Love is. Love is Not. by Rev. Kathy Sides (Preached at Fort Des Moines UMC )

Transcription

1 Love is. Love is Not. by Rev. Kathy Sides (Preached at Fort Des Moines UMC ) First Corinthians, chapter 13. It s easy to see why it is often referred to as the Love Chapter, because it s all about love; how important it is, and what love is really all about; what love is and is not supposed to be. The passage is often chosen to be read at weddings, because it reminds the couple of the kind of love that is needed to build a good marriage. And it is often chosen to be read at funerals; as a testament to the love that was lived out by the person being remembered, and as a reminder that love is a legacy that will live on. We often lift the chapter out of its surrounding context and read it by itself. And it works well to do that, because it can stand alone as a beautiful and meaningful scripture. But I think it is also helpful to think of it in relation to what surrounds it. It is in fact part of a section where the Apostle Paul is talking to the church in Corinth about spiritual gifts; such things as wisdom, knowledge, healing, working of miracles, prophecy, speaking in tongues, interpretation of tongues and teaching. In Paul s letters, he is sometimes addressing problems or trying to settle disagreements that have cropped up within the churches. In fact, in the first chapter of this particular letter he says, Now I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you be in agreement and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same purpose. (1 Cor. 1:10) He goes on to say that he has heard reports of quarrels among the people. No doubt at least part of what follows in this letter is Paul s effort to settle some of those quarrels by letting the people know his opinions about certain issues or questions, and giving them instructions to clarify how the church ought to believe and ought to behave. Evidently one of the quarrels has been over which spiritual gifts were the best or most important. He spends time in chapter 12 talking about some of the gifts, and how all are given by the same Spirit. He compares the church as the body of Christ, to our physical bodies, where each part is unique and important and all parts must work together. He ends chapter 12 by saying that persons will be given different gifts, but that everyone should strive for what he called the greater gifts. Then he concludes, And I will show you a still more excellent way. With that he starts in with those words that have become so familiar to us: If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. In other words, love is the greatest spiritual gift; that which we should most desire, most seek to practice. 1

2 He s saying, I can have such spiritual gifts as speaking in tongues, prophesying, wisdom, and great faith, but if I don t have love, it s not worth anything. And then he tells what love is like; what it is and isn t. And Paul concludes that although such gifts as prophecies and tongues and knowledge will all come to an end, faith, hope and love will abide, or last. And the greatest of them all is love. So what Paul says in this chapter is important. Love is all-important. So important that he goes into some detail about what constitutes love; what love is. And what love is not. The words we are probably used to are something like these from the New Revised Standard Version: Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) Sometimes we ve gotten so used to hearing things in the same way that it helps to hear them expressed a little differently. For something that expresses the old words in a new way and makes me think, I like the version of the Bible called The Message. In it Eugene Peterson has taken the words of scripture and translated it into modern-day language that might be more familiar phrases to us. Here is how he expresses those same verses; those same qualities of love: Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn t want what it doesn t have. Love doesn t strut, Doesn t have a swelled head, Doesn t force itself on others, Isn t always Me first, Doesn t fly off the handle, Doesn t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies. So if we have any question about what Paul means by love, any questions as how we as followers of Jesus Christ are to act as those who love, they ought to be answered by those things; those qualities that Paul lists about love. Here they are again, along with some things to think about. First, a couple of things that love is. Love is patient, or as The Message puts it, Love never gives up. That s a hard one. So often when we try to extend love to others, we want to see results. We want to see the love returned, or if not returned, at least appreciated. But Paul hints that love might take a while, we might have to keep at it before we see any results. So often we are like the woman who wanted to be more patient so she prayed for patience. She said, O Lord, please give me patience. And I want it NOW! 2

3 In a lot of ways, we ve become used to getting results pretty quickly; instant coffee, drive-up windows, microwaves that can cook a meal in minutes, phones we can pull out of our pocket or purse and connect with someone miles away in a moment; fax machines or s that can deliver a document across a continent or across the world almost instantly. We ve grown pretty used to instant gratification. We don t like to hear that we have to be patient, have to keep trying and never give up. But that s what love is. That s what love does. And then, love is kind. Or, love cares more for others than for self. Another hard one. In a world where it sometimes feels like those that are kind are taken advantage of and those that get ahead are the most selfish, it is easy to forget the value of kindness, of caring for others. Certainly, if you have kept up with the presidential campaign this time around, you might have noticed that kindness seems to be in pretty short supply lately, at least in politics. Insulting and tearing down your opponents seems to be the norm these days. In some cases way worse than others. And sometimes it feels like the animosity has spread from the candidates to their supporters. For instance, last week-end the choir that Sam sings with at Wartburg took a little mini concert tour and so they stayed in a hotel Saturday night. Sunday morning a complete stranger came up to Sam in the hotel breakfast area and asked him if he was a Republican or a Democrat. When Sam answered that he was a Democrat, the guy told Sam that he hoped he never had any children. That is a far cry from kind. That is not love, for love is kind. So love is patient, and love is kind. And then we have a whole list of what love is not. Love is not envious or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Or as The Message puts it, love doesn t want what it doesn t have, it doesn t strut, it doesn t have a swelled head, it doesn t force itself on others. Paul goes on to add that love does not insist on its own way, it isn t irritable or resentful. Or, It isn t always Me first, it doesn t fly off the handle. Maybe the best way to sum all that up is to say that love puts others first, thinks of the interest and well-being of others before our own self-interest. That s not so easy, either. We get pretty used to thinking in terms of what we want. And we tend to forget that how Jesus calls us to live and love isn t really supposed to be all about us. The list of nots ends with what love does not do. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing. In other words, and I like the way The Message puts it here; it Doesn t keep score of the sins of others, doesn t revel when others grovel. Instead, Paul says, love rejoices in the truth, or love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth. Again, love is unselfish. It wants the best for others. It doesn t seek to build ourselves up by tearing others down. Love has no room for selfrighteousness. 3

4 And after the list of what love is, and what love is not and does not; comes my favorite part, the enduring quality of love: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Or, in Peterson s words, love Puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back but keeps going to the end. Love never dies. In other words, love is unconditional and love is unending. Love keeps on loving, no matter what. Now, the problem is, the love that is described there is a God kind of love. And as much as we d like to, sometimes we humans have a hard time loving like that. It s not that we don t want to, but sometimes we have a hard time living out a love like that, a love that demands so much of us. We re like the young man who wrote to his girlfriend; Sweetheart, if this world was as hot as the Sahara desert, I would crawl on my knees through the burning sand to come to you. If the world was like the Atlantic Ocean, I would swim through shark infested waters to come to you. I would fight the fiercest dragon to be by your side. And then he concluded, I will see you on Thursday if it does not rain. Sometimes we think we can love enough to overcome all obstacles, and then find ourselves giving up at the first sign of rain. So how do we love with a love like Paul describes? Well, first of all, if we are going to try to love with a God kind of love, we can only hope to do it with God s help; we have to acknowledge that it is only by God s grace and with his strength and power that we can love like that. Then, even if we know we have to have God s help, when it comes right down to it, sometimes loving is a matter of putting into practice the Nike slogan Just Do It. Sometimes love starts not with what we feel, but with what we do; not with our emotions but with our actions. Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells a story of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. She said "I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me. Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan. He told the woman "Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you've convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you're getting a divorce. That will really hurt him." With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and said, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!" Then she went home and did it with enthusiasm. For two months she showed love, and kindness; listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. After she didn t return, Dr. Crane finally called her. "Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?" 4

5 "Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered I really do love him." Dr. Crane concluded, Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds. Now, I m not suggesting that that method could save every marriage, but it is a good illustration of what we sometimes forget. Sometimes love, whether it is love for a stranger or a neighbor or a spouse, starts with what we do. By beginning to live love, little by little, love might really get ahold of us, even begin to control us. Until love becomes not just what we do, but truly what we feel, and who we are. Until we can love with God s kind of love, a love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. A love that never ends. I close with a song I learned years ago that always resurfaces in my mind when I think of these words about what love is and love is not. These are the Apostle Paul s words as expressed by another Paul, Paul Johnson, in his song, Love Theme. Love Theme by Paul Johnson Love is more than speaking words of eloquence; Love is more than knowledge can express. Love is not the fruit of man s intelligence; Love is not religious holiness. Love is more than feelings of emotion; Love s not just a four-letter word. Love is more than human devotion; Love s the sweetest story ever heard. For love is always patient, loyal and true. Love will never selfishly pursue. Love will not uncover the wrong in review. Love abides when others are untrue. Love can bear rejection and injustice; Love has faith when everything goes wrong. Love can face a million broken promises. And forever there will be, always faith, hope, and love; But the greatest of them all is love. 5