How to Talk with Your Kids About Pop Culture, Technology, and Social Media

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2 How to Talk with Your Kids About Pop Culture, Technology, and Social Media UPDATED & EXPANDED EDITION By the Axis Team Copyright 2016 by Axis

3 Table of Contents Acknowledgments Preface Chapter 1: The Epidemic Chapter 2: Teenagers Have Questions Chapter 3: What About Discipleship? Chapter 4: Technology, Social Media, and Video Games Chapter 5: Why Parents Lose Chapter 6: How Parents Win Conclusion

4 Appendix Endnotes

5 Writers: Denise Morris Snyder Daniel Day Editors: Matthew John Andrew McPeak Melanie Mudge Research: David Eaton Andrew McPeak Jeremiah Callihan Melanie Mudge Nicholas Gerber Meghan Carr Daniel Giddings Patrick Wallace Design: AJ Virgil Melanie Mudge Acknowledgments: A special note about Denise Morris Snyder and Matthew John: Denise: Without Denise s expertise on Jewish history, Axis wouldn t have been able to pull off a book about discipleship. Not only did she contribute to the content of the manuscript, but she s responsible for getting our first ebook off the ground. Her first draft laid the foundation for the entire manuscript you have in front of you. Matthew John:

6 The best editors not only correct grammar and spelling, they help craft a coherent and compelling story. M.J. is responsible for molding this manuscript into an ebook that makes sense and is easy to read. Thank you Denise and Matthew John for helping Axis first ebook come into existence. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into this manuscript and helping us create something we are proud of!

7 Preface A Letter from David Dear Reader, My name is David Eaton, and I m what you could call a culture translator. I'm also the cofounder of Axis, a worldview ministry for students ages 11 to 22. My good friend Jeremiah and I began Axis in 2007 because of what I call my three. Chris, Josh, and Andrew were three of my good friends in high school. All of us traveled together on different mission trips, including a trip to San Luis Potosi, Mexico. I have a picture of the four of us standing on the street, Bibles in hand, preaching about Jesus to people in the local market. We were passionate about sharing our faith with others, and trips like this one were a chance for us to bring the Gospel to those in need. My three friends have all gone on to become successful, intelligent, productive men. Today, Chris has a PhD in anthropology, Josh is a lawyer in Seattle, and Andrew is a teacher in New Jersey. And all three are now self-proclaimed atheists or agnostics. It breaks my heart. Sadly, my three friends are not the only ones from my generation who have abandoned or are abandoning their faith. As studies show, the next generation is unplugging from the church: - Pew: Christian religious affiliation fell by 8% between 2007

8 and 2014, while the religiously unaffiliated category increased by nearly the same percentage. 1 - CNN:... Most American teens who called themselves Christian were indifferent and inarticulate about their faith.... Though three out of four American teenagers claim to be Christian, fewer than half practice their faith, only half deem it important, and most can t talk coherently about their beliefs. 2 - Barna: Between 40 and 50 % of graduating high school students who participated in church or youth group while they were in high school will fail to stick with their faith in college. 3 The next generation which we define as students ages 11 to 22 is making a mass exodus from the institution of the Church and from the Christian faith. That's why what Axis does is so important, and why we are so passionate about solidifying the next generation in the Christian faith. But we didn t start Axis because of the statistics; we started Axis because this problem is personal. Each of these statistics represents individual people who are struggling to know what is true and real, what matters. Most likely, you know someone a close friend or family member who has left the faith. You have your three. However many people you thought of, whether one or three or ten, the problem is real. Something has to change. Before we can reverse the trends, we have to know several things: Why is the next generation migrating away from Jesus? And what are they moving toward? In this ebook, we will look at some of the reasons the next generation is leaving the faith, and we will offer insight and some practical tools for parents to use to help rescue their children and the next generation. But first, let me introduce you to Axis. At the beginning of this letter, I referred to myself as a culture translator. Though you're

9 likely not familiar with the term, chances are you will be hearing about it in the next few years. Right now, American University in Paris offers a Master of Arts in Cultural Translation, and in 2012 the first-ever Cultural Translations Symposium was held at George Washington University. 4 It s a topic people are beginning to talk about. Cultural translation 5 is a growing field of study that combines theories and research methodologies from the fields of anthropology, sociology, geography, philology 6, and philosophy of religion. Culture translators aim to understand the meanings of practices and behaviors of one people group, and then explain them in ways that people of another culture can understand. In short, culture translators are experts at explaining the differences between people groups. Axis is a culture translation agency. But, unlike most culture translators, our focus is not on different countries or races. Instead, we translate between generations. We translate pop culture and deep Christian truths for teenagers, and we translate teen culture for parents and grandparents. This is how it works: We start by taking the big ideas from Scripture and the most compelling teachings from the most influential Christian thinkers (C.S. Lewis, Tim Keller, Ravi Zacharias, etc.), and we translate these big ideas into verbiage and examples teenagers can understand and relate to. But we don't dumb anything down we just translate it. We also expose and translate the philosophies and big ideas found in movies, music, magazines, and other media. Beyond that, we use examples from pop culture itself. Our presentations to students are packed with the very pop-culture content that students spend hours with every day. We also equip you, the parent, to better understand your children and the culture in which they're immersed. We know the next

10 generation. We know what they re thinking, what they care about, and how to talk with them about deep truths about God and the world. Our goal is to help you understand your kids and the culture in which they live. That s why we wrote this ebook. We desire to use our experience as a bridge between generations and help your family grow strong as you follow Christ together. So what makes Axis good at building bridges? Well, for starters, we are relatively young. We're able to relate to your kids because we aren t that much older than they are we're in our twenties and early thirties. Also, we know student culture because we study it. We know the hot songs, the most apps, and all the latest trends. At the same time, Axis learns from a lot of older and wiser people because we study their books, essays, and sermons. We make it a point to find and synthesize the best resources on raising the next generation. And we surround ourselves with people who are mature in their faith. It should be noted that we do all this not because we care about the next generation in the abstract the idea of a generation of young people who follow Jesus but also because we are parents of young children ourselves. We need this stuff just as much as you do! We know firsthand the pressure of wanting to raise children who follow Jesus. Indeed, the other day, I sat down with our staff and asked them a simple question: What is your greatest fear as a parent? Jeremiah, a father to three young boys, opened up, saying, God has called me, as their daddy, to bring them up to follow Jesus. Ultimately, the choice is theirs, but I, with the help of God, am going to fight and pray for that every day. I started off this letter talking about my three : my three friends who walked away from God. But Jeremiah has a different three :

11 his three kids, who, he hopes more than anything, will grow up to love and follow Jesus. (Actually, as of this updated edition he now has four. Jeremiah and his wife just adopted a beautiful little girl through the foster care system!) I don t know where you are on the journey of parenthood. For me, it just began; my wife and I recently had our first child and are pregnant with the second. But I want you to know that I care about your kids. Everyone at Axis cares about your kids. Our vision is to see the next generation become a generation of disciple-makers who are committed both to the church and to engaging the culture around them. And that is most likely to happen if you their parents, teachers, and mentors have the tools and information you need. Thank you for downloading this ebook. As you read it, take notes. Let us know if there are things we can add or issues we should address to help and encourage you as a parent. Here s my address so that you can contact me directly with comments, questions, and suggestions: david@axis.org. Think of this ebook as the beginning of a conversation between you and Axis. Thank you for your time and for your commitment to saving the next generation. Sincerely, David Eaton, CEO and Cofounder of Axis Ps. There are three great ways for Axis to serve your family and your community. All of these are on our website at axis.org. 1. The Culture Translator. A weekly designed to be read in under three minutes. The Culture Translator will

12 give you biblical insights into shifts in student culture and it will help you have amazing conversations with your children. 2. Virtual Trainings. Every year we tackle four tough topics and create video presentations for you to watch with your students. These topics are supported with other media and conversation guides. 3. Live Event Trainings. For schools and churches we offer student and multi-generational family trainings from a traveling Axis team. These are biblical, moving, interactive, practical, and full of current media.

13 Chapter 1: The Epidemic I want to live the way of the world, but I don t want to go to hell! Melanie took a second look at the letter to make sure she was reading it correctly. She read the line again. As the car full of Axis team members continued down the road, she decided to read it out loud for the rest of the team. Hey guys, listen to this, she said. I want to live the way of the world, but I don t want to go to hell. What? David said as he continued to drive down the interstate. What are you reading? A girl at the school gave this letter to me. The envelope says, Please read I need help! And inside she has a list of questions about God and her life. Listen to this: How did you know when you wanted to be a Christian? How did you decide you wanted to be a Christian? What made you decide to become a Christian? I have lived in a church my whole life and Christian school my whole life God was always pushed on me, but I don t think it s for me. I know if I go the way of the world my parents will be disappointed in me. I don t know what to do with myself or spiritually. I want to live the way of the world, but I don t want to go to hell. Poor thing! She sounds confused, Daniel chimed in from the back seat. But I can t blame her. There have been times in my life

14 when I ve had similar questions. From the driver s seat, David said, Melanie, Daniel, Bethany, this is why we re here this week. Even though these kids attend this Christian school, grow up in Christian homes, and attend Christian churches, they are confused. They have questions, and all of the media clips that we show them are full of answers that contradict the Bible. No wonder they re confused, but by spending the next two days with them, we can help them see God and the world more clearly. Silence filled the car as the weight of both the letter and David s words sank in. When your job is to travel and speak at school after school, church after church, conference after conference, it s easy to get into a routine and forget about the reasons you are traveling all over the country. But that day, while those Axis team members listened to the humdrum of the tires against the pavement, the reason became clear. David, Melanie, Daniel, and Bethany were in Louisiana for one purpose: to help teenagers sift through the confusion of pop culture and the many messages embedded within and to see God clearly. What Is Popular Culture? What is pop culture? Maybe the answer seems obvious, but let s define it here so that we re all on the same page. When we say pop culture, we re referring to popular music, movies, magazines, art, fashion, TV shows, Internet memes and fads, apps, video games, social media, newspapers, books, and radio. It includes the content (songs, movies, and so on) and the attitudes, personalities, and lifestyles of the celebrities who create that content. We need to talk about pop culture because teenagers spend so much time taking it in and being influenced by it. Popular culture

15 is everywhere, and it s powerful. It s full of ideas for how we should live our lives. And chances are, despite your efforts to raise your students in God s truth, pop culture has become the dominant influence in their lives simply because of its ubiquity and its appeal. But just because pop culture is powerful doesn t mean we need to be afraid of it. It just means that we need to be aware of and have discussions about what the next generation is spending time listening to, watching, and engaging with. Unanswered Questions vs. Unquestioned Answers The issue teenagers walking away from God is not a result of having unanswered questions. We ll say it again: The issue is not unanswered questions. We don t think people walk away from God because they can t get all their questions answered. Even the smartest people in the world, including Christians, don t have all of the answers. Instead, the issue is unquestioned answers. By unquestioned answers we mean the answers to our questions about God, ethics, our purpose in life, etc. that we believe to be true without ever really questioning them. And unquestioned answers come at us from everywhere: the news, politics, investment advisors, professors, friends. For teenagers, one of the most prolific sources of unquestioned answers is pop culture. If you, as a parent, are not helping your students find answers to their questions, popular culture is more than happy to take your place. For example, if your teenager is asking himself, How do I know if I m doing the right thing? pop culture offers a variety of answers, one of the more prominent ones being, Follow your heart. Do what feels right! You ve heard this answer before, sometimes subtly, other times

16 overtly. One of the more influential personalities of our time used to preach this idea from her television show and now does in various ways through her magazine, TV channel, and conferences. We're talking, of course, about Oprah. In one cover story of a 2011 edition of O Magazine, readers were encouraged to Let Your Intuition Be Your Guide. 7 This follow your heart mentality is applied to even the most important things in life. During an episode of her A New Earth webcast with spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, Oprah said that God is a feeling experience, not a believing experience. If God for you is still about a belief, then it s not truly God. 8 Oprah isn't the only champion of the follow your heart philosophy. Disney, a powerhouse of pop culture that's more likely than Oprah to have influenced your kids directly, also preaches this message. Disney s princesses have taught multiple generations to follow their hearts. If you do, all of your dreams will come true! Or so goes the message. Disney s most recent princesses, Anna and Elsa from the breakout phenomenon Frozen, wrestle with their place in the world. During Elsa s coming out as a powerful sorceress, she sings the now-famous Let It Go with the lyrics: It s time to see what I can do To test the limits and break through No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free! 9 There s a problem with this idea, of course: What if following your heart or doing what feels right conflicts with, say, the law? Or, as an observant mother of a toddler tweeted, What if your heart is telling you not to wear pants? 10 Follow your heart is a prime example of an unquestioned answer. The girl who wrote the letter we mentioned earlier was

17 wrestling with it. She had been told to follow the path that made her the most happy, and her parent s faith, with all of its rules, just didn t fit into that path. Thus she said of Christianity, "I don't think it s for me." Her heart was telling her that, to be happy, she should walk away from God. Should she listen to her heart? Should she let her intuition be her guide? And if she followed her intuition, would it actually lead her to true happiness and flourishing? Or the opposite? The Presence of Pop Culture Pop culture is everywhere. Its influence in teenagers lives is a big deal. But, as we said before, teens don t walk away from God because they don t have the answers to all their questions. The problem is not that pop culture raises questions your teens can t handle. Instead, the issue is unquestioned answers. Of course, this phrase unquestioned answers begs its own questions: Answers to what questions?

18 Chapter 2: Teenagers Have Questions A person s worldview determines the way they will answer deep questions. The auditorium is quiet as we set up for chapel. Soon we can hear them coming down the hall: middle and high school students excited to have a break from class. Once they re seated, one of the teachers prays, picks up a guitar, and begins singing Blessed Be Your Name. Most of the students follow along without much enthusiasm, while a pocket of older boys refuses to sing altogether. After a few more worship songs, we grab our mics and begin the presentation. Many students listen. A few doodle. Two or three sleep. Then the mood changes. As soon as we start playing a Taylor Swift song, the doodlers stop doodling, the sleepers sit up, and many students start singing along: He s so bad, but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins Say you ll see me again Even if it s just in your wildest dreams. 11 The auditorium in this conservative Christian school comes to life. The excitement is back. Many girls belt the chorus and sway in their seats, and the voices carry on even after we fade the music down. The students respond to her music because it s catchy and because the vision of romance and relationships she casts is compelling. But then we ask them to take a closer look at the lyrics. What

19 exactly is she saying about relationships? She celebrates being with someone because it feels right, even though she knows it can t last. And why can t it last? Because, according to her music video, he s already married! But it s worth it because, in the moment, it was fun and exciting. She also presents a model for behavior: Guys don t have to be accountable for their actions if a girl gives them permission, and girls shouldn t worry about standards or boundaries as long as the guy is attractive. Until now, they haven t thought about how the words might shape them. So we invite them to critically examine the work of artists they love and begin noticing how music offers more than just a good beat and a catchy tune. Embedded within each and every lyric is a prescription for how to think about ethics or purpose or relationships or sex or God. Music shows, both overtly and subversively, all of us how we should live. The world is full of questions. Teenagers themselves are full of questions. In this chapter, we ll look at some of the specific questions that teenagers are dealing with and the answers offered by pop culture. But before we get there, we want you to know where we re coming from. The point is that all of us (but especially teenagers) are asking deep, meaning-of-life questions maybe not consciously, but those issues are on our minds. Pop culture offers some powerful answers to all of them, and those answers influence the way we live our lives if we let them. In the story above, the students listened to and wholeheartedly embraced a song that offered a vivid answer (relationships/codependency) to a deep question (how do I find fulfillment in life?). The list of deep questions teenagers struggle with is not short. If we tried to answer every question a teenager has asked us over the past nine years, this would not be an ebook it would be an

20 encyclopedia. Yet each of their questions is actually just a restatement of one of six ultimate questions. And these ultimate questions are at the root of most issues with which teenagers struggle, though it may seem much more complicated and convoluted on the surface. Incidentally, these six questions are also what comprise a worldview. A worldview, in the simplest of terms, is the way you view the world. Yes, we broke the rules of definitions by using the word to define itself, but in many ways a worldview is that simple. It s the set of values and principles from which we make decisions and base our lives. One s true worldview will not only determine the way one answers the following questions, but it will also influence the way one answers questions about homosexuality, modesty, freedom, social justice, or abortion. We said true worldview because there is a difference between the worldviews we profess and the worldviews by which we actually live. As we like to say at Axis, Your walk talks and your talk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks. In other words, the way you live proclaims what you truly believe. Here are the six foundational questions that teenagers are asking and, coincidentally, the questions that every worldview must answer: 1. Reality - What is real? This question is as simple as it sounds, but, as with most philosophy questions, it s also very deep. The question of reality is literally asking, Is the tree I see in front of me real? Another way we can ask the question of reality is, Can I trust my senses? This may seem like a silly question, but from a religious perspective, it s not. There are many religions that teach that everything we sense is an illusion and that there is a spiritual life-force that makes up everything we see, touch,

21 smell, hear, and taste. Other religions teach that what we see in front of us is all that there is. They teach that reality is solely defined through the senses, and that there is no spiritual world. 2. Origin - Where did I come from? This is the question of origin. Although most teenagers won t ask us, What is my origin? they do ask us hypothetical questions that are similar, like, What if God didn t create the world? What if the world came about in a different way? What if God used evolution to create the world? 3. Identity - Who am I? This may be the most common question teenagers ask because it s all about identity. Teenagers want to know who they are. They want to know if their lives have meaning. They want to know if they are worth something. The most obvious examples of teenagers searching for identity include trying to fit in, succumbing to peer pressure, and seeing how many likes their most recent #selfie will garner. They ask questions like, Where do I belong? Who do I need to be in order to be liked and admired? How can I change myself to be? Does anyone accept me as I am? 4. Ethics - How do I know what s right or wrong? The question of ethics and morality is another vital question. How do we know what is right or wrong? What is the standard by which we know how to behave? Does the government and its laws determine morality? Does the Bible define right and wrong? Teens mental pauses around issues like underage drinking, drug use, and premarital sex all stem from their answers to these questions. Relativism is also a massive issue right now, and

22 teenagers often define morality in postmodern terms without realizing it: What s right for you is right for you, but not necessarily for me. 5. Purpose - What is my purpose in life? Students often ask us this question exactly as it s written: What is my purpose in life? What is my calling? What am I supposed to do with my life? These are important questions because they will determine the way someone lives his or her life, what they devote their time and energy to, and what kinds of jobs they choose later in life. 6. Death - What happens when I die? All of us, on some level, have wondered about the answer to this question. And if we haven t asked this question exactly, we ve asked something similar: What comes next? What is Heaven going to be like? What happens if someone who has never heard of Jesus dies? Do all religions lead to the same place? What if this is all there is? Our answer to this question also determines how we live our lives now. Now, let s look at some of the answers pop culture offers to these major questions. Question 1: Reality - What is real? Have you seen any of the Kung Fu Panda movies? Jack Black, a comedian and actor, is the voice of Po, the title character. With a third installment now here, the movies continue through Po s journey to become a kung fu master. The movies are funny and entertaining and full of ideas about the nature of reality. 12 In the first movie, a warrior comes up to a very wise kung fu master and says, Master, master, I have very bad news. The master turns around and tells him, There is just news; there is

23 no good or bad. In the Kung Fu Panda universe, there is no good or bad; things just are. This is similar to the Buddhist practice of mindfulness, where practitioners acknowledge their circumstances but don't judge. It s part of the practice of letting go of one s desires, which is a central tenet of Buddhism. In these movies, as in the Star Wars franchise, justice is defined as a balance between good and evil. Another example comes from reaching back into pop culture history and pulling out the intellectually intense and actionpacked trilogy The Matrix. At one point in the first movie, Neo, the eventual savior of humanity, talks with a bald boy (or girl?) dressed in some sort of tan Buddhist monk garb. The boy is bending a floating spoon with his mind. Neo tries to do the same. The boy tells Neo: Do not try and bend the spoon. That s impossible. Instead, only try and realize the truth. What truth? Neo asks. There is no spoon, the boy answers. There is no spoon, Neo repeats. Then you ll see that it is not the spoon that bends; it is only yourself. 13 Why does he say this? Because when someone is plugged into the Matrix, everything is an illusion. The spoon, a desk, a car nothing exists in the real sense of the word, only figuratively. It is a trick played on one s mind, and therefore one can manipulate the illusion. We won't flesh this out here, but suffice it to say that the idea that everything is an illusion is found in many religions around the world. Yes, the movie portrays a fictionalized world, but that world represents and promotes a real belief from the real world.

24 And as with many other sagas in our media landscape, many people have spent untold hours discussing fan theories and possible underlying meaning that the films could have for our lives. Question 2: Origin - Where did I come from? One of the most popular comedies on TV right now is The Big Bang Theory. It features quirky, nerdy scientists trying to live normal lives. But try as they might, quirky they remain. In the beginning, one character, a mechanical engineer, lives with his mom. Two physicists live as roommates with a multi-page roommate agreement that includes, among other things, mandatory apocalyptic-preparedness training. And a few other characters are equally as socially awkward and quirky. But they all manage, somehow, to be endearing. 14 Even though the show has changed over the years, transforming from a bachelor-geek laugh-fest into a quirky romantic comedy, the theme song and the show s foundation remain the same. At the beginning of every episode the theme song goes through a Darwinian history of the universe and mankind and ends with the phrase, And it all started with a Big Bang BANG! Turns out when teenagers watch TV, including one of the most popular shows on TV right now, they re exposed to an answer to the question of their origin. What makes it even more compelling is that the endearing and relatable characters endorse this origin belief, to the point that they ridicule those who would believe otherwise (including one character s mom, who is a Christian and made to look very unreasonable and gullible). Question 3: Identity - Who am I? These days, most young adult fiction follows a similar pattern. Whether it is The Hunger Games series, the Divergent series,

25 The Maze Runner series, or something similar, all of these tales follow a similar narrative arc. The main character is thrust into circumstances beyond his or her control and finds him/herself having to lead, make hard decisions, and, often, fight. What usually starts as survival story quickly turns into one of heroism and destiny. Perhaps the greatest of these stories these days is that of Star Wars. Even though Star Wars: The Force Awakens was not written for exclusively a teen audience, it will, no doubt, have a profound effect on teen viewers. The main character, Rey, finds herself thrust into a galactic struggle that is older than her and finds not only that she has some ability to influence those around her, but that she is, quite mysteriously, at the center of the conflict. 15 So what s the message teenagers are likely to take away from these stories? It s not hard to figure out when we put ourselves into their shoes. If they indulge in these stories uncritically, they ll be tempted to think that their lives are meaningless until they gain power, influence, or leadership over others. Teenagers today fear insignificance so deeply that some go to great lengths to prove their validity in a noisy world. This is why so many teens broadcast their stories on social media nearly 24/7. What impact could this belief have on your teen s sense of self-worth? How far might one be willing to go to prove one s significance, find one s identity, or get others to take notice? Question 4: Ethics - How do I know what is right or wrong? We mentioned the follow your heart idea back in Chapter 1, which shows up often in pop culture. But there are also some other answers to the ethics/morality question that make frequent cameos. One obvious answer to this question comes up in the recent trend of anti-heroes.

26 Anti-heroes have been a part of the fringes of American pop culture for some time, but have recently moved to the forefront. Characters that were once models for truth and justice have crossed lines, become darker, and even shifted their moral grounding. In the world of comic-book heroes, Batman has traversed from his pop-style crime-fighting days in the 1960s to a dark and brooding knight. Superman is on the same path, as are many of our now favorite heroes like Iron Man, Jason Bourne, and even Katniss Everdeen. For each of these characters, the path to doing the right thing is laden with many poor moral choices. Over time, these characters have subtly taught us that the ends usually justify the means. The current landscape of the film, music, and gaming industries leads us to believe that this trend will only continue. The anti-hero powerfully illustrates a common misconception about truth that is offered by pop culture: that truth is defined by consensus. Whether we look back at the 1400s when it was generally accepted that the Earth was flat, or whether it is a scene from the 1800s when slavery was both accepted and a way of life, there have been numerous times when truth has been defined by what the largest number of people the consensus thought truth to be. Our culture shifts rapidly to paint the actions of politicians, celebrities, and media as acceptable or unacceptable. Those who find themselves on the fringes of these consensuses will be vilified and publicly shamed. Is this the way we should determine truth and morality? Is truth defined by consensus? If the majority of people stand up and claim that abortion is okay or that all Muslims are dangerous, does that make those things correct or justified? Obviously, no! Christians know that truth comes from an outside, objective place, not from the shifting ground of the majority.

27 Question 5: Purpose - What is my purpose in life? I only call you when it s half past five / The only time that I ll be by your side / I only love it when you touch me, not feel me / When I m f***** up, that s the real me / When I m f****** up, that s the real me, yeah. New artist The Weeknd exploded onto the music scene with this breakout hit, The Hills. 16 The message about purpose in life? Be true to yourself, even if yourself is messed up. So do drugs, get drunk, use a person for sex but never open up to them. If the real you is the one who does those things, be that. Though dark and hopeless, his message resonates with many teens who acknowledge their brokenness but don t know if they can be fixed. The Pitch Perfect movies have also been a huge hit with teens. With a third installment now in the works, it s interesting to note its message about purpose. Students are drawn to the movies for their humor, of course, but also because of the characters. Everyone can relate to at least one of the characters because they are so varied and come from extremely different backgrounds. Yet, somehow, they all find a way to get along and work together. The repeated lesson of Pitch Perfect is pretty easy to comprehend: A life worth living is one in which you accept everyone regardless of differences and have good friends. The rest doesn t matter. 17 Question 6: Death - What happens when I die? It seems that almost everyone in our culture wishes they could stay young forever. In the 2015 film The Age of Adaline, the main character experiences just such a phenomenon. After an accident halts her aging, she settles into the lifestyle of an immortal, moving from place to place every few years for fear

28 of being discovered. The film juxtaposes her apparent luck in being young and beautiful forever with her inability to commit to deep, long-lasting relationships lest they discover her secret. She helps the audience to rethink the idea of mortality when she falls in love with a man and has to come to terms with the pain she knows such a relationship will bring. What is death, in a film like this? The enemy, giving up, separation. 18 Though subtle, films like this teach viewers to cling tightly to life and all of its gifts, to fear death and not trust Christ s promises about how eternity with Him will far transcend the best things this life has to offer. How different were Paul s words when he said, For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21)? As teenagers navigate the world, they are looking for answers to their big questions. Pop culture offers some pretty interesting answers to these questions, as we just saw. In the next chapter, we'll discuss how these answers students receive about life will, over time, influence who they become. There s a word for this idea of influence over time: discipleship. So let s talk about discipleship and how pop culture is discipling the next generation.

29 Chapter 3: What About Discipleship? Over the Christmas holiday, Sara decided to take the emergency church voic s to let the other pastors at her church spend time with their families. And it wasn't long before an urgent call came through. The woman calling was upset, but she didn t want money. She just needed food to make a meal for her family. Springing into action, Sara gathered what she had in her pantry and asked her sister to do the same. They decided to meet in the church parking lot to go visit the family together. They weren't sure what they were walking into, so they prayed for safety as they drove over. Sara walked up to the apartment door, and as she introduced herself, she noticed a teenage boy standing in the back. She asked him to help her carry the groceries inside. The family was incredibly grateful for the food, and Sara sensed that this was the start of a long-term relationship. Over the next few months, Sara continued to watch out for the family in small ways. On one particularly busy day, Sara was running a few errands when she received a call from the teenage son. No one knew where his mom was. Calmly Sara responded, I know you don t want to hear this, but you are not responsible for your mom s decisions and addictions. The boy responded that he knew. Despite her busy day, Sara made a few calls and drove around to see if she could find the missing mom. While searching around the city, the hospital called: They had found her. Sara quickly drove to the hospital, her heart aching for the mom, wishing that she would come to know Jesus and experience His healing grace.

30 Eventually the Department of Human Services got involved. Sara was asked to call a couple she knew who were empty-nesters, hoping that the son could live with them until he finished high school. But ultimately, it didn t work out. That s when Sara knew she needed to help by taking care of the son. So she did. She took him from a broken home and gave him a piece of wholeness. She gave him structure and rules and boundaries. She didn t let him play video games until he had finished his homework. She expected him to work and do chores. She helped him open a bank account so he could save his money. She expected respect and many other virtues that weren t part of his previous life. Change came quickly. He worked two jobs, completed his homework in a timely manner, and made the honor roll. During the summer between his sophomore and junior years, he began planning what to study in college so he could get a good job and support a family, should he ever have one of his own. Also that summer, he joined hundreds of other teenagers in the midwest to detassel corn. He worked for two weeks and made a few hundred dollars. When Sara realized how much he would be making, she asked him how he would like to save his money. He said didn t want to save it. He wanted to give it to a family in need. 19 What Is Discipleship? What a beautiful picture of transformation through discipleship! Sara didn t just take him in and give him a place to stay. She gave him consistency, boundaries, love, wisdom, and an example to follow. In Chapter 2 we made the claim that the ideas presented to the next generation by pop culture are discipling the next generation. But

31 what is discipleship, and why is it important? In order to have a complete understanding, let s consider what discipleship used to look like in Jesus time and how it has evolved. Discipleship in Jesus Time Jesus was born into a world of discipleship. In first-century Israel, students flocked to rabbis (religious scholars and teachers), wanting desperately to study with them. A typical rabbi would begin his career by teaching the crowds, sharing what he had learned about God s law and how he interpreted it. Young men who were interested in the Scriptures would listen to the rabbi as he preached from a hillside. If one of these young men was interested in studying with the rabbi, he would approach the rabbi and ask if he might learn from him. The rabbi would look the boy up and down, considering if he might be a good student, and then the tests would begin. Recite the scroll of Isaiah for me, the rabbi might say. And the student would begin reciting the book of Isaiah to the rabbi from memory. If he passed, if he didn t stumble too much, the rabbi would nod and ponder and then begin another test. List the birds named in the Scriptures, he might command. And the student would flip back through his mind and, beginning in Genesis, list the birds mentioned in Scripture. On and on it would go, the rabbi checking to see if this potential student had what it took to be his follower. If the student passed the test, he would be allowed to study with the rabbi. He could become the rabbi s disciple and glean from the rabbi s wisdom and learn to interpret the law of God the way the rabbi did. This new disciple would then begin to follow his rabbi literally. Wherever the rabbi traveled, the disciple would go. Whatever the rabbi did, the disciple would do, too. If the rabbi marched through

32 a muddy puddle, the disciple would as well. If the rabbi slept, the disciple would close his eyes. Such was the life of a disciple. He was completely and fully committed to being just like his rabbi. Nothing was better than to become a successful copy disciple of the rabbi he had committed his life to following. This was the world into which Peter, James, John, Matthew, and the rest of the twelve were born. This is what would have come to mind for Jesus disciples when He said, Go make disciples. Jesus wanted people who would follow Him, who would know exactly what He had said, who would relate to the world and other people as He did, who would desire to be just like Him. Making Disciples When writing to believers who were being challenged by false teachings, John talked about the importance of obedience (which is love for God combined with an active response to His calling). When we know the background of discipleship and the passionate faith Jesus called people to, it is no wonder that John points out the seriousness of being a believer: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did (1 John 2:6). But John was not the only one to say this. Jesus Himself made a similar statement, something many of us now call The Great Commission : All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age (Matthew 28:18-20). What a pivotal command from our Savior! But unfortunately, a lot

33 of Christians tend to oversimplify Jesus words and thereby strip the Great Commission of its significance, turning it into The Great Omission instead. 20 Often, we seem to think that saying a prayer makes a person a Christian. And perhaps that s the beginning of the journey for many believers, but that doesn t automatically make someone a disciple which is what Jesus called for in the Great Commission. Oversimplifying the Great Commission to just a conversion prayer by stopping before we ever get to...teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you only serves to misrepresent Jesus intentions. Yes, we should tell people about Jesus and baptize those who decide to follow Him, but we can t stop there. We must remember that making disciples also requires teaching them what Jesus said, did, and commanded so that they can be equipped to follow Him. Just as it meant in Jesus time, becoming a disciple means a complete restructuring of one s life around our rabbi Jesus Christ or as John said, walking as Jesus did. If we want to preach from and follow Matthew 28 (and we should), we need to stop using it merely as a command for evangelism and realize that it is a command for much more: discipleship. We re not the only ones who think something s missing from the way we teach about discipleship. Here s a snippet from a sermon by David Platt: Making disciples is the natural or maybe better yet supernatural overflow of being a disciple. Proclaiming the love of Christ is the overflow of sharing in the life of Christ. And I m convinced many people in our churches are just simply missing the life of Christ, and a lot of it has to do with what we ve sold them as the Gospel: i.e. Pray this prayer, accept Jesus into your heart, invite Christ into your life. Should it not

34 concern us that there is no such superstitious prayer in the New Testament? Should it not concern us that the Bible never uses the phrases accept Jesus into your heart or invite Christ into your life? It s not the Gospel we see being preached. It s modern evangelism built on sinking sand, and it runs the risk of disillusioning millions of souls. 21 So if being a follower of Jesus is about more than praying a prayer, then what is it about? What does it look like to be a true disciple of Jesus? Two Qualifiers Before we explain our perspective on discipleship in detail and how they impact us today, there are two things you should know: 1. It s our perspective. There s a lot of debate and postulating on what discipleship ought to look like. Many books have been written on the subject, and Axis is using this ebook to describe our perspective on what it looks like to disciple teenagers. 2. We don t think discipleship can be practiced in today s culture exactly as it was in Jesus time. We have different stresses, priorities, technologies, and restrictions on our lives. Plus, we are a more individualized as a culture. But this doesn t make discipleship any less vital to our lives today. It just means we need to be prepared to apply it a little differently than leaving our homes and following a religious teacher around the countryside. Modern discipleship requires creativity. The Four Characteristics of Discipleship Through our research, we have identified four basic characteristics of discipleship based on what we know about discipleship from Jesus time: Time, Emulation, Values, and Actions. These four components are not only how Jesus discipled and taught the

35 Twelve, they re also part of every discipleship relationship including how pop culture disciples us, if we let it. We and our teens can figure out who and what we re disciples of by paying attention to these four areas of our lives. Characteristic 1: What do I spend the majority of my time doing and thinking about? Disciples in Jesus day spent all of their time with their rabbi. Not much has changed today, except the fact that we don t necessarily spend time physically with the people who influence us, but rather virtually. It s important to think about how we spend our time, especially our free time. Many of us have things on our schedules school, work, etc. that aren t exactly voluntary activities. So even more telling of who/what s discipling us are the things we choose to think about and do with the time that is 100% up to our discretion to allocate. Characteristic 2: Who and what do I follow? Who and what do I emulate? A disciple was a follower of a rabbi. If the rabbi went into the bathroom, in went the disciple (What if he says something profound?!). But the disciple also emulated the principles by which the rabbi lived his life. Following a rabbi and copying his every move was, in essence, learning how to live life. So the question we have to ask ourselves is: Whom do we follow (yes, that includes the people we follow on social media)? Whose teachings, ideas, and lifestyles are we imitating? Characteristic 3: Where do my values come from? The word values is charged with political baggage. Whenever you mention it, people automatically think of the religious right and their attitudes toward abortion, immigration, or gay marriage. But we re referring to values in a basic sense,

36 meaning the collection of ideas, practices, and truths that we value or deem important. So what do we really value? What do our teenagers value? What have we decided are good principles by which to live our lives? Furthermore, who teaches us and our teenagers what to value? Characteristic 4: How do I live my life? How do I act every day? Another way to ask this question could be, What are the activities that make up my day? If we were to list out all of the things that we accomplish in a day, what would be on that list? If we were to take inventory of everything we think about, do, pursue, read, listen to if we listed the places we visit, the people we interact with, and the activities that fill up our day what would be on that list? But we can t just stop at listing activities. If we do that, we are in danger of becoming a bunch of pietists who think we have to become monks to be pure disciples of Jesus. This fourth characteristic is about a lot more than simply what we do. It s just as important to consider how we do what we do. God cares about the way we live just as much as the things we accomplish while living. In a way, Characteristic 4 is the culmination of the first 3 questions because what we spend time on, whom we follow, and what we value will end up determining our actions and the way we actually live out each day of our lives. Think about the implications of these four characteristics. If they are the four primary characteristics of discipleship, then just about anything whatever we are spending time with, whatever we are following could be our rabbi, our teacher. Discipleship is important. It s important because Jesus said it was

37 important. It s important because it directly impacts and guides who we become. It s also important because you are not the only one discipling your children. And if you aren t the only one discipling your kids, that means your kids are students of other things. Pop culture is more than happy to take them on as disciples, and that may be the main reason parents are losing. Pop culture may just be the primary influence on your teenager s life.

38 Chapter 4: Technology, Social Media, and Video Games When it comes to what we consume and how we consume it, a lot has changed. When we first wrote this book, technology, social media, and gaming were all very much a part of youth culture. But as time has passed, what was once a part of their lives has now become their entire lives. Addiction to devices and games is on the rise, not just amongst teens, but people of all ages. Not only is our time being drained away by these socially acceptable addictions, we re also freely allowing dangerous and life-stealing ideas, values, and worldviews to be subversively communicated to us through them. So let s quickly review new trends in the tech, social media, and video game worlds, as well as why they matter to Christ followers. Technology Technology is changing everything. We recently spoke with an older gentleman who shared with us a problem that many parents and grandparents share: I ve got blockers and trackers on my computer at home, but the problem is that my grandson knows more about how the computer works than I do! Can we get an amen?! Technology has shaped every area of culture. And while your kids have kept up with technology s never-ending improvements, it s possible that you understand fewer and fewer of the changes going