SYNAGOGUE E. LaSalle Avenue South Bend, Indiana Rabbi Michael Friedland. November 2016 Volume 86, #3 Tishri / Heshvan 5777

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SINAI SYNAGOGUE 1102 E. LaSalle Avenue South Bend, Indiana 46617 Rabbi Michael Friedland www.sinaisynagogue.

1 SINAI SYNAGOGUE 1102 E. LaSalle Avenue South Bend, Indiana Rabbi Michael Friedland November 2016 Volume 86, #3 Tishri / Heshvan 5777 November 6 Dates To Remember Daylight Savings Time Ends (Fall Back 1 hour) November 8 Election Day Exercise your Right To Vote November 10 Bulletin Deadline for December November 11 Friday Night Shabbat Dinner (RSVP to office) 6:00 pm. Veteran s Day November 12 Meditation with Neil Gilbert 10:15 am. November 13 Special FEAST Program (on Sunday) 10 am pm. Shabbat theme (Art & Baking activities) November 13 Special TAMID Program with Temple Beth El 5-7 pm. Participate in Temple s Kristalnacht Program November 20 Regular TAMID Program (grades 8-12) November 26 Meditation with Neil 10:15 am. November 24 Thanksgiving Day November 29 U.N. Israel Partition Day

2 Rabbi s Message: We have just completed the holiday of Yom Kippur and our repeated recitation of the vidui, the confessional. Yom Kippur is not the only time a Jew recites the confessional traditionally before one dies one recites a statement asking for forgiveness and hopes that one s death will act as an atonement for any wrongs for which I have yet to atone. If we were to rewrite the vidui for the 21 st century, it would look a lot like the document known as The Five Wishes. The first four wishes give very important and necessary instructions as to how the individual would like to be cared for at the end of his or her life. These instructions are crucial today because as Dr. Ira Byock, author of Dying Well, has written thanks to scientific advances of modern medicine, in the latter half of the 20 th century we invented chronic illness. And chronic illness means that unless we insist on taking control of our caregiving, we are at the mercy of a system that, while it means to help, can do the opposite. Taking charge and making decisions for how we wished to be cared for as we draw close to the end of life can also be a loving legacy we leave our family. But first, let s admit: We don t like to talk about death and that keeps us from creating living wills. Even the late Shimon Peres when he was blessed at age 90 May you live to 120, answered why so tightfisted?. And for a lot of us, despite our rationality, there is the irrational fear that if I talk about what I want for end of life care, something will cause it to happen sooner than later. Yet the reality is we don t know when it will happen. When that time comes if we have not spoken to our loved ones about what kind of care we want, it will place an undue burden on them to determine proper care: Frustration at not knowing what decisions the individual would want when they cannot speak for themselves; guilt for choosing futile care to elongate life or choosing to end all treatment; and dissension among family members, some who want the suffering to end, others who are not ready to let go. Our own Mark Sandock has convened a Michiana area group of medical providers, hospital administrators, social workers, ethicists and clergy to think about ways to promote conversations about end of life care and disseminate and complete advanced medical directives. Some people think they have directives but perhaps the doctor does not have it, or our loved ones don t know what it is, or we may have shared it with our doctor and children but an event occurs in a place away from home. So having the proper documentation and having it in a location that is easily accessible is crucial. What exactly is an advanced medical directive? And advanced medical directive is an umbrella term for a number of different items. Let me share a brief explanation of two of the most important directives. Advance directives can be verbal or written statements. But written directives are more effective since they can be documented. The two most common Advance directives are Living Wills and Health Care Power of Attorney. A living will documents your choices about how you want to be cared for by medical person during the end stage of your life. A Living Will directs the medical professionals in the case of terminal illness or in the case where a patient is unlikely to recover to withhold artificial means to sustain life and offer palliative care exclusively. On the Living Will form one is asked to also make a choice about artificially supplied nutrition and hydration. To be in force, this document needs two non-family witnesses.

3 Rabbi s Message: The Health Care Power of Attorney is a written notarized document whose purpose is to appoint a trusted person of one s choice to temporarily make medical decisions or to consult with medical staff on one s behalf when the individual himself or herself cannot communicate or make appropriate decisions. But most essential to either of these documents is the conversation with family and friends and trusted medical caregivers about what one s intentions are. When my mother died she gave her family a great gift. She was 90 my mother when she was diagnosed with lymphoma. Immediately she told my brother and I that she would not undergo any chemo treatments and simply wanted to appreciate however much time she had left. In those last months she was able to go to a family reunion, take a tour of her old Jewish west side neighborhood and say goodbye to family and friends. Hospice came in and cared for her pain. And when she passed, she exonerated my brother and I from any lingering guilt. Had we not been given marching orders directly from her, we would have felt obliged to follow whatever medical prescriptions the doctors would have recommended to keep her alive. She would have been much sicker in order to live another few sentient, and perhaps resentful, years at being forced to live a life she did not want. Her decisiveness, more importantly, her clarity in sharing with my brother and I how she wanted to live out her life, allowed her to take control of her life and her legacy. She taught my brother and I and our families how to appreciate the life we are granted and also taught us that how we die can be a gift that extends beyond our time in this world. That is what end of life planning can do. There is another important way we leave a legacy to our loved ones and to our community. The Community Foundation of St. Joseph County verbalizes this idea concisely money is not the only inheritance that people can leave their children. Values can be passed on. To leave a legacy gift in our estate plans to institutions that have made an impact on us insures that the values and qualities important to us live on after us. Our Michiana Jewish Federation has been accepted by the philanthropic Harold Greenspoon foundation as one of the pilot communities in the Greenspoon Foundation s Life and Legacy project. The goal of this project is to motivate Jewish communal institutions to develop estate planning and legacy gift giving programs. Our synagogue has joined with the Federation to be a part of this project. As a sweetener to get participating organizations to do the work of setting up a continuous legacy gift giving program, the Greenspoon foundation will give $5000 to each institution that is able to enroll 18 participants in this Life and Legacy program. It will make the offer for this year and next. To include Sinai Synagogue in your estate plans is a way insure that Sinai will continue to thrive into the future and positively impact the liberal Jewish community of Michiana. It does more than make a tangible contribution to the future of Jewish Michiana it expresses the value of appreciation hakarat hatov - for all the good that this congregation has offered to your family. I know that this synagogue has meant so much to people. For some of you it may have only impacted on your life for a short time, for others it is generations. Even for those who move away, the influence has been profound. So many former South Bend residents will tell me, as did David Folk just weeks ago, that they are constantly searching for a synagogue that has the spiritual warmth of Sinai.

Rabbi s Message: And our young people, who move away to bigger cities or for greater opportunities, insist that their memories of Sinai are their fondest Jewish memories.

4 Rabbi s Message: And our young people, who move away to bigger cities or for greater opportunities, insist that their memories of Sinai are their fondest Jewish memories. Let me share with you a comment from Anna LoSecco s Facebook page just a week ago: Happy new year from here in central Iowa I'm so excited to celebrate with what I assume to be every Jew in the state at a local synagogue.. I was raised in a community that celebrates the holiday with warm hugs, lots of food, grasped hands, and shared laughs and I always feel the echoes of that wherever I am each year during the high holidays. We owe it to future Jewish generations, those implanted here by family ties and those who will wander into this community, to continue to provide warm hugs and shared laughs, to ensure that there is a thriving egalitarian, authentic, literate, caring Judaism to be found at Sinai Synagogue. The legacy gift that our synagogue seeks to make a regular part of our fundraising programming is not a gift that needs be offered any time soon. In fact since we have already established that 120 years is the baseline life expectancy that we wish for, no one is expecting to collect these gifts for a long time. But in filling out your promise to include Sinai in your estate planning, as Lizzie and I did recently, you are saying to the Sinai Synagogue community we believe in you and you are telling family members, Sinai represents values that I deem worthy. As we enter this new year let s all think about how we wish to extend our legacy and values by making a legacy commitment. It all comes down to this: how do I want to be remembered when I am no longer apart of this world? The answer to that will direct us on the path of how we wish to live. The Hasidic Master Rabbi Simha Bunim of Psyshka was an inspiration to his many followers. As the time approached for Reb Simha to pass from this world, his wife stood over him crying. He said to her, This is silly, why are you crying? All the days of my life were only so that I could teach myself to die, and all of the Torah is that path to this. Now, as I approach this time, is it now the time to cry? If we prepare our legacy during our lifetimes, if we give our families clear direction as to how we wish to be cared for as we near our end in this world, if we make sure that to sustain the communities which benefitted us than like Reb Simha Bunim our passing from this world to the next will not be a time to cry, but a moment of enlightenment. Rabbi Michael Friedland Friday Night Shabbat Dinners Return First of the Season on November 11th Judy Wein is bringing back Friday Night dinners at Sinai. Join 6:00 pm. You must RSVP to Judy Z. in the office ( ) by November 8th Adults - $12.00 Children - $6.00 Kristalnacht Program - November 13th is a special combined junior TAMID and Temple Beth El program participation in the Kristalnacht program held at Temple Beth El for the community 5-7PM. Happy Thanksgiving

5 Sisterhood News: from Ilana Kirsch I hope you all had enriching and edifying high holidays with your friends and families. The fall Sisterhood meeting will include a potluck dairy/parve dinner at my home, on Saturday, November 12 at 6:30 pm. Please notify me by (ilanakirsch@gmail.com) or phone ( ) if you plan to attend, and tell me what you plan to bring (appetizer, main course, or dessert). Also, please let me know if there is anything you would like to add to the agenda. We will be discussing our financial report, contributions to Sinai and to the kosher food pantry, the garden, and baking/yad committees. Speaking of the garden, the initial plantings have been placed in the front of the synagogue. Thanks to Maggie Goldberg for helping me with that Most of the plantings will flower in the spring, making a much more welcoming Sinai entrance for us all. Finally, for those Mahj Jong mavens among us, I encourage you to send a check for $8 (or $9 for large print) to Reggie Lowenhar, who will place a group order at these discounted prices on our behalf. Last year, our order earned Sisterhood $70, so it's well worth participating in the Sinai Sisterhood purchasing group. Thanks to Reggie Lowenhar for arranging this every year. President s Message: from Carey Gaudern As I write this, we are winding down the High Holidays and thinking ahead to Thanksgiving and our first annual Kallah weekend retreat, on December 9-11, I encourage all of you to attend the Kallah. It s a chance for you to escape the usual weekend chores of running errands and doing laundry to fully immerse yourself in a retreat with your Jewish community. We plan for singing, star gazing, book discussion, a farm tour, trivia night and gaga, homemade challah, and even a campfire, weather permitting. There will be plenty to do for all ages and abilities. Participants are welcome to join activities or enjoy quiet alone time as much as you wish. Stipends are available to cover the cost of registration, please do not let the cost keep you from attending. Contact Rabbi Friedland, Colin Pier-Silver or Carey Gaudern for more information. All inquiries will be kept confidential. To go with the Kallah, we also have available long-sleeved T-shirts and hoodie sweatshirts, available for purchase as a Sinai fundraiser. The logo printed on the shirts is : Keep Calm and Schmooze On Information about both the Kallah and T-shirts and Sweatshirts is available on Sinai s website. Hope to see you at the Kallah Carey Gaudern

6 SINAI SYNAGOGUE DONATIONS ($10.00 DONATION SUGGESTED) Rosalyn Anne Berman Memorial Miriam & Manny Price Foundation Ben Farber Memorial Youth Fund Sinai Synagogue General Fund Fund for the Future FEAST-TAMID Education Fund Jake and Rose Weingarten Chumash Fund Sinai Art and Beautification Fund Eleanor and Morris Wolff Chapel Fund Satinover-Fagan-Friedland Fund Brian S. Schuster Social Hall Memorial Brett and Daniel Morse Memorial Fund Joan & Sam New/Sam Katz Israel Experience Fund Tikkun Olam Fund Sinai Landscaping Fund Friedland Family Meditation Garden THE FOLLOWING DONATIONS WERE RECEIVED FOR THE FUNDS LISTED ABOVE: ALL DONATIONS MUST BE PAID FOR IN ADVANCE In Loving Memory: Jenta Cybulski Marc Golden Mayer Goloubow Rosa Frenkiel Ron Adelsman Get Well Wishes Alexandra Price Carin Weingarten Changes and Additions for the Directory Phone # Chmiel, Andrew & Rabbi Meira Janet Valencia jangram1836@aol.com Sally Goloubow sallygoloubow@gmail.com Address: Muriel Katz Room 128 at Tanglewood New Member: Sara Marcus and (Roy Scranton)

7 November 1 - November 30, Tishrei - 29 Heshvan 5777 Please note that observance begins the evening before the date listed. * Denotes a plaque located on the Memoriam Wall Tuesday, 11/2 - Tishrei 30 *Jacob Frank *Norman N. Holtzman *Michael Liss *Jacob Persky *Eva Schulman Wednesday, 11/2 - Heshvan 1 Norman Israel *Julius Morris *Carolyn Schrager *Stuart S. Tomber Thursday, 11/3 - Heshvan 2 *Andzel Tenofsky Friday, 11/4 - Heshvan 3 Rebecca Arlook Anna Fae Brown *Sidney Liss Saturday, 11/5 - Heshvan 4 *Celia Hershberg *Betty J. Katz *Gertrude Katz *Yetta Moss Sunday, 11/6 - Heshvan 5 *Phillip Polk Monday, 11/7 - Heshvan 6 *Pearl Abrams *Tillie B. Frank Tuesday, 11/8 - Heshvan 7 *Arthur Friedman *Betty B. Gilbert William Stern Wednesday, 11/9 - Heshvan 8 *Lena Goldberg Thursday, 11/29 - Heshvan 9 *Jennie Marcus Friday, 11/11 - Heshvan 10 Sidney Berebitsky Saturday, 11/12 - Heshvan 11 *Rebecca Farber *Erwin Karlin *Al Keane Frances Kusner *Louis Robinson Sunday, 11/13 - Heshvan 12 *Paul Gilbert *Chaim Zev Isman Mendel Piser *Leah Price Monday, 11/14 - Heshvan 13 *Jacob Blatt Kene-Lin Fizer *Lillian Rothschild Tuesday, 11/15 - Heshvan 14 *Sylvia Keane *Rachel Karfomenos Wednesday, 11/16 - Heshvan 15 *Abraham Katz *Rose Medow Thursday, 11/17 - Heshvan 16 Marlene Dermer *Samuel Z. Gilbert *Rose Zar Friday, 11/18 - Heshvan 17 *Pauline Cooper *Ida Ein *Manya Fisher *Lizzie Richman *Harold H. Rodin *Shabsa Tenofsky Saturday, 11/19 - Heshvan 18 *Dr. Leonard Barack Rose Fishman *Nathan Gildenhorn Sunday, 11/20 - Heshvan 19 *Seymour H. Weisberger Monday, 11/21 - Heshvan 20 *Max Louis Brown Estelle Polis Bertha Soslowsky *Philip Steber Tuesday, 11/22 - Heshvan 21 Sam Goldberg *Rita Carol Rothchild *Frances Tucker Wednesday, 11/23 - Heshvan 22 *Anita D. Aretz Edgar Blay Leon Simon Thursday, 11/24 - Heshvan 23 *Ina Gilbert Friday, 11/25 - Heshvan 24 *Sam Slutsky *Steven Wexler Saturday, 11/26 - Heshvan 25 David Kirsch Ethel Kirsch *Zorach Plotkin Sunday, 11/27 - Heshvan 27 *Betty Gartenberg Monday, 11/28 - Heshvan 27 *Joseph Levy Tuesday, 11/29 - Heshvan 28 *Reuben Abrams *Bernard Rothschild *Ignace Rothstein *Ben Waxman Wednesday, 11/30 Heshvan 29 *Julius Bashlow Martin Horowitz *Blanche Rosenberg

Message from Rabbi Judy

June 2017 Sivan 7, 5777 Tammuz 6, 5777 Message from Rabbi Judy It is summer. It is getting warmer and many of you are going on vacations visiting family and seeing new and exciting things. I wish everyone