about or to care about the apparent conflict of values. Most of the time, the celebration of being a Jewish adult is a reflection of everything but Jewish values. The party is ultimately much more important than anything which happens before the ark in a synagogue. The form of the event itself has completely replaced the content. Ask a normal kid

13 13 two years later what s/he got out of his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Lots of presents invariably is the answer. I hope to one day meet a kid who replies: I learned... Anything at all filling in that blank would be nice. There s a horrible old joke about a rabbi who manages to rid his shul of rats, by Bar Mitzvah-ing them; they never come back. What makes it so horrible is that it really does seem to be a sure way to guarantee a child will not return to the synagogue. Every year thousands of Jewish children are welcomed into Jewish adulthood and cajoled to be active participants in their congregations. They then do precisely what the vast majority of American Jews do: they vanish, almost into thin air. Where are the people aged 14 through 30? Access Denied I learned a lot from these groups - the tour in Israel, the people with AIDS and the High School kids, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah performers. The tour group of American Jews who genuinely were searching for their roots and their spiritual connections to their people, and to God, lacked some very basic information. Because they did not even know that it was lacking, they remained disconnected, spectators, observers, rather than participants. The suburban kids had the information, but lacked the way to process it, to make it useful for their spiritual journeys. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah kids showed they knew how to memorize, jump through hoops, and do anything necessary to get to the party. The people with AIDS had none of the form of Jewish worship, but certainly understood the content. All of the groups logged onto the cosmic spiritual internet, looking for a connection to God, but the students, Bar/Bat Mitzvah kids, and the American Jews in Israel got access denied messages. It s not that they actually communicated with God and were rejected. I am certain that God is staffing the website and ready to interface with anyone. They were simply missing the passwords to log onto the cosmic website. Access to God has been denied to many people, not by God but by some of our human traditions. When we stood at the Western Wall, the people in my group really did not know how to gain access in a place where access is easiest. They didn t know how to pray, how to connect with God, and that they had permission to do so readily. The kids in my High School program knew plenty, but their access to God was impeded by their mistaken impression that the words mattered and were in and of themselves the content. Kids who turn into adults who have been through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah mills (or who have missed

14 14 out on this amazingly self-delusional approach) end up as adults who wonder whether there is anything at all to their Judaism. Does God hear only Hebrew prayers? Is the only form of prayer which is legitimate that which is set down in our prayerbooks? Does God only communicate at synagogue services? Is the synagogue the only phone booth to God? The purpose of this book is to help people struggling with their Cosmic Web Browser to find their connection with the spiritual, Jewish website. It s not a compendium of Jewish practice, law or interpretation. It s simply an attempt to look at the Torah portion each week to find some meaning for today. If it inspires readers to read the Torah portion itself, or to look at other interpretations, or to think about the issues raised, it s a start. If this book helps some people look at their approach to Judaism and see that it can grow, or begin to look at what they need to continue to learn, it will have served its purpose. I hope readers will see this as a jumping off point encouraging them to jump into the ocean of Jewish knowledge, thought and tradition and start on their own scuba dive through the Torah portions. Offering just one interpretation of a single word of Torah, or a single phrase is woefully inadequate. Next year, I should be able to assemble a completely different book of interpretations of each of these Torah portions, since this volume simply surfs over the top, picking up a drop of the proverbial ocean of what we could talk about each week. My prayer is that this volume will be a starting point for everyone who reads it to join in the process of struggling with God and with the words of the Torah, coming up with their own volumes of interpretation, understanding and wisdom. Each Torah portion is a portal to God, an access point, a way in. Once you start looking at the Torah portions, logging on to connect with God, the rest is easy. And you don t need the internet to get there!

15 Some Preliminary Thoughts about God 15 We have a problem as human beings. We think we re so high and mighty, we think we have control over just about everything. Wosre yet, that which we don t have control over, we want to control. Where did we get such chutzpah from? A lot of people end up really angry at God because God did not fulfill their hopes, or worse, because they feel that God has punished them for some unknown (or at times known) crime. We need to look at the theology of this kind of anger with God, and to consider whether it s mature, rational, spiritually appropriate as an approach to understanding our ongoing relationships with God. How can we believe in a God that doesn t make sense, Who punishes people for reasons that are a mystery, so that the punishment has no lesson in it? How can we believe in a God Whose demands make no sense, Who expects us to be human and perfect at the same time? That s not in what I believe to be God s job description. God s job is to provide us with strength, courage, wisdom, support, encouragement - hope. God can serve as an object to blame, but that then cuts the blamer off from feeling the support that God has to offer. We re supposed to be doing what God wants, not trying to make God do what we want. I sort of equate some of what we try to do with regard to God with going to the ATM. We go, put in our card, make our request, and out comes what we want, money or a transfer or whatever. But turning to God can t be the same thing. Just because we put in our God card, doesn t mean we automatically get what we want, just because we want it, or because we want it for a loved one. God is not the local ATM. We often confuse God with magic. When we tell God what to do, it s magic - not religion or spirituality. When we attempt to hear what God wants us to do, and do it, and invite inspiration into our lives, that is spirituality and religion. We don t tell God to do anything. Prayer is reflexive, it is supposed to move us to achieve the goals we want God to do for us by magic. God is not our servant. Read the Book of Job. (It s in the Bible.) It s a great story about a guy who has everything, loses everything, but refuses to curse God in his losses. When finally he gets to voice his complaints to God, the response he gets is precisely what we all need to hear: Where were you when I

16 16 created the heavens and the earth?... God tells Job to back off and be humble. God does not have to answer Job s questions. Period. Know Who is in charge, and that it s not you. There never was a promise given to us, ever, that all we had to do was make three wishes and God would respond just like a genie out of a bottle and obey us. In fact, quite the opposite is made very clear: we re supposed to do that which God wants. And there s no negotiating allowed in the deal. If we do that which God wants, maybe our lives will be better, but there s no guarantee. There never was one. We don t get to understand everything; we are supposed to be more humble than to think that we can understand God or order God around. While I understand anger at God for illness or the death of a loved one, it is often misplaced anger. God can take it, but it robs the angry person of the feeling of a right to contact God and to rely on God for those things that God can readily provide. So why do people get sick and die? Why do accidents or terrible things happen? I believe the answer is that that s the way the world was created. Disease happens, not as punishment, but as natural order of the world. Disasters happen. Not because we deserve them in some way, but because the world is imperfect. Our job, as humans, is to work toward the perfection of the world, to make it a better place than it was. In doing so, we are partners in the creative work of God. We are all supposed to be doing God s work, bringing greater perfection to the world with our own hands. People die, not as punishment or warning or reward, but because our bodies wear out and things go wrong. We are not perfect. We don t have to like the reality of being human. But once we begin to accept our own humanity with some humility, we can hope, within the natural order of the world. Accidents happen. Disasters happen. Things go wrong. We can t always prevent everything that threatens life. We can surely ask the why questions, me?, now? him/her/them?, but the answer will always remain elusive. We simply don t get to know, no matter how uncomfortable that makes us. We can struggle with it, fight it, research for cures, but there always will be disease, and people will always die for reasons that make no sense. There will always be earthquakes, tornadoes, and all kinds of nasty stuff. No matter how safe we make cars, trains and planes, there will be tragedies. It s the natural order of the world.

17 17 Another piece of that answer is that despite our discomfort with the reality we see, there s more we don t get to see. Maybe an untimely death is a better solution to an unseen crisis if that death did not happen. We don t get to see the whole picture of everything. We re not omnipotent. If there is a reason, it s beyond us. We can either trust that the reason exists, or we can just accept that we re not going to ever know the reason. God is available to hear our prayers and to help us find hope. God doesn t do our bidding, but may well be there for us to cry to, to join us in the surprise and wonder of life that includes the tragedies we wish would not happen. I think God wishes they would not happen to us too. God created the world imperfect, so we would have something to do, bringing it closer to perfection. The world was created so we could be free thinkers and doers. But God is not going to do our jobs for us, or bail us out when we screw up, or step in when illnesses or tragedies develop that we weren t expecting. God and Torah What does God want us to do with Torah? Learn, study grow, interpret. The rabbis tell us to turn it and turn it because everything is in it. They also say Both this opinion and that opinion are the words of the living God. As long as we re engaged in the struggle to find meaning in Torah, God is going to back us up. Wherever we go in trying to find that meaning, and in bringing God s will to light. There s a wonderful story in the Talmud that I learned in my first year in rabbinical school (The first time around. I took 17 years from that first year to ordination). Talmud, Baba Metzia 59b: The story is told of a debate among the rabbis in which they could not come to a conclusion. What they were arguing about is relatively unimportant. But Rabbi Eliezer gave all the reasons and answers in the world to the rabbis to prove his point, yet the rabbis did not accept his opinion. He said: If the law is as I say, let the carob tree outside prove it. The tree got up and moved 100 feet (and some say 400 feet). But the rabbis responded: We don t take proof from carob trees. Rabbi Eliezer said: If the law is as I say, let the stream prove it. The stream flowed backwards. But the rabbis responded: We don t take proofs from the waters.

18 18 Rabbi Eliezer said: If the law is as I say, let the walls of this house of study prove it. The walls of the house of study started to move to fall. But Rabbi Joshua said to them:when wise men are debating, what do you have to do with it? The walls did not fall in respect for Rabbi Joshua and did not stay upright in respect for Rabbi Eliezer. They leaned, and remain leaning. Rabbi Eliezer said, If the law is as I say, let a voice from Heaven prove it. There was a voice form heaven that said: What is your gripe with Rabbi Eliezer? The law is as he says in all places. Rabbi Joshua got onto his feet and replied: The Torah is not in heaven! What does that mean? Rabbi Jeremiah said: The Torah was given to us at Mount Sinai, and we don t take proofs from heaven. Rabbi Natan met up with Elijah the prophet and asked him: What did God do when God heard that? He relplied: God smiled and said My sons have defeated Me, My sons have defeated Me. This story is based on Deuteronomy 30:12, which says: Surely this instruction is not too baffling for you, nor is it beyond reach. It is not in the heavens neither is it beyond the sea No, (Torah) is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart to observe it. The Torah is not in the heavens. It s up to us to interpret, to understand and to use. It is up to us to uphold, to work with, to find the hidden meanings within. It s also up to us to understand that there are very few exact and right answers. Those things which were right in a previous generation may not be right in this day and age. But the point of the story is that we are supposed to struggle with Torah, to work with Torah, and to make it our own. God smiles when God My sons have defeated Me. The smile lets us know that this is no defeat it s precisely what God wants from us to rely on our own abilities; to bring it into our own hearts to take ownership and accountability for it; to trust our own judgment when it comes to interpreting the Will of God. By being responsible in our interpretation, honoring the traditions of our people at the same time as we continue to see our Judaism as dynamic, changing, evolving. God doesn t want us listening to voices from heaven but wants us to listen to the voices of our own hearts in direct engagement with the text, our traditions and our experiences.

19 19 This book is just an attempt to fulfill that Will and Vision. The Torah is not in Heaven. It s right here. All we have to do is figure out what it means, for today, and the continue to figure it out again tomorrow. May God give us all the strength to strive to find ways of bringing the teachings of Torah into our lives, and to constantly be engaged in Torah discussion. May we be blessed with insights and inspiration, with care and with courage, to find our convictions and to live up to them. May we, as a people we continue to grow intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally, beneath the wings of the Shehinah, the Holy Presence of God..

20 How to Use this Book 20 I have a few suggestions for using this book. Story Theology: In Chaplaincy School, we have a seminar called Story Theology. We tell a story to our colleagues. It can be any personal story of any kind. I used to like talking about my dogs at the beach. Then, everyone else gets to talk about what the story reminds them of in their own life. So the beach story is the jumping off point for other people to think about nature or loving animals, or whatever comes to their minds. The third step is to look for the theology of the story and the ways people relate to the story. How did the story remind you of God, or how do you connect the story with something more universal? What s out there beyond our own experiences in relating to one story that is told by one person and our reactions to it? Each of the interpretation in this book is Story Theology. I m telling you the story. You react to it, and think about what it reminds you of in your own experience of life. Then if you can discuss it with others, great! If not, just look for and acknowledge the places where God is present in your understanding of the story, or in your reactions to it. Where do you go in your head and your heart when you think about the Torah Commentary or what it reminds you of? If you are reading this book alone: You can read the introductions and then put this book down. Pick it up every week on Monday or Tuesday and read the section for the upcoming Torah portion. That way, you re thinking about the Torah portion and working on your own ideas that I hope will be stimulated by my commentary. Remember, I m just commenting on a tiny piece of the Torah portion each week, a theme, or even just a word. After you see what I m saying, please feel free to read the entire Torah portion. The chapters and verses for each Torah portion are listed at the very beginning of every commentary. Then, engage in discussion with me via , or better yet, discuss the commentary with your family, friends, or coworkers. With your family: Does anyone make time for Shabbat dinner? If you do, read the Torah Commentary at dinner and do Story Theology with it. How does everyone relate to the Reflection, and where is God in the interpretation of the Reflection and your personal ways of relating to it?

21 21 With a Support Group: Throw away the order of the Torah portions and look at this entire books as a resource for the spiritual needs of the participants. If they are dealing with illness, look at the Reflections that deal with illness and recovery. If they are dealing with grief, look at the texts that have grief as their themes, and then do the same Story Theology process with them. I always prefer to start with where people are, and then whip out the perfect text for them In my Bereavement Groups, that meant coming with printouts for all of the possible themes that usually come up in the group, and then have those resources right there for them. How Did Abraham deal with his loss? How did Moses deal with multiple loss? What does the liturgy of the High Holiday, with who will live and who will die really say? Feel free to read through the commentaries and see what you think will apply to your support groups. In a Bikkur Holim/Caring Community setting: If you re visiting someone in the hospital or a nursing home, feel free to use this book as a resource for getting conversation going. You can use the Torah portion of the week or you can work with the themes. Either way, study the Torah Reflction and then do Story Theology with it how you both relate to the Torah Commentary, and discuss the theology of the personal stories. You will never run out of stuff to say when you can get people to relate their experiences to the Torah!

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23 23 1. Starting Over for the First Time: Parshat B raysheet, Genesis 1:1 6:8 This week, we start again. After all the holidays, when we have examined our lives, figured out what was wrong and what was right, what worked for us, and what didn t, now we start over. It s sort of a spiritual do-over we get to correct the errors and move on without having them drag us back down. So it s totally fitting that we start the cycle of reading the Torah again, as though it were the first time. Because we are essentially different people from who we were last year. Sure, we re older (and hopefully wiser), but we have been through a year of life since last time we started this reading. According to Rev. Debbie Timmons, my colleague and friend Our experiences are the sandpaper that refines us. Having been refined by our experiences, when we start re-reading the Torah, we experience the stories and narrative differently from what we thought we knew. Our lenses have changed. We see the text in a new light. Therefore, we see different things in it. Perhaps we should approach the rest of our lives in the same way. Having gone through the Holidays, as we start over, maybe we should be seeing how different everything else is in our lives now that we are changed. Relationships, aspirations, expectations, perceptions we don t have to be who we were or how we were just 5 weeks ago. With this in mind, we look at these first chapters of the Torah and can see them as very different from the ways in which we experienced them last year. My teacher, Prof. Ora Horn Prouser points out that the Torah begins with two very different creation stories, the orderly, thought-out, structured creation of Genesis, 1, when God creates each of the days and on each of the days has an agenda of orderly creation, and the less-planned, almost trial-and-error creation of Genesis, 2, when God creates Adam first out of the ground and creates animals in attempting to find partners for the man. While we would like to live our lives following the structure of Genesis chapter 1, in reality, most of us live the lives of Genesis chapter 2, where we do our best and keep struggling, facing each issue as it arises. Sometimes we get things wrong, as when God created the animals thinking they could be partners for the man. At that point, the only answer, is to try again until we get it right, as in the creation of the woman. I never saw the experience of the second chapter of Genesis as trial and error before. While I understand these creation stories as allegories, intended to teach religion and spirituality, not science or

24 24 history, I never thought about the theology of the second story depicting a God who learns, grows, is surprised and adapts, whereas the first story depicts a God with a plan and action that is based on the plan exclusively. God s Presence is different as we read these two stories, and we can see how much we reflect that Presence by our own actions and experiences. We learn by trail and error, and we make plans and act on them. Both approaches are reflections of God s love and Presence. The Holidays were a summary of our trials and our errors, our plans and our actions. Just as God gets it right in the creation of woman, we can ultimately get it right as we experience the sandpaper of our lives. Getting it right or getting it wrong, it s all part of our experience, all a reflection of God. Ultimately, there is holiness in both experiences, if we are willing to see it and to start over again, fresh, willing to continue to make mistakes until we get it right. We have to learn to accept our errors as a natural and holy part of our learning process. As we start this New(ish ) Year, as we start re-reading Torah, may we come to accept our mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. May we fear errors less and value our experience more, and see God in all of it.

25 2. Becoming God s Partners: Parshat Noah Genesis 6:8 11:27 25 All of us know the story of Noah, or do we? The most surprising thing for me in discussing the story is how few people have any idea of what the sin of Noah s generation was. We all know the punishment, but what were the inhabitants of the earth doing that was so terrible? What good is a punishment, when it begs the question, What did I do? So without looking below, think about it: what was the sin? Stumped? You re not the first. According to the Torah, "The earth became corrupt before God; the earth was filled with lawlessness. When God saw how corrupt the earth was, for all flesh had corrupted its ways on earth, God said to Noah, I have decided to put an end to all flesh, for the earth is filled with lawlessness because of them: I am about to destroy them with the earth'" (Genesis 6:11-13). While we know they were bad, we don t know exactly what the problem was. Jewish tradition offers differing answers, which should lead us all to continue to ask the question. The medieval Jewish interpreter, Ibn Ezra, offers two possibilities: (1) the people sinned openly, in public, before God, so they had no sense of shame or boundaries; or (2) the people sinned privately, only before God - engaging in doing their evil when they thought no one was looking. But he doesn t really say what their evil was. Some commentators indicate that the natural order of the world was not being observed: animals and people were mating with other species. Even in planting, one seed would be sewn, and another variety of plant would grow from it. People and animals were literally taking bites out of one another, eating one another alive. (B raysheet Rabbah) If you look at the punishment, the sin is less obscure. The removal of all living beings on earth (except fish, but don t be so literal!) is the punishment. The crime, therefore? The complete disregard for the holiness and the value of life itself. There was no appreciation for life, or the order of the world of living things. In the first creation story, the one with the seven days of creation, God creates order out of chaos. In this story, the world had reverted to chaos. Creation was undermined by the human and animal inhabitants of the earth. Please remember that these stories are allegories, stories that teach lessons, but not they are not science or history. The beginning of the Bible, until the story of Abraham, is about establishing the human relationship with the Presence of God, and the values that are basic to all humanity. It s theology, not history or science. The story of Noah is really the third creation story: once again the world is created

26 26 from chaos, after the flood. Each of the allegories teaches lessons. The first creation story the value and essential nature of Shabbat. The second story - (Adam and Eve) the difference between good and evil, right and wrong. This third creation story, Noah, the value of life itself. This third creation story also establishes the relationship of God and humanity in different terms than the first two stories. So long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night shall not cease. All of the stories have sub-topics and other important lessons, but space here is too limited to explore them all. The major purpose of the Noah story is to assure humanity of God s Presence, to assure us of the natural ways of the world, and that God is a loving and caring God, despite the way it seems in the beginning of the story. God changes from angry to benevolent. The story assures us that God is involved and committed to benevolence. The Noah story ends with an affirmation of hope God promises never to destroy the world again. God sets the rainbow to be a sign of the covenant that we can trust in God, and in the natural order of the world. The rainbow is the symbol that good can come from disaster. God promises not to destroy the world again, but God also expects us to be partners in the Creation process, bringing order and hope to God s creation, where the people of Noah s generation did the opposite. It s up to humanity to keep the natural order of the world from turning into chaos, up to us to value and appreciate life, how precious and fragile it can be. May we continue to attempt to see the words of Torah in an ever-changing light, seeing that the truths we understand in one reading only lead us to find new truths the next time around. May we be blessed with the wisdom and understanding that the words of Torah are here to assure us that God is present in our lives, committed to benevolence. May we all create a world that reflects order and the value of life, as we are blessed beneath the rainbow of the radiant light of God s Presence.

27 3. Remembering Mel: Being a Blessing Leh Leha Genesis 12:1-17:27 27 According to Judy Collins and/or John Lennon, There are places I remember all my life, though some have changed. Some for ever, not for better, some are gone and some remain, All these places had their meanings for lovers and friends I still can recall Some are dead and some are living, in my life, I ve loved them all. There are places and things I will remember all my life. This week s Torah portion, Leh Leha, is one of those places. Because it reminds me not only of Abraham setting out on his journey toward a promise, but because it also reminds me, always, of my friend Melvin Lloyd Rosen. Mel was my first person with AIDS. He knew he was the first person with whom I was close who would die of AIDS. In his last year, he was very into a song by Debbie Friedman, Lehi Lah. (Leh Leha means go you, sort of. Translating the words is not easy out of context, which is that God tells Abram to leave home. Lehi Lah is the feminine form of the same words.) The chorus says, And you shall be a blessing. It s a quotation from God s initial introduction with Abram, getting him to leave the place where he grew up to go to the place which God would show him. Mel liked the music and the chorus. I was in Rabbinical School (the Academy for Jewish Religion) and Mel liked that idea, too. So Mel, who was enormously tall, (he was the tallest man I ever got to know) had these huge arms. He would point at me, and wave his finger, and look directly into my eyes and say: You shall be a blessing. Make your life a blessing. I would respond Shut up, Mel. Who needed him doing that to me? Who needed this wish of a dying man? I didn t want the responsibility! But he was right. This is something each and every one of us should want to be/do. To be a blessing for others. I m sharing this story with you so you can see Mel pointing at you, looking directly into your eyes and saying to you, You shall be a blessing. Make your life a blessing. I hope Mel sees me as trying to live up to his blessing by charging you in the same way as God sent our ancestor Abram out on his journey. Isn t that precisely what we are all supposed to do with our lives - to be blessings for others? Judy Collins