He that is slow to anger is rich in understanding, but he that is hasty of spirit (of short temper) exalts folly. (Proverbs 14:29)

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1 Department: Teen Department Article: How To Deal With Anger (Part 1) Date: April 4, 2002 He that is slow to anger is rich in understanding, but he that is hasty of spirit (of short temper) exalts folly. (Proverbs 14:29) A teen from Wilkinsburg, Pa asked us: How do you deal with anger? Answer: First of all, it depends upon what you are angry about that will determine how you should deal with it. There is a time to be angry, but it matters whether the anger is righteous or unrighteous anger. There is a fundamental difference in the two, but even in regard to the former, the response of righteous anger is to be one of wisdom and kindness and not of intent to get even. We are to hate works of wickedness, so much so as to not make intimate friends of those who are unwilling to give up doing evil and who scorn those who seek to live godly lives. Despite their ungodly living, we are still to care about their souls and pray that they will repent of the evil they do and come to Jesus. If you were to see someone hitting another with a club, you might well consider going to the aid of the other person, yet be fearful that in doing so you might get hurt. You might then wish that someone else would intervene and administer a beating to him for the violence you see being committed against another human being. If someone who was driving a car took offense at a foolish action on your part and in anger tried to drive your car you off the road, would you then have mean thoughts toward that driver, thoughts such as of liking to run that driver s vehicle off the road? Or what if a stranger walked up to you and dumped some green paint on your new outfit, would you feel anger and a desire to do something mean to him or her? If someone treats you with dislike and disrespect or contempt in front of your friends, and much of what they say is untrue, how do you usually respond? Most people would feel put down and hurt and respond by verbally challenging whoever was unkind to them. In addition, if they allow thoughts of hurt to remain before them resentment will set in. When such anger surfaces within us, how are we to handle it? We begin with a definition of anger. Merriam Webster defines anger as a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism. Webster s Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary describes it as a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence (hostility) aroused by a wrong. It may also be characterized as a boiling agitation of the feelings. Feelings or the emotion of anger frequently leads to an unrighteous response towards the offending party. Anger and the desire to do hurt, in return to those who do hurt or injure, is a common universal response of those who are living to please themselves rather than to please the Lord. Unrighteous anger is also displayed in the lives of many Christians. This should not be! The reason: They are not wholly submitted to the Lord. 1

2 Something may be stolen from us, property that we loan out may be damaged through the carelessness or indifference of another, or our character may be smeared by the resentment or hatred of others toward our person. One person may covet something that another has, or a position he or she holds in society. A person may be cut from his or her job, and anxiety and stress and the pressure to pay bills on time mounts. There are many things that people do that incites anger. Anger that gets out of control often leads to violence against a person or persons, and against their property. This generation is characterized by impatience and irritation. People hate to be made to wait. You re wasting my time! In part, because of the pace and the mindset of society, people become easily irritated if things don t go the way they desire. Where has respect for parents and superiors, and what was once considered common courtesy gone? To voice or show anger or disgust is the usual response to insult, put-down, and unfair treatment. People of this generation become quickly frustrated when they are denied something they want, or their needs or wishes are not quickly met. Modern society is full of impatient people, who rush about in a flurry to get things done. Most living is vain living having no benefit to the spirit of man and to the kingdom of God. To be frequently in a hurry to get things done is a sign of spiritual weakness in a life that is lived to serve the flesh. To always be in a hurry to go places and to do things foments anger. It can help you if you will accept and apply this truth that: All agitation is destructive of good. The corruptness of the human heart must be seen as the number one factor in unrighteous anger. Unrighteous anger, anger that is not justified before God, must be put off, or it will be injurious to your life. It can cause the loss of friendships, whereby a person is no longer considered to be welcome in the presence of others, as well as loss of respect, even by members of one s own family. Unrighteous anger cannot be adequately dealt with apart from the help of the Holy Spirit. The reason: unrighteous anger is a product of the flesh in us, and the flesh is enmity against God that is, it is strongly opposed to God, and resents interference from Him and others. There are times when it is appropriate to show anger, for example, when we see someone s rights seriously violated by unjustified physical assault or when people s basic human rights are violated by an autocratic government or a despotic ruler. Whatever the circumstance may be, our response must be measured in the light of the word and will of the Lord. Thus, even though one may have righteous anger, any response ought to be that which accords with righteousness. Strong feelings or emotions must be governed by the word of God, with wisdom and mercy, and in love. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry. (Ecclesiastes 7:9) 2

3 Although there are situations when it is OK to be angry, we need to guard ourselves against being long angry. Anger that is carried about can turn into hate and bitter deep-seated ill will. A danger in unresolved anger is that it may erupt into speaking and doing evil against those who have not harmed us in any way, or who may say or do something very small that irritates us, and like a stopper on a boiling kettle of water, the pressure is released and spills over causing hurt to others. It is well to keep in mind that the harboring of anger will be manifested in some measure in all other relationships. To embrace anger and hold to it as one would cling to something that is precious, and such as to be not willing to part with it, is to be avoided. Such behavior will wreak havoc in your life. God always has the good of others in mind in everything He does, and His children are to follow after Him, to learn from Him how to respond to temptation and difficulties in life. When anger surfaces, we need to be quick to ask ourselves: Why is this happening? Do I do well to be angry? And we should not be hesitant to ask the Lord, Lord Jesus, how would you have me to respond to this? Unrighteous anger towards anyone involves an assault on a person s integrity and the personhood of an individual, and it puts down someone Jesus died for. Resentment is a companion of unrighteous anger. Self is offended anytime it is put down or rebuffed. Unrighteous anger always has negative forces attached to it. Who could not list many things that have been done that have betrayed friendship, caused heartache and suffering, disparaged another s character, or even caused serious injury or the death of another? In how many ways might we have wronged or failed others, even of those who were among our close friends? There are many things that happen to people that arouses anger in them. The reason is this: the self in us cannot handle offense. Self hates and rejects all criticism. That is why Jesus commanded everyone: If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whosoever would save his life shall lose it; but whosoever will lose his life for My sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man profited, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself and be cast away? (Luke 9:23-5) You have heard that it has been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, that you resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Matthew 5:38-9) We must avoid being revengeful. We may resist evil in so far as our lives are endangered, but we are not to return evil for evil. We are not to bear grudges, nor avenge ourselves, nor to take thought of how we might get even with those who have done evil to us or dealt with us in an unkind way. To do so is to behave just as they. We are to go beyond pettiness and to return good for evil, by forgiving them and desiring they repent and come to find life and purpose and fulfillment in Jesus. The law of retaliation must be made consistent with the law of love: 3

4 nor, if any have injured us, is our recompense in our own hands, but in the hands of God it will not justify us in hurting our brother to say that he began (it). (Matthew Henry) The reason it is hard to turn the other cheek is because of self. Self is always selfserving. It always wants to assert to itself recognition and to appear to always be in the right. Moreover, self demands attention and acceptance and does not like to be put off or denied. One of the ways to handle injury or hurt is this: instead of purposing to return hurt for hurt or insult for insult, accept that this is the way most people function, that they truly do not understand that what they do causes hurt to themselves, and to purpose to be kind to them in return. Usually the wisest course of action to follow is to ignore the offense, to take no notice of it, to forgive it and forget it. When we are ill-treated, we are to not allow ill-treatment to disturb our rest in Jesus, but to trust the Lord that in His providence and care of us, He will protect, defend, and vindicate us in whatever way He may choose and if it be not in the immediate future, to allow that His decisions always have what is best for us in view. Jesus wants us to understand that when others treat us in unrighteousness, if we will respond as He asks of us, we are to then accept that shame and hurt patiently endured works in us an eternal weight of glory. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh Knowing that He Who raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise us up also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many have an effect for good (might account) to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day, For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11,14-18) Small injuries should be submitted to with no dwelling on getting even. As we grow in the Lord we are not even to take thought of them, but to ignore them; and if the injury is to require reparation, it must be for a good end, and without thought of revenge: though we must not invite injuries, yet we must meet them cheerfully in the way of duty (Matthew Henry), and strive to be more like Jesus in how we handle offenses. People who assault the character of others or do other unkindness to them do so because they themselves are hurting inside. 4

5 This only serves to feed the self-life in them. You do understand that when people are putting you down or are not willing to cooperate, or if they openly oppose you, that your natural inner tendency is to attack them in return. Know that this is always a dumb response. In answering the question, How do I deal with anger? the first step is to commit your life to Jesus. (We will touch on this later.) Next is to: Be wise to what is best for you by being loving and forgiving. We must always seek to be charitable and kind; not only must we not want to hurt our neighbors, but we must labor to do them good when it is within our power to do so. When you find yourself giving way to anger, ask yourself: If I express how I feel at this time, will what I say or do serve to promote good or evil? If persisted in, will my feelings of anger tend to resolve conflict or injustice, or will they serve to divide or alienate? If I express my feelings, are they likely to worsen relationships or to injure another s feelings or be a put down of his or her character? We are not saying all anger is evil. We are saying that most anger that people manifest in non-physically violent ways has one or both of two aspects: (1) It has as its purpose to get even or payback for injury, threat, or assault against self, or for other injury or loss; (2) It is a response of feelings of insecurity, disappointment, frustration, impatience, or of a series of injuries, hardships, or losses that have taken place in one s life. Jesus showed righteous anger or indignation in His cleansing of the temple because of the works of wickedness that was being conducted therein. (John 2:13-6; Matthew 21:12-3. See also James 1:19-20; Romans 12:19; Ecclesiastes 7:9.) But His anger was vented in a way to show God s disapproval with what was taking place in the temple and not against the personhood of the individuals that were conducting business activities in the house of sacrifice and worship. He overturned the tables and drove the money-changers out of the temple. Their conduct was a most serious violation of the law concerning sacrifices and offerings for sins. His was an act of holy wrath and indignation. The nature of the crime that was being committed required no halfway measure to show the Divine displeasure at their defiance of the proper use of the house of the Lord. Jesus used a whip to show His great displeasure at the wickedness that was being committed. That what Jesus did at the temple had the approval of His Father is shown from Scripture. And He shall sit like a refiner and purifier of silver; and He shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness. (Malachi 3:3) Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity; why lookest Thou upon them that deal treacherously and holdest Thy tongue when the wicked devourest the one that is more righteous than he? (Habakkuk 1:13) 5

6 The longsuffering of the Lord is marvelous, but there comes a time when He must and will deal with wickedness. Consider what Solomon recorded: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven a time to keep silence, and a time to speak I know that, whatsoever God does, it shall be forever; nothing can be added to it, not any thing taken from it; and God does it, that men should fear before Him. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7b,14) In the cleansing of the Temple, the Lord acted in accord with the will of His Father. How could the Temple leadership have allowed this to be taking place in God s house? It was an open act of defiance against the holiness of God. They were more interested in making a profit than they were in doing that which reverenced the Lord and served their best interest. It was a corrupt priesthood that had permitted this. The sellers of oxen, sheep, and doves as well as those who where involved in the exchange of money were serving their selfish interests and not the purposes of the Lord to sanctify a people unto Himself. They had forgotten the true worship of God. Jesus was calling this fact to their attention in a way that was Divinely sanctioned. Understand from this that our actions need to be ordered and supported by the will and purpose of God for our lives, and not on the basis of the desires of self, the weakness of the flesh, in us. It is worth repeating: Not only are we to order our responses to that which are Divinely approved but we are not to allow the sun to go down on our irritation. Any unrighteous anger aroused in us should not be allowed to remain long in our hearts, much less to be carried around as though cherished. If we have not had any bones broken, no serious injury to our body, no great loss of property, and even if we have, we are to work to the peaceable solution of any conflict to that end which will be a blessing to our selves and our families and those who have hurt or annoyed us. And that you put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness Be ye angry, but sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath; Neither give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:24,26-7) Unrighteous anger brings even the Christian s heart into a state where the enemy may entice him into further sin and such as might lead to a breaking or destroying of fellowship with Jesus. We need to work within ourselves with the help of the Holy Spirit such that at the first appearance of anger a warning signal goes off, and our first response be to do nothing but to apply the principal of charity, which suffers long and is kind, and to think thoughts of love rather than ill-will to whomever has challenged or attacked us. Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Living Bible) 6

7 Stand in reverence, in fear of God, and sin not. If you do have a just occasion to be angry, be on guard that it be without sin or offense against God, and be careful to guard against excess in your anger..to be continued 7