The ZEN. OF HELPING Spiritual Principles for Mindful and Open-Hearted Practice ANDREW BEIN. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Transcription

1 The ZEN OF HELPING Spiritual Principles for Mindful and Open-Hearted Practice ANDREW BEIN John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

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3 Praise for The Zen of Helping The Zen of Helping offers spiritual principles and practice wisdom in a profound yet delightfully readable manner. While grounded in Zen thought, concepts are presented in a framework accessible and acceptable to helping professionals from diverse spiritual traditions. Readers will find guidance for self-care as well as for effective practice in this deep and thoughtful book. This book makes a significant contribution to the literature on spirituality and counseling practice. Ann W. Nichols, PhD, Arizona State University, School of Social Work Director, Society for Spirituality and Social Work Through the gathering of wisdom of his teachers, the insights of his own clinical experience, and the deep spiritual exploration of his own personal journey, Dr. Bein has created a remarkable road map of pointing instructions and guidance through the complexities of our hearts and minds for all of us in the healing professions. His book is a valuable tool for anyone engaged in the work of healing the suffering of others, and the work of healing the suffering of one s self. Larry Yang, LCSW, Guiding Dharma Teacher, East Bay Meditation Center, Oakland, California I have read the book with great heart and joy. It is so well-written, original, clear, helpful, and wise. I think this book will be an invaluable contribution, not only to social work, but many other disciplines. Joan Halifax Roshi, PhD, Upaya Zen Center, Santa Fe, New Mexico

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5 The ZEN OF HELPING

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7 The ZEN OF HELPING Spiritual Principles for Mindful and Open-Hearted Practice ANDREW BEIN John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

8 This book is printed on acid-free paper. Copyright # 2008 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved. Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey. Published simultaneously in Canada. Poetry of Danna Faulds from Go In and In, # 2002 by Danna Faulds. Used by permission. Schizophrenia poem by Emily Bein. Used by permission. It Felt Love, from the Penguin publication: The Gift, Poems by Hafiz, # 1999 Daniel Ladinsky and used with his permission. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) , fax (978) , or on the web at Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) , fax (201) , or online at Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services. If legal, accounting, medical, psychological or any other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. In all instances where John Wiley & Sons, Inc. is aware of a claim, the product names appear in initial capital or all capital letters. Readers, however, should contact the appropriate companies for more complete information regarding trademarks and registration. For general information on our other products and services please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (800) , outside the United States at (317) or fax (317) Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data: Bein, Andrew. The zen of helping : spiritual principles for mindful and open-hearted practice/by Andrew Bein. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN (pbk.) 1. Counseling. 2. Counseling Religious aspects Zen Buddhism. 3. Psychotherapy Religious aspects Zen Buddhism. I. Title. BF636.6.B dc Printed in the United States of America

9 CONTENTS Foreword Edward R. Canda, PhD ix Foreword Joan Halifax Roshi, PhD xiii Preface Acknowledgments 1 A Spiritual Helping Framework for Our Clients and Ourselves Beyond Spiritual Neutrality 1 2 Sitting with Clients on Uncertain Ground: Strong Back, Soft Front Beyond Evidence-Based Practice 9 3 Radical Acceptance of Clients, Context, and Self Beyond Carl Rogers Positive Regard 27 4 Mindfulness: Steadying the Mind and Being Present Beyond Empathy Skills and Counter-Transference 47 5 Curiosity, Compassionate Caring, and Inspiration Beyond Professional Warmth 71 6 Bearing Witness to Trauma and Pain Beyond Clinical Distance 97 7 The Middle Way: Embracing Contradiction and Paradox Beyond Dualistic Thinking 135 xv xxi vii

10 viii Contents 8 Having the Conversation: Making Space for Client Spirituality Beyond the Great Taboo Dealing with Failure Beyond Cognitive Solutions and the Paradigm of Blame Swimming Upstream with a Warrior s Heart Beyond Working a Human Services Job 175 Appendix Brief Introduction to Buddhism and Zen 185 References 191 Index 195

11 FOREWORD Edward R. Canda, PhD Professor Andrew Bein offers us an inside look at a compassionate, clearminded, and creative approach to professional helping. He delves into his experiences as a clinical practitioner, a father, and a Zen meditation practitioner in order to bring out insights that are both personal and broadly applicable. His stories of what went well or not so well in his professional practice give authenticity, vividness, and real life sensibility to the recommendations. Students and seasoned practitioners will learn from this book through its challenges to rigid formulas and dichotomous thinking within social work and allied fields. His view is spacious enough to encompass evidence and artistry, strengths and adversities, planning and spontaneity, and ethical boundaries and boundless caring. The word Zen is an English adaptation of the Japanese Buddhist term for meditation. Meditation can clear mental clutter to let us be vividly aware of the moment-to-moment nitty-gritty experience of our daily lives and our professional work. When we engage clients and ourselves in the situation with immediacy, clarity, connection, and openness, then genuine empathy and skillfully compassionate actions can flow within the helping relationship. Professor Bein s approach to social work has been informed through Zenbased insights, but it is not limited to them. He presents Zen insights without the trappings of specific Zen traditions and religious beliefs. In this way, some Zen wisdom becomes applicable to professionals and clients who have no knowledge or interest in Zen per se. He has been open both about his appreciation for Zen and also about his intention to share insights without advocating for or against any particular religion. His studies under Zen teachers who have adapted East Asian originated Zen teachings and practices to a worldwide context prepared him well for this task. For example, his teacher Joan Halifax Roshi, of the Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico, is committed to socially engaged Buddhism that is open to everyone and that reaches out especially to the oppressed, the imprisoned, and the dying. This approach to socially engaged Buddhism is highly consistent with the ix

12 x FOREWORD professional mission and values of social work (see retrieved January 3, 2008). Dr. Bein s effort to extract Buddhist insights from a religion-specific context for wider nonsectarian use is akin to the development of dialectical behavior therapy, now widely used in mental health settings (especially regarding borderline personality disorder), which drew on basic insights of Zen meditation and philosophy as well as conventional cognitive-behavioral therapy, without explicit use of Zen terms (Hayes, Follette, & Linehan, 2004). Similarly, Japanese Morita and Naikan therapies have adapted Buddhist originated practices of meditation, self-reflection, retreat, and skillful action to a nonsectarian and spiritually attuned psychotherapy approach (see retrieved January 3, 2008). The psychiatric social worker Philip Martin (1999) has likewise looked into the way Zen can be applied in a nonsectarian manner to dealing with depression. This book continues in a tradition of social work writers who draw on insights from existentialism, Taoism, and Zen to challenge prevalent types of interventions bound to rigid rules, roles, diagnoses, and prescriptions (e.g., Brandon, 2000; Krill, 1978, 1986, 1990). Such interventions are controlled, monitored, and intruded into clients lives (albeit with good intentions) by experts who have convinced themselves that they know more than they really do. In contrast to expert interventionism, Professor Bein s mindful and openhearted style of practice has an affinity with the social work strengths perspective and positive psychology, which have shifted professional helping from a preoccupation with problems and pathologies to a celebration of aspirations and talents, surviving and thriving, solutions and recoveries, resources and transformations, and paradoxes and epiphanies of whole persons and their communities (Saleebey, 2006; Snyder & Lopez, 2007). We are invited into dialogue and partnership with clients. As Professor Bein points out, this does not mean we should entirely throw out rules, roles, diagnoses, boundaries, plans, and evaluations. All of these can be useful within the context of a vital, dynamic, flexible, creative, and holistic helping relationship. As a Zen saying has it: being tied to concepts is like being a goat tied to a stick in the ground. Such a goat can roam only within a narrow range. Once all the grass is eaten, the goat will starve unless someone unties it. Concepts, theories, research evidence, and practiced skills should be in service to the real, emergent, and unpredictable particular happenings of the helping relationship. Practice wisdom uses these as skillful means for helping but is never tied down to them. The Zen of Helping is a way of expressing spiritually sensitive practice (Canda & Furman, 1999). Spiritually sensitive practice is attuned to the

13 Foreword xi highest goals, deepest meanings, and most practical requirements of clients. It seeks to nurture persons full potentials through relationships based on respectful, empathic, knowledgeable, and skillful regard for their spiritual perspectives, whether religious or nonreligious. It promotes peace and justice for all people and all beings. We can be grateful that Professor Bein has shared his own spiritually sensitive practice wisdom in such an honest, accessible, and practical way.

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15 FOREWORD Joan Halifax Roshi, PhD This book is an important source of inspiration and wisdom for anyone in the profession of giving care, be they a social worker, a doctor or nurse, a chaplain, or a parent. Its contents reflect the values, skills, and attitudes that make caring possible in our relationally depleted world. Some years ago, the author of this book, Andrew Bein, came to Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I was moved at how he, a person of principles and sensitivity, absorbed the tenets of Zen, its practice, its very heart. He not only did so-called Zen practice, but he also attended the Los Alamos Bearing Witness Retreat that I had organized to mark the 60th Memorial of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Part of the retreat was at our Zen Center, where two Japanese survivors of the bombing gave powerful testimony to their experience. Part was at Los Alamos where we joined many others who were also acknowledging the truth of suffering that war engenders. There I think he really got a taste of what it was to bear witness as this was the theme of the retreat and we explored bearing witness from many different perspectives, and it was easy to get polarized in this particular situation. In the many experiences that Andy has had at Upaya Zen Center and in his life as a father, husband, friend, teacher, and skilled social worker, he has crafted a set of principles or guidelines that make the work of harmonizing society truly humane. These principles are deeply embedded in the practice of Zen, which simply means to be nonseparate from all beings and things. Andy says that Zen means to be intimate with all that is. This is what he means by authentic presence, a presence where there is no subject and no object, but where deep mutuality is present. This is the base of caregiving, of social work, of all human relationships, and truly of all relationships with all phenomena. We as humans so often need to be reminded that this kind of intimacy is no different than the right hand taking care of the left hand. Andy also points out that the work of caring for others is based in what my teacher Bernie Glassman Roshi calls not-knowing. How can we be with a client or a patient without the diagnostic category mediating our experience? Andy points out that the partner of not-knowing is uncertainty, and the xiii