Explore the Bible Lesson Preview July 15, 2018 Grieved Background: 2 Samuel 13:1-14:33 Lesson: 2 Samuel 13:15-20, 31-39

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1 Explore the Bible Lesson Preview July 15, 2018 Grieved Background: 2 Samuel 13:1-14:33 Lesson: 2 Samuel 13:15-20, Motivation: Christian families are under attack by Satan! Divorce, discord, and doubt are prevalent in many families. However, this is not a new problem. 2 Samuel records in graphic detail the sin and subsequent shattering or King David s family. I. Amnon s Sinful Plot (13:1-14) Believer s Study Bible, p. 437: 13:1-15 Amnon would be considered a fool, for if he loved her as he claimed, he would marry her (v. 13). That the marriage of a brother to a half-sister was still permissible in Israel is confirmed by the anticipated reaction of David to such a request. However, Amnon s behavior constituted a wanton act in Israel (v. 14). As frequently occurs, having accomplished the desires of selfish love, he discovered that satisfied lust quickly degenerates into hatred (v. 15). Also note the ramifications of the act in Amnon s death at the hand of Absalom (v. 29). A. David s Dysfunctional Family HCSB: p. 517: 13:1 David had several wives, and he fathered many children by them (3:2-5; 5:13-16). Both Absalom and Tamar had Maacah as their mother, whereas Amnon, David s firstborn had Ahinoam as his mother. The words, was infatuated with her may also be translated as loved her, but the present translation is better because Amnon s actions toward Tamar show he never really loved her. 1 / 9

2 B. Amnon s Intention I m in love with Tamar (4b) Amnon s lust was confused with love. His friend, Jonadab helped concoct a plot to assault Tamar. C. Tamar s Assault he raped her (14b) HCSB: p.518: 13:13 Tamar also insisted the crime would shame both her and her brother. Tamar then suggested that Amnon speak to the king about marrying her first. Her suggestion, however, may have been a means to escape the situation; it is unlikely David would have granted Amnon s request in violation of the Mosaic law (Lv 18:11; 20:17). II. Shattered (13:15-20) After this, Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that the hatred he hated her with was greater than the love he had loved her with. Get out of here! he said. 16 No, she cried, sending me away is much worse than the great wrong you ve already done to me! But he refused to listen to her. 17 Instead, he called to the servant who waited on him: Throw this woman out and bolt the door behind her! 18 Amnon s servant threw her out and bolted the door behind her. Now Tamar was wearing a long-sleeved garment, because this is what the king s virgin daughters wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long-sleeved garment she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away crying out. 20 Her brother Absalom said to her: Has your brother Amnon been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister. He is your brother. Don t take this thing to heart. So, Tamar lived as a desolate woman in the house of her brother Absalom. (13:15-20) A. The Cause of Abuse After this, Amnon hated Tamar (14) Sexual abuse is certainly not about love (1), and is not primarily about lust; rather, it stems from a desire to control and dominate. Love does not seek its own way (I Cor. 13:4-8); instead, it seeks to build up the other person. Amnon dominated Tamar, disrespected her ( this woman -17) and destroyed her life. 2 / 9

3 B. The Consequences of Abuse 1. Law sending me away is much worse (16) HCSB, p. 518, 13:16 The Torah required a man who raped a virgin to pay her father a significant bride price, and he could never divorce her (Dt 22:28-29). The law protected women by warning men of the consequences of uncontrolled sexual urges. It was also probably assumed that the young woman s brothers would be sure the man who had dishonored their sister would be a good husband to her. Amnon s attempt to send Tamar away after he had assaulted her was much worse than the rape itself since it would ensure that her shame was permanent. 2. Shame Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long-sleeved garment she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away crying out. (19) According to the law of Moses (Deut. 22:28-29), any man who raped a virgin was required to marry her without the possibility of divorce and to pay her family fifty shekels of silver. Because Amnon refused (13-14), he culturally ended Tamar s life. 3. Isolation So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in the house of her brother Absalom. (20) Many victims of sexual abuse choose to remain silent perhaps because of fear, shame or even guilt. Christ s power frees us from the shackles of our past! (2 Cor. 5:17) III. Angered When King David heard of all these things, he was furious. (21, cf ) Tamar, Absalom (22), and David all carried anger because of Amnon s sin. Absalom nursed his anger at his brother for two years (23) before hatching a plot to kill him (29). Absalom fled and remained in exile for three years (38) Explore the Bible Commentary (Summer, 2002), p. 78: Sexual abuse touches and shatters many lives. Both abusers and their victims often live with deep, private feelings of shame. Sexual abuse brings physical, psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual suffering. We who are part of the Christian 3 / 9

4 community must not ignore the ugly problem of sexual abuse. The good news of Scripture is that God s Word and power can bring a process of healing. Devastating situations rarely have quick solutions; but in time, the healing can come. IV. Devastated In response the king stood up, tore his clothes, and lay down on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 But Jonadab, son of David s brother Shimeah, spoke up: My lord must not think they have killed all the young men, the king s sons, because only Amnon is dead. In fact, Absalom has planned this ever since the day Amnon disgraced his sister Tamar. 33 So now, my lord the king, don t take seriously the report that says all the king s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead. 34 Meanwhile, Absalom had fled. When the young man who was standing watch looked up, there were many people coming from the road west of him from the side of the mountain. 35 Jonadab said to the king, Look, the king s sons have come! It s exactly like your servant said. 36 Just as he finished speaking, the king s sons entered and wept loudly. Then the king and all his servants also wept bitterly. (13:31-36) HCSB, p. 519, 13:32 Jonadab clarified that only Amnon was dead, and he revealed that Absalom had planned Amnon s murder ever since Amnon had disgraced his sister Tamar. The text does not reveal how Jonadab knew Absalom s plans; perhaps it was only his theory, or perhaps he had overheard Absalom muttering threats. V. Separated 4 / 9

5 Now Absalom fled (27, cf 38-39) HCSB: p. 519: 13:37-38 Talmai was Absalom s maternal grandfather (3:3). He ruled Geshur, a small Aramean city-state along the eastern shore of the Sea of Galilee. Since Talmai was Absalom s grandfather and was on friendly terms with David, insisting on Absalom s return would have been politically difficult. Consequently, Absalom stayed three years in Geshur. 13:39 David missed Absalom, and he had finished grieving over Amnon s death. Yet he did not arrange for Absalom s homecoming. Whether from lack of fortitude or uncertainty about the right course of action, David s inaction would lead to further troubles. VI. Incomplete Reconciliation (14:1-33) A. Joab Plotted Absalom s Return (1-3) 1. Perceiving Joab... observed that the King s mind was on Absalom (1) Chapter 13 ended with The n King David longed to go to Absalom... (39) May God grant us all friends and associates who are perceptive as well as bold. Joab was David s nephew as well as his general. He understood David s need and was willing to act. He recruited an actress from Tekoa. 2. Pretending Pretend to be in mourning (2) Joab grew up near Tekoa and probably heard of the skill of this woman. In a way, she was to present an issue by storytelling in a similar fashion to the prophet, Nathan (12:1-4). 3. Portraying Then Joab told her exactly what to say. (3) Although deception was used, it would not ultimately be for harm but for good. Perhaps this was the only way that Joab felt the subject could be presented to David. 5 / 9

6 B. The Wise Woman Confronted David (4-17) 1. Anger Your servant has two sons. They were fighting in the field (6) The current royal problems were due, in a large measure, to anger. David and Absalom were angry at Amnon (13:21-22), and now David was angry with Absalom. 2. Avenger Please, may the King invoke the Lord your God, so that the avenger of blood will not increase the loss, and they will not eliminate my son (11) The woman was pleading for the bloodshed to cease, a foreshadowing of things to come for David. 3. Application Why have you devised something similar against the people of God? (13) The woman argued that given the sanctity (and brevity) of life, if Absalom were killed or exiled David would be depriving Israel of a prince. HCSB: p.520: 14:13 The woman gently but precisely drew a parallel between her situation and David s. Her words the king has pronounced his own guilt implied David was unwilling to give himself the same judgment he gave the woman. He was unwilling to restore Absalom, who had murdered Amnon. C. David Ordered Absalom s Return (18-22) David demonstrated his wisdom and discernment by, 1) not punishing the woman, 2) recognizing Joab s hand in the scheme, and 3) consenting to allow Absalom to return. Today, Joab said, your servant knows I have found favor with you... (22) By conspiring with the woman from Tekoa through deception, Joab had taken a substantial risk. Now he felt that the end justified the means. D. Absalom Returned to Jerusalem (23-28) 6 / 9

7 1. Problematic Return He may return to his house, but he may not see my face (24) a. Bitterness often results from a lack of forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32 makes the contrast clear: All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Incomplete forgiveness is not Biblical forgiveness. Nor is conditional forgiveness according to Christ s model. David allowed bitterness over Amnon s murder to curb his desire to reconcile with Absalom. b. Bitterness always strains relationships. Throughout the New Testament we are commanded to be people of thanksgiving (Eph. 5:20) and joy (Gal. 5:22). Bitterness sets boundaries and prevents us from having the kind of relationships Christ commands (John 13:34). David allowed Absalom to return to Jerusalem (23), but then kept him at arm s length (24). c. Bitterness usually sets the stage for further damage. Absalom was probably next in line for the throne. Forcing the heir apparent into exile for three years in Geshur (13:38) and into banishment from the palace (14:28) was humiliating to the vain Absalom and probably set the stage for his revolt in chapter Personal Traits No man in all Israel was as handsome and highly praised as Absalom (25). Good looks and a rich daddy made Absalom very popular. E. David and Absalom Were Reconciled (14:29-33) 1. What Does It Take to Get Your Attention? Why did your servants set my field on fire? (31) Dr. Bailey Smith has a powerful message entitled When God Has to Burn Your Barley Fields based on this passage. The principle is that God will ask gently at first but is committed to doing whatever it takes to get your attention about important spiritual matters. Unfortunately, many people don t get serious about spiritual things until they re in the midst of a crisis. Whether God removes His protection from 7 / 9

8 our lives in order to get our attention is a matter of serious debate. We know that a repetitive theme in the Bible is that obedience brings blessing while disobedience brings judgment. Perhaps God doesn t send bad things to get our attention; however, willfully straying from the course He has set opens us up to all sorts of sin and its consequences. 2. Is Lack of Forgiveness Worse Than Death? So now, let me see the king. If I am guilty, let him kill me. (32) Absalom s state was unbearable. For five years he had felt his father s cold shoulder. Bitterness and the lack of forgiveness is like a slow death. 3. Does Delayed Forgiveness Leave Scars? Then the king kissed Absalom (33) David s reluctant forgiveness contrasts with God s complete forgiveness. Application 1. The path to sin is well defined and often traveled. 2. While sin is often based on selfish desires, it may have far reaching consequences to many. 3. God s forgiveness (1 John 1:8-10) is a model for our forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32) Leader Pack Item 1: Map: David s Rise to Power; Item 9: Handout: Direct Descendants of David Illustrator, p. 10 Rape, Murder, and Ancient Jewish Law Notes: **You may access David s Lesson Preview in MP3 format at: g ; 8 / 9

9 Dates: 7/9-12 Houston 1:8; 7/22 HB Charles guest speaker; 7/20-26 RUSHWEEK 2018; 8/4 Inspirational Writers Conf.; 8/12 Welcome to the HUB; 8/13 All-Staff with FBA in Loop; 8/19 Kickoff Sunday; 8/25 ReFuel: Parenting with Purpose Conference; 9/3 Labor Day offices closed; 9/14-16 SPF Camp; 9/15 Men:Serve; 9/21 Marriage Matters; 9/23 LBS Fall Luncheon; 9/30 MIYCO; 9/30 SPF Family Camp Reflections in Oasis; 10/7 First Camp Reception 12:30 4:30; 10/14 Parent Commitment; 10/19-20 Women s Retreat; 10/27 Men:Serve; 10/31 Light the Night. 9 / 9