Catalina Acuff. The Shadow Door

Transcription

1 Catalina Acuff The Shadow Door A sole glimpse of the shadow door is what was seen. It looked only to be an umbra, but there was more to it than that. It was rectangular, but there were oval silhouettes. Every few seconds or so there was a sudden, but subtle twinge of movement. Of course, this was only seen for a minute before my eyes closed. This was my mere imagination I had thought for years until I began to hear voices before. I was not able to understand, for they mumbled. One had a slightly screechy voice, almost as if a cackling crow could spit words from his mouth that would normally mean the grim reaper was on the near path. The other was the complete opposite. A voice was never heard so smooth and restrained. Even its mumbled phrases could be made to seem as if everything was alright. But, when I awoke in the chilly mornings of fall, all was gone and forgotten, just like life that was once lived. The night was as dark as the holes to the underworld. A sole star gleamed in the sky. The moon was abnormally large and a little more the color of cheese than earlier. Outside the window trees swayed in the wind that was brisker than before. I turned up the heat because no adult would. Both adults were absent, one across the globe one way and the other in the opposite direction. The baby was being taken care of by the grandmother who lived on a solemn street and my older brother was gone forever. Every time I walked into my room, I could smell him. His warm soap-like smell lingered for several years. My room had been his. I never wanted to inhabit his room. I argued that it should have been left alone after his disappearance, but the adults were in no mood to discuss the matter. After a day of goodbyes, I settled in my brother's room with a glass of warm milk. I pulled off my socks and went on the bed. I propped the pillows and plunged into my glass of milk. Not remembering it was hot rather than warm, my tongue sunk into the milk. I scolded myself with words that were acceptable to use in the house. I put the glass on the table beside the bed. To wait for it to cool, I slumped on the mattress and shut my eyes.

2 He was there. He was on the up side of the hill. His thick arms lay at his side. The loose chocolate hair was pushed around in the wind, but still, it looked flawless. He had brown eyes that had ripples of orange. His golden skin glowed with the sun beaming on us. What are you doing there?" I said with a slight giggle. He held out his hand. He spoke, Come sister. We have work to do." I ran up the clover green hill. The breeze allowed for the blades to move as if floating in the sea. There were trees in the distance, but not close enough to run to. My small seven year old legs sprinted up the hill. I caught his hand as he began to turn towards the field of flowers. Each pedal was beautiful. He plucked a pink flower with yellow spots. He held it in his palm and allowed for the wind to take it away. His shoulders were stiff as he looked beyond. I shivered for the spring had not completing got rid of winter. He, however, did not shake. Not even a breath quivered. What are you doing?" I asked playfully. Why, young one, we shall explore, won't we?" He said in an accent I had never heard before. I jumped a little and giggled more. He smiled back. He looked at me then at the downside of the hill and back at me. I nodded at him. He looked back down the hill and he began to run with me at his side. Holding hands we felt the wind slap our faces. We felt like birds released from a cage. Our sky was everything we could see. I ran even faster and let go of his comforting hand. We both wanted the win, so he sprinted, passing me so hastily. I rolled down the heartening hill and stopped when the slope rose. I lay on my back looking up at the blue sky with the occasional gray cloud, then peering to locate him. "Brother?" I whispered. Yes? his deep voice replied softly. He had just come and sat next to me. Let s explore the cave, I said looking at the obscure fear. The cave? he said surprised.

3 Yea, just don t leave me. You have to hold on to my hand. I will never leave you, he spoke. Okay? I nodded. He winked at me. He stood from the flowy grass and I did the same. I grasped hand. Ready? he asked. Ready. Let s go. And with our last words, we walked to the cave. I woke in the middle of the night. I tossed and turned, but then I heard the voices clearer than before. I toned my hearing and tossed to the side to make it seem as if I was asleep. Tonight is the night! said the cackling one. Yes, I believe so too, but she is not awake. We must wait. Puff! Why can t we wake her? She must do it. She must do everything. With those words, I turned and faced the ceiling. Eyes wide, I saw the door right above me. I wanted to put clothes on, but then I remembered I had dozed off and never put pajamas on. I stood on the mattress. I used the hair band around my wrist to tie my choppy hair back. The bed was high enough that I could touch the ceiling. I lifted my hand to the shadow door. My hand had disappeared. With a gasp, I pulled my hand down. It was all in one piece. I lifted it again to see if I could feel anything beyond. It was cold but hard. My fingers found themselves intertwined with something. I raised my other hand through the door. I found a good grip and lifted myself through the door, though it was tough.

4 I lay on the ground looking around, eyes beginning to water. There were miles of rolling hills and farther out mountains with snow at the tips. There seemed to be no sun, but still, it was bright. No clouds either, but the sky was a pretty pale blue. I stood from the soft grass. I planted my feet. I began to feel nervousness for I could see no one. Being alone was a fear I had developed after he left. Sweat formed right above my lip. I tried to move my foot ahead of the other. Long grasses had tied themselves over and on my feet. I pulled harder as if I could slip my feet out, but alas, nothing worked. I breathed harder. I knelt to the ground and tugged on the grasses. The only result was grasses wrapped themselves on my hands. I quickly rubbed them off. Grunting, I shook and struggled to move. The grasses increased the pace in which they wrapped themselves around me. My feet were no longer seen and my ankles would soon find themselves with the same fate. I screamed out of frustration. Tears strolled down my cheeks. I wiped them away as if they were never there. But they were. They were the weakness, showing itself to the world. I would not show my weakness. Not since I realized he had left me. You are everything but weak, said the calming voice I had heard for weeks earlier. Another tear left my eye. I wiped it quicker than the last. Tears are not weakness, said the voice, taking a breath between every word. Your strength and life are shown through the emotions you feel. Your struggle may be easier if you show your life. I I don t understand. What do I need to do? I said with panic. I got no response. Thinking, I closed my eyes. Grass is my problem. Show your life, the voice had told me. I spread out my arms hoping it would help. The grass was nearing my knees. Grass. Life. My eyes widened. I felt another tear approach. It slipped from my eye, slid down my cheek and off my chin. The tear fell from my face and found itself on the leaf of a blade of grass. Almost at once, all the grass unraveled itself from my frozen legs. Despite my freedom, I was as still as ever. Thoughts of misinterpretation and of wonder swirled in my mind for I always knew grass craved water, but why were tears the answer? The leaf so simply soaked the sorry slush that slid from my face. But for every thought that swooped in my mind, the leaves were plants.

5 Plants had to grow. Like animals, they grew and behaved brutally and competed for the right to live. This plant, this sight of sensation, that all appeared behind the door made out of an umbra, craved me. Craved the liquid stored in me. It was prepared to take me as its victim regardless of its natural desire for the sole drop of water. Similar to a sloth, I wiggled my toes that inside were in search for the blood that circulated in my body. Tingling as fast as sparkles shine, my foot hurt as I proceeded on my journey forward where the stepping stones lay. Winds picked up their paces while my speed was steady like the crawling of turtles. As I continued to walk among the plants and on the stones, it grew darker. The day was not turning into night, no; the trees beside my body were thicker and taller. My path was progressively becoming narrower. Looking ahead, I noticed something unusual to my surroundings. While I had thought the plains would reach the magnificent mountains in thousands of miles that would take any weary traveler months to get to, I was near the mountains within the first hour of my journey. I had made out the object to be a cave, or perhaps a tunnel? Approximately two steps of entering the cave, I paused. This was my childhood unknown. It was the unknown that I needed company to reach the end. Then I was with him, now I am alone. After calming my nerves, I advanced forward. It rapidly grew to the point where my hand could not be seen even if a centimeter from my face. I saw no light forward or behind me. Was I headed forward? Or was I slanting to the side? I could have been upside down for all I knew. My heart skipped a beat at the thought. This is not worth it. Go back. Behind you is safe. Trust me, said a chortling voice. I stopped in my tracks. Yes, good girl. Do what I say. I say the right always. I will never let you down, said the voice again. I closed my eyes. The voice had crept into my mind like a mouse in a house. I could hear the breathing. The soggy spit skipping in the mouth was as loud as ferocious forest fires causing the firs to fall. My hands clasped my ears. The voice was invading my thoughts. My words, my fears, my emotions were colliding with the voice s lips.

6 I walked one step forward. I felt like I was spinning in circles. I had hit an invisible wall that when in contact eyes watered, bruises formed, and limbs stunned. My fingers began to twitch. The voice s breaths deepened. It was deeper than the love of the forbidden couple. What is down there is not worth it, said the voice. Just like your fear. What do you mean? I whispered with curiosity. You know your fear. Everyone is afraid of something. Fear is what controls you. Fear is your enemy. I clasped my hands together. I pulled my fingers firmly. My hands began to grow warm. Sweat began to form in the cracks. I pulled them apart. They were not bound. My fingers were bound to my palms. My palms were bound to my wrists. My wrists were bound to my arms. My arms were bound to my shoulders and my shoulders to the core of my body. The core of my body held my heart. My heart was strong. I was strong. No, no it is not, I said aloud without question. Excuse me? said the voice. Fear is not my enemy. Fear drives me. You, you are my enemy! Get out of me! I yelled snatching my head. Leave me! I need not hear your wicked words! I screamed a scream of pain and resistance. What, what are you doing? Hey! I can help you, trust me! said the voice panicked. I am perfectly capable of making up my own mind, I said. My purpose is to combat fear, not to run from it. I heard a vulgar screech in my head that sounded as if witches were brewing torture on a chalkboard with their long eroded nails. I screamed in discomfort. My knees failed me and collapsed on the ground. I found myself laying on my back and hair spread out. I searched for something to tie my hair with, but I soon gave up and allowed my hair to flow. I stood from the ground. I slowly adjusted to the darkness. My arms shook with uncertainty. My eyelid began to twitch and I was unable to stop it. My lips were frozen and cold sweat formed under my eyes. No part of me was damaged,

7 apart from minor bruising on my elbows and a small head throb by my ears. And with no warning, I saw a light in the distance. It was bright, but it did not sting my eyes. It was pure light. White, it was, as the cloaks of the angles that roam heaven s grounds. I walked to it like a child to its mother. My arms slowly began to stiffen with confidence. It had come apparent to me that the light was an exit. I was stepping on my fear. I crouched under the archway of dirt. I wiped off any crumbles of mud that had fallen on my head. With a gasp, I looked at my surroundings. Grand mountains lined the valley of soft rolling hills. The sky was a deep blue and the sun s orange glow lit the valley stunningly. I climbed up the hill before me. I looked to the cave of darkness. The cave exit was surrounded by lively grass that swayed in the wind. The miniature trees grasped on the steep hill with their grandfather roots. Their leaves were bunched together and from a distant, looked like emerald clouds. I closed my eyes wondering if I should go back. If I don t look forward I will never know what is ahead of me. But if I go back I will still be me. I will be back to my room in my house. No. I will be in his room in the house, I thought. Holding my breath I turned around. The hills were filled with pink flowers with yellow spots. They were the stars of the ground. Suddenly, a gust of wind came from behind me. It released some of the flowers petals from their stems. Together they floated in the wind. At the bottom of the hill was a figure. He had stiff arms, but he was smiling. His eyes were brown and were rippled with orange. He was older than before. He looked into my eyes. My eyes were open with opportunity and gratitude. I held out my hand. do. Come, brother, I said sternly, a tear rolling down each of my eyes. We have work to