CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION STYLE

Transcription

1 CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION STYLE Family Structure The nuclear family is the ideal and typical family structure that is found in the Jewish community. Jewish law only recognizes a male/female union as a marriage. Other types of "living arrangements" are considered immoral and are thoroughly prohibited by Jewish law. As the Bible commands us to "be fruitful and multiply", the Orthodox family tends to be larger then the average secular family. The father is usually the "man of the house" and viewed as the king. A popular Jewish saying is that "Treat your wife like a queen and you'll be king. Treat your wife like a maid and you'll be the servant." This piece of sage advice is a true reflection of the Jewish home. Although it may appear that the father has the last word, the intuitive wisdom of the woman is highly respected by our sages. Consequently, most decisions are the result of teamwork although the husband will usually have the last word in decisions based on Halacha (Jewish Law) or of religious nature. Within the Chassidic community, the young couple will usually settle in close proximity of her parents where she can benefit from a close knit support system. The grandparents will then continue to play the universal role of spoiling the grandchildren and then sending them home. It is quite common for grandchildren to have aunts and uncles their own age or even younger. The grandparents' home becomes a gathering place for all the married children and grandchildren particularly on Shabbos and holidays. Nevertheless, the Torah places great emphasis on family privacy which is delineated by Halacha. Although married children often continue to share a close relationship with their parents and will rely on their experience for advice, they lead individual lives where child raising and decision making is ultimately their responsibility. More then one family will never live in the same apartment unless there is an elderly parent living with one of the married children. Even under such circumstances, the laws of Yichud need to be adhered to at all times. These are a complex set of laws which prohibit any male/female to be alone in a house with a member of the opposite gender, unless they are immediate blood relatives (parent, sibling, spouse, child, grandparent) or there are other people in the house at the same time. In the African-American community extended family often live together in one house. In addition, unwed or single parents often raise their children. These arrangements are considered to be unacceptable according to Jewish law.

2 Educational Beliefs Education has always had a primary place in the values of the Jewish culture. Dating back to the Middle Ages when only the upper class were literate, Jewish children were always being taught to read and to write. Upon entering a Jewish home, the value of education is immediately apparent. The study will usually be lined from floor to ceiling with books on all Judaic topics. Literacy skills and meta-cognition are developed from a young age and are honed until old age. Education is one of the strongest bonds that closes generation gaps. "Talking Torah" is an age old ice breaker that never fails. Although the commandment to study Torah is directed to men, girls receive a fair share of religious instruction. There are many opinions, though, as to the extent and type of instruction to be taught to females. Core subjects taught in boys' schools and yeshivas are often not taught in girls' schools i.e. Talmudic studies. Teaching methods and studying patterns also widely differ in boys' and girls' schools. This obvious curriculum and teaching/studying methodology difference between genders within the Jewish community is probably not present or as pronounced in the African American community. In addition, research has shown that there is a direct correlation between socioeconomic status and education in many communities, including the African-American community. Within the Jewish community education has always ranked very high regardless of ones financial means. Of course those who can afford to will often provide private tutoring to their children (especially their sons) to further advance their education. Parent-Child Communicative Interactions "Ask your father and he will tell you..." is just one of the many references quoted by our sages as they advise us on parent-child communication. This important relationship has even been religious in essence. How else would the teachings of our fathers be passed on to future generations. Fathers have been commanded "and you should tell your son" regarding the miracles which are celebrated at the Pesach seder. The Shabbos and holiday table is a forum for family discussion. It is the time where the father usually reviews all that his children have learned, listens to their stories, and spends quality time with the family. Children are encouraged to question, explore and discuss their assumptions and findings with their parents. Notwithstanding, the child is expected to be fully respectful when interacting with his/her parents. It is not halachically permissible to openly disagree or challenge a parents thinking or decision. Nevertheless, with a relationship fostered by good communication the child's view can be respectfully acknowledged and further encourage productive interactions. Within the Jewish community this strong parent/child relationship is often referred to as the "golden chain going back to Sinai". Children are always being taught that even the slightest

3 deviation from this path will break the everlasting link. This may explain why the Jewish community, its Torah, laws and way of life is "old fashioned and antique". It is true. Our laws, customs and traditions date back thousands of years and are passed down generation to generation. This is also why the Jews have outlived the Greeks, the Romans and all the ancient dynasties. This may answer Mark Twain's famous question, "What is the secret to the Jews' survival?". In conclusion, it would be unrealistic to say that any part of our culture (or language) has changed since our high-school days. Verbal/Nonverbal Communication As usual, it is Jewish law which in essence helps defines our culture. Many forms and styles of verbal and nonverbal communication may be prohibited by Jewish law, thus delineating our communication style. Interactions with members of the opposite gender who are not immediate relatives may not be of a personal nature. Physical contact to establish comradeship and or affection are also forbidden. Consequently, although two men might greet each other with a hearty handshake and slap on the back they will refrain from any physical and perhaps eye contact when addressing a woman. Perhaps as a result of their spirited and animated learning style, men also tend to use more elaborate hand motions and facial expression then do females. It is also not considered modest for a girl or woman to be overly gestural or use an excessively loud tone of voice when communicating. LANGUAGE Language Content Jews refer to Yiddish as the "Mama-Loshin" or mother tongue. Unlike other languages which are shared by all people of a specific geographic location, Yiddish has always been the language exclusive to the Jewish people. Many of the Yiddish idioms, phrases and expressions are a reflection of the Jews history and traditions. The Yiddish phrase "one should even burn and roast him..." is a description of a firm will to resist all pressures which is an allusion to the practices of the Inquisition. The adjective "vuchendig" from the root word weekday refers to anything common as contrasted with the holiness of the Shabbos. Similes and metaphors are also reflections of the Jewish way of life. "As rich as Korach" refers to the Biblical reference of the wealthy Levite Korach. Although Traditional Hebrew or The Holy Language is used for prayers and legal documents, Yiddish has always been recognized for its spiritual side. Many prayers and songs with religious themes have been composed in Yiddish and are valued as much as their Hebrew counterparts. Particularly by the Chassidim where the Nigun (song) and joy where used to

4 elevate the simple, the Yiddish language has been held in great esteem. Yiddish in its most simple forms, with its proverbs and stories, has always been viewed as a great spiritual gift of immense value. Yiddish is strongly encouraged in the Chassidic community and use of any other language is to be limited. Children learn English only in grade school and Yiddish is maintained as the social language. Yiddish books and music tapes are widely available on a variety of topics and levels. Speaking Yiddish is what will help us retain our culture. Language Form Ever since the Enlightenment called for the cultivation of German language and literature, great interest was placed on Yiddish literature. In the late 1800's, modern Yiddish literature was ushered in by secular Jewish authors. The study of Yiddish as a language, its syntax and rules also interested them greatly and became a forum in their advancement of Yiddish as an assimilated culture. As there literature was as secular as the people who created it, the Orthodox Jew naturally seeked to disassociate himself with it completely. To this day, most Chassidic/ultra-Orthodox schools do not teach the rules of Yiddish grammar. Language Use Yiddish as a social language is usually spoken with a simple vocabulary by all speakers regardless of their education level. Consequently, it is understood by all who speak the language which greatly facilitates in communication. A Jew who finds another Yiddish speaking Jew will instantly feel at home. Yiddish is usually peppered with sayings, expressions and other poetic forms. Yiddish is unique in that it contains certain pronouns which are in third person. These terms are used when addressing individuals in a more respectful manner. To most Yiddishspeakers, the sounds of the Mama-loshen evoke thoughts of the "alte shtetel" (the old town, referring to pre-war Europe) and home-made cookies. Narratives Narratives play a crucial role in our culture. It is the means by which our minhagim, teachings, and philosophies are passed on generation to generation. Moral values are instilled from an early age in the form of stories. These stories usually begin with the time honored "Once upon a time..." and are continued in a time sequence. As is typical of the Yiddish language, narratives have their share of proverbs, expressions and humor. These descriptions tend to be elaborately cloaked in adjectives and usually boast dramatic interjections. Intonations may change dramatically and quickly to lend authenticity to the narrative.

5 Narratives, though, are not exclusive to reporting and sharing of events. They play an important role in religious and spiritual lectures as well. These may be talks of encouragement, behavior modification or parenting skills. In either case, a narrator is not considered an orator and a speech is never complete without a good "masah and a mashal" (story and parable). Yiddish Influenced English English that is spoken as a second language by a Yiddish speaker will often have tell-tale signs. Often the pronunciation of the English phoneme /t/ will be strongly aspirated as in the Yiddish pronunciation. Phonemes not present in the Yiddish language such as the / / and / / will often be pronounced as a /t/ instead. The content of the English conversation may be liberally sprinkled with Yiddish expressions and words. Speakers will often literally translate Yiddish words into English, resulting in incorrect form. Going down the bus instead of getting off, fasting out verses breaking ones fast and yesterday night referring to last night's events are commonplace translations. A typical "Yinglish" conversation may be as unintelligible to the exclusively English speaker as it is to the exclusively Yiddish speaker. This may just be another attribution to the uniqueness of the Yiddish language- and to its speakers, perhaps, too.