VOL 15:3 WINTER death and mourning

Transcription

1 VOL 15:3 WINTER 2012 death and mourning

2 by Rich Robinson As followers of Y shua, we have assurance of being inscribed forever in the Lamb s Book of Life. We don t talk as much about death as we talk beyond it. Yet for many of us, death is often present in our thoughts. This year Jews for Jesus lost one of its founders and a beloved staff member, Jhan Moskowitz. Friend and mentor to many, Jhan fell down a flight of subway stairs. Within twenty-four hours, he was gone. He left behind his wife and two adult daughters. Late last year, Holly Meyer, long-time Jews for Jesus staff member, died after an eighteen-month battle with ALS (Lou Gehrig s disease). Her husband Stan is now a single dad with a beautiful daughter they had adopted from China. Jhan left this world suddenly; Holly s physical health had gradually deteriorated over time. But whether expected or unexpected, it is always a shock to lose those we love. How do we respond to the death of a friend or a family member? Both Jewish and Christian traditions can help us navigate the uncertainty and confusion by providing frameworks and structures to guide us. Many of our traditions look to Scripture to express what cannot otherwise be expressed in times of grief. And Scripture offers us much. The Book of Lamentations is just what its title says, an extended outpouring of grief. Often the grief has to do with the entire community. God, why do you allow them to kill us? Other times, as with King David and his son, the outpouring is more individual. As we read through the Psalms, we find not only encouragement to express our grief, but also the companionship of others who have grieved before us. It Is Right to Hope Even as We Grieve Scripture also reminds us that we are not a people without hope. In fact, we have every right to be hopeful. But it s important to recognize that hope can, and often must, coexist with pain. Some misunderstand hope, especially when we know that our believing loved ones are with God. They reason that if we have this hope, we should not grieve. But it doesn t work that way, because mourning has to do with our immediate loss, while hope has to do with our future gain. We have God s promise that one day pain will be wiped away. Until then, mourning exists alongside hope. We can see this most clearly in Jesus response to the death of Lazarus in John 11. Though he knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the grave, still Jesus wept. When there is nothing to say, there is still weeping. And why did Jesus weep? Because, as the onlookers said, See how he loved him! The only way to avoid pain and grief is to avoid love, and that s too high a price to pay. But it is possible to grieve with hope. The Question That s Best Left Unanswered If you are familiar with the stages of grief (often called the grief cycle ), you know that anger is a natural part of our response to great loss. So it s not surprising that those who grieve are often angry. Perhaps angry at God, perhaps just at what seems to be the unfairness of it all. That anger sometimes expresses itself in the question, Why? Though that question may help people to process their grief, in the end it is probably not helpful to try to answer it. When Job suffered, his friends proffered many reasons for his pain, but the reason was hidden in the mystery of God s ways. Often when we cry out why?, we are not really looking for an answer. We are expressing that as far as we can tell, there can be no good reason for this suffering. That is how we feel in the moment, and few if any answers can offer comfort or help. I was once at a Bible study center where a young man fresh out of seminary spoke on the topic of suffering. He was armed with a list of good reasons why God allows suffering. Though well-intentioned, he came across as a bit naive and possibly smug, as if he had the corner on understanding suffering and could help others accept it based on his study. He did not strike me as someone who had yet experienced the kind of pain he had come to teach us about. The Trust That Tempers I find it more helpful to remember that while I may not understand the WHY of pain and suffering, I know and trust the WHO of my Creator and Redeemer. Trust tempers and (eventually) dissolves our anger so that it does not turn to bitterness. In their book The Tapestry, Francis and Edith Schaeffer compared life to the kind of thickly-woven fabric for which the book was named. The back side of a tapestry a seemingly disordered jumble of knots and colors is how we see much of our world. From our vantage point, things seem random; as John Lennon famously sang, Life is what happens while you re busy making other plans. Lennon was not a believer, but in all honesty, things do seem to happen randomly at times. But turn the tapestry over, and a beautiful picture emerges. That is life as God sees it. Can we trust him that the tapestry of life has a side not yet known to us? As ugly as death and suffering are, ultimately God transforms them to a backdrop of something glorious a future free from pain, complete triumph over sin and death, and an understanding of things we cannot yet begin to fathom. (Continued on page 4) It Is Right to Mourn Certainly it is right to mourn, and we ought not feel guilty or ashamed to do so. We need look no further than the Book of Psalms to see that God encourages us to express our emotions in times of pain and loss. In the many psalms of lamentation, the psalmist releases feelings of despair, hopelessness, even anger. He often asks God, Why me? PUBLISHED BY 60 HAIGHT ST, SAN FRANCISCO, CA TEL: FAX: HAVURAH@JEWSFORJESUS.ORG WEB: JEWSFORJESUS.ORG PRINTED IN THE U.S.A GUEST EDITOR: RUTH ROSEN, EDITOR: RICH ROBINSON ART, DESIGN, PRODUCTION: DAVID YAPP WINTER 2012, VOLUME 15:3 PUBLISHED QUARTERLY 3

3 (Continued from page 3) Can we then trust God? In our pain, trust may not come easily. Thankfully, our future hope does not depend on our level of trust, but on God and his promises. The Value of Solidarity No one should grieve alone. The Jewish tradition of sitting shiva demonstrates how people can simply be present and help with practical matters like meals. There is no script to recite to a mourner. The fact is, if you are consoling someone who is grieving, your presence in solidarity with them will often say more than any words. Words may help at some point, but the first thing is often simply to be there. A unique example of solidarity in silence was reported by The New York Times, 1 which told how numerous young people in Israel had their arms tattooed with the concentration camp numbers of their grandparents. Though upsetting to the survivors at first, many wept to know that their grandchildren did this as a way of keeping the memory alive. Solidarity without words. It is Right to Remember Proverbs 10:7 provides the phrase universally used in Judaism to refer to a departed one: The memory of the righteous will be a blessing. About the woman who anointed Jesus, it was said: Wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her (Matthew 26:13; Mark 14:9). Indeed, though Y shua rose from the dead, he told his disciples at the Last Supper to do this in remembrance of me (Luke 22:19; 1 Corinthians 11:24-25). When the time comes for words, it is helpful to speak to the mourners about your memories of the departed, what he or she meant to you. Keeping the memory alive helps in processing grief and in healing. Among our Jewish people, burial has been the traditional way of treating the body of the deceased. Though I don t believe the Bible forbids other methods such as cremation, burial was the normal pattern in the Scriptures. It reminds us not only that someone has passed, but that they were born and created, as it says about Adam, from the dust of the earth. A burial site also provides a personal way to memorialize someone s life in brief on a plaque or headstone, as well as a place of remembrance to return to in the future. Help From Jewish Tradition Tradition can enable us to move forward by specifying what to do in times of confusion and conflict. Its structure can be a steady rock in tumultuous times, and that certainly applies to times of mourning our loved ones. Traditionally, a burial society or chevra kaddisha existed in each Jewish community to offer assistance with burial and related matters. Such help from the community can still lift a tremendous burden from those who are already weighted down with grief. Those who are interested in forming such societies in Messianic communities would be doing a great service. We might want to use some existing traditions, but we might also want to create new ones. (For such a recently-formed Messianic society, see accompanying article, If You re Ever in Romania... or Chicago. ) The practice of sitting shiva was mentioned briefly above. Shiva means seven, though not all who participate will sit with the bereaved family for a full week after the funeral. During this time, the family traditionally does not wear leather shoes, puts on no makeup, and covers all mirrors in the house since mourners should neither have to worry about their appearance nor be tempted to vanity. Another tradition is for mourners to recite the well-known prayer, Kaddish, every day for eleven months following the death of a parent, or 30 days for other family members. This prayer simply consists of praise to God. Kaddish is a way of remembering, and is very important to many Jews who want to be sure that someone will be around to say Kaddish for them. Eleven months after the burial (often 30 days in Israel) comes the hakamat matzevah, the unveiling of the tombstone. This adds to the remembrance of loved ones with inscriptions of the name of the deceased, dates of birth and death, and other memorable information. Another traditional remembrance is for visitors to leave small pebbles on the tombstone. There are numerous explanations for this, mainly having to do with a way for others to mark the memory of the deceased. (For more detailed explanations, see bit.ly/jfjstones) (Continued on page 6) Our Losses, Our Thoughts For memorial comments or videos, please see the web links under each picture. Zecher tzaddik livrachah. Jhan Moskowitz, Stan Telchin, The memory of the righteous will be a blessing. Holly Meyer, Sveta Karpovetski, j4j.co/jfjblogjhan j4j.co/stantmemor Proverbs 10:7 j4j.co/hollymemor j4j.co/sveta 4 5

4 (Continued from page 5) On each annual anniversary of the passing, called the yahrzeit, it is traditional for mourners to light a 24-hour candle. And finally, mourners join the congregation in the Yizkor prayer recited at Passover, Shavuot, Yom Kippur and Sukkot. You may choose to practice some, all or none of these traditions, or to practice modified versions of them. Whatever your choice, remember that traditions can help us to grieve in solidarity (shiva) and to praise God together (Kaddish) in the midst of difficulty. when push comes to shove, these sentiments offer little hope or comfort. Mortality mocks us if it is the final word. The apostle Paul encourages us to not be like those who have no hope. As believers, our hope springs from the promise of resurrection. This doesn t mean that we are to stifle our emotions; recall that even Jesus didn t tell people to chill out when Lazarus died but wept along with the others. Still, the hope we have is not an emotion, but rather an understanding that God will undo the painful effects of this fallen world. 1 Corinthians 15 is the quintessential chapter of hope in the resurrection. For this reason, believers can comfort one another in a way the world cannot. Moving Forward In this world, eventually grief becomes a constant companion. But followers of Y shua also have a hope, indeed a comfort, that is nothing short of transcendent. It s common for secular Jews to say things like: I don t know what happens after death, I ll find out or We live on in our achievements, or in the memory of others. Or even, We prefer to think about life here and now, not after death. Judaism is about how to live in this world. But What About Friends and Family Who Didn t Know the Lord? I m not a proponent of wider hope theologies, which sometimes tend to maximize God s grace in salvation and minimize the need to believe in Jesus. Nevertheless, in the end, I would not pronounce on someone s eternal destiny. We don t know another person s heart or mind, some of which is hidden to all but God. If faith need only to be as big as a mustard seed, perhaps it s not up to us to try to measure it. Nor would I minimize the need for evangelism or repentance from sin. Yet in the end, we can trust the Lord of all the earth to do right. God is a God of grace and compassion as well as a God of justice. When it comes to the salvation of loved ones, we should guard our hearts against false hopes born of sentimentality, as well as guard our hearts from despair. We need to proclaim the gospel and leave the results to our loving Father in heaven. Will not the Judge of all the earth do right? (Genesis 18:25). In the end, as we think of moving forward in our response to grief and mourning, it is important to remember that we are in a process. The process is not necessarily linear, nor does it work the same for each person. What comforts one person may pain another. Faith, community and traditions are gifts from God to help us through. May he help each of us lean on him in our time of trouble, and may he give us strength to support one another. 1. bit.ly/jfjtattoos 6

5 if you re ever in... or Chicago by Ruth Rosen f you re ever in Romania, do me a favor: visit the Merry Cemetery. Yes, that s really it s name, and its uniqueness will make you smile. Check it out at bit.ly/jfj-merry. A lot of thought went into Merry Cemetery. According to the web site, Instead of the usual boring stone grave markers and marble mausoleums that populate just about every other graveyard in the world, each plot is adorned with a colorfully-painted wooden cross. For epitaphs, the markers offer up a glimpse into the lives of the dead through fun and sometimes funny poems. The entire cemetery was conceived as a unique way of immortalizing [this] community in a way that celebrated life instead of mourning death. While death is not funny, there s a lot to be said for a cemetery as a place to memorialize life. Especially is this true for followers of Y shua. Bob Mendelsohn, director of Jews for Jesus in Australia, wrote on his blog: Where will you be buried? Where will I be buried? I d like to be buried in a Jewish place.... I urge the leaders of the messianic world to join together in each continent, and find a suitable venue for the creation of a Jewish believer burial location. We need our own cemeteries. What do you think? 1 It so happens that some have already joined to do just as Bob suggested. The Messianic Jewish community has actually broached the subject before, and the proposals have now come to fruition. There is at least one Messianic Jewish cemetery that exists, thanks to the Messianic Jewish Burial Society of Chicago (MJBSC). 2 Painted gravestone at the Merry Cemetery The MJBSC still needs to officially name the cemetery and mark off the Messianic Jewish section. The proposed name is Ha She rit Ha Chaya, The Living Remnant, based on the thought of Romans 11:5. Amer Olson, an accomplished artist serving with Jews for Jesus in New York, has sketched a design for the marker. The MJBSC hopes to designate this section of the cemetery by August of Diverse Messianic congregations and ministries came together to realize this dream. If you know of other Messianic burial societies or cemeteries, please let us know. If you ve seen or even created a design you like for a Messianic Jewish headstone, we d love to see it and share it if you want to send us a link. Like the Merry Cemetery, we can memorialize life through intentional creativity as we work together. It may be through eyeopening visuals (as in Romania), or by quieter yet thought-provoking memorials. In these ways, we can show that though it is painful to be separated from loved ones in death, we Jews who believe in Jesus look forward to everlasting life with a sense of wonder, knowing that it will be beautiful beyond imagination. Havurah thanks Pastor Dan Strull of Olive Tree Congregation (Prospect Heights, Illinois) for his help with this article. Dan serves as part of the leadership team of the Harvest Committee of the Greater Chicago area, a Messianic cooperative network. 1. bitly.com/whereburied2 2. See the main article for the place of burial societies in traditional Jewish life. Merry Cemetery photo by Remus Perini, bitly.com/remuscclicense 7

6 060 Haight Street San Francisco CA NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION U.S. POSTAGE P A I D VOL VOL 15:3 WINTER I N S I D E D E A T H : H O W D O W E R E S P O N D N a v i g a t i n g g r i e f, h o p e, a n d u n a n s w e r e d q u e s t i o n s death and mourning I F Y O U R E E V E R I N R O M A N I A... O R C H I C A G O L e s s o n s f r o m t h e " M e r r y C e m e t e r y " O U R L O S S E S, O U R T H O U G H T S R e m e m b e r i n g f o u r t z a d d i k i m f r o m o u r J e w s f o r J e s u s f a m i l y and now for some lively opportunities BLUE MOSAIC, an evangelistic music team, is looking for Jewish believing musicians (vocalists, instrumentalists and singer-songwriters). The team will come together in June 2013 with a thirteen-month commitment. Team members will travel and sing throughout the U.S. in congregations, parks, festivals, and at open mikes. See the Blue Mosaic web page at j4j.co/joinblumo. For more information, contact Jeff Millenson at jeff.millenson@jewsforjesus.org or call x1151. CAMP GILGAL WWW (Wonderful Winter Weekends): Four camps will be held in New Jersey, the Midwest, and Northern and Southern California. For ages 8 17 or 18 (depending on the camp). For details, contact info and online registration, visit campgilgal.com. Camp Gilgal has been providing Jewish children and youth with a Messianic camping experience since 1991.