Humbug! 1 Paul s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013

Transcription

1 Humbug! 1

2 Dear Beloved Year Six, Please try to work through these sheets before term.they will be used in our extension lessons and for interview discussions. I have chosens extracts which should interest and challenge you, and flex up your mental muscles for interviews and other comprehension-type exercises. Do discuss them with your family too. These sheets complement the materials given by Paul C, Joe J and Janet. Such materials help you as you face the possible exams in January and beyond. The two poems at the end are pretty demanding and I am going to let you wrestle with them. I will give you a Crunchie if you can memorise The Darkling Thrush: it is one of the greatest poems ever written. We want you all to have a good holiday and although this looks like work, it isn t really! It is a Christmas Gift to stimulate you when you are bored of TV silliness and your presents! Please download the electronic version to your computer. It is on the St. Anthony s website, under Curriculum, and has been sent to your family address. Turn over for your first treat! Lots of simply execrable jokes. Can you divide them into TYPES of joke? How many types can you spot or define. Please get into the habit of looking up words you don t know. Execrable (/ˈɛksɪkrəb(ə)l/) adjective: execrable extremely bad or unpleasant. "execrable cheap wine" synonyms: appalling, awful, dreadful, terrible, frightful, atrocious, very bad, lamentable; 2

3 What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia! Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can 'ho ho ho'! You were warned! Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem! What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days! What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson! What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate clauses! What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker! What is the best Christmas present in the world? 3

4 A broken drum, you just can't beat it! How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed! Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws What says Oh Oh Oh? Santa walking backwards! Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elf-is Presley! What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet! What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf! What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Krisp Kringle! What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments! 4

5 Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles! Did Rudolph go to school? No. He was Elf-taught! Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite! What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps! How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle! What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow! How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? 5

6 One that's deep pan, crisp and even! Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy! What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws! What does Santa do with fat elves? He sends them to an Elf Farm! What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve! How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet? 25. There s "no EL"! What carol is heard in the desert? O camel ye faithful! What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross Mouse Cards! 6

7 What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper! What do you get if you eat Christmas decora tions? Tinsilitis! What's the most popular Christmas wine? 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!' What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you! Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters? They keep losing their needles! What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells! What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer! What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad! Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas? Noël Coward! 7

8 What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum you just can t beat it! How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf? He has Santa claws! What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we'll go places! Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on ebay? Because they were two deer! What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show! What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker! Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? Because he has private elf care! How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger! Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered! 8

9 What do ghosts eat at Christmas? Ghoulash Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it s too far to walk Why don t ducks tell jokes when they re flying? Because they d quack up What is Santa s favourite pizza? One that s deep-pan, crisp and even What do you call someone that s scared of Santa? Claustrophobic What athlete is the warmest at Christmas? A long jumper What s E.T. short for? Because he s only got little legs What is the most popular King at Christmas? A stocking Why did the snowman come first at the Winter Olympics? There was snow competition What award goes to designers of doorknockers? Nobel prize What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper 9

10 Gracefully falling Crystals of pure perfection No two are alike. 10

11 Gracefully falling (5 syllables) Crystals of pure perfection (7 syllables) No two are alike. (5 Syllables) Can you compose 3 Haikus on: 1. SNOW E.G. A silent blanket (5) giving earth a duvet day (7) Nature s chance to rest (5) 2. SPRING 3. SUMMER? 11

12 A Famous Christmas Moment PRIVATE HEATH LETTER: North Mail, Friday January 9th 1915 Out of the dozens of Christmas Truce letters transcribed to date, this one stands out from all the rest. Partly, it's because Private Heath writes about the whole truce, from beginning to end. But also it's the beautiful way it is written. Was he a writer? Sadly, we know nothing about him other than his name and this letter. It was found and transcribed by Marian Robson. Please read this account carefully. Please pay careful attention to the words/phrases highlighted in yellow. Try to work out their meaning in context, then do the exercise which follows. 12

13 That Christmas Armistice A Plum Pudding Policy Which Might Have Ended The War Written in the trenches by Private Frederick W. Heath The night closed in early - the ghostly shadows that haunt the trenches came to keep us company as we stood to arms. Under a pale moon, one could just see the grave-like rise of ground which marked the German trenches two hundred yards away. Fires in the English lines had died down, and only the squelch of the sodden boots in the slushy mud, the whispered orders of the officers and the NCOs, and the moan of the wind broke the silence of the night. The soldiers' Christmas Eve had come at last, and it was hardly the time or place to feel grateful for it. Memory in her shrine kept us in a trance of saddened silence. Back somewhere in England, the fires were burning in cosy rooms; in fancy I heard laughter and the thousand melodies of reunion on Christmas Eve. With overcoat thick with wet mud, hands cracked and sore with the frost, I leaned against the side of the trench, and, looking through my loophole, fixed weary eyes on the German trenches. Thoughts surged madly in my mind; but they had no sequence, no cohesion. Mostly they were of home as I had known it through the years that had brought me to this. I asked myself why I was in the trenches in misery at all, when I might have been in England warm and prosperous. That involuntary question was quickly answered. For is there not a multitude of houses in England, and has not someone to keep them intact? I thought of a shattered cottage in --, and felt glad that I was in the trenches. That cottage was once somebody's home. Still looking and dreaming, my eyes caught a flare in the darkness. A light in the enemy's trenches was so rare at that hour that I passed a message down the line. I had hardly spoken when light after light sprang up along the German front. Then quite near our dug-outs, so near as to make me start and clutch my rifle, I heard a voice. 13

14 There was no mistaking that voice with its guttural ring. With ears strained, I listened, and then, all down our line of trenches there came to our ears a greeting unique in war: "English soldier, English soldier, a merry Christmas, a merry Christmas!" Friendly invitation Following that salute boomed the invitation from those harsh voices: "Come out, English soldier; come out here to us." For some little time we were cautious, and did not even answer. Officers, fearing treachery, ordered the men to be silent. But up and down our line one heard the men answering that Christmas greeting from the enemy. How could we resist wishing each other a Merry Christmas, even though we might be at each other's throats immediately afterwards? So we kept up a running conversation with the Germans, all the while our hands ready on our rifles. Blood and peace, enmity and fraternity - war's most amazing paradox. The night wore on to dawn - a night made easier by songs from the German trenches, the pipings of piccolos and from our broad lines laughter and Christmas carols. Not a shot was fired, except for down on our right, where the French artillery were at work. Came the dawn, pencilling the sky with grey and pink. Under the early light we saw our foes moving recklessly about on top of their trenches. Here, indeed, was courage; no seeking the security of the shelter but a brazen invitation to us to shoot and kill with deadly certainty. But did we shoot? Not likely! We stood up ourselves and called benisons on the Germans. Then came the invitation to fall out of the trenches and meet half way. Still cautious we hung back. Not so the others. They ran forward in little groups, with hands held up above their heads, asking us to do the same. Not for long could such an appeal be resisted - beside, was not the courage up to now all on one side? Jumping up onto the parapet, a few of us advanced to meet the on-coming Germans. Out went the hands and tightened in the grip of friendship. Christmas had made the bitterest foes friends. 14

15 The Gift of Gifts Here was no desire to kill, but just the wish of a few simple soldiers (and no one is quite so simple as a soldier) that on Christmas Day, at any rate, the force of fire should cease. We gave each other cigarettes and exchanged all manner of things. We wrote our names and addresses on the field service postcards, and exchanged them for German ones. We cut the buttons off our coats and took in exchange the Imperial Arms of Germany. But the gift of gifts was Christmas pudding. The sight of it made the Germans' eyes grow wide with hungry wonder, and at the first bite of it they were our friends for ever. Given a sufficient quantity of Christmas puddings, every German in the trenches before ours would have surrendered. And so we stayed together for a while and talked, even though all the time there was a strained feeling of suspicion which rather spoilt this Christmas armistice. We could not help remembering that we were enemies, even though we had shaken hands. We dare not advance too near their trenches lest we saw too much, nor could the Germans come beyond the barbed wire which lay before ours. After we had chatted, we turned back to our respective trenches for breakfast. All through the day no shot was fired, and all we did was talk to each other and make confessions which, perhaps, were truer at that curious moment than in the normal times of war. How far this unofficial truce extended along the lines I do not know, but I do know that what I have written here applies to the -- on our side and the 158th German Brigade, composed of Westphalians. As I finish this short and scrappy description of a strangely human event, we are pouring rapid fire into the German trenches, and they are returning the compliment just as fiercely. Screeching through the air above us are the shattering shells of rival batteries of artillery. So we are back once more to the ordeal of fire. 15

16 squelch sodden trance of saddened silence in fancy no cohesion prosperous. multitude involuntary guttural ring. boomed fearing treachery, enmity and fraternity war's most amazing paradox the pipings of piccolos recklessly brazen invitation benisons the parapet, Imperial Arms armistice. our respective trenches confessions German Brigade, composed of Westphalians. rapid fire batteries of artillery. 16

17 Fill in the missing part of the grids. I have done quite a lot for you; fill these in USING the electronic copies! The boxes will expand with your typing or picture pasting! Tricky Word/phrase? squelch Give Definition! Give helpful image to define the word/idea/phrase. Write out 2 alternative sentences showing you know what the word/phrase means! sodden adjective:. saturated with liquid, especially water; soaked through. " "the sodden ground" antonyms: dry, arid 17

18 trance of saddened silence in fancy superficial or transient feeling of liking or attraction. "this was no passing fancy, but a feeling he would live by" He was able to indulge his fancy to own a Porsche the faculty of imagination. "he is prone to flights of fancy" no cohesion There was no cohesion in the England Cricket team; it fell apart under pressure. 18

19 prosperous. successful in material terms; flourishing financially. "prosperous middleclass professionals" This area is full of prosperous middle-class professionals involuntary adjective: involuntary 1.done without will or conscious control. She gave an involuntary shudder. antonyms: voluntary, deliberate multitude 2. done against someone's will. guttural ring. Adjective guttural (of a speech sound) produced in the throat; harsh-sounding. synonyms: throaty, husky, gruff, gravelly, growly, growling, croaky, croaking, harsh, harsh-sounding, rough, rasping, He heard guttural shouts in a foreign language. 19

20 boomed fearing treachery, verb past tense: boomed; make a loud, deep, resonant sound. synonyms: reverberate, resound, resonate; More Thunder boomed in the sky. 20

21 enmity and fraternity war's most amazing paradox. the pipings of piccolos recklessly He drove so recklessly, it was lucky nobody was killed. brazen invitation It was odd that Mr Cameron should such make a brazen invitation to Mr Milliband. 21

22 benisons noun literary noun: benison; plural noun: benisons a blessing. He enjoyed the rewards and benisons of a good school! the parapet, Imperial Arms 22

23 armistice. An armistice is a situation in a war where the warring parties agree to stop fighting. It is not necessarily the end of a war, since it might be just a cessation of hostilities while an attempt is made to negotiate a lasting peace. It is derived from the Latin arma, meaning weapons and statium, meaning a stopping. our trenches respective 23

24 confessions German Brigade, composed Westphalians. of rapid fire batteries of artillery. 24

25 President Obama addressed the memorial for former South African president Nelson Mandela; this is a transcript of his remarks as delivered. Please read this speech as carefully as you can. Pay special attention to the words highlighted. At his trial in 1964, Nelson Mandela closed his statement from the dock saying: I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die. And Nelson Mandela lived for that ideal, and he made it real. He achieved more than could be expected of any man. Today, he has gone home. And we have lost one of the most influential, courageous, and profoundly good human beings that any of us will share time with on this Earth. He no longer belongs to us he belongs to the ages. Through his fierce dignity and unbending will to sacrifice his own freedom for the freedom of others, Madiba transformed South Africa and moved all of us. His journey from a prisoner to a president embodied the promise that human beings and countries can change for the better. 25

26 His commitment to transfer power and reconcile with those who jailed him set an example that all humanity should aspire to, whether in the lives of nations or our own personal lives. And the fact that he did it all with grace and good humour, and an ability to acknowledge his own imperfections, only makes the man that much more remarkable. As he once said, I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying. I am one of the countless millions who drew inspiration from Nelson Mandela s life. My very first political action, the first thing I ever did that involved an issue or a policy or politics, was a protest against apartheid. I studied his words and his writings. The day that he was released from prison gave me a sense of what human beings can do when they re guided by their hopes and not by their fears. And like so many around the globe, I cannot fully imagine my own life without the example that Nelson Mandela set, and so long as I live I will do what I can to learn from him. To Graca Machel and his family, Michelle and I extend our deepest sympathy and gratitude for sharing this extraordinary man with us. His life s work meant long days away from those who loved him the most. And I only hope that the time spent with him these last few weeks brought peace and comfort to his family. To the people of South Africa, we draw strength from the example of renewal, and reconciliation, and resilience that you made real. A free South Africa at peace with itself that s an example to the world, and that s Madiba s legacy to the nation he loved. We will not likely see the likes of Nelson Mandela again. So it falls to us as best we can to forward the example that he set: to make decisions guided not by hate, but by love; to never discount the difference that one person can make; to strive for a future that is worthy of his sacrifice. For now, let us pause and give thanks for the fact that Nelson Mandela lived a man who took history in his hands, and bent the arc of the moral universe toward justice. May God bless his memory and keep him in peace. 26

27 Think now about what the highlighted word mean. If you were asked to read this and explain them, what would you say? from the dock domination, cherished the ideal reconcile aspire to, and good humour, imperfections, renewal reconciliation, resilience and bent the arc of the moral universe toward justice. 27

28 Please read these two poems really carefully and be ready to discuss them in our extension lessons when we come back in January. Snowflakes Out of the bosom of the Air. Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken, Over the woodlands brown and bare, Over the harvest-fields forsaken, Silent and soft and slow Descends the snow. Even as our cloudy fancies take Suddenly shape in some divine expression, Even as the troubled heart doth make In the white countenance confession, The troubled sky reveals The grief it feels This is the poem of the air, Slowly in silent syllables recorded; This is the secret of despair, Long in its cloudy bosom hoarded, Now whispered and revealed To wood and field. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 28

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30 The Darkling Thrush I leant upon a coppice gate When Frost was spectre-grey, And Winter's dregs made desolate The weakening eye of day. The tangled bine-stems scored the sky Like strings of broken lyres, And all mankind that haunted nigh Had sought their household fires. The land's sharp features seemed to be The Century's corpse outleant, His crypt the cloudy canopy, The wind his death-lament. The ancient pulse of germ and birth Was shrunken hard and dry, And every spirit upon earth Seemed fervourless as I. At once a voice arose among The bleak twigs overhead In a full-hearted evensong Of joy illimited; An aged thrush, frail, gaunt, and small, In blast-beruffled plume, Had chosen thus to fling his soul Upon the growing gloom. So little cause for carolings Of such ecstatic sound Was written on terrestrial things Afar or nigh around, That I could think there trembled through His happy good-night air Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew And I was unaware. Thomas Hardy