Path to myself. Third Week / First Day. I walk into open space. Merciful God take away my fear when I face the unknown

Transcription

1 Path to myself Third Week / First Day I walk into open space take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy leaving routine changing the scenery widening my sight and alerting my senses I start my journey into the world to arrive at home in myself Today s step Leaving home My journey does not have to be long and exotic. I may decide to just stop my daily routine and take a day off for a retreat into myself. I could grant myself a day off monthly. That includes some hours away from business as usual in order to look at personal unfinished business. I step back from the everyday hassle to calm down with a biblical text, a reflection on it and some quiet time for myself. In so doing, I open myself to communicate with God.

2 Touching foreign grounds In the midst of summer there is, however, a realistic chance of packing my suitcases to really venture into foreign lands and cultures. I go there with everything that belongs to me. Yet, what really belongs to me? What of myself do I really take with me, when I leave home? I cherish the quiet Seeds from the Bible I have walked with the Lord. He will send his angel with you. He will give you success on your journey. Genesis 24:40 I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes Have I found out today what belongs into my suitcases? Have I looked at myself more deeply? If so, what have I found out about myself that has astonished me? May an angel be at your side may he guide your steps and strengthen your ankles may he clear your eyes and fortify your back May an angel bring you together with people who will encourage you on your path who carry your burden for you who share their provisions with you who open their homes to you and who sing their songs with you may an angel keep you away from harm and light up your life

3 Path to myself Third Week / Second Day I approach the unknown / the foreign cautiously yet with interest I approach sensitively and openly what seems foreign and unknown to me take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy Today s step The unknown in the outside world Once I travel beyond my own boundaries, I shall meet people unknown and sometimes even foreign to me. This is true whether I travel within my own country or within foreign states. When I meet with people I have not met before, I shall try to observe myself in doing so. Am I cautious and shy? Am I curious and interested? Or am I distant and unfavorable? Have I ever considered the fact that I am also foreign and strange to others?

4 I cherish the quiet Seeds from the Bible Do not treat outsiders badly. Do not beat them down. Remember, you were outsiders in Egypt. Exodus 22:21 I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes I shyly approach you stranger unknown to me I am aware of your borders in coming closer to your individuality and dignity I should like to bridge the gap between us to offer you my world and take yours gratefully may we meet with open arms at the borderline and transcend it by jumping over the invisible dividing line into each other s realm When I have become more aware of the fact that I myself may seem as foreign and strange to any person I meet, then I picture the two of us differently. Dear God, help me to encounter each person with an open heart and mind, with patience and honest interest. Help each of us to gently take what is offered and to cherish the gift of it. In so doing, it is easy to value everything foreign and unknown.

5 Path to myself Third Week / Third Day I approach the foreigner inside myself take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy Good God your tenderness gently guides me into my own depth shows me my wounds with utter care accompanies me soothingly through my pain and proves to me you are always there Today s step The fullness of my life includes many different and diverse aspects. In my life I have experienced light and shadow, the easy and the difficult, joy and pain, the familiar and the unknown.

6 The unknown within myself Are there aspects in me, thoughts and/or feelings that bother me that seem strange to me? There may be anger, aggression, regret, despair, egoism, narcissism, avarice, false modesty, false guilt-feelings, disunity, indecision, (unidentifiable) fears, discouragement, grief and so on. Am I able to name my own challenging shadow aspects? With all my sensitivity I try to approach my darker aspects. In so doing, I cautiously become more aware of those parts of myself without judging myself but by learning to understand the nature of life and the reality of my woundedness. I cherish the quiet Seeds from the Bible You save those who aren't proud. But you bring down those whose eyes are proud. Lord, you keep the lamp of my life burning brightly. You are my God. You bring light into my darkness. With your help I can attack a troop of soldiers. With the help of my God I can climb over a wall. Psalm 18:28-30 I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes Was I courageous enough to look at my shadow sides? Have I had some new experiences? Is it possible to look at myself with understanding and care? Caring God, you are my shelter when I fearfully face my shadow aspects within myself. You are my strength, you help me endure my darker sides. You are the love that reconciles me with my darker aspects. You are the light that illuminates my darkness and that warms my heart with love. I have faith in your mercy.

7 Path to myself Third Week / Fourth Day I discover thorny edges in myself take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs I find myself with broken wings at the turning point the path behind me has challenged me deeply the path before me is invisible still I feel drained and hunger for nourishment I cannot survive another dry spell I might be broken or perhaps I might be open enough for my hidden future shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy Today s step With much care I approach my own thorns. I try to withstand my wounds and my deficiencies. I endure my inner desert and its weeds. I, too, am sometimes dried up, hot or cold, unmanageable, thorny, yet also tender, fertile, needy of love, and so much more.

8 Yes, dear God, I am all of this also. Yet, you have always known this. And that is why you care for me. I cherish the quiet Seeds from the Bible Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. I have had enough, Lord, he said. Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors. Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, Get up and eat. He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you. So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 1 Kings 19:3-8 I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes Elijah, the prophet, has enemies. He tries to run away from them as he has had enough of them. God gives him food but at the same time wants him to face his enemy, that which challenges him. The number 40 is a symbolic number in the Bible. It occurs in phases that ask for maturation and inner growth. Such times are mostly hard and demanding. To be able to tackle them, food for the soul seems imperative. During the first two weeks of my daily retreats, I have been given such nourishment for my soul. Hopefully the essence of this food is rich enough to carry me through dry spells, through times of intense neediness. Laying my burden into the hands of God can increase my defense mechanisms against dry periods. Nourishing God, strengthen me with your love and care, so that I survive my growing awareness of my thorny aspects so that I will not starve myself by looking at my darker sides. It is you who gives me the nourishment I need to be able to survive each dry spell and even grow by taking on the challenges that life forces upon me.

9 Path to myself Third Week / Fifth Day I have needy aspects in me take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy your love touches my center and transforms me Today s step I have been wounded by others as well as by myself. Whenever I am confronted by guilt-feelings or relationships that are overbearing, whenever loss and pain and difficult life situations burden me, then I may feel torn, hurt, helpless, lonely, lifeless or needy. It is impossible to run away from the pain and hurt inside. What burdens me often seems to call out for me to be noticed. At some point I cannot ignore these cries in me any longer. With the help of God as my inner strength, I can learn to face the pain in my life and to confront it, to look at it and perceive it even if it hurts again. Yet, only by taking it in, with all that is involved, does transformation become a possibility and reality in my life. Are there wounds in me that ask for my kind consideration?

10 I cherish the quiet Seeds from the Bible The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes Consoling God, I offer you my wounds and my deepest pain. You know my plight and my helplessness. You know of my despair and my speechlessness. In my tears lies the notion of the fountain of life which nourishes me even during times of draught and in the emptiness of my heart. Strengthen in me the power and will to live and the sensitivity to touch my wounds gently so that they may heal so that I open my hands to life and take it gently and gratefully.

11 Path to myself Third Week / Sixth Day I forgive myself take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy your mercy consoles and reconciles me into deep inner peace Today s step In today s biblical story I shall encounter a woman who craves to be forgiven. Perhaps I encounter some aspects of myself in this story. A woman who has been stamped as a sinner calls out to Jesus. In her existential distress she disturbs a male meeting and in doing so breaks an old taboo. She joins these men without being invited. Yet, she has heard that Jesus loves a lot, that he invites people to come to him and be healed. She is in desperate need of a community that does not ban but welcomes her. She needs a person who forgives her and takes her back into the center of life and communion. When she approaches Jesus, she does this as a woman who expresses a deep love and desire for her well-being. She gives all that she owns: her tears, her deep despair and her tender hands that anoint with gentleness. The eyewitnesses gnash their teeth, they judge and discard her behavior.

12 Jesus, however, sees her desire and hurt as well as her great love and devotion. He takes gladly what she gives him and thus reconciles her with herself and with her community. Is there enough love in me to forgive myself and others? I cherish the quiet Seeds from the Bible When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is that she is a sinner. Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little. Then Jesus said to her, Your sins are forgiven. Jesus said to the woman, Your faith has saved you; go in peace. Lukas 7: I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes In Jesus and in the woman who anoints we encounter people who deeply love. Simon, on the other hand, embodies a personality who is needy and who has not experienced much love in his life. He therefore has difficulty to give (love) in abundance. In order to distract the others from his deficiency, he focuses on the woman s sins. Jesus, a true expert of humanity, sees through to the center. He forgives both of them. Forgiving God, make me believe in true forgiveness once I repent with all my heart once I get onto the path of reconciliation with you and those who hurt me or were hurt by me. Guide me on my way back into the center of love.

13 Path to myself Third Week / Seventh Day I rest take away my fear when I face the unknown grant me sensitivity when I face my own darkness and my needs shelter me in your arms when I am sad and needy in your loving hands I rest peacefully until you call me back into life Today s step During the past days I have looked into myself and at my wounds. I have faced my darker aspects, my needs and shortcomings. By looking at myself with loving eyes, I have discovered courage and strength in me. After having worked so intensively, I have earned time for myself a time of caring and nourishing. I cherish the quiet

14 Seeds from the Bible Before I was born the Lord chose me to serve him. He appointed me by name. The Lord says to his servant, When it is time to show you my favor, I will answer your prayers. When it is time to save you, I will help you. I will keep you safe. You will put my covenant with the people of Israel into effect. Then their land will be made like new again. Each tribe will be sent back to its territory that was left empty. I want you to say to the prisoners, Come out. Tell those who are in their dark cells, You are free! On their way home they will eat beside the roads. They will find plenty to eat on every bare hill. Isajah 49:1.8-9 I cherish God s seeds in me I look upon my day with loving eyes Precious God, grant me faith and strength so that I may be transformed into your likeness.