O Be Careful Little Mouth (Part 5 of 5)

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1 September 4, 2011 College Park Church O Be Careful Little Mouth (Part 5 of 5) To Build Others Up Ephesians 4:25-31 Mark Vroegop 25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Eph 4:25-32, ESV). This Sunday concludes our mini-series on the tongue and our LIVE 11 video conference. It has been quite journey for us to examine the way we communicate and how it relates to the glory of God and the gospel. The next three weeks will be a very important season in the history of College Park Church. We will do something that churches do not do that often: open a new worship space. You will not want to miss the next three weeks. Here s what is happening: September 11 we will have our final service in our present sanctuary, and we are going to reflect on all that God has done in our lives in this very room September 18 we will have the first service in the new sanctuary, and our aim will be to simply do what we try to do every Sunday: exalt the name of Jesus In the evening of September 18 we will have a dedication service as we pray over every square foot of our new space September 25 will be a very specific challenge for us to be a group of people who experience community and embrace our calling And then we ll begin our Missions Emphasis month! What a way to start! As a parent of teenagers I ve heard many people say, Your kids grow up so fast, don t miss the important moments. I would tell you that the next month is that kind of moment in College Park s history. God has been so faithful to our church, and churches don t do what we re about to do in the next moth but one or two times in a generation. This is really important, really special, and really rare. 1

2 Let me remind you where we ve been during the month of August: Week 1 we examined the importance of the tongue and raised the awareness of this vitally important issue Week 2 we looked at how we communicate to and about others and identified the role of spiritually helpful not hurtful words Week 3 we talked about arrogance simply being the absence of God in our communication Week 4 we discovered the challenge of balancing grace and truth This week we are going to conclude our series on a positive note and with a very specific call. The final video in LIVE 11 will detail what biblical affirmation is all about, and this morning I want to talk about what it means to use our tongues to build others up. Words of Life or Death? This is the third time that we ve looked extensively at Paul s instruction in Ephesians 4: In week two we focused on this phrase in 4:29 Let no corrupting word come out of your mouth. Last week we used the phrase that it may give grace to those who hear as a helpful explanation regarding balancing the grace and truth paradox. But there is even more here. There is another little phrase that is given as the solution to unhelpful, corrupting words. It is also found in Ephesians 4:29 and it sounds like this: Let no corrupting words come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion The Greek word for building up is literally a construction term. It can refer to an actual, finished building (Mark 13:1-2) or spiritualized buildings like the body of Christ (Eph 2:21). And it can identify the action of building in a spiritual sense (1 Cor 14:12). In other words, the building up is very much linked to spiritual growth, the formation into Christ-likeness, and Christian maturity. Here are a few examples of how the word is used in other parts of the New Testament: 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. Romans 14:19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding 1 Corinthians 14:12 So with yourselves, since you are eager for manifestations of the Spirit, strive to excel in building up the church Probably the most important and informative cross reference is found in Ephesians 4: And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by 2

3 the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Encouragement, edification, and spiritual helpfulness are all part of what it means to build up. And as I read the New Testament, this theme of building up is the charge of every believer, every pastor, and every church. As it relates to our relationships and how we talk, this is our mission. This is particularly important as we think about the half-way point in our construction and moving into a new sanctuary. True growth is not just numerical growth; it is growing up into Christ. That s our goal. Everything serves that purpose. Let me summarize what Paul is saying in Ephesians 4: your words are meant to give spiritual life not bring death. And we all have to wrestle with whether our words produce spiritual life or death. There are no neutral words. Listen to how Paul Tripp states it: I would summarize it this way: words give life; words bring death you choose. What does this mean? It means you have never spoken a neutral word in your life. Your words have direction to them. If your words are moving in the life direction, they will be words of encouragement, hope, love, peace, unity, instruction, wisdom, and correction. But if your words are moving in a death direction, they will be words of anger, malice, slander, jealousy, gossip, division, contempt, racism, violence, judgment, and condemnation. Your words have direction to them. 1 All of us use words. We all talk. But the real issue is what kind of role we and our words play in the spiritual life of other people. Let me illustrate this with the difference between a fire bellow and a fire extinguisher. They couldn t be more different. Every fire needs fuel (like wood or gas) and oxygen. The more fuel and the more oxygen, the better the fire will burn. Remove either of the two and the fire goes out sometimes very quickly. Now a fire bellow helps to increase a fire s burning capacity by blowing a very specific stream of air directly where it is needed, thereby increasing the amount of oxygen and increasing the strength of the fire. In contrast to that is a fire extinguisher which typically shoots out a dry chemical or powder that smothers the fire by depriving it of oxygen. Now imagine with me that the flame represents the spiritual vitality, potency, and power of other people s lives. Some people are bright burning bon-fires and others are small warm embers. Here s the question: are you more like a bellow or an extinguisher? In other words do your words give life or do they bring death? Here are a few of the contrasts: 1 Taylor, Justin; Tripp, Paul; Ferguson, Sinclair B.; Piper, John; Driscoll, Mark; Taylor, Daniel; Kauflin, Bob ( ). The Power of Words and the Wonder of God (p. 24). Good News Publishers/Crossway Books. Kindle Edition. 3

4 Words of Life Words of Death Are Christ and other focused Are self- focused Attack problems, not people Attack people and problems Assume the best Assume the worst Spoken after understanding Spoken to be heard and listened to Active and engaged Passive and distant Solution-oriented Revenge-oriented Heart and behavior concerned Behavior only focused Leave people refreshed and encouraged Leave people exhausted and discouraged Relies on God s word Relies on your opinions Patient, long-suffering words Impatient, hasty words Honest and loving Deceitful and callous Make Jesus attractive Creates a barrier to Jesus Listen! We live in a culture filled with death-words, and our natural sinful bent is toward deathwords. So everything about the environment that we live and everything that is naturally within us pulls toward words of death. And God has placed us here in order to be vehicles of life-giving grace. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person (Col 4:6). For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing (2 Cor 2:15-16). Words give life; words bring death you choose. How To Build Others Up Assuming that you want to have words that give life, let s examine what building other up actually looks like. I want to show you two paths both are important but they are useful during different seasons. Consistently Build-Up The first path reflects what should be the typical pattern of the life and words of a person who has experienced the beauty of God s grace, forgiveness and mercy. Understanding that you are a sinner and that God graciously saved you should directly affect how you view life and other people. The result will be that your mouth is used to advance God s purposes in the lives of others. You love what God is doing so much that you long to see it manifested in the lives of others. You will seek to consistently build others up. 4

5 Ephesians 4:29-32 helps us to see what this looks like. There are four characteristics that Paul lists as speech that builds up: 1. Words that do not grieve the Holy Spirit This is a very general category, but I think that it could be very helpful. The Holy Spirit is God s agent in the world to accomplish the will of the Father through the ministry of the Son. The Holy Spirit is a person, and he has a mission. Paul is telling us that there are some words that make the Holy Spirit sad or disappointed. The Holy Spirit, as the indwelling presence of Christ, is grieved when our words work against God s purposes. Paul even adds by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption emphasizing the beauty of God s grace. God s mercy propels us to see ourselves, our lives and other people through the lens of God s grace. This is supposed to be the normal, consistent way that the followers of Jesus live. In other words, of all the people on planet earth, the disciples of Jesus should be unique in other-centered motivation and words. The Gospel changes how you see everything! A few weeks ago I spoke at a Family Camp for Life Action Ministries, and I preached through the book of Colossians. During that series I spent most of one sermon explaining that justification means that our sins are forgiven and that God declares us to be completely obedient. We are delivered from a judgment that we deserve, and we are called righteous despite who we really are. During a testimony time a middle-aged man shared that he had been in church most of his life and never understood what being righteous really meant. With tears in his eyes he said that he was overwhelmed with how gracious God had been to him. On the way home I was sharing this story with our children when one of our boys said, He didn t know about justification? He must be so happy now! We are called to use words that fit with the redemption that we ve experienced. 2. Words that are kind The second thing is found in Ephesians 4:32. In contrast to verbal sins like bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice, the followers of Jesus are to be kind. The word means that which is useful, serving a particular purpose, helpful, and pleasant. In other words, these are words that fit with how God has treated you. These are encouraging, life-giving words. Listen to how Paul connects the gospel to a focus on others: 1So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (Phil 2:1-4). 5

6 3. Words that are tender-hearted The Greek word means that one feels compassion for someone else deep in their body. The word is a combination of two words. One means good, and the other has something to do with the internal organs like the spleen or intestines. That is why the KJV translates Philippians 2:1 as bowels and mercies when the ESV (thankfully!) renders is as affection and sympathy. The idea is a follower of Jesus is the kind of person who has deep, internal affection for others a person who is sympathetic, understanding, and compassionate. You could also think of this persona as someone who cares, really listens, and genuinely wants to help. This is a person who really understands. 4. Words that are grace-giving The final word in Ephesians is translated as forgiving, and it is the Greek word charizomai which means to grant favor, to pardon, or to treat kindly. The idea seems to be that there is a tone around a believer s life that is marked by lots of margins of grace. The person is not easily offended, long-suffering in love, and assumes the best about others. Their lives have been impacted by grace and so they are able and willing to give grace to others. They use words that give life. Is this what your life looks like? Are you marked by the kind of attitude and words that reflect the beauty of your experience of God s grace? Do you talk to people with the same kindness with which you ve been treated? Do you seek to bring life and hope to people with whom you talk? In the final session of LIVE 11, I talk about the importance of affirmation the practice of recognizing the grace of God in someone. In your bulletin today is a small note card, and I d love for you to use that this week to encourage someone. Use the card as a means of telling someone how grateful you are for them and how you ve seen the grace of God in them. We are called to consistently build others up. Intensively Build-Up There is another way that we build up that I also need to talk about this morning. It relates to certain moments when God gives you an opportunity to build someone up in a way that is very intense. These moments are not as common as the other way that we build people up, but it is very important. I m talking about moments of crisis, failure, and uncertainty. I m talking about moments when someone is in trouble and they need help. The Bible calls this kind of intensive building up admonishment. The Greek word means to impart understanding, to set right, or to lay on the heart. It carries the force of warning, reminding, and correcting someone. 6

7 What does this look like? 1. It is a vital part of pastoral ministry Pastors are called to build you up by warning you what the Word of God says. We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work (1 Thess 5:12-13). This kind of warning was the hallmark of Paul s pastoral ministry: Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears (Acts 20:31). Therefore, every Sunday the role of our staff is to build you up by telling what the Bible says, warning you about the dangers of not listening to what God s word says. But this is not just our job. 2. It is also part of the ministry of every believer Every believer is called to care for one another by speaking the truth in love, admonishing, warning and offering correction when needed. I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct (admonish) one another (Rom 15:14). And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all (1 Thess 5:14-15). The power lies not in the person who is doing the speaking but in the content of the Word of God. Since we have a sufficient Word and since we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, every follower of Jesus is qualified to speak the Word of God into the life of another person. It is as simple as realizing that something is wrong and that the Bible has the answers that this person needs. Therefore I want to call you today to speak the Word of God to people. Know this word, memorize this word, study this word not so that you can be more intelligent but so that you can be more helpful to people in crisis. 3. It is essential for the formation of Christ-likeness This is the reason why I love being a pastor; it is the reason why God called me into ministry. I love to see Christ formed in people. But that doesn t happen without some kind of warning or admonishment. 7

8 27 To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. 29 For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me (Col 1:27-29) Notice the connection to God s glory (v 27), the centrality of Christ (v 28), and the goal of maturity in Christ (v 28). But central to making all of this happen is warning and teaching (v 28). This is hard work and it will require tears, prayers, and great toil. But it is worth it! It is eternally worth it! Think of what it would mean for God to use your heart, your brain, and your tongue to literally rescue someone from the snare and trap of their sin. It would be risky to get involved. It might be time consuming. It will be painful. You are going to ask some difficult questions, and you may have to work hard to know what to say. But I m here to tell you there is nothing greater than the moment when a God-ordained word comes out of your mouth and God uses it to awaken someone s heart. There is nothing more beautiful than when you literally see this tongue that could be full of so much poison be used for God s glory and for the good of his church. There is nothing like words that give life! Over the last five weeks we ve looked at the tongue and how we communicate from many different perspectives. Today I simply want to lay before you a vision of what could happen if your words became the means by which people found spiritual life. Dream with me of what it would be like to have God use your mouth to build others up and in so doing build up his church. College Park Church Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce this material in any format provided that you do not alter the content in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: by Mark Vroegop. College Park Church - Indianapolis, Indiana. 8