A Recipe For Family Problems Text: Genesis 24:1-67; 25:19-34; 27:1-46 Series: Genesis [#11] Pastor Lyle L. Wahl January 20, 2019

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1 A Recipe For Family Problems Text: Genesis 24:1-67; 25:19-34; 27:1-46 Series: Genesis [#11] Pastor Lyle L. Wahl January 20, 2019 Theme: Failure To Follow God Always Produces Problems. Introduction. Last week we concluded the section of Genesis that focuses on Abraham. Today we are based mainly in chapters with the spotlight on Abraham s son Isaac. Sadly, most of the record is not pleasant and positive. It focuses on Isaac, his wife Rebekah and their sons Esau and Jacob. The account includes Abraham s desire for Isaac to have a godly wife, and God s provision of that. God s intervention after many years, enabling Isaac and Rebekah to have children. They had twins. God told her that the boys would found two nations and that uncharacteristic for the times the older would serve the younger. Esau, the first born, was an outdoors man. He was active and impulsive. Jacob was more reflective, and basically stayed at home. Isaac favored Esau, while Rebekah favored Jacob. Then Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. This is important in a number of ways including because the oldest son would usually become the head of the family and get a double share of the inheritance. In this account we see ongoing struggles and conflict conflict between the parents, the children, the parents and the children. This was a family with some real problems. We find here a recipe for family problems. God designed the family, but we know that sinful human nature has seemingly endless ways to mar and destroy it. As we look at Isaac and his family we find a basic and broad principle for families and each individual. It can be summarized positively with Jesus words, My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. 1 Key to building good relationships, good families and both preventing and solving problems is following God.

2 What we see in this family is summarized negatively with the truth that failure to follow God always produces problems. Combine Two Parents, Stirring, But Not Blending. Let s take a look at this family from the start. This recipe for family problems starts with combining two parents, stirring, but not blending. The Bible records a good beginning for Isaac and Rebekah. Isaac the long-awaited son, heir, link to the promises of God to build a great nation from Abraham. Abraham lived his faith before Isaac. He insisted on a godly wife for him and, so sent his servant back to his own people to find a godly wife for Isaac. God clearly directed the servant to Rebekah, the granddaughter of Abraham s brother Nahor. They were people of faith. Rebekah and her family recognized this was God s leading. 2 Abraham continued to set an example of trusting and obeying God. Isaac saw and learned the importance of following God, of faith from his father. Isaac and Rebekah married when he was For twenty years they were unable to have children. God answered their prayers and Rebekah had the twins, Esau and Jacob. 4 Prior to their birth God told Rebekah that she would have twins and that both would be the founders of different nations. 5 We can see that these two had a good beginning. But with Isaac and Rebekah not blending, there were serious problems. Note four things that point out the evidence and results of their not blending. First was a lack of complete faith in God. God s statement before the boys were born, recorded in verse 23 of chapter 25, was crystal clear, the older shall serve the younger. But Isaac continually tried to promote his first-born, Esau. He insisted on giving Esau the blessing which God said was not to be his, and which Esau had already sold to Jacob. Isaac did not have complete faith in God in this. Rebekah also did not trust God completely in this, and so schemed and deceived to trick Isaac into giving Jacob the blessing of the first born. After the scheme was carried out and it all blew up Rebekah panicked for the safety of Jacob and schemed to send him away 2

3 where he would be safe. Even with God s promise to make a great nation from Jacob she did not trust God completely to keep him safe. Isaac and Rebekah had faith in God. But they had not grown together, they had not blended together in their faith. They kept taking things into their own hands. They lacked complete faith in God. The second evidence is closely related: there was lack of unity and respect. 6 Sit down and read chapter 27 later today, or sometime this week. It is the record of the blessings Isaac gave his two sons and all that went into making it a complicated and sinful mess. Briefly, Rebekah overheard Isaac telling Esau to bring him some savory food from wild game before he would give him the first-born blessing. She conspired with Jacob to make savory food from goats before Esau could complete his hunt, put skins of goats on his hands and neck so he would appear to be Esau to his almost totally blind father. The food, coupled with a few lies, convinced Isaac who then mistakenly in his mind blessed Jacob. When Esau returned and found out about the scam, he hated his brother and planned to kill him after his father died. So Rebekah told Jacob to escape to her brother s place where he would be safe until Esau cooled down. The picture is a sad one: Isaac and Rebekah quietly, secretly promoted their own agendas. There is very little unity and respect here. Thirdly, along with that goes an abundance of favoritism. Isaac was 110% for Esau, Rebekah was 110% for Jacob. Just think of what that did to the relationship that Esau and Jacob had with both their father and mother. Think about what that did to the relationship of the two brothers. Finally, there was an abundance of deceit and scheming. We have summarized some of this. Isaac secretly prepared Esau for a blessing to which he was not entitled because of God s plans and also because he had sold it to his brother. Rebekah eavesdropped, and hatched a plan of deceit to make sure Jacob would get the blessing. Rebekah and Jacob carried out their scheme. And, again, then Rebekah schemed to protect Jacob by lying to Isaac to get Jacob out of the area until Esau cooled down. So here is the first part of this recipe for family problems: combine two parents, stirring, but not blending. It is a clear example that failure to follow God always produces problems. 3

4 Throw In Several Children. Step two in this recipe for family problems is to throw in several children. The children observed, learned from and followed their parents examples. Isaac and Rebekah played favorites. Turn to verse 27 in chapter 25. So the boys grew. And Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field; but Jacob was a mild man, dwelling in tents. And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob (verses 27-28). How did the boys respond? Chapter 27 gives the answer. Rebekah explains her plot to Jacob, reassures him and then hatches her scheme which I summarized earlier. Let s pick up the account at verse 9 in chapter 27 which begins with Rebekah instructing Jacob, Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves. Then you shall take it to your father, that he may eat it, and that he may bless you before his death. And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Look, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smoothskinned man. Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall seem to be a deceiver to him; and I shall bring a curse on myself and not a blessing. But his mother said to him, Let your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, get them for me. And he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and his mother made savory food, such as his father loved (verses 9-14). Jacob was a willing, scheming accomplice. But that s not the first evidence of this. Back up a bit to chapter 25 verses 27-34, which was our Scripture reading at the start of the service. Esau came in from the field famished, desperate for food, especially when he smelled the lentil soup Jacob had just made. He begged his brother for some. What does Jacob do? Did he say, Sure Esau! Have all you want! Hardly! Look at verse 31, But Jacob said, Sell me your birthright as of this day or, Sell me your birthright right now before I give you any of this delicious stew. Both boys knew God s choice: Jacob was to be the leader, rather than his older brother. But Jacob just makes sure, by taking advantage of, scheming against his brother rather than following, relying on God. 4

5 Both boys were learning lessons from their parents. Many of them were not good lessons. Children observe, learn from and follow their parents examples. This is what happens when you throw in several children for a couple that have been stirring, but not blending together. A second part of this is that the parents bad examples had influence in ways they could not see in advance. Let s start with Jacob s scheming and Esau s impulsiveness in the stew for the birthright deal. Look at the very last line in that account, the end of verse 34 in chapter 25, Thus Esau despised his birthright. When Esau was famished but in no actual danger of dying from starvation and made the impulsive deal, he could not have envisioned that he would detest and despise his birthright. I would think it also goes back farther than that day. He knew the situation, but also knew his father and mother were scheming to get their own way. Now he just detested the whole mess. Let s move to a poor, rebellious choice by Esau. Turn ahead to chapter 26, verse 34. When Esau was forty years old, he took as wives Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite. And they were a grief of mind to Isaac and Rebekah (verses 34-35). What s going on here? Esau knew the importance of faith. He saw, lived with, knew the accounts of his grandfather s faith as well as his parents. Yet he chose to marry outside of faith to Hittites. But he also saw his parents lack of unity, lack of complete trust in God, and their playing favorites with him and Jacob. For Isaac and Rebekah this may well have come as a totally unexpected shock. They all reaped a crop they didn t expect, that they did not realize they had been sowing over the years. What about the consequences of the blessing fiasco? Isaac carefully, quietly tried to give Esau the blessing he should have had by being the first born, but which God said he would not have. Rebekah schemed to substitute the disguised Jacob to make sure he would get the blessing. Have you ever wondered what the consequences were for Isaac and Rebekah s relationship? This was not exactly a trust and respect builder was it! We don t have a record in Scripture, but this may well have affected their relationship for the rest of their lives. There s more. Go ahead to chapter 27 verse 41. So Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing with which his father blessed him, and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand [that is, my father is going to die soon]; then I will kill 5

6 my brother Jacob. We really don t need to comment on that in any detail. None of the four saw this coming. One brother planning to murder the other. While the two reconciled on formal terms years later, these results were unexpected, great, and lasting. One more result of a bad example in this family is spelled out not here, but in the New Testament. Turn to Hebrews chapter 12 beginning at verse 15. That s at the bottom of page 1383 in the church Bibles. Speaking to believers the writer under God s direction says, looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears (verses 15-17). Failure to follow God always produces problems. Five Important Lessons. There are at least five important lessons for us to learn if we want to avoid this recipe for problems in our own lives and families. Number 1: A good beginning is very important, but it doesn t guarantee a good course, a strong and good finish. Isaac and Rebekah and their sons Esau and Jacob had a good start of faith. But that did not guarantee them a good course or a strong, good finish. For each one of us, the day we came to faith in Christ was a good beginning, a great beginning. A good beginning for those who grew up in families of faith and for those who did not. We should always praise and thank God for that. But a good beginning does not guarantee any of us a good finish. So, keep living by faith, keep stretching, working on your faith as individuals, and as parents and entire families. Keep working at building trust and respect in your marriage and family relationships. Trust and respect blown is very difficult to rebuild. So it is better to determine not to blow it! Determine to keep working at building trust and respect in your marriage and family relationships. 6

7 The first lesson to remember and live by is that a good beginning is very important, but it doesn t guarantee a good course, a strong and good finish. Lesson #2: Couples must blend together in their relationship with each other and God or they will be stirring up a batch of problems. Every couple, without exception, enters marriage with their unique characteristics and will keep them. The one who is more reserved than the other will remain that way. The one who seeks more adventure and risks than the other will remain that way. And so it goes. But at the same time, they must blend together in their relationship with each other and with God or they will be stirring up a batch of problems. As God told us through Moses back in chapter 2 here in Genesis, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (verse 24). We cannot stress enough that God must be at the center of this blending together a fellowship with God, trusting and obeying both God s commands and promises, following God s priorities. Without this not only did the parents relationship suffer but also their relationships with their sons and their sons development. If or whenever you doubt the importance of this lesson, remember Isaac and Rebekah. We don t need to walk through the instances again at this point. Jesus used the family as a powerful illustration at one point when He rebuked critics who accused Him of casting out demons by the power of Satan. Here s the picture in Mark s gospel, chapter 3 verse 25, if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. There are many ramifications of this. For example, we realize that, for example, if one parent has a pattern of saying Yes after the other has said No to their children, a not-good batch of problems is stirred up. The unity and health of a family requires this blending together to honor God in all things, to work through differences and come to practical unity to be a healthy family and avoid stirring up problems. Lesson #3: while everyone is responsible for their own actions, everyone learns and follows lessons in their home good and bad. Yes, God tells us each person is accountable for their own actions. For example, God told Israel, Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; a person shall be put to death for his own sin. 7 And again, 7

8 The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. 8 is God also said to Israel as He warned them not to worship false, man-made gods that He a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments. 9 If that sounds difficult to understand especially in light of the other verses we read, realize that many people have had difficulties with this statement and others, unfortunately, have abused it. It is fairly obvious that God s sovereign rule of this world includes children being affected by the choices and actions of their parents. Parents bad moral standards and choices can not only leave a pattern for their children, but can bring a whole host of difficulties for their children. Parents laziness or wastefulness and squandering can leave their children suffering. Parents sin can and does affect their children. This statement of God speaks of the cumulative effect as God rules our universe of parents sin on their children. So remember this third lesson, while everyone is responsible for their own actions, everyone learns and follows lessons in their home good and bad. The fourth lesson today from this family is that failing to follow God and the family feuds that result create deep wounds which are slow to heal. God told Isaac and Rebekah that two nations would come from their children. But instead of the two sons working together, they were estranged and opposed each other and, as we know, Esau planned to murder Jacob. Twenty years after Jacob fled for safety to his mother s family, he returned. When Jacob was about home, chapter 33 tells us, Now Jacob lifted his eyes and looked, and there, Esau was coming, and with him were four hundred men. So he [Jacob] divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two maidservants. And he put the maidservants and their children in front, Leah and her children 8

9 behind, and Rachel and Joseph last. Then he crossed over before them and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother (verses 1-3). With this and what follows we know that Jacob was anxious, worried about his brother who had planned to kill him all those years ago, especially when he saw him coming to meet him with four hundred men. So he decided to put the women and children up front for protection. Yes, there was a level of reconciliation that took place here, but those fractures, those wounds between the two were deep and long lasting. That was not the end of it. For instead of two large families and then nations working together, there was an ongoing feud, generation after generation, century after century between the Edomites who came from Esau and the Israelites of Jacob. Yes, family feuds that result from failing to follow God create deep wounds which are slow to heal. One more and, thankfully, a positive lesson for today: God s promises are certain and His grace is great. Think of Isaac. He thought he was dying when Jacob deceived him for the blessing. But in fact he lived for a long time after that, and he saw some grandchildren the evidence that God was fulfilling his promise to himself and his father Abraham before him. God s promises to him were certain and His grace was great. Then let s turn to Esau. His descendants did become a great nation, the Edomites. Again, God s promises to him were certain and His grace was great. And, of course then, Jacob. God was faithful. His sons became the foundation for the twelve tribes of Israel. Jacob grew in his relationship with God. You may recall the dream of the ladder stretching from earth to heaven. God renewed His promise of blessing to Jacob in that experience. 10 There was that reconciliation of the brothers that we just noted, even if it was mostly just formal. 11 Jacob did walk with God. Toward the end of his life, God called him back to Bethel where he had that dream of the ladder stretching to heaven. Chapter 35 records, God said to him, Your name is Jacob; your name shall not be called Jacob anymore, but Israel shall be your name. So He called his name Israel. Also God said to him: I am God Almighty. Be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall proceed from you, and kings shall come from your body. The land which I gave Abraham 9

10 and Isaac I give to you; and to your descendants after you I give this land (verses 10-12). What about the names? Jacob comes from the words heel and grab, which goes back, as the account tells us, to his grabbing Esau s heel in the birth process. It then came to mean to deceive, to wrongfully take the place of another. Jacob. Israel comes from the words wrestle or fight and God, and so means to wrestle with or fight for God. God changing Jacob s name referred to more than history, but character. It was one marker of God s certain promises and great grace to him. Yes, remember this fifth lesson, God s promises are certain and His grace is great to you. Conclusion. Question: Are you following God and His design for you today, right now? Come to God now, quietly. Reflect on His truth we have seen today. Respond to what He is saying to you. Perhaps you are not following God in some ways as you ought too and up to this point it doesn t seem too bad. Remember, failure to follow God always produces problems. Or perhaps you are reaping a whirlwind of not following God as you should. Examine your heart and get things straight with God God wants to give you rest in green pastures, the peace of walking beside quiet waters, He wants to restore your soul. 12 You part is to hear His voice and follow Him. Whatever is going on in your life all the good, bad and ugly count on God s great grace, His mercy to redeem, His faithfulness to His promises. Accept this for all that s going on in your life right now, and thank God for His faithfulness and grace. 1 John 10:27. 2 Genesis 24: Genesis 24:20. 4 Genesis 25: Genesis 25:23. 6 Genesis 27: Deuteronomy 24:16. 10

11 8 Ezekiel 18:20. 9 Exodus 20: Genesis 28: Genesis 33: Psalm , Lyle L. Wahl Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture marked (NASB) taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV ), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois All rights reserved. 11