Rabbi Michael Adam Latz Shir Tikvah Congregation Shabbat Bo 5771/7 January 2011 Marriage

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1 Page 1 Rabbi Michael Adam Latz Shir Tikvah Congregation Shabbat Bo 5771/7 January 2011 Marriage Tell me a story. In this century, and moment, of mania, Tell me a story Tell me a story of deep delight. So begins the epic poem Audubon: A Vision, by the late poet laureate Robert Penn Warren. Tonight, we tell a story. Were they still alive, this winter s eve would be my beloved Baubie and Zayde, Leo and Evelyn Latz s 66 th wedding anniversary. Both of my grandparents were deaf or hard of hearing ; my Baubie s hearing loss was the result of a crushing fall off of a swing set; my Zayde s the consequence of childhood Scarlet Fever. Did you know there was a time in the United States of America when deaf people could not get married? In the 19 th century, advocates of eugenics (racial purity) such as Alexander Graham Bell (yes, cue the music for epic irony ) did research on deafness and concluded, deaf parents were more likely to produce deaf children, and suggested that couples where both were deaf should not marry [in his lecture Memoir upon the formation of a deaf variety of the human race presented to the National Academy of Sciences on 13 November 1883]. Beginning with Connecticut in 1896, many states enacted marriage laws with eugenic criteria, prohibiting anyone who was "epileptic, imbecile or feeble-minded" as the deaf were often called from marrying [Wikipedia, Eugenics]. Now, my Baubie was not formally educated, but she was a sharp woman irascible, remembered everyone s birthday, had a quirky sense of humor; she could do a word search and cross word puzzle faster than anyone I know, and she developed a strong lefthook from raising five sons. My Zayde was neither dumb nor feeble minded. He graduated high school from the Minnesota State Academy from the Deaf [The legislature established the Minnesota State Institute for the Education of the Deaf and Dumb in 1858 (Minn. Stat c23 s44).] and went on to earn a bachelor s degree from Gallaudet University. He worked as a type setter for the Minneapolis Tribune, made his way into union leadership, became a leader in the Deaf and Hard of Hearing Communities in Minnesota and nationally, was a bowling champion, and fought for the right to be the first deaf man to sit on a jury. But still, the law in some states would have made it illegal for them to marry each other. Sometimes, we stand at a moment of history and shake our heads: how on earth did smart people like elected officials craft such utterly ridiculous policies? What were they afraid of?

2 Page 2 Leo and Evelyn wed on January 7, The oldest of their five sons, Larry, my father, was born 18 months later. I dedicate my words this night to my grandparents of blessed memory, and to every couple who has shown the tenacity and fortitude, love and determination to build a life together despite oppressive decrees by Pharaohs of every generation, be they ancient, legal, or utterly absurd. Tonight, this Shabbat, we read in our Torah the story of our ancestors suffering while slaves in Egypt. We hear their ancient cry, we marvel at Moses courage to face Pharaoh and his hardened heart, and we retell the story of God s outstretched hand and our own redemption. We were slaves, we recall, and we were redeemed. Redemption, teaches Rabbi Jonah Dov Pesner, is about transforming a system that keeps some in bondage. Tonight we tell a story of redemption and the journey toward marriage equality. It is a story of triumph and suffering, wickedness and apathy, hope and despair, and most of all it is a story of love. It is a redemptive story, we pray, whose tumultuous ride concludes in deep delight. As many of you know and to bring our guests up to speed last month, Rabbi Simon and I shared an important rabbinic decision: We will continue to officiate at religious Jewish weddings between two loving adults. However, we will not sign civil marriage licenses until the state of Minnesota issues them to all loving couples who want them. We will not be agents of a state that grants heterosexual couples marriage rights and responsibilities and denies them to Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender couples. Why are we doing this? Despite our best intentions and hopes, Rabbi Simon and I cannot change marriage policy ourselves. But we are not powerless; we have power. We used our power to protest unjust laws and to limit our rabbinic role in marriage to m sader k dushin the ritual leader of a religious Jewish marriage. That s what we were trained for as rabbis. And it is the same role we play for each and every couple, regardless of their sexual orientation. By refraining from signing legal documents, we make no religious distinction amongst couples. Now, there is a long history of Jewish leaders and rabbis confronting powerful forces and institutions Pharaohs, government leaders, kings and queens, synagogue leaders, even God. Rabbi Simon and I understand our sacred responsibility is to fulfill a prophetic vision of justice and human dignity. We will not participate in a system that gives some couples legal rights and denies them to others, simply because of their sexual orientation. I ve done a lot of weddings. A lot of weddings. More than 120. And from experience, there is no difference between same sex and opposite sex couples, save for the identity of the two people exchanging vows. The pre-wedding jitters are the same. The tender negotiations with family members are the same. The premarital pastoral counseling is the same. The Ketubah signing is the same. The love is the same. Smashing the glass, the same. Siman tov u-mazal tov, the same. The commitment, the same. Jewishly, the couples are the same we make no religious distinction between GLBT and opposite sex couples. How could we as rabbis as Jewish leaders and teachers of tradition participate in making a legal distinction?

3 Page 3 Do we want to punish or inconvenience heterosexual couples who have the right to be married? Of course not! Please get married! Treat each other well. Love each other. And treasure the privilege. We celebrate officiating at your wedding and make you Jewishly wed. Yes, we understand that this is will be an inconvenience. We hope and pray it is a short term inconvenience that is part of a larger purpose in pursuit of human dignity and equality. Since we shared our decision, many of you have hailed it as courageous, historic, and affirming of all the values you love about Shir Tikvah. Both Rabbi Simon and I have been touched by your notes of support, and brought to tears by your stories of longing, hope, and feeling that you are not alone. We are buoyed by your encouragement and humbled to be your rabbis. Some of you have asked deep and insightful questions. Two of them struck me as particularly powerful. One: Is it appropriate for rabbis to be involved with social and political issues? And two: Can you really have an impact by not doing something? I ll answer those questions in order: Rabbis and Jewish leaders have always been involved in public issues of morality and human dignity. In Torah, Abraham and Moses regularly argue with God when they find the Eternal s edicts unfair, rash, or unreasonably punitive. The Talmudic rabbis were unapologetic advocates for economic justice, worker s rights, and religious liberty and they spoke out forcefully in favor of the rights of the poor, minorities, and the disadvantaged. In recent history, Margaret Sanger went to her rabbi yes, her rabbi to distribute the first birth control pamphlets written in Yiddish by the nascent Planned Parenthood. Rabbis were deeply involved in the civil rights movement; in fact, the Voting Rights Act legislation of 1964 was drafted in the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism. During the struggle to free Soviet Jews in the 1970s and 80s, rabbis regularly traveled to the former USSR and smuggled in copies of the Torah, kippot, Shabbes candles, and Kiddush cups. During the Vietnam War, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel (z l) called for Jews to protest the war, proclaiming that some are guilty, but all are responsible. Rabbis have a responsibility to respond courageously in a prophetic Jewish voice of conscience to the great moral suffering and injustice of every generation. The second question we were asked: Can you have an impact by not doing something? Yes. The history of human rights throughout the world includes examples of those whose activism was defined by their refusal to do something. During slavery, there were campaigns for slaves to stop working and feign illness to their slave masters. The same tactics were employed during the early days of union organizing at the turn of the 20 th century, as the newly formed unions organized strikes a refusal to work that eventually won them rights for worker safety, the 40 hour work week, health care insurance, and worker s compensation. During the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 60s, refusal tactics included hunger strikes, walking great distances instead of riding on buses (the Montgomery Bus Boycott), and refusing to patronize overtly racist stores. During Vietnam, there were thousands of young men who claimed conscientious objector status and refused to fight in the war. And recently, the Gay & Lesbian Student Education Network began sponsoring the Day of Silence each April where students do not speak for the entire day in order to promote tolerance, expose homophobia, and call attention to the plight of GLBT students. The march toward civil marriage equality is a long one; our refusal to sign civil marriage licenses is one step along the way.

4 Page 4 Why are we doing this now? Some people have focused vision and loving conviction; Rabbi Simon, ordained last May, is such a visionary and courageous leader. She knew from the beginning of her rabbinate that this was her position on officiation and I deeply admire her clarity of purpose and determined integrity. She is an inspiring teacher to each of us. For me, the issue grew over time. I became increasingly aware and uneasy as I signed marriage licenses for straight couples while there were no licenses to sign for same sex couples. The absence of signing those documents for GLBT couples grew more potent with each passing wedding season, like a wound whose creeping pain became imperceptibly more excruciating. And then, a few years ago, a dear friend and United Church of Christ Minister, Pastor Diane Darling, decided she would no longer sign legal marriage licenses while the state denied them to same sex couples. She shared this with her church leadership and together, we discussed her spiritual discernment and decision making process. Throughout our conversations, my own discomfort continued to grow and my awareness of my role in the process became more acute. With Elaine Frankowski s Erev Rosh HaShanah sermon this past September, I knew the time for me to make a decision had arrived. There wasn t one moment that demanded this decision; there was simply a growing sense that now was the time; that I could no longer waiver nor wait. So I spoke with more colleagues, and discussed this with the Shir Tikvah leadership, first the Executive Committee and then the full Board of Trustees. Their reaction was overwhelmingly powerful, strong, evocative and emotional. Their support remains a cornerstone of my faith, an inspiration and source of moral courage. What do we want from you? I offer three concrete suggestions tonight and look forward to a rich and robust conversation about our shared pursuit of justice. First, use the power you have as individuals. Talk about marriage equality. If every member of this congregation approximately 1,000 people each had one conversation per month over the next year about why marriage equality matters and why GLBT couples suffer because we are denied access to marriage rights and responsibilities, that would equal 12,000 conversations in Studies show that people s attitudes shift rapidly in favor of marriage equality when they personally know couples who are denied equal rights. And I don t think I need to remind Minnesotans that every conversation and every vote counts. Second: Talking about injustice and inequality creates space for those who live with inequality to give voice to the truth of our experience. Without crying out in pain, God would not have heard the suffering of the Israelites and freed them from Egyptian bondage. It is easy for all of us to project our disdain for homophobia and inequality onto external forces the congress, the President, the state legislature, the Governor, the National Organization for Marriage. And let s be honest they ve been some of the biggest obstacles to achieving equality, no doubt about it. We can always find an outrageous homophobic Senator who compares GLBT people to pedophiles or worries that despite their own teary confessions of adultery and multiple trips to register at Crate & Barrel we re the ones doing irreparable damage to the institution of marriage.

5 Page 5 Yes, the story we tell tonight is as full of evil Pharaohs as the story told in our Torah scrolls. While we can easily look externally at the forces of homophobia and injustice, in a congregation as inclusive and diverse as Shir Tikvah we can simultaneously be lulled into complacency, a victim of our own success; gay families and straight families and single parent families and interracial families all make Shabbat together, send our children to religious school together, do chemo together, serve on the board together, and care for one another, deeply. These relationships are real and enduring, strong and precious to each of us. So nu? What s the problem? Because we ve all been part of creating a holy space where we re treated equally at Shir Tikvah, it can be easy to forget that this is not how all of us are treated outside this sanctuary. Don t get me wrong I don t want us to change I want the world around us to change! Everyone at Shir Tikvah regularly sees GLBT people in positions of significance and leadership: Board presidents, rabbis, social justice activists, service leaders, teachers. The community sees us raising our kids, working on our relationships, posting on Facebook, studying Torah, praying, seeking justice in our community. It can be easy to forget that the law does not protect our families, that today, in ! in more than half of the United States we can still be fired from our jobs if our employer were to discover that we are GLBT; that we cannot sponsor our life partners for a Green Card, no matter the tenderness they care for our children or the ferocity of our love; without marriage, we can be denied hospital visitation, end-of-life decision making power, survivor benefits when our partner dies, and legal challenges over property and inheritance. The fact is, despite the great dignity we treat one another with in this holy synagogue community, we are not equal citizens in the eyes of civil law. This truth is real and it makes many of us uncomfortable. It disturbs the polite equilibrium we ve established. And it calls for shared sacrifice. Does it divide us? No, quite the opposite. As our Torah teaches us this very Shabbat, God heard the cry of the Israelite slaves as they toiled and suffered in bondage; only when we cry out can we be heard. And when we are heard, together, we can change the story from one of suffering to one of redemption. It means that those in our congregation who are currently denied civil rights and equality can express our real pain and know that those of you listening will hear us, will offer compassion and comfort, and together, will be our allies and join with us to open the hearts of our elected leaders as we seek to transform the policies and laws that cause this unnecessary suffering. Good people of faith may not always agree on every strategy and tactic on the road to achieving marriage equality, but we know that we unified here in our holy congregation that is our ultimate and shared goal. Third: We have power as a congregation. [See Rabbi Simon s information guide]. There are several more concrete ways to get involved in the struggle for marriage equality. Rabbi Simon and I knew that we could not ask you to hold yourselves to account or ask you to make any sacrifice without holding ourselves accountable as your religious leaders. And so, we shared our decision with you with the hope of building understanding, mobilizing support, and together, creating a just society beyond these beautiful walls. I would like to believe, in the deep places of my heart, that my Baubie and Zayde would see this act as my way of honoring their 66 years of marriage. But in the end, this is not about me it has always been about you and our shared Jewish vision of prophetic

6 Page 6 justice, equality, and human dignity. Indeed, if we Jews do not offer a vision for a world redeemed, a vision of exalted compassion and righteous dignity, of Divine tenderness and equal justice, what on earth are we here for? When the history of marriage equality is written, this will be one small step on the journey towards confronting Pharaoh, leaving Egypt, and reaching the Promised Land. Someday soon, I pray, we will tell this story of redemption, with deep and utter delight. And to Leo and Evelyn, my Baubie and Zayde of blessed memory: Happy Anniversary.