HOW DOES ALLOWING OUR SELFISH DESIRES TO CONTROL US AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIPS? 2 SAMUEL 15:1-19:43 SEPTEMBER 3, 2006

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1 HOW DOES ALLOWING OUR SELFISH DESIRES TO CONTROL US AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIPS? 2 SAMUEL 15:1-19:43 SEPTEMBER 3, 2006 We often see people sealing their deck or their driveway or their brick building. Why? They want to keep water out, because once water gets into the wood, cement or brick, it causes all kinds of problems. The water freezes and expands causing cracks in the structure. So, people work hard to keep water out. Just as water can destroy a structure, so can allowing our selfish desires to control us destroy our relationships, especially our closest relationships. Like the people sealing their deck or building, we need to work to keep our selfish desires out. In order to encourage us to work to seal out our selfish desires, God give us some insight on what happens to our relationships when we allow our selfish desires to control us. This morning as we continue our study of the life of David, we will look at 2 Samuel chapters 15 through 19 and try and answer the question, How does allowing our selfish desires to control us affect our relationships? You will notice this is a rather long passage. But rather than breaking it into two separate sections, I m going to preach through it this week and next week. As we look at the passage this week, I want us to focus on the outcome of David s relationship with his son, Absalom. Next week, we will go back through this passage with an eye toward how David handles the crisis of being overthrown as king. As you are turning to chapter 15, let s get up to speed on what has been going on in David s household. Amnon, David s son raped his half-sister, David s daughter, Tamar. David did nothing to bring Amnon to justice. As a result, Absalom, Tamar s brother took justice into his own hands by murdering Amnon. As a result Absalom flees to a foreign country. But David s heart longs for his son, Absalom. Finally, Joab, the commander of David s army, perceives that David misses Absalom. So Joab hires a woman to go to David with a false story asking for mercy for her only living son who killed her other son. When David grants her son mercy, she challenges David to show that same mercy to his own son, Absalom, who has fled the country. So, David agrees to let Absalom come back to Jerusalem. Absalom tries and tries to get an audience with his father, but David won t see Absalom. Absalom figures if anybody can get him an audience with the king it is Joab, but he can t even get Joab s attention. So, in frustration, Absalom sets Joab s field on fire. That gets Joab s attention. And Joab arranges the long desired meeting between Absalom and David. But that meeting is brief and the separation continues. Absalom is living in Jerusalem. He wants relationship with his father. His father, David, loves him, but, because of all the past baggage, he won t see Absalom. And this is where we pick up the story in chapter 15. Let s see what happens in verses 1 through 6. 1 Now it came about after this that Absalom provided for himself a chariot and horses and fifty men as runners before him. 2 Absalom used to rise early and stand beside the way to the gate; and when any man had a suit to come to the king for judgment, Absalom would call to him and say, From what city are you? And he would say, Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel. 3 Then Absalom would say to him,

2 See, your claims are good and right, but no man listens to you on the part of the king. 4 Moreover, Absalom would say, Oh that one would appoint me judge in the land, then every man who has any suit or cause could come to me and I would give him justice. 5 And when a man came near to prostrate himself before him, he would put out his hand and take hold of him and kiss him. 6 In this manner Absalom dealt with all Israel who came to the king for judgment; so Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel. What is Absalom doing? He is conspiring to take the kingdom away from David. In verse 1, he gathers some runners to go before him so that he looks like a king. Then in verses 2 through 4, Absalom is meeting people who have complaints. And Absalom s response is You know what? You are right. But you don t have anybody to watch out for your interests. Oh, that I had a position of influence. I d get justice for you. And one by one, Absalom won the favor of people, until verse 6 concludes So Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel. From whom did he steal their hearts? From David, his father. Now the most amazing part of this story comes in verse 7, Now it came about at the end of forty years If you look in the footnotes of your Bible, you will see a note that says it might be 4 years instead of forty years. Probably, somewhere in copying the manuscript, there is a copying error, somebody wrote 4 instead of 40 or vice-versa. This doesn t affect our view on the divine inspiration and inerrancy of the scriptures in their original form. It is just that over hundreds of years of making copy upon copy a number got turned. For the sake of argument, let s take the smaller number, 4. For four years, Absalom has been operating in Jerusalem, winning the heart of the people. Why? He is ticked off at his dad. His dad is sitting over their in the palace and he still won t see his son. We read these verses and we ask the question, Where is David? Why is he not pursuing his son who so wants to be with him? Why isn t David reconciling with this son whom he cherishes? We can t excuse David s absence, but we can explain it. There is so much baggage. First, David allows his selfish desires to control him which leads him to commit adultery and then murder to try and cover his adultery. Then, his adultery and murder rob him of the moral authority to deal with rape and murder within his own home. It is a mess. And it is going to be very hard to resolve. So David does what most of us would be tempted to do, he stays away. I imagine David is very lonely in his palace. How does allowing our selfish desires to control us affect our relationships? Allowing our sinful desires to control us produces tension and isolation in our relationships. Allowing our sinful desires to control us produces tension and isolation in our relationships. I think we understand this concept. A man or woman chooses his career over spending time with their children, and then 15 years later he wants to make it right with his kids. It is not that easy. The kid s attitude is, Where have you been the last 15 years? Or, in a fleeting moment on a business trip a person satisfies his or her physical desires and now really wants to regain the partner s trust. But the partner s response is, How can I trust you? Why should I trust you? Or, a father desperately wants his son to be the athlete he never was so he drives his kid and as an adult the child hates his dad. How does the dad say I m sorry to his angry son? Allowing our selfish desires to control us will lead to tension and isolation. It will leave us feeling alone.

3 So, what is Absalom s response to being ignored by his father? Let s find out in verses 7 through Now it came about at the end of forty years that Absalom said to the king, Please let me go and pay my vow which I have vowed to the LORD, in Hebron. 8 For your servant vowed a vow while I was living at Geshur in Aram, saying, If the LORD shall indeed bring me back to Jerusalem, then I will serve the LORD. 9 The king said to him, Go in peace. So he arose and went to Hebron. 10 But Absalom sent spies throughout all the tribes of Israel, saying, As soon as you hear the sound of the trumpet, then you shall say, Absalom is king in Hebron. 11 Then two hundred men went with Absalom from Jerusalem, who were invited and went innocently, and they did not know anything. 12 And Absalom sent for Ahithophel the Gilonite, David s counselor, from his city Giloh, while he was offering the sacrifices. And the conspiracy was strong, for the people increased continually with Absalom. We see clearly now that Absalom is planning a conspiracy to overthrow his father. He lies about his motive to go to Hebron. In reality, he went to Hebron to gather momentum for his overthrow of David. In verses 13 and 14, we see the results of Absalom s conspiracy. 13 Then a messenger came to David, saying, The hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom. 14 David said to all his servants who were with him at Jerusalem, Arise and let us flee, for otherwise none of us will escape from Absalom. Go in haste, or he will overtake us quickly and bring down calamity on us and strike the city with the edge of the sword. Absalom s plan pays off; he wins the hearts of the people. David realizes he must flee to save his life and the lives of those who are close to him. In verse 30, we get an idea of how this affects David. 30 And David went up the ascent of the Mount of Olives, and wept as he went, and his head was covered and he walked barefoot. Then all the people who were with him each covered his head and went up weeping as they went. David leaves weeping. After all, Jerusalem is his city. It is bad enough that he is forced out, but to be forced out by his own son. David s choice to let his sinful desires control him result in a lack of moral credibility to deal with hard issues. That inability to deal with hard issues led to a complex tension. Because David doesn t move toward Absalom, Absalom s resentment grows and grows until he overthrows his father. How does allowing our selfish desires to control us affect our relationships? Allowing our sinful desires to control us leads to complex tension and isolation, then, retaliation in relationships. When tension does not get resolved it builds resentment. At some point that resentment will lead to some form of retaliation. In most cases the retaliation will be much more subtle, like ignoring a person or talking a person down among co-workers, neighbors or friends. Maybe retaliation comes in the form of intentionally doing something that you know bothers your spouse or friend or co-worker. Perhaps you pass over a more qualified person for a promotion at work. In Arizona, my best friend was a retired lieutenant colonel. He got crossways with a general and that general found a way to end his career. This story reminds us that we need to do all we can to resolve tension in relationships. But this story also reminds us that sometimes resolving tension is easier said then done. The best case scenario is that we cut off tension at its source by not allowing our selfish desires to control us.

4 In chapter 16, we see what happens when Absalom enters Jerusalem. Starting in verse 20, he receives advice from Ahithophel. Ahithophel is a former advisor to David and the grandfather of Bathsheba. So, you can bet Ahithophel can t wait to get back at David. Let s read verses 20 through Then Absalom said to Ahithophel, Give your advice. What shall we do? 21 Ahithophel said to Absalom, Go in to your father s concubines, whom he has left to keep the house; then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself odious to your father. The hands of all who are with you will also be strengthened. 22 So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and Absalom went in to his father s concubines in the sight of all Israel. 23 The advice of Ahithophel, which he gave in those days, was as if one inquired of the word of God; so was all the advice of Ahithophel regarded by both David and Absalom. Ahithophel advises Absalom to go in to David s concubines. In having relations with these women, Absalom will show he has taken power from his father. It will also be a way to humiliate his father. Nice son, huh? But Ahithophel isn t through giving advice. Let s read verses 1 through 3 of chapter Furthermore, Ahithophel said to Absalom, Please let me choose 12,000 men that I may arise and pursue David tonight. 2 I will come upon him while he is weary and exhausted and terrify him, so that all the people who are with him will flee. Then I will strike down the king alone, 3 and I will bring back all the people to you. The return of everyone depends on the man you seek; then all the people will be at peace. 4 So the plan pleased Absalom and all the elders of Israel. Not only does Ahithophel suggest that Absalom humiliate his father, he then tells him to gather an army and hunt David down. In the rest of chapter 17, we read that Hushai, who is really working for David, thwarts Ahithophel s counsel. He convinces Absalom to wait and gather his forces before attacking David. In chapter 18, we read of the battle. Absalom s forces are defeated and most importantly, Absalom is killed. In verses 31 through 34, look how David responds when he finds out that Absalom is dead. 31 Behold, the Cushite arrived, and the Cushite said, Let my lord the king receive good news, for the LORD has freed you this day from the hand of all those who rose up against you. 32 Then the king said to the Cushite, Is it well with the young man Absalom? And the Cushite answered, Let the enemies of my lord the king, and all who rise up against you for evil, be as that young man! 33 The king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And thus he said as he walked, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son! David doesn t care about the battle. He cares about the well-being of Absalom. Absalom is the one who ran him out of town. Absalom is the one who humiliated him by lying with his concubines. Absalom is the one who tried to hunt David down like an animal. But none of that matters to David. What matters to David is that his beloved son is dead. And in verse 33, David wails. He is overcome with grief. David s grief is so strong it affects the mood of the city. Look at chapter 19 verses 2 through 4. 2 The victory that day was turned to mourning for all the people, for the people heard it said that day, The king is grieved for his son. 3 So the people went by stealth into the city that day, as people who are humiliated steal away when they flee in battle. 4 The king covered his face and cried out with a loud voice, O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my

5 son, my son! It is so bad that Joab has to go in and reprove David because his grief is shaming those who fought in battle. These people risked their lives for David and instead of rejoicing David is grieving. In verses 8 through 15, David goes before the people and is restored as king. How does allowing our selfish desires to control us affect our relationships? Allowing our sinful desires to control us causes deep pain in our relationships. Simply put we can say, Succumbing to selfishness leads to tension, isolation, retaliation and deep pain in relationships. Isn t this tragic? The whole time, David longed for his son, Absalom. But he couldn t get past the complex tension that resulted form him indulging his selfish desires. When that tension didn t get resolved the resentment built in Absalom until he overthrew his father, so that David was in a kill or be killed situation with Absalom. And now David will live with a heavy heart the rest of his life. What do we do? First, I hope this motivates us to live under the power of God s Holy Spirit that we might live for God and not for ourselves. Friends the cost is too high to indulge our selfish desires. How do you use your time and your money? For yourself or for God and others? In conversation, do you talk about yourself or do you ask questions and give others a chance to talk about themselves. Ask God s Holy Spirit to empower you that you might live for God rather than self. And then as the Spirit leads in your life, submit to his leading. Second, like me, you have allowed your sinful desires to control you. Realizes this decision may cause complex tension in your relationships. It is going to be difficult, but not impossible, to resolve this tension. Again, we need wisdom form God s Holy Spirit as to how to proceed in resolving this tension. Additionally, we may need a strong dose of humility to resolve this tension. That other person may not be receptive to us. We are going to have to be Christ-like in pursuing people. The alternative to pursuing reconciliation is that resentment builds which will lead to retaliation and deep, deep pain, If we are going to stay the course of the battle of reconciliation, we need empowering from God. Back in the late 1970s, Earl Campbell was a star running back for the Houston Oilers. An incredible combination of speed and power, Campbell was the toast of the city of Houston as, two years in a row; he led this once awful football team within a game of the Super Bowl. A few years ago, Sports Illustrated, did a featured story on Campbell. At the time of the article, Campbell was in his early 40s. As a result of his bruising running style, Campbell lives in constant pain. In fact, Campbell struggle to walk up a flight of stairs. In the article Campbell made this comment. If I had known then, how much it would hurt now, I wouldn t have played football. At the time, playing pro football seemed great he was rich and he was famous. But 20 years later, due to unanticipated consequences, playing pro football didn t seem like such a good idea. That is a picture of how it is when we allow our selfish desires to control us. At the time it seems great, but the consequences that follow always make us regret our decision. Earl Campbell wishes he would have been able to look into the future. He probably would have lived his life differently. God, in His goodness, gives us a look into the future that we might live our life differently, that we might not choose to indulge our selfish desires. Succumbing to selfishness leads to tension, isolation, retaliation and deep pain in relationships.

6 *Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1987, 1988, The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. North Pointe Community Church, PO Box 29,555 Lincoln, NE Copyright 2005 Andrew A. MacFarlane. All rights reserved.