Five Helpful Steps to Becoming a Meditator

Transcription

1 Five Helpful Steps to Becoming a Meditator Kat Tansey To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. -Lao Tzu 1

2 Introduction My meditation practice has been the source of much joy and peace in my life over the seventeen years I have been a meditator. My intent with this small e-book is to help you find your way to a meditation practice that will serve you as well as mine serves me. Many people recognize the importance of meditation and would like to become meditators, but, just as with any new endeavor, they encounter obstacles that impede their progress. I experienced many (probably all) of these obstacles when I was learning to meditate, which is why I wrote Choosing to Be: Lessons in Living from a Feline Zen Master. It s the story of how my Feline Zen Master, Poohbear Degoonacoon, helped me in my journey to become a meditator. My purpose in writing Choosing to Be was to create a compelling story that would help decode the mystique of meditation into a do-able quest. Whenever I ask people to tell me what is getting in the way of their success as a meditator, their responses typically fall into five categories that are very familiar to me (because I have been there). I asked this question on Facebook to test my assumptions, and found that they still held true. The obstacles people talked about do indeed still fall into the five categories. What we are going to do here is take a closer look at these obstacles and give you some steps to help you overcome them. Let s start by taking a look at these obstacles. Joy isn t something we have to find. Joy is who we are if we re not preoccupied with something else. -Charlotte Joko Beck, Nothing Special 2

3 Obstacles to Becoming a Meditator I have to admit, my first year of learning to become a meditator was quite a struggle. As soon as I reached some kind of breakthrough, the next obstacle would arrive to erode my self confidence and commitment once again. Choosing to Be is basically a hero s journey, not a journey of battling external monsters, but rather one of learning how to deal with the hindrances to meditation identified by the Buddha over 2600 years ago. Learning to meditate is a hero s journey of the mind, which (I say with great certainty borne from experience) can be much more daunting than any fire-belching, twin-headed dragon lurking around a physical corner. Here are the obstacles I encountered on my own personal odyssey. They hold true for many of us who embark on this wondrous journey. The Big Why One of the biggest reasons many people don t succeed at becoming meditators (or in achieving any long term goal for that matter) is that they are not clear about WHY achieving it is important, or even better, essential to them. In my case, I was pretty desperate, as my deep depression had me thinking seriously about suicide. Hopefully your need is not this dire. This means you will need to empower your motivation by clearly identifying your reasons for wanting to become a meditator, and reminding yourself of them when you hit those bumps in the road. Great Expectations Many of us have a lot of preconceived notions about what being a meditator is. We have a picture in our head of someone sitting perfectly straight and still in a Lotus position on a cushion. These notions often derail us in the beginning stages, when we compare ourselves to this ideal meditator, or when we are frustrated that we re not making progress toward this ideal fast enough. 3

4 Obstacles to Becoming a Meditator... Just Sitting The physicality of sitting in meditation is often one of the biggest hurdles at the beginning. First step: Dispel the notion that sitting in the Lotus position is required for being a meditator. Next step: Figure out what works for you. All By Myself While it is possible to learn to sit by reading a book and practicing alone, this approach isn t going to work for most of us. Finding other people who are interested in or practicing meditation is really key. Finding a teacher is also important. Finding the right teacher for you is even more important. Skillful Means Once we get through the basic hurdles and begin to actually sit and meditate for any length of time, we will begin to encounter a whole new set of obstacles what the Buddha called the Hindrances. There were times when I really felt like quitting as hindrance after hindrance began to present itself. As the Feline Zen Master would tell me during these struggles, Feel good that you are having these difficulties, Kat. It means you are making progress, and that you are ready to develop more skillful means to take your practice to the next step. This turned out to be excellent advice, and it was only by learning how to deal with the Hindrances that I was able to take my meditation practice to the level it is today a constant source of joy and peace. As our mind becomes clearer and more lucid in meditation practice, hindrances show themselves more noticeably. -Joseph Goldstein, Insight Meditation 4

5 The Motivators: Benefits of Meditation We will address each of the obstacles in a moment, but before we do, it s important here to take a look at some of the many known benefits of meditation. Numerous studies have been conducted that document the benefits I m including here. If you question any of these benefits, I suggest you type benefits of meditation into Google, and browse the results you will find ample data to support all of these benefits, plus some I ve not included here for brevity s sake. I ve included pictures in the e-book, because I find that seeing pictures about something helps me remember it much better than words alone. If my particular choice of pictures doesn t work for you, I suggest you find some that do, and use them to remind you of those points that are of particular importance to you. Let s look at the benefits of meditation for your body, your mind, and your spirit. As you look through these lists, place a check mark next to any of the benefits that are of particular importance to you. One s action ought to come out of an achieved stillness: not to be a mere rushing on. -D.H. Lawrence 5

6 Meditation benefits your body by... reducing your blood pressure increasing your serotonin levels decreasing your muscle tension relaxing your nervous system enhancing your brain electrical activity enhancing your energy, strength and vigor improving your immune system helping with your healing and chronic illness lowering your risk of heart disease improving your athletic performance 6

7 Meditation benefits your mind by... reducing your stress reducing your feelings of overwhelm increasing your creativity reducing your anxiety helping you with focus and concentration improving your learning and memory increasing your productivity helping cure your insomnia decreasing your restless thinking building your self confidence 7

8 Meditation benefits your spirit by... providing you with peace of mind increasing your feelings of happiness and joy increasing your compassion for yourself and others changing your attitude toward life helping you live in the present moment increasing your tolerance for difficult feelings leading you toward wisdom helping you be more aware of your thoughts increasing your mindfulness in everyday life 8

9 Your 5 Steps to Becoming a Meditator I know my approach to this topic is probably a bit of a surprise. I m not here to teach you how to meditate. I don t presume that my method is necessarily the right approach for you. What I am focusing on here are the steps to help you prepare to learn how to meditate, and to establish a regular meditation practice. Ignorance of these steps is often the reason many people fail in their quest to become regular meditators. Creating Your Big Why Many of the obstacles people mention in learning to meditate have to do with motivation. Becoming really clear about why you want to do this is the first step in keeping yourself motivated. Adjusting Your Expectations We always have expectations about anything new we just may not be conscious of them. What are your preconceived notions about meditation? Learning How to Sit The physicality of meditation is often one of the biggest hurdles at the beginning. Learning what works for you helps you sail past this one. Finding Companions and Teachers While it is possible to learn to sit by reading a book and practicing alone, this approach is not easy for most people. Learning how to build your own support group is key. Developing Skillful Means Once you get past the basic hurdles and begin to actually sit and meditate for any length of time, things will come up. Knowing this makes it easier not to get derailed. 9

10 Creating Your Big Why I mentioned earlier that I was struggling with deep depression when I decided I wanted to learn to meditate. In Choosing to Be, Poohbear Degoonacoon (the Feline Zen Master) does an excellent job of reminding me of my motivation. I would like to believe you, Pooh, but I ve tried many times to meditate and never got very far. Why should it be any different now? I stopped pacing and looked at him, hoping he would have an answer that made sense. What does it matter whether it is different now, Kat? You have been struggling with this depression for a long time, and as you have said yourself, you are at the end of your rope. You must trust that you picked up this book this morning for a reason. It is a sign. You need to open yourself up to answers you cannot even envision yet. He paused for effect and gave me one of his wise, omniscient looks. I know more about Buddha nature than you can imagine. I can help you. It is only a matter of deciding where to begin. 10

11 Creating Your Big Why... When asked what keeps them from becoming regular meditators, people often respond with reasons like these that have to do with motivation. I m not really motivated enough I lack the discipline needed to maintain a regular practice I just forget to do it sometimes I miss a meditation session or two and just give up I think about meditation, but sometimes it just seems too boring This is why I believe a good starting point for becoming a meditator is to begin with your Big Why. The brief exercise below will help you get clear about why becoming a meditator is important to you. How to identify your Big Why... Take a piece of paper and write down the items you checked on the Meditation Benefits pages earlier. Which 3 of these are most important to you? Write these 3 benefits at the top of a new page. Set aside 5 minutes, put on some relaxing music, and write whatever comes into your head about why you really want to have a meditation practice. Write about what is causing you pain in your life. Write about what you want in your life. Write about who you want to be in the world. Any of these, or anything else that comes to mind. Keep writing for 5 minutes without stopping. When you finish, read over what you have written and underline anything that seems important to you. Put the paper aside and come back to it in a day or two. Now write out YOUR BIG WHY and keep it somewhere you will see it every day maybe in a frame on your desk. Add a picture that will help you visualize what you wrote. 11

12 Adjusting Your Expectations When I first began learning how to meditate, I would go to the Korean Meditation Center in Los Angeles to sit for an hour with the other meditators, and then listen to one of the teachers give what is called a dharma talk (a teaching talk). The setting was new and strange to me, and the other meditators all seemed to know what they were doing, sitting on their special cushions in perfect Lotus positions. I was so intimidated that I usually struggled to last the hour. After six weeks of this, I was ready to give up, when a teacher I hadn t heard before showed up. Instead of delivering a talk, he discussed his own difficulties in learning to meditate, and then asked if anyone had questions about meditation. I describe what happened in the Just Sitting chapter in Choosing to Be.... Fortunately, some of the other students asked many of the same questions I had. While it seemed to me that they knew exactly what they were doing and how to do it, it turned out they, too, were struggling with comparisons and doubts about whether they were sitting properly or breathing correctly. What a revelation I wanted to laugh out loud at myself and my assumptions. So, I wasn t the only one having trouble learning this. After hearing some of the other students questions, I felt comfortable enough to share how difficult it was to sit with my self-critical thoughts and ask for guidance. 12

13 Adjusting Your Expectations... It is interesting that the expectations we have about meditation are often quite unrealistic. Are we this unrealistic when we are learning to play the piano, or ski, or draw? I want to do it right. I m self critical I get frustrated that I m not making progress I believe that the right technique is really important Becoming a meditator is a journey, one that you will be on for the rest of your life. So relax and enjoy the ride. How to adjust your expectations Take out a piece of paper and write your answers to these questions. What are your expectations about meditation? When you think about someone who is a meditator, what do you picture? What would you look like and feel like if you were a perfect meditator? 2. After you finish writing this, crumple up the piece of paper and throw it away. Better yet, burn it. Completely let it go. 3. Now you are ready to adopt a Beginner s mind about meditation. No assumptions, no expectations, just curiosity and a willingness to try something new and figure out how to make it work for you. Be willing to experiment, learn, and adapt as you go. 4. Trust that you will find your way to what is right for you. 13

14 Learning How to Sit I love this picture of all these meditators sitting in perfect Lotus positions without cushions on bare concrete. When I was learning, I had a distorted view of how I was supposed to sit, and I soon became very discouraged. I came home from the Meditation Center one day and asked the Feline Zen Master for help.... I joined Pooh on the bed and presented him with my dilemma. The problem is, Pooh, I don t think I m doing this right. I m trying to follow the instructions on how to sit that I found in Zen Mind, Beginner s Mind. The author makes it seem very important to sit in a specific position, but I have so much trouble doing this. I find I m preoccupied with whether I am sitting properly and maintaining the right posture. And then when I try to concentrate on my breathing, being aware of the in breath and the out breath, I start feeling even more anxious. Pooh listened quietly. He sat quite still for what seemed like a long time. I finally stopped waiting for a reply and just sat beside him. Well, he said finally, it may be that you cannot learn how to sit by reading a book or having someone tell you how to do it. Perhaps you need to be shown. Just sit with me for a while and see what happens. I thought about how envious I was of his ability to sit for hours without moving, and realized that instead of envying him, perhaps I could try to emulate him. Okay, let s give it a try. Should I sit in any particular position? I asked. Just find a way to sit that you can maintain comfortably for some time. Move around until you think you have the posture that works for you. You will know it when you find it. Pooh jumped down to the floor, turned three circles, and settled in with his paws tucked under him. 14

15 Learning How to Sit... The physicality of meditation is often the sticking point in getting started, but it doesn t have to be. Each of these obstacles can be overcome if you open up your thinking I I I I don t know how to find the right approach for me. don t have the right place to meditate can t get past the discomfort in my body compare myself to what I read in books How to find the approach that works for you There are many forms of meditation and many ways to sit. This exercise is purposely simplistic, just to help you compare two very different approaches. The point is, be willing to experiment until you find the form of meditation and the approach that works for you. Try this: Put a cushion or a pillow on the floor. Sit down and get your legs into something resembling a Lotus position. Straighten your back. Fold your hands in your lap in a curved, palms up position and touch the tips of your thumbs together, like the meditators in the picture. Close your eyes. Observe your breathing going in and out. Make sure you maintain this posture and that your hands are in perfect position. Do this for as long as you can before your legs get numb or your back really starts hurting. Unfold yourself and get up and walk around. Drink a little water, breathe deeply, and relax. Now try this: Find a place to sit with back support, either against a wall or in a chair. Sit in a manner in which you are comfortable but keep your back straight without straining to do it. Rest your hands comfortably in your lap in any manner that works for you. Once you are settled, gently close your eyes and relax your spine. Sit quietly, letting thoughts come and go. When you remember to do so, gently place your attention on the feeling of your hands in your lap or on your buttocks on the chair or cushion. Breath normally. Do this for as long as you can before you are in physical discomfort. Notice the difference between this and your first sitting. 15

16 Finding Companions and Teachers Because I had spent four years pretty much by myself while I was learning how to recover from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it was pretty daunting for me to venture out in search of teachers and other meditators. Fortunately, the Feline Zen Master insisted this was necessary During the weeks we were waiting to bring Catzenbear home, I investigated meditation centers in the Los Angeles area. One day I saw a small listing in the paper about an introductory lecture on Buddhism sponsored by a local adult learning group. Now that I d found Catzenbear, I was feeling a little more optimistic about being able to overcome my depression, and I had begun making brief forays into the outside world. I talked to Poohbear about the upcoming lecture. I don t know, Pooh. This is only a four-hour introduction to Buddhism. It probably doesn t cover any more than I ve read in my books. That may be true, Kat, but the teacher might be able to tell you about places where you can learn more. I am happy to help as much as I can, but after all, you are a different species, and I can only do so much. you will also require a human teacher. I knew he was right. I had avoided telling my therapist about my reliance on my talks with Poohbear, sensing this might be cause for concern on her part. If I was serious about pulling out of this depression, I would eventually have to talk to other humans. Well, I needed to start somewhere. This might well be the place to begin. 16

17 Finding Companions and Teachers... One of the most important factors for success in changing our behavior is support. If we were going to learn to play tennis, we would probably look for a tennis instructor. And we would hang out with other tennis players. Same thing applies here. When I asked people about what gets in the way, these were the obstacles they mentioned that have to do with support. My environment isn t conducive to meditation I don t know anyone who meditates I don t have a teacher or know where to find one I don t want to appear weird to my friends How to find teachers and companions If you have not already found what works for you, spend some time researching various types of meditation. You might read Choosing to Be to see if Vipassana (Insight Meditation) is right for you. I also reference numerous books on meditation in the book and on my website that might be of interest to you. 2. As you narrow down your choices, ask around to see if there is someone in your extended circle who practices these forms of meditation. 3. Check out Bulletin Boards and free magazines at Health Food Stores for listings about various meditation centers or groups. 4. Google the type of meditation you are interested in and the name of the nearest city to find centers and teachers. 5. Attend some talks or sittings that sound interesting, Do this until you find a group or a teacher who resonates with you. 17

18 Developing Skillful Means I had found a teacher and a meditation group. I was able to sit for reasonably long periods almost every day, and began reaching deeper states of concentration. And then I began to really hit the wall. After a particularly disastrous sitting at our meditation retreat, I came home and talked to Pooh about what was happening. A lot of the thoughts are coming up for me in my meditation that are not things I can act on, Pooh. That is because they are not real, Kat. They are just thoughts, and the thoughts are generating more thoughts. And those thoughts are generating feelings. The good news is, now that these thoughts and feelings are coming up, you have more material to work with. you just need new skills to help you learn how to tolerate these feelings in your meditation. This means you have reached a new level in your practice. I thought about what Pooh had said the next day when I began my meditation. While I was able to observe my feelings better, I had to work at it pretty hard. Even though I tried to concentrate on the still points of my body, I got lost, confused, and tired of trying to sit through a neverending stream of scenes from the past and projections into the future. Pooh saw I was struggling, so after my session he said, The problem you are having, Kat, is that you cannot solve this in the logical way you have solved problems before. As Einstein said, you can t solve a problem at the same level at which it was created. In other words, you cannot solve these problems with your ordinary mind. Well, after this last sitting, it s obvious to me I need help. Am I ever going to learn how to meditate, Pooh? Take heart, Kat. The feelings coming up in your sittings are no different than the hindrances faced by the Buddha 2600 years ago, Pooh said. Remember the story about the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree for forty-nine days? Yes I do, Pooh, but I m sure you are going to tell it to me again. 18

19 Developing Skillful Means... These are the obstacles people often talk about after they begin to make some progress in their meditation practice. This is what the Buddha called Mara. The picture above shows Buddha being attacked by the Hindrances as he sat in meditation under the Bodhi tree. 1. I keep falling asleep when I meditate. 2. I have trouble relaxing, I just feel too restless. 3. I can t quiet the voices in my head. 4. Things come up that I just don t want to think about. 5. I think of something I need to do and want to go do it, now. 6. I feel like I m not getting anywhere with this. How to develop Skillful Means... While there is much to be gained from meditation in the early stages, for me the richness of my practice really began when I hit the Hindrances. Unfortunately, this is too big an area to address here. Trust that when you reach these seeming impasses, you will find methods and skills to help you deal with them. On the next page, I ve provided a quick summary of the Hindrances, with some visuals to help you get what they are and how they will present themselves. I will be discussing this in more depth on my Choosing to Be blog, and many of the books I recommend provide detailed description and instruction for developing Skillful Means for dealing with these Hindrances. There are also chapters dealing with each of Hindrances in Choosing to Be. And as a preface to your more in-depth investigation of the Hindrances, I would like to share with you one more excerpt from Choosing to Be to illustrate what it looks like when you are able to penetrate one of them. That story follows the Hindrances summary page. 19

20 The Hindrances CLINGING We crave, cling, and hold on to people, objects, jobs, earlier versions of our selves, and yes, even to vacuum cleaner attachments. ANGER We can t let go of our anger, jealousy, envy, feeling betrayed, hurt, humiliated. SLEEPINESS We drift off during meditation, a lot. RESTLESSNESS We can t stay still, feel jumpy, have to get moving. DOUBT We doubt our teachers, the practice, ourselves 20

21 Developing Skillful Means... I was being assaulted by the Hindrance of anger in my meditations, so Poohbear suggested I bring this up with my human teacher, Jason Siff, at my next retreat. Here is what ensued. Good, Jason replied. You are learning to look at anger more closely to see what is fueling it. This is a perfect opportunity to practice exploring the roots of this hindrance further. As these feelings come up, you might ask yourself questions about them. What is the texture, the tone of them? Questions like these will help you remain curious and allow you to investigate the story and your feelings further. This investigating will help you get more information and see things you may have not seen before. In my next sitting, the same memories surfaced once again. This time I allowed the story to keep running, and as my anger at Dad came up, I asked myself about the texture and tone of the feeling. I felt how rough and harsh it was, and I felt how my body responded to it: sometimes my stomach would tighten, other times I would stop breathing. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then another deep breath in and out. The story was still present but the scene had shifted, as though I were looking at it from another angle. It was now a story about a woman who made a decision as a young girl that it was not acceptable to speak her truth. Each person was acting on decisions they made long ago about how they needed to be in the world. I saw how my version of the story could morph and change in an instant; that if I could tolerate uncomfortable feelings and explore them further, I might see different sides of it, like circling around the scene for another view. I relaxed and thought about nothing. I moved into a very deep state and experienced a feeling of deep bliss all over my body. So this is what it feels like when I allow the stories to keep running until I am able to see more sides of them. What seems like a hindrance is really more like a hall of mirrors if I look at only one of the mirrors, I am holding on to only one interpretation of the story and the hindrances related to that interpretation. 21

22 Thank you for taking the time to read this e-book... I know you are busy meeting the demands of this 24/7 world, so I really appreciate that you spent this time with me. I hope you will continue with your quest to become a meditator, as I truly believe the regular practice of some form of meditation is vital if we are to thrive in this increasingly fastpaced and challenging world. Not a day goes by that I don t express my gratitude for my meditation practice. It keeps me sane in times of great stress, it gives me insight and wisdom I would not possess otherwise, and it brings me great joy. I look forward to my meditation time because I know that I will gain perspective, wisdom, happiness and inner peace as the result of sitting in my big red chair, with my tattered old brown shawl over my shoulders, every day at the same time. I wish you the good fortune to find your own unique practice that brings you all this and more. With love and appreciation, Kat Tansey 22

23 About Kat Tansey Kat Tansey is an award-winning author and innovative educator who believes in the power of a well-told tale to teach while it entertains. An inspirational teacher, Kat spent her early career training thousands of people and consulting with over fifty corporations to help them meet the challenges of change. Her first book, Winning the Change Game, reflected the lessons she learned from twenty years in the corporate world as a training and change management consultant. Kat s second book, Choosing to Be: Lessons in Living from a Feline Zen Master, is the story of how she overcame depression after closing her successful consulting practice when she was struck down by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Choosing to Be is a deceptively simple story that delivers a powerful message for all who are better at doing than being. It has been awarded the Independent Publisher s Bronze Medal, and has been highly praised by people like Thom Hartmann, distinguished radio commentator and lifelong meditator, who said it is one of the best books on meditation he has ever read. Kat s latest journey is Choosing To Be Fit: The Art of Taking Small Steps to Transform Your Life. She is now creating on-line learning adventures for midlife women. You can learn more about this at the Choosing To Be Fit website listed below. Resources Choosing to Be: Lessons in Living from a Feline Zen Master (the book) Choosing to Be Website (contains my Recommended Books kiosk) Choosing to Be Blog (contains further writing about these topics) Choosing to Be Facebook Page Kat s Finding Magic in Midlife Radio Show Choosing To Be Fit Website Kat on Twitter 23