Failure Proofing B. Rick Lynch. presented by

Transcription

1 Failure Proofing B presented by Rick Lynch rdsl@aol.com

2 Staying Hopeful The research of Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania shows that people remain hopeful in the face of adversity if they view the cause of their setbacks as temporary and specific. Such explanations do not make the person feel good about the setback, but they do allow the person to remain hopeful that the future will be better. By contrast, people who explain setbacks as permanent and general feel helpless to change the situation and are prone to giving up. Some examples of the four types of explanations follow: Permanent Permanent explanations often include words like always, never, usually, often, or I am. They indicate that the condition is not going to change with time. 1. I am no good at this job. 2. I am so self-centered that I often neglect my family. 3. My boss always criticizes me. 4. I can t stick to a diet. 5. I don t have the energy to succeed in this type of work. Temporary Temporary explanations indicate that the setback is peculiar to a particular time. These explanations often include words such as today, or this time or right now. These explanations allow the hope that things will be better in the future. 1. I was too preoccupied with my problems with my son to do good work. 2. I am under a lot of pressure right now. 3. My boss was in a bad mood today. 4. I have trouble sticking to a diet when I m out with friends. 5. I was feeling sleepy all day. General General explanations allow a setback in one area to permeate other aspects of a person s life. The setback thus takes on a larger meaning. It produces a state in which it is hard to do anything with confidence. 1. I am no good at anything. 2. I am so stupid. 3. People in authority never like me. 4. I have no willpower. 5. I am too lazy. Specific Specific explanations limit the damage to one set of circumstances. They keep the setback from becoming a catastrophe. 1. I didn t understand how to do this task. 2. I forgot to call my son. 3. I didn t explain that idea very well to my boss. 4. This diet is hard to stick to. 5. The people at the senior center didn t like my presentation -1-

3 Failure-Proofing Quotes and Principles This thing we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down. Self=Image Development 0-3: Imprinting 4-10: Modeling 11-18: Socialization Throughput Life: Emotional Events -Mary Pickford Reinforcing Beliefs Beliefs, once formed, reinforce themselves through expectations, selective perception and behavior, and self-talk. Ten Keys to Success 1. How you think is everything 2. Decide on your goals and write them down 3. Take action 4. Keep Learning 5. Be persistent and work hard 6. Make informed decisions 7. Focus your time and money 8. Differentiate yourself from others 9. Build strong relationships 10. Be honest, dependable, responsible -From Investors Business Daily Study of Successful People As you think, so shall you be. Wayne Dyer Long ago, if someone important to you!a parent, a teacher, a sibling!convinced you that you aren t very smart, or very competent, or very likable, or that nothing you do is ever quite good enough, you will have the devil s own time believing that you re capable of doing well in life or that you deserve to. -Anne Fisher Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to him self I have failed three times and what happens when he says I am a failure. -S.I. Hyakawa Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning. -Mahatma Gandhi -2-

4 Empowering Questions If you are bored, unhappy, frustrated, or depressed, you are probably asking yourself diminishing questions, questions that make you feel powerless, victimized, not in control. The questions we ask ourselves in our self-talk cause us to focus on that which produces an answer. If we ask for example, "Why don't I ever have any luck," our brain will focus on finding a rationale for lack of success. Such diminishing questions therefore exaggerate our feeling of being incapable of success and of not being in control of our lives. Below are some examples of empowering questions: How can I become better organized? How can I solve this problem and have fun doing it? What can I do to make myself more promotable? How can I make this task more fun? How could I behave differently to get a more positive response from the other person? Is there anything humorous about this situation that I haven't noticed? What can I learn from the difficult behavior of this person so as to avoid such situations in the future? What positive thing could I say to the difficult person? What can I do today to improve my situation? What can I do to create a positive environment for myself? What can I look forward to today? Who have I helped today? What were the good things that happened today? What can I learn from what happened today? What am I doing and thinking that is making me feel this way? What could I think about and do that would make me feel happier? What is there to smile about? What can I control in this situation? What's positive in this situation? What do I like about myself? How can I turn this setback into art? What can I do to make progress toward my goals today? What can I do today that will make a difference? How long should this task take? How can I get uninterrupted time so I can get this done early? How can I make productive use of the next hour? If I had three wishes, what would they be? What can I do to get closer to those wishes than I am now? How could I make those wishes come true? What can I do today to make progress toward making those wishes a reality for me? What different and exciting thing can I do for my family today? What can I do to build the self-confidence of my children? What can I do to make my family feel appreciated? What can I do to brighten my spouse's day? -6-

5 Empowering Questions As explained in the seminar, some types of questions focus people on what they cannot control and have the effect of making them feel frustrated and helpless. Better questions focus people forward, on what they can do about a situation. Below are questions that a person might ask in the face of adversity that would make matters worse. See if you can rewrite these so that they focus the person on future action. 1. Why do I always get nervous in interviews? 2. Why can t I ever get people to cooperate with me? 3. Why is it always me who makes the mistake? 4. Why does my boss have to be such a jerk? 5. Why do my co-workers always blame me when something goes wrong? -5-

6 Failure-Proofing No one goes through life without encountering adversity. Some are defeated by these setbacks, but others persist and succeed. In the seminar, we looked at some principles to keep yourself from failing: 1. Explain the reasons for the setback as being of a temporary nature. If you regard the setback as permanent, you are finished. For example, it is better to say I wasn t paying attention when my boss explained this than to say I am no good at this. 2. Don t generalize. Confine the damage to the one thing that happened. For example, it is better to say I didn t do that very well than to say I am incompetent. 3. Divorce your identity and your sense of self-worth from the setback. Use a transition statement such as That s not like me, or I can do better than this, or This won t happen again, or similar statement. 4. Give yourself an affirmation. I am a competent professional, for example. 5. Ask yourself empowering questions, questions that focus you on future action. Some examples include What can I learn from this so I will be more capable next time and What can I do to turn this situation around? 6. In line with this, focus on the future rather than the past. Dwelling on what happened is dwelling on that which you can do nothing about. This makes you feel powerless and less likely to persist. 7. Remember that you do not fail until you quit. As long as you are trying, you have not failed. Some notable successes happened after many setbacks. Identify a setback you have recently encountered. In the spaces below, write the positive responses you could make in the face of that adversity. Explanation: Transition: Affirmation: Empowering Question: -7-