THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY LIFE TABLE OF CONTENTS

Transcription

1 LIFE 5 3Christian Family is a course comprised of five sections, each designed to help the student understand his or her role in the family. They are: (a) The Christian Family - Laying the Theological Groundwork, (b) Divine Romance, (c) Marital Intimacy, (d) Proactive Parenting, and (e) Divine Sex, and (f) Centrality of the Local Church. THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY TABLE OF CONTENTS THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY...4 DIVINE ROMANCE...14 MARITAL INTIMACY...26 PROACTIVE PARENTING...33 DIVINE SEX...42 THE CENTRALITY OF THE LOCAL CHURCH...56 MENTOR GUIDE

2 Servant Leaders RESOURCE Copyright 2016 Servant Leaders International Visit our website: All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior permission of the Publisher or Authors of this content. Written requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to David M. Graef at dmgraef@live.com. He can also be reached at (616) Credits Author: David Graef and Cameron Woolford Graphic Design: Ashley Day

3 course: the christian family Description: Christian Family is a course comprised of six sections, each designed to help the student understand his or her role in the family. They are: (a) The Christian Family - Laying the Theological Groundwork, (b) Divine Romance, (c) Marital Intimacy, (d) Proactive Parenting, (e) Divine Sex, and (f) Centrality of the Local Church. Objectives: Upon completion of this course, the student should be able to Appreciate the design and differences between the genders. Appreciate God s design for heterosexual, marital sex, and be able to recognize any sexual counterfeit. Describe the priority and roles of each family member. Understand the principle desires and duties of husbands and wives, and how to follow Christ s example in marriage relationships. Guide children in the nurture and admonition of the LORD. Know how to develop a proactive plan to guide children. Know how to respond when children get off track. Understand the role of the local church in his or her spiritual development. Learning Inputs: 1. Attendance of course lectures 2. Completion of assigned reading Outcome Activities: 1. Complete Homework Assignments 2. Complete Final Project 3 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY

4 THE SECTION CHRISTIAN 1 TITLE FAMILY: INTRODUCTION NOTES PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer Psalm 127 velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. 1 Unless the Lord builds the house, Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, the builders labor in vain. efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci God consequat must be accumsan. at the center of our home. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. 2 In vain you rise early Duis id ante ac dui scelerisque faucibus vitae vel turpis. and stay up late, toiling for food to eat Sed egestas erat sit It amet is impossible velit vestibulum, to succeed a lobortis without risus Him. ultrices. for he grants sleep to those he loves. 3 Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one s youth. Having a family is a gift from God. Ut vel lorem ac quam ultrices tempus at sed mi. 5 Blessed is the man It is a blessing. whose quiver is full of them. Morbi in mi eget elit vestibulum faucibus. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents Morbi in court. quis elit egestas, maximus lacus quis, faucibus lectus. Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque. The Bow and Arrow Analogy: Praesent eu turpis tempor, malesuada mi vel, gravida est. The archer provides two things: 1. POWER - As parents, it is our responsibility to equip our children. Phasellus in turpis commodo, ultrices ligula nec,. 2. DIRECTION - It is also our duty to point them in the right direction. Integer eget arcu consectetur, tempor quam eget, iaculis libero. Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem. Etiam lobortis erat quis quam dapibus, non laoreet sem laoreet. 4 THE section CHRISTIAN 1 TITLEFAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

5 PART 1: Out of all our relationships, which is the most important? 1. The First Relationship in Creation: GOD (Genesis 1:27) - God created us to have an INTIMATE relationship with Himself. - If we do not fulfill this PURPOSE, we lose all MEANING in life. GOD SPOUSE CHILDREN 2. The Second Relationship in Creation: SPOUSE (Genesis 2:18-25) - God called Creation GOOD, but said it was not good that man was ALONE. - God created the woman out of Adam s own FLESH. - Adam responded with POETRY. - NUDITY is only appropriate within this relationship. (Intimacy) 3. The Third Relationship in Creation: CHILDREN (Genesis 4:1, 25) - This relationship DEPENDS upon the other two. - Children bear the IMAGE of God, just like their parents. Are we sure that the last two aren t switched around? In many parts of the world, the relationship between parents and their children is considered more important than the relationship between a husband and wife. Sometimes, I believe it is because children s biological parents aren t even married. However, even if they are married, the value of the marriage has gone down in recent years. Oprah Winfrey once said, Your spouse is nothing more than the person you chose to have sex with, but your children are yours forever. You share the same blood. This declaration exposes the belief that blood is thicker than vows, but that s not what the Bible says. (Notice that we are adopted into the family of God.) What does Genesis 2:23-24 teach? FATHER MOTHER This relationship is PERMANENT. FATHER This relationship is TEMPORARY. 5 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

6 The Relationship Chain: Relationship with NOTES GodPARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales quis nibh ut, posuere maximus - Invest time in nibh. your relationship Nunc sed sem with sollicitudin, God. maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci - Develop intimacy purus, with ut gravida Him. ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula - Model that relationship in front of your FAMILY. risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, Relationship with your vel suscipit Spouse sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu - Go on romantic odio. DATES Morbi id with mi your bibendum, spouse. efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed - Develop intimacy sit amet with velit him non or her. orci consequat accumsan. - Model that relationship in front of your CHILDREN. Relationship with Duis your id Children ante ac dui scelerisque faucibus vitae vel turpis. Sed egestas erat sit amet velit vestibulum, a lobortis risus ultrices. - Get involved in your children s lives and interests. - Develop intimacy with them. - Model that relationship in front of OTHER FAMILIES. Erroneous Thought #1: GOD Ut vel lorem ac quam ultrices tempus at sed mi. I m not a very spiritual person, but I m a good wife and mom. Morbi in mi eget elit vestibulum faucibus. SPOUSE Morbi quis elit egestas, maximus lacus quis, faucibus lectus. Why is this thinking erroneous? Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque. CHILDREN It s erroneous because... Praesent eu turpis tempor, malesuada mi vel, gravida est. (a) It does not take our PURPOSE into account. We were created to have an intimate relationship with God. We don t fulfill our own purpose. (b) We don t teach our CHILDREN how to have a relationship with God. (c) It is GOD who helps us have good relationships in the family. Phasellus in turpis commodo, ultrices ligula nec,. (d) [Let the students add their own.] Integer eget arcu consectetur, My relationship tempor with quam God eget, isn t iaculis so good, libero. (e) but I m a good husband and dad. Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem. (f) Etiam lobortis erat quis quam dapibus, non laoreet sem laoreet. (g) 6 section THE CHRISTIAN 1 TITLEFAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

7 Erroneous Thought #2: LEARNING OBJECTIVE 1 Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer GOD pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien I may congue. not be a Duis good non wife, tincidunt but I m dui. a Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. good Morbi mom. id mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat accumsan. SPOUSE Why Nam is tempus this thinking tortor erroneous? nec condimentum aliquam. CHILDREN It s erroneous because... Etiam auctor tellus at augue porttitor, non elementum ex accumsan. (a) We aren t good MODELS of intimacy for our children. In (b) faucibus We don t velit help ac our condimentum kids learn to aliquet. have an INTIMATE relationship with their future spouses. 1. Proin luctus ipsum ac est lobortis porta. (c) It divides the AUTHORITY, causing chaos in the home. I don t have a good relationship with 2. (d) Maecenas [Let the students tristique add dolor their id diam own.] my wife, but I m a good dad. tristique, non convallis diam sodales. (e) (f) 3. Donec dapibus sem eget leo commodo, sed faucibus felis fermentum. (g) 4. Ut sit amet lacus id est congue facilisis ac eget ligula. PART 2: The Value and Roles of Each Gender 26 Then God said, Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish 5. in Aliquam the sea and id arcu the ac birds magna in the venenatis sky, over euismod. the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. Genesis 1:26-28 LEARNING OBJECTIVE 2 Vivamus A. Their Value nibh eros, laoreet ac imperdiet ac, dignissim quis nisi. Vivamus nibh magna, ornare vel lobortis auctor, sollicitudin eu 1. Both are made in the IMAGE and LIKENESS of God. AENEAN A ERAT VITAE DUI VULPUTATE odio. Fusce eu erat aliquam, venenatis augue sit amet, malesuada 2. lorem. God BLESSED Nulla vulputate both the venenatis man and pretium. the woman. Proin hendre- VULPUTATE ET EU ODIO. MORBI ID MI BIBENDUM, EFFICITUR MASSA NON, DAPIrit placerat mi vitae ultricies. Duis elit sapien, interdum malesuada 3. Both viverra have a, porta the same ut arcu. RESPONSIBILITY Praesent sagittis to rule over nibh the lectus, animal kingdom. BUS JUSTO. SED SIT AMET VELIT NON ORCI CONSEQUAT ACCUMSAN. et ullamcorper purus pretium id. Etiam sagittis, nisi non varius Therefore, they both have the same VALUE. dapibus, est ligula fringilla ex, quis tempor dui sem id tellus. 7 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL 7 section GROUNDWORK 1 TITLE

8 B. Their Roles 3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, LEARNING and the head OBJECTIVE of Christ 1 is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel 1. CHRIST is the head of every man. suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate 2. vulputate The MAN et is the eu odio. head Morbi of the id woman. mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat accumsan. 3. GOD is the head of Christ. Does God have more value than Christ? NO. Nam tempus tortor nec condimentum aliquam. Affirmation: Etiam auctor tellus at augue porttitor, non elementum ex accumsan. The idea that value and authority are in direct proportion is a HUMAN and ERRONEOUS idea. In the eyes of the world... In faucibus velit ac condimentum aliquet. 1. Proin luctus ipsum ac est lobortis porta. 2. Maecenas tristique dolor id diam tristique, non convallis diam sodales. 3. Donec dapibus sem eget leo commodo, sed faucibus felis fermentum. BOSS $100, Ut sit amet lacus id est congue facilisis ac eget ligula. V.P. 5. Aliquam id arcu ac magna venenatis euismod. MANAGER $60,000 $40,000 LEARNING OBJECTIVE EMPLOYEE 2 $30,000 Vivamus nibh eros, laoreet ac imperdiet ac, dignissim quis nisi. Vivamus nibh magna, ornare vel lobortis auctor, sollicitudin eu AENEAN A ERAT VITAE DUI VULPUTATE But odio. what Fusce does eu the erat Bible aliquam, say? venenatis augue sit amet, malesuada lorem. Nulla vulputate venenatis pretium. Proin hendre- VULPUTATE ET EU ODIO. MORBI ID MI At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, Who, then, is BIBENDUM, the greatest EFFICITUR in the kingdom MASSA of NON, heaven? DAPIrit placerat mi vitae ultricies. Duis elit sapien, interdum malesuada viverra a, porta ut arcu. Praesent sagittis nibh lectus, 2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. BUS 3 JUSTO. And he SED said: SIT AMET Truly VELIT I tell you, NON unless ORCI you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom CONSEQUAT of heaven. ACCUMSAN. 4 Therefore, et ullamcorper purus pretium id. Etiam sagittis, nisi non varius whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:1-4 dapibus, est ligula fringilla ex, quis tempor dui sem id tellus. Affirmation: Leadership is just another way to SERVE! 8 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK 7 section 1 TITLE

9 Part 3: Marital Intimacy 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as LEARNING you do to OBJECTIVE the Lord. 23 For 1 the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, Donec of sed which ex finibus, he is the vehicula Savior. 24 risus Now eget, as the commodo church submits diam. Integer to Christ, pretium so also nulla wives lacinia should diam submit sagittis, to their vel husbands suscipit sapien in everything. congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her orci consequat accumsan. holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no Nam tempus tortor nec condimentum aliquam. one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church 30 for we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united Etiam auctor tellus at augue porttitor, non elementum ex accumsan. to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:21-23 In faucibus velit ac condimentum aliquet. 1. Proin luctus ipsum ac est lobortis porta. 2. Maecenas tristique WOMAN dolor id diam tristique, non convallis diam sodales. MAN Principal Duty: Principal Desire: 3. Donec dapibus Submit sem to eget your leo commodo, sed faucibus felis fermentum. To be respected husband Love GROWS 4. Ut sit amet lacus id est congue facilisis ac eget ligula. Principal Desire: 5. Aliquam id arcu ac magna venenatis euismod. To be loved Principal Duty: Love your wife LEARNING OBJECTIVE 2 Vivamus nibh eros, laoreet ac imperdiet ac, dignissim quis nisi. Vivamus nibh magna, ornare vel lobortis auctor, sollicitudin eu odio. Fusce eu erat aliquam, venenatis augue sit amet, malesuada lorem. Nulla vulputate venenatis pretium. Proin hendrerit placerat mi vitae ultricies. Duis elit sapien, interdum malesuada viverra a, porta ut arcu. Praesent sagittis nibh lectus, et ullamcorper purus pretium id. Etiam sagittis, nisi non varius dapibus, est ligula fringilla ex, quis tempor dui sem id tellus. AENEAN A ERAT VITAE DUI VULPUTATE VULPUTATE ET EU ODIO. MORBI ID MI BIBENDUM, EFFICITUR MASSA NON, DAPI- BUS JUSTO. SED SIT AMET VELIT NON ORCI CONSEQUAT ACCUMSAN. 9 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL 7 section GROUNDWORK 1 TITLE

10 How Selfishness destroys the Relationship... [Follow the s] 6 WOMAN 7 MAN 8 Principal Duty: Submit to your husband Principal Desire: To be respected Principal Desire: To be loved 3 Principal Duty: Love your wife 1 2 Observations: 1. In an environment of selfishness, love WANES. Selfishness is the ENEMY of love. 2. If the wife does not submit to her husband, he will LOOK FOR RESPECT SOMEWHERE ELSE. (at work, in ministry, with another woman, etc.) 3. If the husband does not love his wife, she will LOOK FOR LOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE. (in other relationships.) 4. Usually, the marriage will end in DIVORCE. 5. Biblically, we are responsible to fulfill our duty even if our marriage partner does not complete their duty. (Does Christ still love us when we haven t been completely submissive?) 10 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

11 Our Role Model: CHRIST WOMAN MAN Principal Duty: Submit to your husband Principal Desire: To be respected...as we submit to Christ. Principal Desire: To be loved Principal Duty: Love your wife...as Christ loved the church. Observations: Men: 1. Christ LOVES us even when we don t submit to Him. 2. Christ SACRIFICED HIMSELF for our benefit. 3. Christ s love is SELFLESS, not SELFISH. Women: 4. It is IMPOSSIBLE to follow Christ, if we don t follow the husband He has given us. 5. We must submit to our husbands WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, not just with our external actions. (Don t be a Pharisee wife!) 11 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

12 Suggestions & Warnings: Men: 1. Don t DEMAND respect. Try to win it. 2. You must love your wife, even if she does not RESPECT you. 3. Don t SURRENDER your authority to your wife. 4. VALUE your wife s opinions as much as your own. Women: 1. Don t demand LOVE. Try to win it. 2. You must submit to your husband, even when he does not DESERVE it. 3. Do not UNDERMINE your husband s authority. 4. RESPECT your husband s opinions. Part 4: The Relationship between Parents & Children Biblical Parenthood: Usually, what is it that parents desire for their kids? Biblically INTELLIGENT WISE POPULAR FRIENDLY ATHLETIC MASCULINE ATTRACTIVE FEMININE 12 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

13 4 PARENTING PARADIGMS PARADIGM GOAL ROLE The BIRD Paradigm INDEPENDENCE PROVIDER The BUDDHA Paradigm IGNORANCE OF EVIL PROTECTOR The BOSS Paradigm IMPERIALISM (SOVEREIGNTY) PATROLMAN The BIBLE Paradigm INSTRUCTION PREPARER Observations: 1. Every false paradigm contains a portion of TRUTH. As parents, should we provide for our kids? As parents, should we protect for our kids? As parents, should we patrol our kids behavior? Yes, but with the goal that our kids eventually are able to do it for themselves. We want them to be able to protect themselves, and take charge of their own lives. 2. The words Instruction, and Prepare imply that parents should be PROACTIVE, not just REACTIVE. For this reason, we have developed an entire workshop called Proactive Parenting. 3. When your children grow up, they will have to learn how to start their own family. That is why we have also created the workshop for teens and parents of teens called Romantic Relationships. PROACTIVE PARENTING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Thank you for attending this workshop. Please fill out an evaluation form because at Servant Leaders, we consistently seek to improve the content and presentation of Biblical truths! 13 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

14 NOTES PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis ipsum DIVINE at placerat. Phasellus pharetra ROMANCE orci purus, ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat accumsan. What is the goal anyway? A. To have a series of passionate, but short- lived tragic relationships. Duis id ante ac dui scelerisque faucibus vitae vel turpis. B. To have a life-long, mutually enjoyable, mutually edifying relationship. Sed egestas erat sit amet velit vestibulum, a lobortis risus ultrices. When it comes to romance, everyone says that they are looking for a love that lasts, but we have to understand that our society, our human nature, and our systems of dating all lead us away from that goal. Dave Graef How many romantic relationships actually endure? 2 Questions to Ponder: Ut vel lorem ac quam ultrices tempus at sed mi. 1. How many romances does a person have before marriage? 1. (None Morbi of in which mi eget lasted.) elit vestibulum faucibus. 2. Morbi quis elit egestas, maximus lacus quis, faucibus lectus. 2. How many marriages end in divorce? (~ 50%) 3. Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque. 4. Praesent eu turpis tempor, malesuada mi vel, gravida est. Phasellus in turpis commodo, ultrices ligula nec,. A. Integer eget arcu consectetur, tempor quam eget, iaculis libero. B. Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem. C. Etiam lobortis erat quis quam dapibus, non laoreet sem laoreet. 814 section THE CHRISTIAN 1 TITLE FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

15 3 3 Guides for a Spiritually Healthy Romance Biblical RULES COURSE DESCRIPTION PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate Our PARENTS vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur Biblical massa WISDOM non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat accumsan. Observations: SECTION TITLE PAGE 1. All three guides go against our HUMAN NATURES at times. 2. Biblical rules exist for our own WELL-BEING. God s goal is not for us to avoid fun in the world. In fact, He wants us to experience OPTIMAL joy. 3. Even if my parents did not do things well, I can learn from their MISTAKES. LEARNING OBJECTIVES 4. There are activities that may not be PROHIBITED, but they are not WISE. 1 learning objective 2 learning objective 3 learning objective 4 learning objective 5 learning objective 6 learning objective 7 learning objective 15 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

16 3 GUIDE #1: BIBLICAL RULES Rule #1: Avoid IMMORALITY. 8 Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell; 1 Corinthians 10:8 Observations: COURSE DESCRIPTION PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit 1. There is a list of sexual sins amet, found consectetur in Leviticus adipiscing 18. The most elit. common Maecenas among leo dui, sodales them are: quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis (a) Fornication - ANY SEX ipsum OUTSIDE at placerat. OF MARRIAGE Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, (b) Adultery - SEX WITH SOMEONE laoreet hendrerit ELSE S SPOUSE, turpis. Donec OR SEX sed WITH ex SOMEONE finibus, vehicula OTHER THAN risus YOUR SPOUSE. eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam (c) Homosexuality - SEXUAL sagittis, ACTIVITY vel suscipit WITH SOMEONE sapien congue. OF THE SAME Duis non SEX/GENDER. tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate 2. Sex, then, is a beautiful expression vulputate of et MARITAL eu odio. intimacy. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat accumsan. should be reserved for relationships that 3. Sexual expressions, then, are: (a) Monogamous - SEXUALLY EXCLUSIVE (b) Heterosexual - INVOLVING COMPLEMENTARY GENDERS SECTION TITLE PAGE (c) Sealed with a vow - MARRIED 4. Sex is intended to be PLEASURABLE within the context of marriage, and immorality is designed to ROB us of the profound joy that God intended for us. Rule #2: Avoid any HINT of immorality. 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God s holy people. LEARNING (NIV) Ephesians 5:3 OBJECTIVES Observations: 1 learning objective 2 learning objective 1. The idea is that if an activity will cause you to start thinking about sex (outside the context of marriage), it is SIN. 3 learning objective 4 learning objective 21 You shall not covet your neighbor s wife; and you shall not desire your neighbor s house, his field, his male servant, his female servant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that is your 5 learning neighbor s. objective Deuteronomy 5:21 2. We should never play with FIRE. 6 learning objective 7 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the 7 does learning of the objective field. Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases. Song of Solomon 2:7 x 16 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

17 3 Rule #3: Avoid sexual LUST. 27 You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28 Observations: 1. PORNOGRAPHY is a joy thief. COURSE It will steal DESCRIPTION your marital PARAGRAPH joy and leave Lorem only temporal ipsum dolor physical sit satisfaction in its place. amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, 2. When we see someone of the maximus opposite odio sex at, who interdum is dressed purus. to tempt Nullam us, fermentum we should look sagittis away. ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida 1 I have made a covenant with ligula my commodo eyes; Why id. then Integer should velit I look risus, upon tincidunt a young at arcu woman? eget, Job 31:1 laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus GUIDE #2: OUR PARENTS eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. 2 Principles: Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa Principle #1: As long as we live non, under dapibus our parents justo. Sed PROVISION, sit amet we velit are non obligated orci consequat to OBEY accumsan. them. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Colossians 3:20 [A Bishop must be ] 4 one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence 1 Timothy 3:4 SECTION TITLE PAGE Principle #2: It is WISE to listen to your parents advice, and FOOLISH to ignore it. 8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; 9 For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9 1 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother. Proverbs 10:1 LEARNING OBJECTIVES 5 A fool despises his father s instruction, but he who receives correction is prudent. Proverbs 15:5 1 learning objective 2 learning objective 3 learning objective 4 learning objective 5 learning objective 6 learning objective 7 learning objective 17 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

18 GUIDE #3: BIBLICAL WISDOM 3 Kinds of Attraction: 1. PHYSICAL Attraction 2. PERSONALITY Attraction 3. CHARACTER Attraction The Chronological Order: PHYSICAL Attraction How long does it take you to realize if a person is physically attractive or not? (usually < 1 second.) PERSONALITY Attraction How long does it take you to realize if you like a person s personality or not? (usually 1 or two encounters.) CHARACTER Attraction How long does it take you to really get to know a person s character? (Much longer.) The Order of Importance: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 1. Beauty is FLEETING. PHYSICAL Attraction 2. Charm is DECEPTIVE. PERSONALITY Attraction 3. Character is worthy of PRAISE. CHARACTER Attraction 18 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

19 A Fishing Analogy A shallow person will fish in SHALLOW water. If there is a nice outward appearance, he or she is interested. If she s pretty, I m interested. PHYSICAL Attraction A DEEPER person will fish in deeper water. To him, PERSONALITY counts for something too. If she s pretty and fun, I m interested. PERSONALITY Attraction A DEEP person will fish in bottom of the lake. To him, CHARACTER must be assessed to really interest him. If she s pretty, fun, and spiritually mature, I m interested. CHARACTER Attraction THE DO S & DON TS OF A HEALTHY ROMANCE 3 Don ts: Don t #1: Don t let PHYSICAL BEAUTY be what attracts you. Just because someone is physically attractive, does not mean that you will have compatible personalities, or that the person will have an attractive character. There s nothing wrong with noticing that someone is physically attractive, but calm your initial reactions. Don t get too interested too quickly. Remember, this is a shallow attraction. Problem: One of the problems with physical attraction is a phenomenon called PROJECTION. That is, when a person is physically attracted to a person, he will project desirable personality and character traits upon that person, whether they are accurate or not. In other words, we see the person for whom we want them to be, not for who they really are. This would explain a lot of divorces. Don t #2: Don t COMMIT too early. Seeing a person for who they really are takes time. Avoid the temptation to jump into commitment too soon. Give yourself a chance to see the other person in multiple CONTEXTS so that you can really get to know him or her. Don t #3: Don t get PHYSICAL. When a relationship turns physical, all OBJECTIVITY is lost. Psychologists have concluded that the error of projection more than TRIPLES, when a prospective couple begins a physical relationship. So physical touch will blind you from seeing the deeper qualities of the other person. In a healthy romance, the couple will hold off the physical relationship as long as necessary in order to maintain an objective perception of the other person s character. 19 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

20 The Formula: The Law of DIMINISHING Returns + Active Glands + Time Alone Falling into Temptation What is the Law? When a sensation of pleasure is illegitimately gained, the joy it produces will diminish with time and repetition. As such, one will go deeper into the activity that originally caused the sensation of joy, falsely believing it will return him to that original sense of pleasure. Dave Graef Example: Roller Coasters First time vs. After several times Example: Your First Kiss A romantic kiss can produce a lot of joy and pleasure, even if it isn t a true and pure expression of relational INTIMACY. But if it isn t, with time and repetition, it will lose its value and SIGNIFICANCE. Usually, the couple will experiment with deeper expressions in order to receive the same level of pleasure. Why? Because the Law of Diminishing returns is at play. 3 Do s: Do #1: Spend QUALITY time together. PERSONALITY Attraction CHARACTER Attraction Going to the movies Work project Going out to eat Acts of service Hanging out at the mall MIssion s Trip Fun events (entertainment) Spiritually-driven activities 20 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

21 Do #2: Involve objective parties (like PARENTS and mentors). Even if you try to maintain your objectivity, it is very easy to miss important details as you look for your future mate. That s why it is important no to go it alone. Involve people who know you well, and ask them for their honest opinions. A good starting point would be to talk openly with your parents, pastors, teachers, or any other mentor who knows you well. Observations: 1. A lot of parents feel AWKWARD talking about anything related to sex. Keep asking them questions until they learn to talk openly about such things. 2. Even if your parents FAILED in this area, you can learn learn a lot from their MISTAKES. Do #3: Be PROACTIVE. 1. Don t WAIT until you are in a relationship to think about what you WANT in a relationship. 2. Make a list of CHARACTER TRAITS you are looking for and design activities to evaluate and investigate each one. 3. Make personal rules and standards to protect your SEXUAL purity. Activity: With your parents (if they are here), put the following physical activities in the natural chronological order of progression. small hugs sexual intercourse the occasional kiss friendly physical presence the prolonged kiss extended conversations (1 on 1) the good night kiss Flirting / pushing / poking Verbal affirmations of interest foreplay holding hands making out 21 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

22 Physical Expressions Classes of Physical Expressions: Mere Presence Pre-Kissing Kissing Beyond Friendly physical presence Extended conversations (1 on 1) Verbal affirmations of interest Flirting/Pushing/Poking Holding hands Small hugs The Good Night kiss The Occasional kiss The Prolonged kiss (2-3 seconds) Making out Foreplay Sexual intercourse The expression: What it communicates: Friendly physical presence Extended conversations Verbal affirmations of interest We are friends Maybe more... Interest (in pursuing more) Flirting / Pushing / Poking Holding hands Small hugs Attraction Exclusive interest Elementary intimacy The Good night kiss The Occassional kiss The Prolonged kiss Desire for greater intimacy Greater intimacy Desire for permanent exclusivity Making out Foreplay Sexual intercourse Permanent exclusivity Desire for sexual intimacy Marital intimacy 22 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

23 3 Laws of Physical Expressions: Law #1: The Law of LEGITIMACY. If a physical expression is not in direct proportion to the relational intimacy, the expression is illegitimate. It is a lie. Dave Graef 18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 Law #2: The Law of the Ascending SLOPE. If a physical expression is Illegitimate, each step of physical progression will be easier If a because it is driven simply by physical physical desires. expression is legitimate, each step of physical progression will be more difficult because it requires the hard work of developing relational intimacy. Observations Regarding Legitimate Expressions: 1. It is WORK to take steps forward in a relationship because each step is CONTEMPLATIVE. 2. Every step forward will bring you more JOY. 3. The relationship and the joy it produces will ENDURE because they are not subject to the Law of Diminishing Returns. Observations Regarding Illegitimate Expressions: 1. It feels NATURAL to keep taking steps forward, because you don t even have to think. 2. Every step forward will bring you a TEMPORARY joy that will decrease with time and repetition. 3. The relationship will END because the physical expressions are subject to the Law of Diminishing Returns. 23 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

24 Law #3: The Law of the SLIPPERY Slope If a physical expression is legitimate, each step of physical progression will be more DIFFICULT to take than the last. If a physical expression is illegitimate, each step of physical progression will be EASIER to take than the last. Basic idea: The angle gets steeper as you go! Friendly physical presence Extended conversations Verbal affirmations of interest May take MONTHS! Flirting / Pushing / Poking Holding hands Small hugs May take WEEKS! The Good night kiss The Occassional kiss The Prolonged kiss May take DAYS! Making out Foreplay Sexual intercourse May take MINUTES! Observations Regarding the Slippery Slope: 1. It s easy to FALL. In fact, it s natural. (Which is why we must fight our natures.) 2. It s very difficult to go BACKWARDS. You have to go uphill to go back. 24 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

25 What is the goal anyway? A. To have a series of passionate, but short- lived tragic relationships. B. To have a life-long, mutually enjoyable, mutually edifying relationship. 25 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

26 MARITAL INTIMACY Introduction: The 3 Types of Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy Soul Intimacy Physical Intimacy 26 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

27 I. SPIRITUAL INTIMACY Definition: We develop our spiritual lives as individuals but share in our SUBMISSION to our God. This allows us to share the purpose that God has for us as a couple. It is about learning to connect with your spouse through his or her FAITH. GOD Commitment to God Husband Intimacy Wife Conflicts Commitment to yourself 27 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

28 Spiritual intimacy grows as each person grows individually in his/her devotion to God. Each one learns and fulfills his/her duties without judging the other person on his/her progress. If we decide to be committed to God, we will be allowing him to GUIDE and GOVERN. Guide: Psalm 23:1; I Corinthians 6:19; II Corinthians 4:5 Govern: Psalm 25:5; Proverbs 16:9 As we are committed to God we gain wisdom and power and my attitude with my spouse is much better! I learn characteristics like Selflessness, AGAPE Love, Service, and PATIENCE. Activity: Take time now to talk with your spouse about your committal to God before yourself. In what areas have you struggled? What steps can you take to improve this? II. SOUL INTIMACY Definitions: 1. Soul When we talk about the soul, there are three aspects of life that are in consideration. Anything that is said to have a soul must have all three of the following components. a. MIND: What we think. b. EMOTIONS: What we feel. c. WILL: What we desire. (We make choices based on what we desire.) 2. Intimacy One cannot understand intimacy without first understanding three connotations found in the meaning of the word. a. SECRECY: What we keep hidden. b. REVEALING: What we share. (So intimacy is about revealing what is normally hidden.) c. EXCLUSIVITY: With whom we share it. 28 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

29 3. Soul Intimacy Soul Intimacy is that bond between a spouses who reveal their deepest intimate thoughts, feelings, and desires exclusively with each other. THOUGHTS FEELINGS DESIRES *Note: Soul Intimacy is a two-way street. It is about willingness to REVEAL your intimate thoughts, feelings, and desires; but it is just as much about listening to and UNDERSTANDING your spouse s intimate thoughts, feelings, and desires. Obstacles: 1. Thinking that it is my job to CHANGE the other person. 2. Thinking that we always have to AGREE in order to be happy. 3. Inability or lack of desire to OPEN UP with the other person. 4. Different VALUES. Tools to overcome these obstacles: 1. Active LISTENING 2. Weekly coffee and CONVERSATION time 3. Monthly FAMILY meeting time 4. Establish shared family VALUES Talk to your spouse now. What are the obstacles you struggle with most? What tools do you need in your relationship? 29 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

30 III. PHYSICAL INTIMACY Premise: Intimacy in our sexual relationship comes from an understanding that the pleasure found in sex can only truly be experienced outside the realm of SELFISHNESS and PERVERSION. When the couple understands God s purpose for sex, the relationship will be an expression of BIBLICAL truths. Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 The Purposes of Sex in Marriage: 1. PORTRAIT (of Christ s love for the Church) 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5: PROCREATION 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. Genesis 1:28 3. PASSION (Intimacy and Partnership) 2 Like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. 3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. 4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. 5 Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. 6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. Song of Solomon 2: PLEASURE 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18 30 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

31 How to Have Sacred Sex: 1. Know the PURPOSE. The purpose is (a) to enrich the life of the couple, and (b) to be an instrument of GRACE to the other person. It s about understanding God s purpose for our sexual intimacy, knowing that God wants to use our sexual relationship to teach and SHARE His grace. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. I Corinthians 7:3-4 When two become one flesh, their bodies are at the service of the other person. The best sex occurs when his joy comes from her, and when her joy comes from him. - John Piper God did not create this enormous capacity for pleasure simply to ensure that there would be a next generation. - John Piper 2. Keep it in the Biblical CONTEXT. Between a MAN and a WOMAN who are bound by a VOW of marriage. 4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 So sex outside the context of marriage is an act of PERVERSION! 3. Keep it HEALTHY, not PERVERSE. Q. When is sex healthy? A. Sex is healthy when it stays within the Biblical purposes and LIMITS. 17 This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, 18 having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; 19 who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. Ephesians 4: THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

32 5 But I want to remind you, though you once knew this, that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. 6 And the angels who did not keep their proper domain, but left their own abode, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness for the judgment of the great day; 7 as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. Jude 5-7 Examples of Unhealthy Sex: Incest Homosexuality Rape Adultery Prostitution Bestiality Harmful Sex Is Marital Sex Dirty? 1. The Bible says that spouses SHOULD offer their bodies to each other in marriage, and SHOULD NOT not deny each other, except for special occasions, for a short period of time. (I Corinthians 7:5). 2. God made men and women as SEXUAL creatures. He designed our body with nervous systems capable of ENJOYING sexual pleasure on purpose. 3. Marital Sex is good, healthy and ORDERED by God. Activity: Take time to talk with your spouse about how healthy your sex life is. What would make it healthier? more enjoyable? more God-honoring? 32 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

33 PROACTIVE PARENTING What is a Proactive Parent? The key to producing a happy, well-adjusted and well-educated child is a pair of well-organized parents. - Irene Graef The Difference between Proactive and Reactive Parents: Key Word: REACT REACTIVE PARENTS Reactive parents think their kids are GOOD by nature. Reactive parents are SURPRISED when their kids misbehave. When faced with a problem, reactive parents will REACT, trying to solve the PRESENT problem. Key Word: PLAN PROACTIVE PARENTS Proactive parents think their kids are SINNERS by nature. Proactive Parents ASSUME their kids will misbehave if they do not INTERVENE. Proactive parents consider GOALS for their kids, and construct a PLAN to develop the character to achieve those goals. THE BIBLICAL MANDATE Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4 The Reactive Part: (DISCIPLINE) The Proactive Part: (INSTRUCTION) DISCIPLINE Happens when the child has done something WRONG. Implies that there will be some type of PUNISHMENT or CORRECTION. It s REACTIVE. INSTRUCTION Happens BEFORE the child has the opportunity to do wrong. Implies that there will be INSTRUCTIONS and EVALUATIONS. It s PROACTIVE. 33 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - PROACTIVE PARENTING

34 DISCIPLINE The PUNISHMENT must fit the CRIME. TYPE OF MISTAKE APPROPRIATE DISCIPLINE 1. The child has been IRRESPONSIBLE. Make them accept responsibility. 2. The child has been DISRESPECTFUL. Make them show respect. 3. The child has been FORGETFUL. Patiently remind them of their responsibilities (with appropriate consequences if necessary.) 4. The child has been DISOBEDIENT. Make them obey and give them a fair punsihment. Reinforce that you love them. INSTRUCTION The 4 Steps: Step #1: Talk individually with each child and explain which CHARACTER traits they need to develop and WHY. Step #2: Design a PLAN to accomplish those goals with both RULES and RESPONSIBILITIES. Step #3: Define PUNISHMENTS and REWARDS clearly. Step #4: FOLLOW the plan and do EVALUATIONS. Advantages: Advantage #1: The children will understand that they need to develop their CHARACTER. Advantage #2: The children will understand the rules (REASONS for them and CONSEQUENCES for not obeying them.) Advantage #3: It takes the ANGER out of discipline. Advantage #4: You will reach the HEART of your children and not just the EXTERNAL BEHAVIOR. 34 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - PROACTIVE PARENTING

35 THE STABLE LINE Not Permissible Not Permissible Strict Permissive Principle #1: The key is to have a CONSTANT/stable line between that which is permissible and that which is not permissible. Permissible by MOM Permissible by DAD The line should not FLUCTUATE with the MOOD of the parents. Dad s rules & Mom s rules must be the SAME! 35 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - PROACTIVE PARENTING

36 Permissive Principle #3: The line should not FLUCTUATE with the MOOD of the parents. Steps for Maintaining a Stable Line: 1. First, the parents will agree on 3 things: a. RULES b. PUNISHMENTS c. REWARDS 2. The parents will explain to the children 3 things: a. What are the rules? b. Why do they exist? (What character trait does it develop?) c. What are the punishments and rewards? 3. The parents then enforce the rules consistently. a. Every time the rule is broken, the child must experience the SAME punishment, without EXCEPTION. b. Dad must enforce MOM s rules and Mom must enforce DAD s rules. In front of the kids, they are one SINGULAR authority. 36 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - PROACTIVE PARENTING

37 HOW TO MAKE FAIR RULES 5 Guidelines for making Fair Rules: Guideline #1: Examine the PURPOSE of the rules. Rules do not exist for the CONVENIENCE of the parents, but rather for the DEVELOPMENT of character in our children. Guideline #2: Eliminate all SELFISHNESS from the rules. Guideline #3: Educate your children on the PURPOSE for each rule. If a child believes that a rule is selfishly motivated, the consequences he suffers when he breaks that rule will only violate his sense of justice. This is exactly what provokes our children to anger. Guideline #4: Employ the PRINCIPLES in your OWN life. The only other thing that provokes our children to anger is when they see HYPOCRISY. That is, the parents expect the children to develop a character trait that the parents themselves have not developed. Guideline #5: Execute the rules with just REWARDS and punishments. THE 5 STAGES OF CHRISTIAN MATURITY Spiritual Growth Time STAGE #1: CHILD - DEPEND STAGE #2: ADOLESCENT - DEVELOP STAGE #3: ADULT - DEVOTE STAGE #4: MENTOR - DISCIPLE STAGE #5: PATRIARCH - DIGNIFY 37 THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - PROACTIVE PARENTING