Quietness: A Lost Virtue in a Loud World

Transcription

1 JBC 28:2 (2014): Quietness: A Lost Virtue in a Loud World by MICHAEL GEMBOLA It is easy to believe that introversion or quietness 1 is not just one good kind of personality among many. Instead, it can feel deficient, disordered, or less than. It doesn t just seem like something you do, but something you are. If being quiet is less than, then so are you. But why is it this way? Why does quietness feel so abnormal? One reason is that American culture idolizes extroversion. Susan Cain puts it well. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual the kind who s comfortable putting himself out there. 2 Cain sees the ideal everywhere, from the top to the bottom of society. Mitt Romney and Barack Obama were criticized for introversion, while the backslapping Michael Gembola (MAR) is a counselor at CCEF and lecturer in practical theology at Westminster Seminary. He also serves at City Line Church in Philadelphia as a pastoral intern. 1 Though quietness, introversion, shyness, and social anxiety are not interchangeable terms, some overlap exists. My aim is to talk less about severe social anxiety and more about the very common experience of the quiet person, sometimes called shy, other times called an introvert. 2 Susan Cain, Quiet: The Hidden Power of Introverts in a World That Can t Stop Talking (New York: Crown, 2012), 7.

2 40 QUIETNESS: A LOST VIRTUE IN A LOUD WORLD GEMBOLA extroversion of Bill Clinton and George W. Bush was praised. Even school children are assessed for how well they put themselves out there by getting graded on class participation. 3 But the problem is not just that society values extroversion as the healthy ideal. It also stigmatizes introversion. Shyness is actually treated as a disorder. People seek professional help with the hopes of overcoming their shyness and therapists agree to treat them. This reality suggests that society sees introversion as a problem warranting professional intervention. But there are consequences to this. Kevin Aho writes, By pathologizing shyness, American psychiatry may be unwittingly producing a more assertive, competitive, and extroverted self and paradoxically amplifying the experience of social anxiety. In short, it may be constructing the very behaviors it is seeking to treat. 4 The more we stigmatize and offer treatment to quiet people for their shyness, the more they feel pressured not to be shy, the more they retreat, the more shy they become. Can these shy people find comfort in the church? Maybe not. Since the larger society overvalues extroversion, it is not surprising that some people experience the church as doing the same. The familiarity and informality of some churches... with their best intentions of devotion and hospitality, can actually exclude introverts, writes Adam McHugh. Times of greeting and sharing in a public context, especially with strangers or distant acquaintances, are unnatural and sometimes painfully uncomfortable. Some introverts... commonly show up late on Sundays to avoid the awkward pre-service socializing and greeting times. 5 His experience is that some churches create a very loud experience that is awkward for quieter people. McHugh tells a story of being the uncomfortable visitor at a church. From the multiple screens of PowerPoints, the pre-service mingling and the pounding music, to the hour-long sermon, a second sermon during time for quiet reflection, and all the friendly people ready to greet the visitor, everything felt 3 Susan Cain, Must Great Leaders Be Gregarious? New York Times, September 15, 2012, Kevin Aho, The Psychopathology of American Shyness: A Hermeneutic Reading, Journal for the Theory of Social Behavior, 40:2 (2010). 5 Adam McHugh, Introverts in the Church: A Quiet Moment in an Extroverted Place, Christianity Today, May 21, 2013, introverts-in-church.html.

3 QUIETNESS: A LOST VIRTUE IN A LOUD WORLD GEMBOLA 41 loud. McHugh explains the close of the service this way. After a two-second pause, the electric guitar sprung to life. We were up on our feet again celebrating. The entire two-and-a-half hours of worship was filled with a steady, pounding stream of words. And though there wasn t a false word uttered during the service, I left feeling empty and disoriented. Never have I needed a nap so badly after church. 6 Sometimes the experience of church and the modes of expressing faith seem better suited to extroverts. So it s not hard to get the impression that extroverts are better Christians. They worship expressively, greet visitors enthusiastically, and share transparently at the open mic times. They seem to do the best job at the ministries everyone sees, and a lot of worship services seem designed for them. For early Christians, silence was part of the ascetic ideal. But what about the introverts? Unfortunately, shyness can feel detrimental to worship and service as a Christian. The broader attitude of society may view shyness as a hindrance to success, but when the church baptizes this mindset, we unhelpfully start to see extroversion as devotion and introversion as sin. But though these trends have become almost second nature to us as a culture, it hasn t always been this way. In familiar passages, the Bible has always spoken clearly on the value of quietness. We are to be slow to speak (James 1:19), to give a soft answer to turn away wrath (Prov 15:1), and to remember that where words are many, transgression is not lacking (Prov 10:19). But the impact of passages like these can be muted in a culture that over-values quick wit, strong answers, and many words. My goal in this article, then, is to write a minority report, to raise questions about how we view quietness, and how we view personality. To do that, I ll first look to the ancient church to help us get further past our bias toward the extrovert ideal. Second, we will pick up the Bible afresh, and re-construct an understanding of Christian quietness and personality based on what we find. Scripture will give us a corrective a fuller vision for both silence and speaking. Last, I ll draw implications for interpersonal ministry. In the end, we may see that some of the quietness that gets viewed as a vice is actually a virtue. 6 Ibid.

4 42 QUIETNESS: A LOST VIRTUE IN A LOUD WORLD GEMBOLA Seeing Quietness as the Ancients Did: A Virtue In many other times and places, quietness was considered a desirable trait. For early Christians, silence was part of the ascetic ideal. People genuinely pursued it. This ideal was especially popular in the years after the Roman Emperor Constantine ended the great persecutions. With less to fear from the government, the rigor of the Christian life became less focused on perseverance through persecution and more focused on perseverance through self-denial. Getting away from society to spend time alone seeking inner stillness was part of the goal in service to God. And that couldn t be done without quietness. But even long before Constantine, we can overhear a sophisticated conversation about quietness. Ignatius of Antioch, whose life overlapped with the Apostle Paul s, rooted the human virtue of silence in the powerful silence of God. He thought ministers should speak powerfully through their silence and modesty, because God has done the same thing in the initial quietness of the incarnation. One of the greatest moments of history was not the trumpet of God and a shout, but the humble birth of a carpenter. Ignatius specifically praises one bishop who by his silence accomplishes more than those who vainly talk. For he is attuned in harmony with the commandments, even as a harp is with its strings. 7 The right kind of silence is beautiful music. Then in the second century, Clement of Alexandria gives this amusing advice about how to confirm a young person in the virtue of quietness. Old men who look on young men as children, may jest with them, teasing them in a way that will teach them good manners. With a shy and taciturn youth, for example, they may make this pleasantry: My son... never stops talking. Such teasing encourages the young man in his modesty, for, by accusing him of a fault he does not have, it jestingly calls attention to his good qualities. This is, indeed, a sort of instruction, securing what one has by reference to what one does not have. 8 Here quietness and even shyness are good things, virtues to be commended and reinforced. Outright silence has its limits, though, and the ancients knew it. Third century monk John Chrysostom came to this conclusion painfully. He longed to serve God 7 Ignatius of Antioch, Epistle to the Philadelphians, in Ante-Nicene Fathers, Volume 1, A. Cleveland Coxe, compiler, James Donaldson and Alexander Roberts, eds. (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1994), Clement of Alexandria in Thomas C. Oden, Classical Pastoral Care: Pastoral Counsel (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1987), 45.

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