Two Pews, Two Views. Setting: church worship center. Pastor stands in the pulpit. Other characters are placed throughout the church. Prop: Bible.

Transcription

1 Lillenas Drama Presents Two Pews, Two Views from Body Language By Joe Lovitt Theme The diversity of individual worship styles. Characters Three: one man, two women PASTOR: No particular age; flustered at first but quick-witted; rises to the strange outburst that occurs during the service. MRS. NORSHOCK: An outspoken member of the church, whose clothes and demeanor are just shy of tacky, but she s very sincere and well-meaning. MRS. SEDGEWICK: A conservative but highly vocal church member; probably more educated and wealthier than Mrs. Norshock. Tone Humorous Running Time Five to six minutes Synopsis A pastor delivering a depressing Bible passage is interrupted by two members of his church. One likes her worship service with a more upbeat flavor. Another makes the argument for a more quiet, contemplative worship service. The pastor overcomes his astonishment at their boldness to deliver a message on how there s no such thing as a right way to worship. Setting/Props Setting: church worship center. Pastor stands in the pulpit. Other characters are placed throughout the church. Prop: Bible.

2 Scripture Psalm 98; Matthew 6:5 Costumes Pastor wears a suit. Mrs. Sedgewick is dressed like a well-to-do businesswoman. Mrs. Norshock s clothing is more brightly colored, perhaps just a bit on the tacky side. Note Be careful to cast the two female characters with actresses of the same approximate age. That will help prevent the scene from taking on a young people vs. old people tone. (PASTOR walks to the pulpit and addresses the congregation.) PASTOR: I d like to extend my own special greeting to everyone at this special praise service. I invite you now to turn in your Bibles to Psalm 69. (Reading) Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink deep in mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying: my throat (MRS. NORSHOCK, seated inconspicuously in the congregation, begins complaining aloud.) MRS. NORSHOCK: Oh, brother. (PASTOR is slightly flustered by the interruption, but continues reading.) PASTOR: Uh... um... oh. My throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God. They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me MRS. NORSHOCK: Puh-leeze! (PASTOR scans the room for the source of the comments.) PASTOR (clears his throat nervously): I, uh... where was I? Oh, yes, uh..., They that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I MRS. NORSHOCK: I m not getting anything out of this at all. PASTOR (continuing valiantly): I, uh... because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face. I am become a stranger unto my brethren

3 MRS. NORSHOCK: This is just so disappointing. (PASTOR has located MRS. NORSHOCK in the crowd and addresses her directly.) PASTOR: Excuse me, did you say something? MRS. NORSHOCK (innocently): Me? No. PASTOR: I distinctly heard you say something, and I d like to know what it was. MRS. NORSHOCK (standing up): Well, since you did overhear me... PASTOR: I m sorry, I don t recall your name. MRS. NORSHOCK: Norshock. Mrs. Evelyn Norshock. I used to be Mrs. Edwin Norshock until my Edwin passed away two years ago, God rest his soul. PASTOR: Yes, of course. What seems to be the problem, Mrs. Norshock? MRS. NORSHOCK: It s that psalm you were reading. PASTOR: What about it? MRS. NORSHOCK (not wanting to hurt his feelings): Well... it just didn t do it for me. PASTOR: Excuse me? MRS. NORSHOCK (practically bursting): It was a downer! This is supposed to be a time of glory and praise, and you come out reading about floods and hairy heads and, and, and dry throats yuk! PASTOR: Well, I m sorry, Mrs. Norshock, but it has a happy ending. It s sort of like... a Steven Spielberg movie. Things get really bad before they get really good. MRS. NORSHOCK: Huh? PASTOR: Wrong analogy. Um... It s just like a professional wrestling match. Just when everything seems hopeless, the script changes in favor of the hero. Do you see? MRS. NORSHOCK: Yes, but you re missing my point. I like a praise service with some gumption! Some gusto! And so did my husband, Edwin, God rest his soul. PASTOR: So, what do you want from me? MRS. NORSHOCK: I want a reading without plot development! Look, I come to church for amens and alleluias! To recharge my Christian battery! PASTOR: I never realized I was acting as your spiritual Mr. Goodwrench. Any suggestions on what passages I should preach from instead?

4 (Another voice calls out from another area of the congregation.) MRS. SEDGEWICK: Hold it just a moment! PASTOR: Excuse me! Where did that come from? MRS. SEDGEWICK (standing up): It s me, Pastor. Margaret Sedgewick. From the Sedgewick Caterers? PASTOR (feigning good nature): Oh, yes! Mrs. Sedgewick! How are the canapés popping out these days? MRS. SEDGEWICK (flattered by his interest in business): Fine, thank you! PASTOR: Wonderful! Delightful! So good to hear from you! (To the rest of the congregation) Anybody else plan on chiming in? MRS. SEDGEWICK: I just wanted to speak on behalf of my husband and myself. PASTOR: By all means! MRS. SEDGEWICK: Clifford and I have never gone in for all of this reckless, joyous abandon in our religious services. We ve always gotten more out of a service by taking an intellectual approach. Examining the meaning of every word and phrase in the Scriptures. PASTOR: Well, I can appreciate that MRS. NORSHOCK: You can appreciate faith by dissection? My Edwin would have laughed at that, God rest his soul. MRS. SEDGEWICK: My point is just as valid as yours. Clifford and I have always experienced our most joyous moments with the Lord during detailed examination of His Word. MRS. NORSHOCK: But what about pure faith? What about childlike faith? What about an unquestioning faith that passes all understanding? PASTOR: What about Christmas? Think we can have this wrapped up by then? MRS. NORSHOCK (ignoring the PASTOR s quip): My approach has brought me closer to the Lord! And somewhere between here and heaven, my Edwin feels the same ALL: God rest his soul. MRS. SEDGEWICK: My approach has worked just as well for me. And somewhere between here and our cabin at the lake, my Clifford feels the same. MRS. NORSHOCK: Your husband s spending Sunday at the lake? You re a hypocrite! MRS. SEDGEWICK: Your clothes don t match!

5 MRS. NORSHOCK: Quiche junkie! MRS. SEDGEWICK: Wrestling groupie! PASTOR: Ladies, please! Stop this at once! I ve had enough! MRS. NORSHOCK (naively): Why, I thought this sort of spirited discussion is what makes your job worthwhile. PASTOR: No, it is this sort of spirited discussion that tempts me to stay home on Sunday mornings to watch The Flintstones. (Thumbing furiously through his Bible) Now I m more than willing to find a passage in here that will suit both your needs. The request lines are now open! What would you like to hear? Maybe a little ditty from First Peter? Whad ya say, Mrs. Norshock? MRS. NORSHOCK (pause, then haughty): I guess my opinion doesn t matter. PASTOR: Come on now! You were in this up to your neck a moment ago. Now, what s it gonna be? The Book of Numbers? (MRS. NORSHOCK pauses, vacantly glancing around the room as she decides whether or not to take the PASTOR s offer.) MRS. NORSHOCK: Too academic. PASTOR: Paul s letters? MRS. SEDGEWICK: Makes me feel like I m reading somebody else s mail. PASTOR (desperately): Revelation? MRS. NORSHOCK: Too scary. PASTOR (at wit s end): Job? MRS. NORSHOCK/MRS. SEDGEWICK: Are you kidding? PASTOR: Look. I know you two will never agree on a reading. But I pray that you ll agree you re both here for the same reason to worship and praise the Lord. Correct? MRS. SEDGEWICK: Absolutely! MRS. NORSHOCK: Well, I said that from the beginning... PASTOR: And other than a frightening lack of self-control, that s the primary trait you two wonderful ladies have in common. You just have to respect each other s methods of expressing glory to God. They re different, but so is the nature of the relationship we carry on with the Father at different times. When we re troubled, we might fall on our knees and on our faces to ask for help. When we need guidance, we might just sit quietly and ask for it. When we want to sing His praises, we might raise our hands and dance in the aisles. It s always different. That s why Mrs. Sedgewick might be happy to

6 ponder the Scriptures silently while Mrs. Norshock quotes them at the top of her lungs! That s why Mrs. Norshock might shout her beloved alleluias and amens from the mountaintops while Mrs. Sedgewick gives thanks to the Lord alone in her room at night! Or why Mrs. Sedgewick might prefer to sing Amazing Grace while Mrs. Norshock sings... uh... um... MRS. NORSHOCK: Jesus Is Just Alright with Me! PASTOR: Jesus Is Just Alright with Me! Or that s why... Jesus Is Just Alright with Me? MRS. NORSHOCK: That s what my Edwin requested for his funeral. God rest his soul. PASTOR: Either way, do you both understand my point? MRS. SEDGEWICK: Of course! (To MRS. NORSHOCK) I m sorry about that wrestling crack. Please forgive me. MRS. NORSHOCK: It s already forgotten. And I m sorry about what I said. I bet you cook a pretty mean quiche. PASTOR: There! That s fine. Whad ya know? Another crisis averted and another message delivered. Shall we continue with the service? MRS. SEDGEWICK: Ready when you are! MRS. NORSHOCK: Fire away! I m pumped! (MRS. NORSHOCK and MRS. SEDGEWICK take their seats.) PASTOR: And how about Edwin? MRS. NORSHOCK: Edwin too! PASTOR: Great! (PASTOR turns to take his seat, then returns to the pulpit.) PASTOR: God rest his soul. (PASTOR returns to his seat.)

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