Standing on the top of the building, Joshua s hands turn frigid grasping the railing. He steps over

Transcription

1 Standing on the top of the building, Joshua s hands turn frigid grasping the railing. He steps over the iron bars and plants his feet upon the ledge. This is a lot higher than I thought it would be, he says, second guessing himself. What if it isn t enough to finish me off? Will I just be paralyzed? Staring down at the road, Joshua ponders on the events that led him to the point he is in now the morning when he stumbled over empty bottles in the living room, the walk past the bus stop and into the city, walking into the convenience store with a fake ID, climbing the ladder to get onto the roof. What reason do I have to stay anymore? As Joshua finishes his thought, he loses his grip on the railing, he pushes himself back into it with his feet, his chest heaving from the intense adrenaline rush. Standing over the city he sits down on the small ledge trying to slow his breathing. He is still and free for a couple moments it seems from the thoughts that burden his head. He gazes out at the sky, the stars hidden from the city light Why do we cover the most beautiful things with what is ugly and unnatural? His curly hair falling over his face, covering his emerald green eyes and the freckles plastered across his nose and cheeks. Wind blows through his jacket, while the smell of the fast food grease causes his stomach to churn and he gags on the awful taste of the cheap liquor he had bought earlier to work up the nerve. God, I don t know if you are out there. Hell, I barely believe you are real. But if you are, what kind of cruel joke is this life you have condemned me to? He stands back up and his hands tighten around the railing in anger. People cry out in the streets screaming your name and hoping you will come to save them! But you don t! You let us suffer here on our own, telling us to trust and love you, but what do you do but leave us here to sit in pain and rage! What kind of god are you?! Joshua stares down at the ground with fury in his heart for this almighty God that so many put their faith in. He s a psychopath, you know? a monotonous voice adds on. Joshua jerks his head up to find a man standing there staring at him. He s tall. Too tall. The man stands there with his hands in the pockets of his overcoat. His pants stopped right above his ankles,

2 exposing his bare feet, and showing tattoos wrapping around the top of them. Who the hell is this guy? Joshua thought to himself. Sorry, but I m kind of in the middle of something right now, do you mind? Joshua s heart began to race out of fear for what this man is gonna do and why he s up here at three in the morning. Actually, that s exactly why I m here. I do mind, the man said smoothly with a hint of purpose in his words. Sweat formed on the inside of Joshua s shirt, he had no idea of what to do. The bricks scrapped against the bottom of his shoes and the wind made his body get goosebumps. Look, I don t know who you are, or how you know me. So can you just leave? Please? The man stared at him with slight shock and curiosity. Wow, kid. Damn. You really wanna die don t you? at this Joshua shuddered at the words spoken aloud and began to boil yet again at this stranger interrupting his last moments. Just go to hell already! Joshua had reached his limit, he was no longer being polite. He was going to sit in peace for his last night on Earth. Joshua s eyes flashed with pain as tears streamed down his face. His teeth grinding on the inside of his mouth and his lanky body tense with a mixture of fear and anger.. Kid, who do you think I am? now the once smooth voice was deep and meaningful, it had a serious undertone that set a mood of weird comfort. A pain in my ass? At this the man cracked a smile, exposing his pearly white teeth, straight as a razor with canines pointed much more than Joshua had ever seen. Okay just listen for a minute, and if you don t want to hear anymore after that, then I ll do like you said, and go to hell. Deal? the man outstretched his hand towards Joshua.

3 Joshua sat and pondered this, there was something not right about this but he had no reason to feel like this, the man seems friendly enough. Don t try to talk me out of anything. He reached his hand out and the man took it and the deal was made. Joshua stepped over the railing and slumped back on the roof of the building. His feet tired from walking all day, while his mind couldn t move fast enough. Okay, so, what do you know about God? Oh no, you re not one of those youth ministers are you? The man laughed at this even more than Joshua thought was normal, as if the mere idea of being a youth minister was the funniest joke he had ever heard. Kid, you re funny as hell, you know that? Thanks? Joshua said a bit unenthused at the lack of seriousness coming from the man. So, like I asked before, what do you know about God, kid? The man's eyes were full of information that seemed to be overflowing from his lips. Well, he is supposed to be all powerful, and he is like the ultimate creator, and he loves everyone, and we re supposed to trust that he loves us. Then like, he s perfect in every way, and we re made in his image The man took a deep breath and smiled. Everything you just said. Is complete bull. Joshua caught off guard let out a small chuckle. The feeling of sickness now leaving him, he d grown accustomed to the grotesque smell. He looked off into the distance to see the cars beneath roaming past him, sirens and gun fire sound off in the distance, while people laughed, some cried, and every once in a while, some screamed. Looking around his eyes became plastered on the icy street lamps, illuminating those beneath. Returning his gaze back to the man he realized he had no idea what the man meant. What do you mean? Joshua managed to mutter. Well look at it like this, what kind of all loving god, would send the people he loves so dear down to a fiery pit where they will scream and burn forever? What kind of all loving god would create bugs that burrow into the eyes of young African children and take away their sight?

4 Okay, what about everything else? Let me put it like this. How do you control large groups of people into doing what you want? You give them purpose! You promise them everything they could ever want, but only if they blindly follow your every word. There is no god kid. It s the work of the angels who deliver their Holy Justice to the sinners. Holy Justice? Sorry kid, my time is up. Unless you would like to hear more? Joshua couldn t help but hang on every word this man said like a moth to the flame. Please. Just. Stay and talk, Joshua was surprised by the amount of emotion he had already shown this man he didn t even know the name of. Maybe that s what makes it so easy, there is no judgement and no reason to put on a show. He turned back to look down at the long drop in front of him. Why haven t I jumped yet, he s keeping me here by my own will and I m letting it happen! Why am I doing this The wind began to pick up and lightning could be seen off in the distance, but not close enough to worry him yet. Joshua felt himself swaying from the intensity of the wind, instinctively, he walked over to the other side of the roof, protected by a giant banner selling women s perfume; Not even realizing that he was getting farther away from the edge of the building. As you wish. The man sat down in front of Joshua. Let the real Sunday School begin! With a childish gleam the man spoke aloud What would you like to know? It seemed like he had been waiting for someone to ask for what he thought for the longest time. Okay, well Joshua wasn t really able to find the words for what he wanted to know, so he shouted out the first thing that came to his mind. What s your name? That s what you want to know? Out of everything you could ask me? The man pondered on a proper answer for the question, Scratch. My friends call me Scratch That s... Unique?

5 Well, it s not my birth name, but it s all your gonna get. But what's your name, huh? Oh, um Joshua. Joshua! I had an old friend named Joshua. But that was a long time ago. So come on, hit me with another question. The mans words hung in the dense air from the storm approaching, the ends of Joshua s hair stood on end and the smell of wet grass permeated the city like a wave crashing down. Joshua hesitated out of fear for what might come from him asking, but couldn t help but want to know So, how do you know all of this stuff? I mean all of these things are just stories, right? The man stared at Joshua for a minute, the tension in the air began to rise, like minutes before a storm is going to hit. I am very old. Older than most things that have ever been alive. I ve seen the continents collide and the first organism form into something amazing. These aren t stories kid. There are things far greater than you can even imagine out there things that will bring you to your knees and make you beg for mercy Joshua stunned at all this, couldn t help but believe him. He noticed how much the man's body language was giving away the way he cracked his fingers, kept eye contact, held a dignified position where ever he seemed to stand. Those weren t the habits of a liar, and Joshua had met many of those. Alright then. You re God? What did I just say? There is no God! Even if there was, he left us all to our own fate a long long time ago! The man rose with anger, and his eyes became sharp, like a trapped animal. Okay! Okay! I m sorry. Someone is a bit sensitive The man took off his hat and combed back his long greased black hair, Joshua couldn t see it at first within the darkness of the night. Look kid, I get it that this stuff is confusing at first. But you have to listen to what I have to say. You yelled out for God, and since he ain t here, I m your best bet. Well, what are you going to do?

6 I m going to ask you a question now, and keep in mind I know if you lie. Now, why do you, a young man of what 16? 17? Want to jump off this here balcony? 16. I m 16. If you really want to know then fine. I can t think of a reason worth staying here. The man turned his head, waiting for more explanation. Okay, see it through my eyes for a minute. I have nobody. I have been pushed to the side because I am different. My parents don t care whether or not I m alive or dead and that s when the two aren t screaming at each other and drinking. I don t even like myself to be honest The man walked right up to Joshua while he was sitting there speaking, he was so entranced in his own words and feelings that he never had the idea that the man might come close. Joshua could now see the golden rings within the man s eyes. He was lean, with a face that came to a point at his chin. He had a feeling of warmth but also frigid cold. It was like being in an inferno in while stuck in the ocean. The man stretched out his long arm and pulled Joshua in to a hug. Despite the fact that he was a total stranger to him, Joshua hugged him back, it seemed that all of his problems were just drifting out of his mind. I know how you feel the man said, I had two brothers once, all we had was each other. It was the three of us against the world. We were unstoppable. Until they turned on me. They took away my home, my trust, my will to be. All because I didn t want to rule everything the way they did. I wanted something new. A place of peace, where you don t have to be afraid. Where young men like you don t stand on a ledge and contemplate jumping off. But what I did realize was this. No matter how much you try in this world, there will be someone waiting to tear you down. The more you push through it and stay strong. The less they can hurt you, and over time, their petty attempts to crush you simply fall flat Joshua found himself sobbing into the man s chest, he hadn t cried since he was nine and he skinned his knee riding a bike. Tears ran down his face like a waterfall of all his emotions bursting out of him. Joshua in between every breath he began to think about everything that his life consisted of. Every

7 problem seemed so much smaller compared to what he had ahead of him. I don t want to die Joshua choked out. Then my job here is done. Wait no! Please, don t leave me alone, Joshua whined Then find something to stay with you. I ve always thought people were good for that. Can can I at least know your real name? The man gave that same sharp grin as he turned away. I am an angel. A real angel, and I will always be watching. My name is whatever you make it, but some call me Lucifer. Scratch spread his wings. The bones and tendons burning and smoke rising into the air. His back arching forward exposing his spine, blood seeping down his long jacket, and his teeth grinding together holding back a scream. The wings arched out in a magnificent glow of lush blue flames. He stepped forward off of the ledge and plummeted down. Joshua still in shock stood there speechless. What has been this night?, Joshua laid down on the ground. He could feel himself growing to not care about everything that was worrying him. Not all monsters are truly evil, The sun rose in the north, painting the city to life, splashing color onto the canvas of grey and black buildings. Above, the raging inferno swept across the sky, lightning dashed through the clouds and rain poured down onto Joshua s breathing corpse. He laid there just inhaling slowly and pushing it out along with the problems he didn t care for anymore. His eyes shut like a sealed vault and for the first time in a long time, he was at peace.