Miriam Lofquist Wife of Executive Director (Designate), IFCA International

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2 Carol Gregory Women's Coordinator Dear Chera Fellowship Life is full of changes. As we get older, it gets harder to change. Many of you have had changes in your life that have been difficult and hard to accept. Yet how wonderful it is to rest in what God is doing in our hearts and lives, because He never changes. Malachi 3:6, "For I am the Lord, I change not." Hebrews 13:8, "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever." We serve a living Savior whose thoughts of us are ever loving and precious. Over two years ago, my husband informed our Executive committee that three months after he turned 65 we would like to step down as Executive Director and Women s Coordinator of IFCA International. As of June, 2000, we will no longer be in those positions. 1 will continue to work with Chera Fellowship and my husband will continue as managing editor of the Voice magazine. However, the administration of the home office, etc., will be ably handled by Rev. Leslie Lofquist. He has been a member of IFCA, in leadership positions for a number of years and comes with excellent credentials. His wife, Miriam, is a mother of 5 wonderful children, the daughter of missionaries and has been a successful pastors wife. Therefore, I am very proud and happy to introduce as our special feature this month, Miriam Lofquist. Miriam Lofquist Wife of Executive Director (Designate), IFCA International Raised in a missionary's home in Utah, I received Christ as Savior at the age of four. After high school, the Lord led me to Michigan where I attended Grand Rapids School of the Bible and Music (GRSBM). It was there that I met my future husband, Les. After three years of dating, we married in June of Our first year of marriage was spent in Byron Center, Michigan, serving as youth leaders at Byron Center Bible Church. As we stepped into our second year of marriage we moved to Winona Lake, IN, where Les attended Grace College and Seminary. During the first four years of school I worked as a legal secretary Then, during our last year in seminary, I delivered a set of twins Anna and Chris! What a surprise they were! Soon after graduation we moved to Utah to begin church planting. During our time there we became good friends with a special widow that we still take out to lunch when in Utah! We had three more children in Utah--Paul, Amy and Emily. Following 10 years in Utah, we felt led by God to return to Michigan where Les taught at GRSBM and worked in administration. After about 18 months there the school merged with another school, and Les was then called as Senior Pastor at Pleasant View Bible Church in Winona Lake, IN. We have just completed six years here at Pleasant View and are sad to leave. However, we understand the will of God and desire to serve Him as we move to Michigan and begin work with IFCA International. I am thrilled to see the ministry that Chera Fellowship has to widows and widowers. Already I've shared this magazine with friends. Hopefully I will get to meet some of you in the future.

3 Nila Rae Phelps Life is a Cathedral "Life is a cathedral which must be visited many times to get more than a dim appreciation of the beauty of its lines; it is a masterpiece that must be looked at lovingly hour after hour, day after day, if our eyes are to see the soul of it; it is a book to be read again and again, each reading giving its lines new significance, new depths. When life is nearly over we begin to put proper values on such familiar, homey things as spring sunshine and the pure beauty of winter. Not even then have we more than scratched the surface of the mystery of love of sacrifice, of selfless family life, and Gods hovering benevolence." This was spoken by Thomas Aquinas many years ago. In mental review of this past week I recalled the above quote. Dick and I decided that since I know very little about this great state of New York, having only been here the last five years, we should tour the Hudson River Valley area. There were many places of interest along the route--far more than we could possibly digest in one week's time. The Sleepy Hollow Cemetery was a highlight. Many famous people were put to rest there. The Rockefeller family mausoleum is a beautiful edifice 40 feet high, 24 feet wide and about 30 feet deep. On the top front is engraved, "Thou hast made us for Thyself and our heart shall never be at rest until at last it rests in Thee." Washington Irving was buried in this cemetery near the World War I Memorial, and the Civil War and Revolutionary War sections. "Lyndhurst" in Tarrytown was a Gothic Revival mansion built and lived in by several prominent businessmen and statesmen. Each left his influence in the house and the grounds and now we Americans are able to bask in the history left in magnificent stone. Huguenot Street in New Paltz, houses a collection of homes with construction dates from 1692 through They were most reminiscent of lives lived, wars fought, and history made. Several other "permanent" structures or markers give evidence of those who desired to be remembered by posterity. Today I m sitting here at my desk thinking, "What am I leaving for posterity? Certainly not a structured edifice or anything of material value. Is my life writing a book to be read, painting any pictures to be hung in someone's memory, leaving any significant markers in the lives of those whose lives I have touched, people I have loved?" I would like to think some life was made a little easier because I endeavored to help when I saw a need. Perhaps in a time of sorrow or discouragement I was there to bring a smile and smooth the difficulties of the way. Maybe one in great doubt or distress found Christ, the Giver of Life, because I pointed the Way. I may have been a shoulder to lean on, eyes to weep with those who weep, laughter to rejoice with those who rejoice, a willingness to quickly say, "I'll pray for you today" and mean it. Should God grant the building of a cathedral of this structure, I shall be satisfied.

4 Widowed Young When faced with a spouse's death, young widows/widowers must confront certain problems unique to their age. "It's unbelievable, but here I am, I'm 30 and I m visiting my husband's grave." She felt so peerless being widowed young, she took to scanning obituaries for survivors her age. Another, a 41 year old widow who was the youngest member in a support group of widows, felt like their child. A 26 year old woman felt that being in a support group with older women sharpened her heartbreak. "They got to spend their lives with their husbands," she said. "I didn't have that." Each of these women shares the experience of widowhood that is unfamiliar to older widows/widowers: facing the mortality of a husband in the prime of life. It's an experience shared by nearly 555,000 American woman under 45, according to the Bureau of census records. The three young widows also share another circumstance. All are mothers of small children. "That's a big problem right there," said one woman. "I'm a nurse and I make fairly decent money when I work, and I've had to work quite a bit since my husband died, and it's caused a lot of conflict. The kids say, 'Oh, you've got to work again. They're at the sitters a lot. Either way, I guess, whether you make good money or not, there's a problem." Another said her children no longer have a male role model. Her husband was shot to death, and her 8 year old son misses him so much that he clings to any male who enters his life, including the baby sitter's boyfriend. Her daughters too, ages 6 and 10, cling to every man they meet. She said she is afraid they will get too close, and those relationships are not forever. One woman tried a support group several times but said it wasn't helpful as she had never had the chance to talk to her husband about dying--it just happened so quickly and he was suddenly gone. Another woman said, "I'm coming back to the support group because I'm understood here. They are all much older and the issues are different, but they still share the loneliness." The above was part of an article taken from a newspaper in Florida. I was deeply touched by the utter bewilderment expressed by all of these younger women. I am sure that many young widows/widowers have faith in God to sustain them through this time of grieving and adjustment and often one s own family and church family support the grieving person. I didn't see this in the articles above, which is sad. In some of the first issues of Chera Fellowship, from 1993 on, there were many articles concerning new widows. I may reprint some of those articles in up coming issues, but for now I'd like to use some excepts from some of the articles in Doug Manning's "Permission to Grieve," which can be ordered through In- Sight Books, Inc., drawer 2058, Hereford, TX

5 Permission to Grieve It has been almost one year since you began in the grieving process. In some ways it has been the fastest year of your life, and in other ways this year has been seven years. The first anniversary usually produces one of the peaks of grief we talked about in the first book. The peak may have already begun. Often the anticipation of the anniversary is worse than the day itself. By the time the day arrives you may have walked through most of the intensity. As the anniversary approaches you will find yourself feeling a sense of foreboding. We tend to think the first anniversary should signal some kind of finality to our grief. I do not know where we got the idea that we have one year of grief and then we are supposed to be ready to say good-bye to our loved one and get on with living. Here you are at one year, and you are not ready. We began asking "what?" What is going to happen? What am I going to do? Will I ever get well again? We end the series by asking "when?" When will I stop crying? When will the memories stop flooding in at the most inopportune times when crying is so embarrassing. When will I laugh again? When will I live again? When? The feeling that we should be doing better by now causes us to think that we are weak and not able to handle the blows of life. A good friend shared how she stops her car by the side of the road for a cry over the death of her mother. She said, "After four months I still do this! I am not handling this at all!" Friends give us about three months before they begin to say we are wallowing in our grief. We will give ourselves about four months and then decide we are weak or not normal in some way. Four months seems like an eternity when we are in grief. We are tired of our grief, so we think everyone else must dread being around us. We are ready to blast ourselves out of our wallowing. Now it has been eleven months and you are still hurting and crying. You wonder if you will ever get control of yourself. You feel ashamed of hurting all the time. The truth is you are where you should be in the grief journey. You have not fallen helplessly behind others. Grief is not a mountain to be climbed, with the strong reaching the summit long before the weak. Grief is not an athletic event with stop watches timing our progress. Grief is a walk through loss and pain. There is no competition and no time trials. Grief is peeling an onion in your own unique way. Ahead of you lies more peeling and more walking until the day comes when you are ready to reconstruct your life and live again. Believe me, there is a day when this happens. Grief hurts and takes a long time because it affects every part of our lives. There is more involved than the death of a loved one. It affects our whole being. by Doug Manning, In-Sight Books, Inc.

6 Adjusting to a New Life My husband, Rev. Raymond E. Ross, had been an IFCA International member since The Lord took him Home February 1, Raymond was in a nursing home for a year and nine months. That separation was the most painful and was like death to me. We were missionaries among the Indians in Brazil. I am making adjustments but the loneliness is difficult. I have heard say, "Give yourself a year." I know God will lead, as He is very real. After a year I should be adjusted and may see then what God has for me. The IFCA International office sent me a copy of Chera Fellowship, which is meeting a great need for me to get through the loneliness. They also sent "Heart Cries," which is excellent. I would like to have copies of old issues if possible. Do IFCA International women ever have get-togethers? I would be happy to hear of what other widows do and how well they have made the adjustment to aloneness. I do have projects that I have been working on. Some have been regaining health and weight, cleaning my house, scheduling doctor s appointments, also taking care of dentist appointments, checking on hearing aids, and overhauling the car. Next on my list is to get back into typing, sorting out photos, having a garage sale, seeking group outings and travel to visit friends. I would be very happy to hear from others who have adjusted to widowhood and who would have some suggestions as to things one might do to build a new and satisfying life. by Phyllis A. Ross From This Time Forth Putting your life's testimony into 350 words at the age of 79 is a major miracle. However, it was at the age of 16 that I accepted Christ as my Savior and have been rejoicing in Him ever since. The training from the Word of God through Bible School, and the faithful teaching of Sunday School teacher and pastors at Berachah Church in Philadelphia, PA have brought rich blessing into my life. Craig Pierce and I met at church and became Mr. & Mrs. two years later. Through the years the Lord blessed us with three children, for whom I am grateful. After spending six years as missionaries in the Appalachian Mountains, we returned to PA to serve the Lord as He directed. In the rural area of Orwigsburg, PA, we founded and pastored an Independent Baptist church. It was my privilege to be the treasurer. Sixteen years later, we moved to Cape May, NJ. Again it was my privilege to be treasurer of the church we were attending. The Lord was leading Craig to organize another work, Children's Bible Ministry, Inc. You guessed it! I was treasurer. Many home Bible Clubs were in operation, and the Mailbox Club was begun. Craig's six by-pass surgery brought us back to PA. Here the Lord provided an apartment for us next door to our daughter. The Lord had been very gracious and precious through the years of Craig's failing eyesight and health. As director of CBM, he relied heavily on his help-mate to carry on. I praise the Lord, He provided the ability and strength to keep going.

7 When Craig went to be with the Lord on Easter Sunday morning, 1999, we, as a Board of CBM, sought the Lord's direction. The Board unanimously appointed me as Director. What a privilege to be able to follow in Craig's footsteps in carrying on the Mailbox Club that is reaching all over the U.S.A. The day of the funeral God spoke to my heart from Psalm 121:8, "The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore." by Mildred E. Pierce Director Childrens Bible Ministry, Inc. Tears A Gift from God God created man with feelings and emotions. He gave us the ability to cry. We all have reasons to cry. I cried when my husband died and when I was diagnosed two times with cancer. Tears roll down my cheeks when I am touched by a hymn or am concerned about my children or a loved one. Contrary to what we believe, tears are not a sign of weakness. The Bible gives us examples of men strong enough to cry. Jesus was human and He wept. David was continually crying. Peter wept bitterly after betraying Jesus, and Jeremiah was referred to as the "weeping prophet." Tears are a valuable gift from God, a necessary release built into our body system to wash away our pain and distress, and to heal. Medical science is beginning to document the benefits of tears. My favorite verse about tears is Psalm 56:8, "You have collected all my tears and preserved them in Your bottle. You have recorded every one in Your book." The next time you weep, remember how very precious your tears are to God! Lamentations 2:18 tells us, "Let your tears run down like a river." Our tears communicate to others when words fail. We should not hold back our tears to preserve our image. We need to open up our feelings and hurts to others. Romans 2:15 reminds us to "weep with those who weep." We can focus on Jesus through our tears. Weeping is temporary, part of this life, but Revelation 7:17 promises, "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Tears, pain and grief will be gone forever in Heaven. I'm looking forward to that day! by Joan Hopson What do you mean "Singled Out"? "You may be newly widowed or already alone for many years. Wherever you are on your adjustment journey without your spouse, I suggest that as a Christian widow/widower you have been singled out, deliberately chosen, selected for your present role by our loving God in His big plan for your life. When your marriage ended, you were not derailed from God's plan. Your influence and witness are not over. God has a continuing agenda for you. In this book (What do you mean--"singled Out"?), I do not use the term "widow/widower" but "singled out" in the sense of being appointed by the Lord for our new status.

8 Your spouse has gone on ahead to his/her eternal life, but your Lord has further marching orders for you. Perhaps renewed opportunities in the same direction, or different in some respects--or totally different. Whatever your assignment from God, you will no longer carry it out as a married couple. Nevertheless you will carry it out as a couple! There will still be the two of you, God and you! Although emotionally you may feel like "half a person" now, you are still "complete in Christ" (Colossians 2:10) with all His resources and strength at your disposal. The Lord is with you to go through the grieving process toward a healthy adjustment--not somehow, but triumphantly!" Quote by Leona Choy. For her book, write Golden Morning Pub. P.O. Box 2697 Winchester, VA , or call: My Husband - My Friend It was on a Monday morning, the 12th of January 1999, at 8:30 when my husband Wilfred Okoth passed away peacefully. He loved the Lord, spent much time in prayer, was a very kind, compassionate, responsible, comforting care-giver. And he was my partner and best friend. We had nice times together sharing our joys and our sorrows. Suddenly I remembered that in Scripture the Lord often helped women. In John 8:2-12 a woman caught in the act of adultery was brought before Jesus by a group of religious leaders. Christ delivered her from the horrible fate of being stoned to death. The woman who met Jesus at the well in John 4 had never found peace for her soul. Even 'tho she had sinned greatly and had five husbands, Christ met her soul's need in giving her living water and a new life. In His agony and distress at the cross, one of Christ's last thoughts was of His mother who had cared for Him through His childhood and now into manhood. He knew her fear and sorrow as she looked up at Him on the cross, and He carefully provided for her. Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, (Isaiah 53:3), but He still sees my grief and feels my pain, my worries, and self pity and He cares for me. We all have needs and we all need help. We should tell Him of those needs, as in Psalm 46:1 and Nahum 1:7. He will help us forget the sorrow and give us joy, as in Philippians 4:19. To forget our failures is difficult, but we can do it with the help of the Lord, for "He is my Strength" (Phil. 4:13). Many thanks to Nila Rae Phelps, the Editor of this Chera Fellowship magazine, who remembered me during my sorrows and sent me copies of the magazines. They have been a blessing to me, have changed my thoughts and I have gained new strength. My tears are drying up. I thank my Lord. by Elizabeth Okoth

9 Promotion Day My dear Betty was promoted to Glory December 18, It was a struggle for the first six months. I had buried Betty on December 22, The next day would have been our 27th anniversary. Christmas meant nothing to me that year, nor did New Year's Day On February 19, 1998 I broke my ankle, a compound fracture which severed both arteries and the nerves. God was gracious and spared my life. I am beginning to truly mend now, a year and four months later. For three months I lay prone with my foot upraised to allow healing, which was very slow. Now the bone is beginning to knit. My aching heart knit long ago. I had promised Betty I would be OK and when she was so ill I encouraged her not to have more chemo, as the doctor said it wouldn't do any good anyway. I released her to go to be with the Lord. She had been ill with non-hodgkin's Lymphoma for six years. Betty had been a great witness of God's grace in a life. Someone from our church wrote down something that Betty had said. "God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it." Romans 5:3, "We rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character and character produces hope." I am now a HOSPICE volunteer and work with three terminally ill patients and two bereavement cases. I love my work. Compassion was given to me by the Lord and I enjoy my work with SAD. I trust this will be an encouragement to someone who reads this. To Those who Mourn My Passing by Rev. Stephen Maczko Founder of Ozark Bible Institute in Arkansas For the believer, death means entering into the glorious presence of Christ. The 18th-century Bible commentator Matthew Henry expressed this confidence in words he hoped would be read after his death by anyone who might unduly mourn his passing. He wrote: "Would you like to know where I am? I am at home in my Father's house, in the mansions prepared for me here. I am where I want to be--no longer on the stormy sea, but in God's safe, quiet harbor. My sowing time is done and I am reaping; my joy is as the joy of harvest. Would you like to know how it is with me? I am made perfect in holiness. Grace is swallowed up in glory. Would you like to know what I am doing? I see God, not as through a glass darkly, but face to face. I am engaged in the sweet enjoyment of my precious Redeemer. I am singing hallelujahs to Him who sits upon the throne, and I am constantly praising Him. Would you know what blessed company I keep? It is better than the best on earth. Here are the holy angels and the spirits of just men made perfect...i am with many of my old acquaintances with whom I worked and prayed, and who have come here before me. Lastly, would you know how long this will continue? It is a dawn that never fades! After millions and millions of ages, it will be as fresh as it is now. Therefore, weep not for me!" by Matthew Henry